Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

A Closed Window

                                                                   Img_4729

A few days ago, a nurse blocked my family from going into my father’s hospital room. Telling us he thought best for my father and us to have some rest.

Unfortunately, my father nor my family saw it that way. As we were not allowed back into his room he was alone and did not understand why his family had just disappeared from his bedside after having us by his side for 44 days. Since he didn’t understand he rang the nurse’s station every other minute, and since he doesn’t have a voice they couldn’t understand him. The nurse gave him medication, one shot after another to calm him or keep him quiet. Putting him in a stupor of sleep and confusion.

Finally after what seemed an eternity of waiting… we were allowed into his room… Though at this point he barely recognized us. When we looked into his eyes they seemed lost. We were devastated.

These last few days my father has slowly come back to us…but he is not the same.

Who is to say if this would have happened if we had remained by his side? But this I can say is true, I would have rather stayed by his side than have this feeling of not knowing.

________________________________________________________________________

Comments

100 responses to “A Closed Window”

  1. catalina

    Oh Corey! I understand you very well! do not been able to see the person you love! and I will be lost if I was your father as well! (Did nurses explain to him?) 44 days…I wish your father come back home with you and your family, laugh together again. If I was the wind god I will blow out all the sorrow on your lives to leave only the grace of your love. A big hug!

    Reply
  2. Kit

    Oh Corey – it’s so hard not knowing and going through ll the what ifs – who knows why life takes these twists and turns out of our control. You can only keep going knowing that you have given with love and generosity and believe it will all work out for the best. Don’t torture yourself with wondering, you’re there for him now and he knows that you love him. Thinking of you all with love.

    Reply
  3. Marie-Noëlle

    Sometimes hospital staff act as if we were absent-minded kids and they want to take everything in charge and think they can supply their patients with everything…
    They do not realize that a word, a stroke, a touch, a breath is worth a million of their “everything”.
    Hold on steadily, Corey.
    Thinking of you and of your family.

    Reply
  4. le petit cabinet de curiosites

    Marie Noelle is right ! I think sometimes hospital staff lose their sense of humanity…

    Reply
  5. Elaine L.

    Oh, Corey, I wish there was a way your father could be at home with nursing care instead of the hospital. I think it would make a huge difference in his attitude and recovery.
    God Bless you all! I KNOW how difficult this is for all of you.
    I would let the hospital supervisor know that you WILL NOT be locked out of your father’s room, again. He’s has a large family and is used to being around lots of people. It’s not going to harm him. I think it’s the hospital staff that often doesn’t want the family around.
    When I would visit my father in the hospital in the evenings, he would tell me to go home, but I knew that he liked waking up and seeing either my mother or I there with him.
    Plus, we were able to meet his small needs, when the nurses didn’t have time. My dad would always say, that he wondered how people without family copied while in the hospital.
    ~elaine~

    Reply
  6. Julie Ann

    I am so sorry to hear that Corey. Up until this point it has been comforting to hear that the nursing seemed good. When we spent our time at my mother’s bedside there was a marked difference between those nurses who were sensitive and caring and those who went through the motions. The NHS in the UK is in a terrible mess, I dont know about the US but if they are under resourced and chaotic then bad decisions will surely be made. We were also sent home at a critical time having been told that my mother needed peace to respond to the medication in her body to grow stong and recover. We reluctantly went home overnight although my father called every two hours. The reality was a doctor went into my mother alone in the early morning and told her that he wanted to amputate her leg. We were devastated that she had to hear that news alone without her family for support. In the UK now there are many “agency” nurses who simply do not seem to care about the patient. Nursing as a “vocation” seems to be a thing of the past. This is probably a combination of inadequate pay and inadequate resource. I had hoped the US was better for you. Hang on in there, think forward and not back, your dad still needs you strong. Loving thoughts and prayers Corey, Jxx

    Reply
  7. Elaine L.

    I just wanted to add, that you will never regret the time you have spent with your father and that it will, one day, knowing that you were there for him will bring you PEACE.
    ~elaine~

    Reply
  8. Jeanne

    It’s not where you go in life or what you do,
    it is who you have beside you.
    Love and hugs and prayers.
    Jeanne ^j^

    Reply
  9. andrea

    See, this is why every family needs a bitch. You need to find who is yours in your family and sic them on the hospital staff. If you want, I’ll fly down, meet up with Amber and we’ll do some serious work. 😉
    Hugs my friend,
    a.

    Reply
  10. Star

    Such frustrating circumstances, Corey. I hope your father will continue to climb out of this drug-induced state.
    Know that there are so very many lifting you and your family up. Sending love to surround you.

