Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Beating Heart

                           

Because I live in France, though my entire family lives in California, I am often missing someone at one time or another. I have missed many special occasions, many day-to-day happenings that are the mortar and bricks of shared life. I know what it means to "miss someone."

Often I am asked, "Do you miss your family? Your country?" and recently, since I am in California away from French-husband, people have said, "I could never be away from my husband, how do you do it?"

Missing someone is a daily part of my life.

Imagine a black and blue bruise on your arm…feel the pounding thoughts of what you are missing, and who you are not seeing, and the mortar and bricks creating something that you cannot help construct…as a fresh bruise that never heals.

I cannot stop the missing feeling I have, I cannot change the color of the bruise, but I can move my arm so that it doesn’t receive a direct hit, I can change the way I deal with the punches coming at me, I can accept the reality at hand and accept it as part of my life. Instead of seeing the bruise, and moaning, I can see the sensitivity it brings me and try to apply the tenderness in my day-to-day approach.

photo: Marble statue at the Vatican, that spoke a thousand silent words.

Comments

41 responses to “Beating Heart”

  1. Britt-Arnhild

    Beautifully written Corey. And missing someone is also part of what makes life rich – to have someone to miss means that you have someone to love! My life is filled with travels, alone or with parts of or with my whole family. Which means there are always someone to miss. I have learned to cherish also this feeling of missing and longing, though for a long time it was my enemy, eating up my strength and my joy of life. Now it adds to strength and joy.
    Thanks for your blog. I visit every morning and always find new thoughts and reflections for my life.

    Reply
  2. MARYBETH

    Dear Corey,
    Like you my closest family and many of my dearest friends are across the U.S. including ‘Babysweet”
    For me the longing and yearning and occasional tears are just affirmations of what is is to have so much Love in my life,
    THough painful at times-it is still a blessing.
    XO
    MB

    Reply
  3. Kit

    And missing someone adds to your appreciation of the love that you have in your life when you do see them again. Renews that love even stronger than before.

    Reply
  4. Lee

    A good survival approach!

    Reply
  5. berrie

    missing someone makes ‘love’ real….I miss lots of people everyday now that I have moved away from the city, for country living..I think it makes us sweeter;o) loved this entry! xo

    Reply
  6. Shannon L

    You are a survivor, Corey…through and through.
    I learn something from you everyday. You wonderful teacher 🙂

    Reply
  7. Jeanne

    I know all to well your pain as we have two children who live in Asia. Please pray that North Korea and it’s situation does not escalate as our children live in Seoul.
    Blessings to you darling one.
    I love you
    I miss you too!
    Love Jeanne

    Reply
  8. diana

    Your words are so true… and the photo speaks to me also… it is.. breathtaking ! Thanks again for another great inspiration.

    Reply
  9. Joanne

    Your post brought tears to my eyes…you are a brave woman with a wonderful perspective! Savour the moments, cherish the times you are with your loved ones and don’t take the opportunities for granted. I am so thankful to have my daughter home from Europe and Egypt, but have another daughter who wants to travel to China. My dh’s family is all in Holland and we miss them…sniff, sniff! That bruise is smarting!
    Thank you for the word *Acceptance*…I will remember that word and apply it to my own circumstances!
    Sensititvity and Tenderness…two beautiful words!

    Reply
  10. judypatooote

    I’ll bet you won’t miss the 100 degree weather they are having in CA when you go back…..I hope you are having a great time with your family….living that far away from your family, your bound to miss someone…..Enjoyed this post…..

    Reply
  11. Penny

    Wonderful message. Living far away from my family often gives me pangs — those ‘hole-the-heart’ feelings. But, the times that we are with them are so sweet and precious that it allows me to truly live in that moment and savor it for the gift of its richness.

    Reply
  12. susan@artstream

    a life divided and whole depending on where one is physically to loved ones is a difficult thing. you balance it so well corey! may all good things come your way today dear!
    xo
    s

    Reply
  13. carolg@PB

    Your statue and your post reminded me of something my cousin said to me recently…when confronted with a difficult situation, he “chews on it” for a bit instead of reacting. This statue looks to be “chewing”. I’m trying to learn to chew instead of react or respond too quickly to bruises…not easy.

