Waiting

                    Double_hands

Yesterday I stepped out of my father’s room to visit a cousin who had come by the hospital to say hello. After visiting with her I turned around to go back into my father’s room only to be told by the nurse that he thought my father needed rest and no visitors were allowed until the end of the day.

He could have stabbed me in the heart it would have felt the same.

My Mother and I decided to drive back home, something we haven’t done in weeks. The drive along the river, with the orchards in bloom, glistening in the falling rain, and seeing the familiar roads brought us a guilty peacefulness. Was this a silver lining?



Comments

48 responses to “Waiting”

  1. Elaine L.

    Maybe he was an angel in disguise. Sometimes you need to take a break.
    ~elaine~

  2. Corey,
    Softly and tenderly I hold your wounded heart in my hands.

  3. awww sheesh, that’s gotta be hard, being told you can’t see your own relative????? I suppose a rest is good for every one but I can only imagine how painful having a stranger tell you that is.
    I also wanted to say that I’ve been reading your posts daily and I don’t always know what to say.I mean I can’t really help, nothing I say will change anything but if it helps to know one more person is thinking good thoughts for you and yours well…here they are *BIG BEAUTIFUL GOOD THOUGHTS*

  4. Thank you Corey for the news about your father in your previous post. I see you are walking a thin line, it’s a balancing act, a tightrope on tippy toes.
    You and mom riding home together – how blessed she must feel to have you there to comfort her at this time. Be strong, find enjoyment in the simple things you love at home in between the long hospital hours.

  5. You and your family are still in my thoughts.

  6. Sometimes staff will send families home to give the patient the opportunity to be alone. Often staff send families home to give the families the opportunity to rest and recover themselves. We are with you through this, Corey.

  7. Marie-Noëlle

    Try and make the best of this short pause… even if your mind and heart are still by your father …

  8. Even if it is hard to be far from the poeple we cherish and love . It is good to take a break …
    I hope you found new energy on your childhood’s road

  9. carole davis

    Dear Corey,
    i so understand what you are going through at the moment.my dad has gone the exact same thing 4 years ago, brain stroke after leading a very full , brave life…a wonderful man stuck to being able to talk and eat..had six months to accompany him through this ordeal..it was hard..but i had time to be with him and support him… one wonders why this happens? it makes everyone suffer along with them as it is pure torture… i am sending you positive energy from london
    .carole(french londonner)

  10. Blessings and hugs and prayers and
    my love.
    Love and hugs
    Jeanne

  11. You are still in my thoughts and prayers….your words touching my heart.

  12. Dear Corey… yes, that sounds to me very much like the silver lining. Having never gone through anything remotely similar, I am at a loss for words.
    sending hugs, g

  13. yes and i hope that the drive hone along the river with your mum was peaceful. and i will personally step on the foot of the nurse who wouldn’t let you back in…just tell me when…:)
    love nancy

  14. Yes, the staff recognizes the need for a “piece of quiet” for both the patient and the family. You need to renew your spirit in order to continue.

  15. Refreshing…wasn’t it?! I’m glad you were able to breath in that fresh air.
    You needed that…I not sure I agree with that nurse…they should never shut the door on immediate family members.
    I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  16. I do agree with Elaine L.,,,and it’s hard,, to want to be there, and to take a day off,
    or needing to,,all at the same time. I remember wanting to scream “I want my life back”. But here is the thing,,it’s all been orchestrated, all is the way it’s supposed to be,,,,,,, and Angels come in many forms. To find balance is a constant challange.I am still on your praying Angels blog list, you are a loving, giving woman Corey, and you are making such a difference on this planet to so many.I will give you one of the biggest heavenly hugs one day,,and delight in your spirit….Do you think God wants you to share your blessed talent of photography and capture his flowers in California?

  17. Trust them, Corey. They see the absolute love in your family and they want the best for all of you. Your father needs to escape reality and seeing your loving faces every time he opens his eyes makes him want to comfort you, as much as be comforted. It can be a blessing for someone fighting his battle to become anonymous in a personal sense giving room for his physiological needs to take precedence. Rest assured that even if you’re not there physically, he senses your spiitual presence. I’ve been that nurse innumerable times and it’s not a decision made without conflict .. but ultimately what it necessary for expediant recovery. PS. I had a long talk with Grant yesterday

  18. Corey, I am still reading your posts through your journey. I have traveled this road and your words create a bittersweet memory as time has soften the pain.
    I am wishing you and your family much deserved peace and comfort.