    Reply
  11. berriehead

    I have never heard of hospital staff telling family they need to leave an ailing fathers bedside. Tell them to $#%$ off! If their is ever a next time they order you all to leave his room. THIS is not their right this makes me angry and I’m so sorry Corey…I hope your pa knows you are with him now* He should not feel alone when their is so much love surrounding him at this time. xo

    Reply
  12. Tess

    Corey, this is the first time I’ve commented, although I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now. I didn’t feel I would have much to add. I still don’t, but I wanted you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Being with family in hospital is so important. I’ve been in that situation several times now, and I always wish I could do more. One day at a time.

    Reply
  13. Suzanne – The Farmer’s Wife

    I don’t believe the nursing staff meant to do harm, they must have thought they were doing everyone a favor. Surely they didn’t understand the nature of your large and close knit family. How sad your dad was left adrift and sadder still that the staff didn’t communicate to him that it was their decision.
    Hindsight is 20/20 of course, so don’t beat yourself up over this. Just be there for him.
    – Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    Reply
  14. berriehead

    & not to pry hon, but is there any way your pa could go back to the farm to rest in his own bed with a nurse or hospice? after 44 days in hospital I’m sure this topic has come up with your family…If there is a chance, go for it! love you and am here thinking and praying for all of you.xo

    Reply
  15. marcie

    I have known doctors and nurses with huge egos and controll issues. I have filed formal compaints and gotten apologies. You can say “no”. I learned that the hard way. I learned to ask alot of questions and hold staff accountable,and told them from the begining I would ask alot of questions, and to work with me. Whats done is done, and I know your Dad is not dwelling on it,,being in the moment is now the thing. I know you have enough stress,,But, by quietly takeing this to the “head nurse” you might be able to help other people. I hold you and your family in prayer dear Corey.

    Reply
  16. Dee/reddirtramblings

    Corey, I am sorry.~~Dee

    Reply
  17. MARIA

    Dear Corey,
    I’m so sorry to hear of this. I realize hospital staff must be somewhat detached to be effective, but they seem to be outright oblivious here. But I agree with some of the other comments: make a pest of yourself to your dad’s doctor, the nursing staff, maybe even request to see a hospital administrator today. Advocate. Insist. Demand.
    I know it must be very hard. Your Mom and your family must be worn out after so many days, but your dad seems like a real fighter!
    God bless you and yours.
    Have you in my prayers,
    Maria in New York

    Reply
  18. Miss Sandy

    Corey,
    Remain firm with those caring for your father, they may be medical professionals but you are a doctor of the heart who knows that love is the best medicine. Stay near your dear one. Still lifting you to the Father.

    Reply
  19. Pam

    Oh Corey, I’m so sorry this happened to your family. How frustrating for all of you! I’m continuing to lift you in prayer. Lots of love, Pam

    Reply
  20. Mo’a

    I am so sorry to hear about this turn of events.
    Sometimes the best intentions is the wrong move. Perhaps the nursing staff did not understand that your family is large and that your Father is used to a lot of activity.
    I worked in a Nursing Home as an Activities Director many years ago…I was stunned at how the nurses and doctors would drug people thinking they were helping the patients and the families. It used to break my heart.

    Reply
  21. Carol in Mass.

    Dear Corey, Well now you know for sure that you can and need to follow your heart and your gut. The family knows best what your father needs, not staff, no matter what their position or degree! Hopefully your father will soon pull out of that post medication stupor and be more himself. I feel sure he feels very loved and knows you all are with him 200%.
    Hugs,
    Carol

    Reply
  22. Ann @ Holy Experience

    And where a window is closed, God opens… a back door.
    Keep loving well, Corey.
    We offer prayers and His hand sustains you…

    Reply
  23. anna

    Words fail me, Corey, but I can feel how you’re heart is hurting, your feeling of helplessness. I’m praying.

    Reply
  24. Marva Plummer-Bruno

    Corey – oh how awful! I hope they’re letting you see him more now… I’m sure they meant well but… Still praying for all of you. Marva

    Reply
  25. ~Kim

    Oh, I am so sorry, Corey. That sounds so frustrating and difficult. Still praying for you.

    Reply
  26. Melissa’s Cozy Teacup

    I’m so sorry, Sweetie. Perhaps this needs to be addressed with management at the hospital? Hugs and prayers to you and your family!

    Reply
  27. kenju

    I would not stand for that happening again. Stand your ground!

    Reply
  28. Candy

    Oh Corey! Your poor dad and mom. When I read that the other day I was shocked. I did not understand their reasoning. But to have him not understand it and then to be so distressed is just flat out not right. I pray for his mind to clear and his voice to return. I pray for peace and comfort for each of you. I pray for the caregivers to do just that – give care. I continue to pray for healing.

    Reply
  29. beachy

    This definitely needs to be addressed at the hospital… when the time is right. But for now, it is reassuring to hear you are back with your father. Much love and prayers to you, Corey!