    Reply
  14. naturegirl

    Thank You for sharing a bit of your personal inner feelings with us. You express this feeling and other human feelings so eloquently. I know only too well the “missing you feelings” having relocated numerous times. You are a “healing crystal” Corey! 🙂

    Reply
  15. Nancy

    Missing my only daughter-child away at college and growing her own life, longing for my big sister and my only blood family left in the world, my home town, church, and friends – all the old rituals and comforts familiar as well worn shoes……they are my *everyday* bruises and heart aches that I have slowly come to terms with. Some days are bearable, others wrench my soul….but I, like you, just try to find a more bearable position and wait for a better day to arrive.
    Today seems to be a painful bruise day. Your post made my eyes water and I have to face the pain, talk it down, and find a different pose……..*sigh*

    Reply
  16. meredith

    Hello from a member of the “Missing Someone” club 🙂
    You have written well about a subject close to my heart.

    Reply
  17. AnnieElf

    I grew up with my dad coming and going with his ship all the time. Later, he worked out of town. Then I lived on my own for many years away from my family. Eventually I married and for six of those years he lived away from home during the week and came home on weekends. I got used to being separated from my family early on and got used to this ebb and flow of the loved ones in my life. But then my son moved away and all that changed. Missing a chld, however temporary, is painful and immediate and enduring. The degree of pain, like a bruise, may fade, but in the end it is always there throbbing in the background of my life.

    Reply
  18. andrea edwards

    Beautiful post hon. I can’t even imagine how it must feel to be torn between two families you love so dearly. I am glad you are able to “move your arm” and go back and forth to connect with all those that love and adore you.
    Hugs,
    a.

    Reply
  19. josephine

    Grigore has been away from his family for 17 years. He’s seen them few times since he moved out of Europe.
    There is a part of him that I cannot relate to, that he has constructed for himself to help him deal with missing his loved ones.
    And it gives him a greater complexity and more flexibility with which he can deal with the other things that life throws at him. It’s made him a stronger person.
    And I don’t believe it for one minute, that whoever told you they could not leave their husband – I don’t believe they really know what they are talking about. They could, and they would, if they had to, if it meant gaining something precious, such as going home for a while, to spend time with your family.
    That time is precious.

    Reply
  20. blackbird

    …and then you will be back with him and missing them –
    missing is good for a spouse, I think.
    it keeps things strong.

    Reply
  21. amber

    “Tenderness to day to day approach” — what a lovely line, and thought.
    I’m sorry you are always missing someone you love, Corey. I know that must be hard. 🙁
    🙂

    Reply
  22. snowsparkle

    i’m in awe… the wisdom and insight in this is perfect for me to read today! taking the sensitivity gained through our bruised existence and applying it to small moments every day. beautiful, beautiful corey! thank you so much!

    Reply
  23. arttealife

    I was very much moved by these thoughts today
    Thank you again.
    Much Love, S.

    Reply
  24. Jann Mumford

    I enjoyed the message today… would not know where to start to list the people that I miss……..missing them stirs my emotions!

    Reply
  25. Jann Mumford

    I enjoyed the message today… would not know where to start to list the people that I miss……..missing them stirs my emotions!

    Reply
  26. mary ann

    corey i am speechless…bec. practically everyone before me has said what i would have wanted to say…
    i know what it means to miss someone or something…i hear you corey…you are not alone!
    🙂 mary ann xo

    Reply
  27. susanna

    You’ve found the perfect words and perfect image to describe being apart from someone you love. My husband and I lived in two different countries for six months a few years back and now we live away from our families. It’s hard to do but sometimes it’s necessary. I am certainly reminded how much much I value my long distance friendships and love of family now that we live apart. And thank goodness for email and a good long distance phone plan!

    Reply
  28. Suse

    My husband and I are both ‘orphaned’ from our distant families. Mine interstate, his abroad.
    This post really spoke to me, putting my feelings of aching for faraway loved ones into a striking visual image. Now I will imagine my ache as a bruise …
    thank you

    Reply
  29. Heather

    Each day I direct a thousand silent words at the one I miss more than out-loud words could ever express. This post spoke to my heart and I think I might read it often in hopes that it helps to mend my heart.