  19. gretchen

    dearest Corey, each morning I read you heartfelt words and look at you precious photos and linger upon them in prayer for you and your family. I know it’s been said for ages and ages, but God does work in mysterious ways and that all things really do happen for a reason….. God is working through you now, as you share this journey of your family with us; for those of us who have already travelled the road of losing a parent ( as I have, 4 years past now) our compassion is renewed and deepened with the love and prayers we send your way… and more than once have you caused us to hug our loved ones a little tighter and to realize what a gift they (and you) are in our lives and to TELL them while we still have the time to do so. You are a gift, Corey.
    love and prayers, gretchen

  20. Sounds like your guardian angels were telling you both to spend time together and to go outside and just breeeeaaaathe in the beauty of California.

  21. Everything happens for a reason Corey.
    You and your mom were suppose to do that.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Rosemary

  22. Though it was heartbreaking at the moment, perhaps it was for the best – some rest, to hearten your spirits? It can be so hard for family members – to give ourselves a break when we think our loved ones need us – but sometimes we need a moment of peace for ourselves, so we can come back refreshed to be there for them again…
    Keeping you all in my prayers~XOXO

  23. Elizabeth

    I read you every day, first thing, so that I can send my heart-love to you. The blogfriends here have sent so much wonderful, compassionate advice and words. Please be uplifted and comforted.

  24. Corey,
    Hugs and prayers are being sent your way.
    Lorene

  25. I do think it is a silver lining for both of you. Hopefully you will be able to refill your depleted energies and allow your bodies to be rested and restored when you return to your father’s bedside.
    Sending prayers on the wings of angels to watch over your father while you are away.

  26. Rest in every bit of beauty, every ray of sunshine, every silver thread you are given.

  27. Each time I stop in Corey, I find myself on such a familiar path as I walk with you and your dear mother. Blessings and love, Annie

  28. Not just today, but everyday, the level of consciousness and loving expressed so poetically and truthfully here in Corey’s words and the people who comment is edifying and strengthening in the best of possible ways.
    Thank you.

  29. Just sending warm hugs and love from all of us… husband and daughter are asking and sending their love too. Enjoy your rest and some time to breath in fresh air. Without guilt! Rejuvenate yourselves so that you can rejuvenate him.
    lauren

  30. Yes, Elaine might be right. Sometimes it’s good to take a little break. Perhaps some special time to spend with your mom?

  31. Grateful you and your mother have one another right now!
    xox
    Contance

  32. Even though your heart hurt, Corey, this was a silver lining. Someone is watching over you.
    My continued prayers, Pat

  33. The nurse may have seen that you all needed a rest. I agree with Elaine, maybe he’s the angel on that cloud with the silver lining.

  34. …a wise friend who is a hospice nurse told me after my daddy died following a long hospital vigil that sometimes the one we love longs “to go” yet as long as someone he loves is near he feels he must remain—perhpas our good God was preparing not only your daddy to go but you and your mom to be able to let him go…my prayers are with you..laney

  35. Time together for you and your Mum. Time for you both to take a little rest. Nurse knew what he was doing.

  36. My love to you and your family. I pray for your strength. I share your pain. It’s a hard thing to go through and I still mourn the loss of my father. your story touches me. Thanks for continuing to blog during this rough time.

  37. Oh I do hope it is the silver lining, Corey.
    I think you’re lucky to have a chance to get out for a little while…you and your mom need to take care of yourselves too!
    God bless.
    Terri

  38. Last night I finally started reading Three Cups of Tea… the first quote from the first chapter is a Persian proverb, it reads…
    When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” And I thought of you, and today you write of silver linings… your stars in this dark night of the soul… XO

  39. Oh Corey, I haven’t visited your blog (or much of anyone else’s) in so long. I’m so sorry to read of the struggle your father, you and your family are going through right now. I will be praying for him and all of you. Wishing you blessings and comfort.
    Jenny

  40. A lovely breeze of fresh air to you.

  41. Corey, I am thinking of you and your family… with a tear in my eye.
    Prayers for you, too…

  42. Maybe the nurse knew that you needed the respite as much as your dad did.
    Although if a nurse told me that, I would want to hear it from the doctor before I heeded it.

  43. God is taking care of all of you. He is there giving you strenght and a breath of fresh air, time with mum, and rest for all of you. Praying for you dear one.
    love and blessings

  44. You DO still need to look after yourself.
    It was a blessing in disguise for your mother and you to go home and rest.
    xoxoxo

  45. Corey perhaps the nurse was looking after you and your Mum today.

  46. Yes, spending time with your mom, seeing the blooms, remembering that human love and the beauty of the world continues, even as loved mortal life slips away — that is a silver lining, indeed, even as you grieve the time away from your beloved papa…

  47. No guilt, and always silver, that’s what he would want for you.

  48. Oh Corey, that’s such a sad story. – Barbara

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