    Reply
  30. Lynda ~ Hedgerow Hollow

    It’s too bad that happened, Corey. I’m sure the nurse *thought* she was helping but obviously she wasn’t. We know our loved ones better than the professionals who are in charge. You won’t be persuaded to leave his side again ~ no matter what the nurses tell you! ~ hugs, Lynda xox

    Reply
  31. annieelf

    Dear Corey, this is the worst part of the hospital and/or nursing home experience – the not knowing what is really right every step of the way. If there is anything I learned from the experience with my mother, it is to follow the feelings of your heart; to remember that the staff is there to serve you and the patient, not for you to make things easier for them. I don’t think the nurse was being cold-hearted but she did make an error is perception. It needs to be noted in your father’s chart that family is his best medicine. Love, Annie

    Reply
  32. Lilly

    Merde! What seemed like a good intention on the part of the nurse, sounds like it went wrong. I am sorry. But your dad knows that you didn’t abandon him. He knows you love him. He sounds like a strong man. And you are back by his side. …

    Reply
  33. Poe

    Oh, Dearest Corey,
    My heart aches for you and the suffering you have had to endure. I am so, so sorry, but take heart, maybe all your father needs is more time to find his way.
    Sending you love,
    Josephine

    Reply
  34. susanna

    Oh my god, Corey. I am so sorry. That is terrible! And so frustrating for you. I think it would take all my energy not to yell at the person who gave the order even if he/she thought they were doing everyone a favour. I hope someone explained what was happening to your father. I’ll be praying for you today, Corey.

    Reply
  35. Wendi Kelly

    Corey,
    I have been a reader of your blog for many months and have never posted before. I have checked in every day and have been saying prayers for your family and you along with the rest of your faithful readers. Having lost my aunt to a horrible cancer last year and spending the waiting time in the hospital with all of our family the last few weeks of her life, my heart has been with you as you have sat in that hospital night after night.
    When I read this last post, I just screamed right out loud at my computer screen in rage. Luckily, I am home alone.
    Your family knows best what your father needs, those nurses aren’t in charge. I know that they are doing their best, but stand firm as a family. Important decisions are coming and they are YOURS to make and no one elses.
    You are being held in a cloud of prayer all over the world.
    hugs,
    Wendi

    Reply
  36. Toni

    Corey, I’m Wishing your Dad was home. You are all in my prayers.

    Reply
  37. martina

    The nurse may have meant well, but in this case it was not a good idea. I forgot your Dad can’t speak right now. How helpless he must have felt. If it is suggested another timme that the family leave so he can rest, go to the nursing supervisor. Your Dad and your family need each other close by right now. It helps all of you.

    Reply
  38. Cheryl in California

    Corey, Never, never doubt your instincts when it comes to a loved one! Remember that there is always a governing board that the doctors and nurses have to answer to and they are often on the side of the patients and their families. Threaten to have a talk with them (in your gentle way, of course!) if you have to!

    Reply
  39. Seema

    I read your blog regularly (it’s a wonderful blog!), but haven’t left you any comment before. But this was so painful to read, I really feel with you and your father and your family. I hope that he will get well soon.

    Reply
  40. Laura

    Oh the agony you and your family must be feeling…my heart and prayers go out to you and yours.

    Reply
  41. clarice

    Dear Corey, I am so sorry. Your father and your family do not need to deal with this. Thank ou for letting us know so we can be praying for him. Stay strong Clarice

    Reply
  42. Alice

    Corey…my heart is aching. I’m so sorry that you and your family must endure this. Especially your father. How lost he must have felt during those hours. Do not think of what might have been. Just stay close by his side and let him feel your strength and love. Keeping you deep within my heart and prayers.

    Reply
  43. Vee

    Don’t let any hospital staff tell you what you can or cannot do Corey. Instead, you tell them. We learned that the hard way with one parent… …. and in retrospect, should have spoken up. We will never again listen to any of them…. now, we just ignore them.

    Reply
  44. sheila

    So sorry you have this thought to cope with as well. It must have been so hard for him not to be able to communicate and only have the nurse come when he kept ringing because he couldn’t understand where you had all gone. At least you are with him now and I hope he will come back to you some more.
    I thought of you a lot on Saturday evening keeping your vigil. I tried cooking the lovely garlic, walnut, lemon and cream sauce you’d suggested having with pasta. I never would have thought of the combination – it was delicious.