    Reply
  30. julie

    Hugs, thoughts, and prayers for you, Corey!!!

    Reply
  31. Linda

    I so identify with your feelings. I always miss my children and grandchildren, my parents, but have made a life across the ocean with my husband. I often feel guilt, that I have chosen wrong. People have said, “I just couldn’t do that,” making me feel like there is something wrong with me. But I have learned I have to make myself happy, live my own life and my children have to live theirs. It isn’t easy but I love my life.

    Reply
  32. deirdre

    Missing someone, a lot, is part of my life too. I protect the tender spot, sometimes maybe too much. I don’t care, it hurts less that way.

    Reply
  33. simple me

    These phrases: “I can change the way I deal with the punches coming at me, I can accept the reality at hand and accept it as part of my life…” made me reflect about my life.
    thank you
    paula

    Reply
  34. Kristy

    I think you’ll find a little piece of your heart all around the world.In fact wherever your blog has touched.We certainly feel you here!

    Reply
  35. Paris Parfait

    Beautifully-put, dear heart. I feel the same – it’s difficult when my daughter is on a different continent. It seems most of my life has been spent missing someone or something.

    Reply
  36. Marilyn

    Well said. Wish I’d read this a couple of years ago when I could have really used it. 😉

    Reply
  37. Catalina

    I miss everything! I was missing things, landscapes and people even before seeing or meeting them…..:) One of my favorite sentences?: I miss specially the landscapes I have never seen……
    It means that I have all them with me, that is why you can miss them…

    Reply
  38. katie

    i love what you’ve shared here, the missing we feel and how we deal with it. the bruises that are just part of being a fleshy limb, pulsating with life and energy. i miss people who have died or moved away, people i’ve only read about but long to know, my children and pets…the longing runs throught my life holding hands with joy…

    Reply
  39. Kristen Robinson

    Such incredible words Corey, thank you so very much Corey for them. My Husband is months at at time, so many people ask how do you do it and my response is always you don’t stop missing you learn to place it elsewhere and reflect on the time you have together and the memories of your heart.
    You are truly an amazing and gifted artist!
    My Best-
    Kristen

    Reply
  40. Sandy

    Beautifully written as usual Corey. I too have been thinking about “missing” lately. Here is what I’ve been thinking about –
    LOST:
    It’s so sad to see old favorite people & places vanish.
    I used to love to visit my old home town & drive by old places. But now, there isn’t much to see. Both of my grandparents homes are gone. One lot became part of a freeway & the other lot became a high rise medical building.
    My old high school was just torn down because it wasn’t earthquake safe. It will be rebuilt into a new modern looking building. It was only a few years older than me. For now it’s just a haunting vacant lot.
    My 91 yr old mother moved in with us two years ago & sold her house, the one I grew up in. The new owner is completely remodeling & adding on. I heard they tore out all the old knotty pine cabinets in the kitchen. When I was a little girl my parents built an outside brick barbeque & we had lots of fun parties outside. I recently visited the house during the reconstruction phase & I walked around the lot. I went into the back & looked around but didn’t dare look in the direction of the barbeque for fear it was gone too. It was only a few years older than me.
    My father& brother are also gone… way too young. 30 years for my father & 6 years for my brother. I’m only in my 50’s & feel like these people & places should still be here.
    FOUND:
    We still have mom’s old car, her 64 1/2 Mustang which looks like new now.
    When emptying out mom’s house we found an old burlap sack in the rafters of the garage. Out fell my first teddy bear which I loved so much & my old Steiff Ginny’s Pup small stuffed dog. I didn’t know mom saved them. That brightened an otherwise sad day.
    Best of all though – I still have my wonderful mom & my husband…
    And ps – Wow to your handsome French husband!

    Reply
  41. Michelle

    I too miss my family in California. My husband and I moved to Texas almost 3 years ago and I so miss being there for the important and also the day to day happenings, which really are important too. I probably get to see my family more often than you as I’m only a few states away, while you are in France, but I do know the pain and sadness that you feel being so far away from those you love so dearly! Enjoy your visit! 🙂

    Reply

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