    Reply
  45. kay

    I’m so sorry for you and your family’s pain. It makes me think of when my nephew battled cancer when he was three years old. I give his mom as much credit as the medical profession that he is a happy healthy 18 year old today. She was a warrior fighting the illness and dealing with the doctors, nurses, etc. She had one tech tell her she asked too many questions and boy did she let him have it! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Reply
  46. marybeth

    Dear Corey,
    Do not ever allow any hospital staff to tell you or any other family member to leave a room.
    Sadly we can no longer sit back and trust in our medical system and every patient in hospital whether mildly ill or seriously ill like your father, needs an advocate 24/7.
    Staff can be rude and bullish. Sadly many do not want to “deal” with family members or have them “in their way”.
    I am so sorry your father has suffered this injustice that is prevalent daily in our failing medical system. I know what a strong lady you are, so setting the standard and “telling the hospital staff” the way your family will be with your dad- will straighten the present situation out.
    Insist on speaking with the patient advocate. If they do not have one on staff,- then insist on talking to the Medical director of the hospital.
    If you receive resistance then have an attorney do it. Also insist on a Family meeting with his “treating doctor” find out if he or she wrote an order for the sedative medications given to your father. Legally no new medications can be given to a patient without first having explained to the patient or in your dads case, his guardian-the risks -benefits and alternatives of said medication and or treatment.-unless of course it is during a life saving crisis.
    Then the patient ,or guardian can ask questions and decide to give permission or not. This is the law. If the hospital has a copy posted of “Patients rights” you will read this in them.
    God….this angers me so-if you need help-
    please don’t hesitate to call.
    I will hold this in prayer while I am kicking sand up in the front yard
    xoxo

    Reply
  47. berriehead

    It is a gray rainy day today here, and I know I have already posted twice, but I keep coming back to read the comments and they are all so right. YOU and only you and your family know what is right for your dad. I have to again say HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE….I remember how much more comfortable my grandpa and dad where, how comfortable we all were when we just took them home (with care of course)…I can imagine the smell of your mama’s cookies baking, family around, laughter when it’s possible & above all your pa getting ‘the rest’ he needs in his own bed. If it can be done hon please do it. love you AGAIN! xo

    Reply
  48. anna

    Hi Corey.
    You all are so brave. I must agree with the previous comment about Hospice. You can have your dad at home, he will be comfortable, and the nurse will come everyday. I lived this with my father.

    Reply
  49. Betty @ She’s Sew Pretty

    My heart goes out to you and your family Corey.

    Reply
  50. Travelingmama

    Oh, that is just aweful. I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through. May God be with you during this time.

    Reply
  51. Jackie

    Corey I pray for you every day. I am a hospice nurse. The first thing I would ask is, for what condition is he being treated ? ? In Florida people cannot stay in a hospital for 44 days.When you are admitted you have a case manager that reviews what is going on daily with a view towards discharge.
    Does your Dad have a case manager? I would
    talk to the doctor about the plan of care.
    If he could be discharged under hospice, a
    nurse could visit at home and the family can be taught to give medicines. What are they providing for him in the hospital? People can have IV’s at home too. Jackie

    Reply
  52. Ciretta

    Dear Corey,
    How heartbreaking! I check in every day— along with the legions of others lifting silent prayers. I was outraged when I first read that you were sent home, and now am so much more so. As difficult as it must be, rest assured your father knows your love for him. Even as my mother (at home with me and my husband and hospice workers) outwardly appeared totally lost as you have described , my husband swears she knew EVERY time I left the room, and even when she was extremely heavily medicated, she would become agitated but quickly calm if I explained some situation to her. I have been in your position MANY, MANY times, and my experiences only utterly convinced me more that consciousness remains til the very end— Courage and Peace to You, as Ever, Ciretta

    Reply
  53. Christine

    Dearest Corey,
    You and I met once a long time ago at an antiques market in France by a mutal caving/antiques’ friend who has shown me your blog.
    I’m very touched and moved by your emotion and words at what is a very difficult time for you and your family.
    Follow your heart and always ask for what you want, your father needs all of you and sometimes nursing staff forget the basic human needs of human contact. I’ve been there too with my father. I say no more but my thoughts and love are with you and your family.
    Stay strong.
    Christine

    Reply
  54. Colette

    This is not right.
    Your quiet presence by his bedside does more to help him that drugs and being alone. Please don’t let them dictate to you. You have that right. Something I learned from my mother, the nurse.

    Reply
  55. Rosemary

    I’m so sorry that happened Corey.
    Sometimes only the family knows what is best.
    I am thinking about you,
    Rosemary

    Reply
  56. Alexandra

    Yes, hospice if possible! That’s a very bad sign that they medicate and keep family away like that. It can really depress a patient to not have a voice, and then have it quelched under medication. I’ve had to gain back the reins of control with hospital staff on more than one occasion. If you take him home against their advice, you don’t have to sign anything even though they tell you do.
    I’ve seen people improve more quickly under hospice care…it’s much easier to recover at home. Half the battle is mental. Home cooking, quiet room, sunshine, open windows, family, peace and comfort…love of family raise the spirit.
    Hugs and prayers for his continued improvement, and strength from God.

    Reply
  57. Lea

    This feeling of not knowing??? It can be mystery, sacred mystery. All the love I can send across the mountain…

    Reply
  58. Sugar

    You do have the right to speak to the hospital administration. That’s what I would do!

    Reply
  59. Susan

    Corey,
    This is so disturbing to me. My father was also recently in and out of the hospital for a couple cancer surgeries. He did NOT want us to leave him alone, not even for a half hour to go to the cafeteria for dinner. He wanted at least one of us with him at all times. The very first night he was there, his roommate who was not only senile, but in a great deal of pain from his own surgery, cried and yelled all night long. The nurses didn’t ignore him, they just couldn’t figure out how to make him comfortable. This poor man, had 15 visitors at a time almost all day long to see him, but when night time came, not a single family member stayed with him. We made a firm decision that there was NO WAY my father was going to face the possibility of being in the situation of being left alone, and in pain or scared. One of us would stay with him at all times. (We also insisted they move him to a private room after that first night of getting no sleep at all.) Our local hospital has a daily “quiet time” from 3-5 pm every day, where they turn off the lights in all the rooms and they do not allow visitors so that all the patients can rest for a couple hours. It’s a good thing in some ways because during visiting hours, the halls tend to get noisy with visitors coming and going and chatting outside other people’s rooms. But even then, if a patient wants a family member to stay, there is no way they should be forcing them to leave. Legally, I doubt they even have the right to. When quiet time came around every day for my father, we just ignored the announcement. We didn’t all stay, but we made sure one of us stayed with him and the rest of us took the opportunity to go get something to eat, or watch tv and visit in one of the lobbies, make phone calls to friends and relatives to update them on dad’s condition (which was better than doing it in front of him), or go pick up things for dad in the gift shop. The only way we could go do those things was knowing that one of our own was still up in his room with him, it made it easier for all of us.
    So, hold your ground, Corey. Next time they try to tell you that your father needs rest, tell them that he cannot get any real decent rest when he’s alone and afraid. Tell them (don’t ask them) that one of you will be staying with him at all times. That is your right and your father’s right.
    Still keeping you and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  60. Lisa & Alfie at The Pickled Hutch

    Appalling! You are not a visitor, but a comforting presence in his hour of need. If hospice is an alternative, it would be the best alternative. We stayed round the clock with my grandma in the hospital ( I had the graveyard shift) and it was a relief to us all when we brought her home for home care. Hang in there Corey.
    Lisa & Alfie

    Reply
  61. marge

    Hi Corey! Like many others I am appalled by your family being told you could not see your dad because he needed to “rest”. I think that even though the nurse may have thought she was doing the right thing, she was way out of bounds.Hopefully, this will not happen again and if it does, I really think the family has more of a say.I agree with what most posters are saying, so, just keep the faith, we are all praying for your dad,your mom,you and your whole family.Many hugs and prayers Corey!

    Reply
  62. Beverly

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your father. The poor man!
    I’m at such a loss of words to comfort you, yet I want you to know and always remember that you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers!

    Reply
  63. Gillian

    Corey
    It is an awful thing…to be told you couldn’t go in to sit with your father. When really it would have been the best thing for him.
    Who makes these rules? They obviously don’t have a very ill father, or they would understand.
    I hope he comes back to his normal self. You are right, the not knowing is the worst part.
    xo

    Reply
  64. Alina

    “Never accept no from someone not authorized to tell you yes.” Words I now live by. Give ’em hell, Corey!

    Reply
  65. Stacy

    Corey, I am sorry to hear of the latest development. If you haven’t already done so, explain to your father that the nurse told you that you weren’t allowed back in and made you go home without even saying good-bye. Explain that you didn’t think you had a choice, but now you know better, and that you won’t let it happen again. Having that peace of mind may help him improve.
    Also, if he can move his hands, think about making a sheet up of pictures or words that he can use to communicate. He could point to the words he needed – things like family or pain or other words he might need to communicate. Laminate the sheet and punch a hole in it. Tie it to his bed and put it where he can reach it. It might help ease his frustration. (Sorry if he is too sick for this idea to work.)

    Reply
  66. Cathy

    Dear Corey,
    Many years ago, our 8 year old daughter had to have surgery. There was no room on the pediatric floor, so she was put into an adult wing. There were 2 beds, but for most of the 9 days she was there, she was the only patient. I stayed with her, sleeping in the chair by her bedside for 8 days. The night before she was to be released, I decided I had to go home, get one night sleep and shower before she came home…well, when I told her I was leaving, she was unconsolable…”don’t leave me” she implored….finally I said, “Sarah, I have been here for EIGHT DAYS”….you know what she said? ” SO HAVE I”. I stayed.
    Praying for you and yours,
    Cathy

    Reply
  67. Kas

    When you told us that nurse blocked you & your mom from entering that bothered me so much. And now to hear this news, I’m just so terribly sorry. I sincerely hope you consider speaking with the hospital administration about this nurse’s actions and more importantly the impact this has had on your dad. I am praying Corey, I promise I am.

    Reply
  68. RJ

    I am so sorry to hear about this latest difficulty. I grew up in a rural area and I know that there is sometimes only one hospital within a day’s drive. There is no hospice, or much available in home nursing. In those circumstances, contradicting a nurse feels like risking alienating the staff. Very scary when there is no other option. You made the best choice possible at the time.
    If this is your situation you could try to speak with your father’s doctor and explain that his patient is much calmer at night with a family member present, and thus doesn’t need all that sedation. At best, your doctor can make it official that someone can stay. And you will know the doctor is now aware of all the sedatives given that night. I hope things improve dramatically! Wishing for the best for all of you. RJ

    Reply
  69. stljoie

    Corey, have his doctor put an order in his file that family is allowed at all times. That will settle the issue.

    Reply
  70. Sheila

    To allow a relative or two to visit with him, or sedate him? A no brainer I would have thought. I sometimes feel this is for their convenience, rather than the comfort of the patient. I think one of your other commenters had a good idea, when she suggests getting permission from his physician. I hope your Dad soon recovers from this set back. You have enough concerns about his health without this.
    hugs
    xx

    Reply
  71. tut-tut

    Oh, Corey, I hope you all return to your father’s bedside with extra vigor; I’m so so sorry that happened. My prayers are going out for you dailly.

    Reply
  72. melissa @ the inspired room

    Corey, that is unimaginable. I’m so sorry. More prayers for you and your father…
    xoxo
    Melissa

    Reply
  73. herhimnbryn

    And I thought the Nurse was telling you to go with the best of intentions. Maybe s/he was, but now you ALL can see this was not so. Follow your gut instinct C. You KNOW waht is best.

    Reply
  74. Miz Booshay

    ((Corey))

    Reply
  75. Rosie in the UK

    Been reading your blog for a few weeks now, and was very shocked at the way your family and your dad were treated the other day. Having been in hospital myself during the past year I know how desperately important it is to have your family at the bedside. I think as other posters do, see if it is possible to get your father home or in a hospice. Your dad has been in the hospital a long time, and believe you me there is nothing more depressing than that awful sterile room.
    Thinking of you all
    Rosie

    Reply
  76. Bramble

    Although possibly meant with good intentions to give you all a bit of a break, there should never be a time that family cannot be with a patient if they are being calm, helpful and non disruptive to the staff. My Dad spent 4 years in and out of hospitals and mostly my presence was appreciated. I can’t imagine why sedating your Dad was a better option for them. We had a similar situatiion with my Gramp, I came in to the room and a nurse said “Oh! He seems to know you!” I looked down and he was in restraints! My Grandfather was as sharp as anyone you have ever met. Turns out he was overmedicated AND having side effects of two drugs that shouldn’t be combined. As soon as we got that straightened out he was himself again.
    I know it is so hard but family must always be the patient’s advocate and don’t be afraid to question choices, medications and even the doctors. You have a right to know what is being done for your Dad and why. I will keep you all in my prayers and thoughts. May your family’s love wrap you with comfort. Bramble

    Reply
  77. cheeky

    I am deeply sorry Corey. Please do not beat yourself up. You did what was asked because you had faith and confidence in the people providing care for your father.
    It’s so much easier for me, someone sitting on the outside, to say please do not worry yourself with wondering what if you had remained. So with love and compassion, I gently remind you, “Please, do not allow those thoughts to enter your mind.” I know I would do the same because when it is our loved one we want to fix it. We beat ourselves up with not knowing, second guessing our actions and wondering “what if?” It hurts our hearts.
    I’m praying you will find comfort and strength from knowing that your father is in God’s hands. I know your dad is being comforted as he believes in Our glorious Lord and heavenly Father. Don’t forget God is bigger than all of this. I pray that God heals and restores your father.

    Reply
  78. rositta

    That is disgusting…they tried that with me last year on day 30. I marched to the charge nurse’s office and threatened to call the police if I wasn’t allowed in. Worked for me, I can be quite firm. I hate hospitals and I agree with a previous commenter who said they do things for their convenience, not for the best of the patient. Don’t beat yourself up please…ciao

    Reply
  79. Tammy

    oh sweet Corey,
    I am so sorry to hear of this.I will be praying about this. All I know is that family needs to be together especially in times like this. I know God will give you all strength and courage. Hang in there.

    Reply
  80. Violetlady

    Oh, Corey, how my heart goes out to you. The fact that you or a family member is there 24-7 with your father is so important. A patient (especially one who cannot communicate verbally) NEEDS someone there to be an advocate for him. My father could not speak either and it was so sad and so important for us to be there. To be able to speak was his life and I felt, as you do, that when that ability was denied him through his illness, it was like he was trapped. I agree with other people here that a nurse should not forbid you to be there with your father.

    Reply
  81. Deann

    Corey – please ask for the Social Worker for that floor. I never knew there was always a social worker until recently. The social worker will advocate for you/your father and they are really an invaluable resource.

    Reply
  82. Christine

    Wow..how incredibly helpless and frustrating that must have been. It’s interesting that when we give birth, we are allowed to have a birth plan as to who, what, when and how we want things done. It never occurred to me that it would be a good idea to have a plan if we had a serious medical situation or were dying. One member should have at least been allowed to have been with your father who isn’t capable of speaking for himself.
    Thank you for sharing this. I will remember this if I have this happen with any of my family members. still keeping your dad and family in my thoughts 🙂

    Reply
  83. Julie Christie Leary

    OOOHHHH! This pisses me off!!!!!!!! When my grandmother was gravely ill in a nursing a few years ago, I struggled with family members over what I thought was inadequate care. After much angst I realized that only one person really mattered at the time…my grandmother. I went straight to the top…the director of the nursing home who took my call, listened to my calm comments and pleas for help, and within hours they simply could not do enough for her or the family. I felt the wrath of some family members, but knew I had been an advocate for my grandma. It took a while, but eventually they felt the same way. I know that you have been a tireless advocate for your father…at his side each and every night. That you were barred from his room is absurd unless it was an emergency…which it was not. That nurse should be reprimanded and then sent to sensitivity training. And yea, I know nursing is a hard job, etc… but certainly not as hard as witnessing your loved one suffering needlessly. And don’t even think of feeling guilty for a single moment!!! You have been a great comfort to your father and mother at this time…and will continue to be so, I am sure. They are blessed to have you. You deserve some answers from the hospital…I hope you get them. Just keep doing what you feel and know are right, Corey. I have been reading your blog long enough to know that you are a strong,intelligent, kind, and loving woman.Besides that,sister-friend, there are quite a few of us out here who got your back.

    Reply
  84. tommie

    truly makes me wonder who would think being alone is better than being with family…..so sorry!

    Reply
  85. Donna O.

    Corey…..
    XO
    D.

    Reply
  86. Colette

    Dear Corey, I read your post everyday, and feel for you. I have no right to judge, but I need to share with you- I have some understanding what disbelieve you must be having in coming to terms with this manner in which you are being treated. My close friends and family were refused and turned away when I was hospitilised and diagnosed not so long ago with a life threatening disease. It was heartbreaking for them… but truly, in the end,I got the much needed quiet time I needed for my innerself to except…. coming to terms with the reality was hard, still is..flowers were not allowed in my room,no phone calls, only messages when I asked..after a few days,I was “stronger” to deal with what I had to except, and “stronger” to show my loved ones…just how much I really need them.-I needed to have this time by myself, most of the time aware of them outside my door,asking about my wellbeing,flowers being delivered and watered outside my room….when after what seemed like ages,I was allowed a few visitors no more than two at a time, I could face the world with a more content innerself…I hope the different look in your fathers eyes are calm rather then hurt and confusion. Be strong for him now. He allso needs to see that you are ecepting….that you are allright…You are in my prayers.

    Reply
  87. Valerie

    Corey, I feel it was such a wrong decision and so cruel to shut you all from your father, especially when you had been with him every day and it was through his family that he communicated. I’m glad you’re back by his side once more to give him the love and support he needs.

    Reply
  88. Kristy

    Corey your father will know you are always there for hime.He will Know.

    Reply
  89. Terri Pollhein

    I will assume that the nurse who refused you entry into your father’s room was doing what he/she thought was best. OBVIOUSLY, however, that was not the case. I would go to the head nurse, the hospital administration and the doctor in charge of his case and let them know that there will be hell to pay if this EVER happens again.
    I guess I am a little confused that after 44 days no one there knows what he’s saying. I mean…if he is seeing the same staff regularly, they should by now be able to figure out what he’s saying. Did they tell him that they sent you out of their for awhile? That was probably all they needed to do…just say “your family looked exhausted so I sent them out for a little while. You look tired too, so rest now and they will be back very soon.” If they didn’t tell him that they have no business in the medical field dealing with ill persons!
    Hang in there!
    God bless,
    Terri

    Reply
  90. Dee

    Corey…my heart goes out to you. It brings back so many memories from my last few days with my own father.
    Everyone needs to learn you NEVER have to leave your loved ones alone in the hospital…you have a right to stay with them to protect them.
    Blessings on you this Easter season…I will continue to pray for you and your family.

    Reply
  91. Dawn

    Dear Corey, I am so sorry that this is happening….our father is our daddy forever and I know that your heart is hurting so. I’ve come to realize after 40 some odd years of living, five children and many years of marriage that doctors and nurses are just regular people like you and I and that they do not always know what is best for us or our family members. We must take charge of our own health care as well as our family’s, go with our gut and not take any guff from them. I pray for you and your sweet father and the rest of your family…love to you sweet Corey, xxoo, Dawn

    Reply
  92. Bill

    Dear Corey,
    We are indeed with you in heart and spirit. We share you joys and your sorrows. We continue to pray and stand with you and your family. All our blessings to you.
    BILL & NANCY BURNS

    Reply
  93. KJ

    I’m so sorry to hear about this. I can undestand how your family must feel. I have not personally run into this situation. I guess I have had the good fortune to have caring health care providers—not to say that I haven’t heard horror stories.
    I will pray for you, your father, and family. I do agree that the presence of loved ones is vital to healing and wellbeing. I will also pray for your father’s healing. I have seen too many miracles to disqualify the power of prayer.
    Best Blessings,
    KJ

    Reply
  94. Pat

    Corey, this absolutely breaks my heart. I am so sorry this happened. I cannot find words to tell you how I feel about this. I am giving all of you an extra embrace from here in the midwest, to where you all are gathered. My thoughts and prayers remain, as always, with your father and his remarkable family!
    Pat

    Reply
  95. Mimi

    cOREY,
    I am so very sorry that they gave you a hard time at the hospital…they deal with sickness and death so much…that they tend to forget that their patients, though unable to express it in words…have strong feelings still going on in their minds and hearts…only loved ones can glimpse that in their eyes and touch…
    I pray that that doesn’t happen again as you continue to stand vigil over your dad
    you are on my prayer log…daily…
    Mimi

    Reply
  96. mitzi91950

    Corey, I am a Registered Nurse of 35 years. Sometimes it is necessary to have the family step out for a few minutes for a procedure or to clean a patient but if possible, I always honor the family’s wishes to stay with the patient if they really want because it is often best for all. Sometimes a family member becomes exhausted and I gently encourage them to get some rest so they don’t get sick themselves. Just go to the nursing supervisor before this happens again and calmly explain your problem, asking that an order be made to allow 24 hour family visitation. Your Father’s physician should get involved also but your family must advocate for your Father.

    Reply
  97. Carolyn

    Corey we didn’t have Hospice, as y daddys journey was a long one of 5 years that he fought to live, in and out of the hospital so often, and by then we were all pretty knowledgeable of how to care for his every medical need. It was his ohysician who said to us you can do it as well at home, you know what to do and he will be more comfortable there. I will alwaus treasure his warm regard and respect of our family love that he knew was carryig us all through this not unlike your family these days. SO we did bring my daddy home to die, harsh wors but true ones, home to the house he had built for my mother for his wedding present to her. W were all able to surround him with love,takes turns getting healthy sleep, the smell of food cooking, the sharing of talking aorund the kitchen table together, the comfort of home was a blessing to us all and to my daddy. I thnk of you mom as I elive that time now thorugh your journey. she thought it would be harder for her if he died at home…it was the best thing we ever did, and she was flad for it in the end. she didn’t remember his death with any sadness having it take place at home, but his life they shared in their home once he was gone. And I add, it was without the occasional callous, insenitive. intrusion of what you experienced the other day by a nurse who THOUGHT he should decide what is best for ANY of you (that upset me to read that happened)and Bless them all who do a great job, (I appreciated the nurse who commented kindly to you about the need to nudge,for someone own benefit but not to demand!) but sometimes the boundary is overstepped, unfortuantely. If nothing more prevent this from happening again by having it in writing by his Dr. 24 hour family visitation. I’m sorry this happened, I apologize to you for poor judgement on this persons part. Bless you all! Wrapping my arms around you to hold your weight tonight…rest, you are safe, and so shall be your daddy.
    Much love dear one.

    Reply
  98. phyllis

    So sad. So sorry.

    Reply
  99. Merisi’s Vienna for Beginners

    Corey, I am so sorry you and your family had to go through this heart wrenching situation!
    I hope you can find a way to expose this irresponsible act to whoever has the power of preventing such events in the future.
    Big hug,
    M.

    Reply
  100. Paris Parfait

    Corey, such a tough time for you. I think you and your family have the right to be with your father, particularly if you’re just sitting quietly in the room to show your love, care and concern. Sending much love to you and your whole family, in this ordeal. And you might be interested to know that today I met a blogger from Seattle for the first time and she brought up you and your father and we talked about the situation with concern, as though we are all old friends – not just voices at the other end of the phone who have never actually met. Take care of YOU! xoxox

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Privacy Policy - Terms and Conditions