Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Stand by Me

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Today marks 75 days that my father has been in the hospital. 75 days he has been in bed, I never saw my father in bed before this moment. 75 days that he has not been at home or walked in the fields, or been on his motorcycle…

I have been by his side 72 days for hours on end. I have come to know my father intimately… I have seen him endure many things, seen how he handles pain, frustration and how he copes with letting go and letting be.  He is an amazing man. I wonder if I would be as strong.

When you stay in one place in silence, alone with suffering the path of reflection gives way, either one runs or follows. If one stays the lessons are many and worthy.

The other day he tapped on my arm saying, he loved me and then thank you. Of course my eyes welled up with tears but when he added, "I wish I had more daughters." I instantly grinned adding, "I would be sooooooooooooooo jealous!" We laughed at that.

There is a glimmer of something good no matter how awful the situation is, something that allows you to hold on and get by.

It is in these small moments that light pours in transforming the reality allowing tenderness to heal this journey.

It might seem odd but I feel I have been offered a gift to witness my father on this part of his journey… Oh the sacred holiness of life, to stand at the edge of the cliff knowing that we are not alone.

Comments

71 responses to “Stand by Me”

  1. Jeanne

    Make A Pearl
    By Harry Emerson Fosdick
    Most of us can afford to take a lesson from the oyster.
    The most extraordinary thing about the oyster is this.
    Irritations get into his shell. He does not like them; he tries to get rid of them.
    But when he cannot get rid of them he settles down to make of them one of the most beautiful things in the world. He uses the irritation to do the loveliest thing that an oyster ever has a chance to do.
    If there are irritations in our lives today, there is only one prescription: make a pearl. It may have to be a pearl of patience, but, anyhow, make a pearl. And it takes faith and love to do it.
    Love and prayers.
    I love you
    I am always here for you.
    God bless you all near and far.

    Reply
  2. Sher

    I’ve always believed that something positive can always be extracted from even the most painful of situations. As close as you obviously are to your family, you are witnessing additional layers to your Dad and getting to appreciate him in ways that may have never been otherwise revealed.
    Lovingly and prayerfully,
    Sher

    Reply
  3. elainey

    …it is early morning in ga where i live and i am here praying for my unknown friend and her daddy…may this day be a good one and may your sweet heart hear God in your ear…remember that not only are you your daddy’s girl …you are the child of a King blessings laney

    Reply
  4. Suzanne

    Corey,
    What you wrote today is so beautiful and so true. “Witness” particular moments in ones life though sometimes painful can also be a grace of God. I’m happy that despite everything, your relationship with your Dad grew more intimate and stronger.
    Praying for you.
    Love*

    Reply
  5. marcie

    You are a wise woman Corey. My prayers continue for you and your family.

    Reply
  6. Dawn

    Sweet Corey, your words speak volumes. They are filled with love…thinking of you, your father and wonderful family dear friend, xxoo, Dawn

    Reply
  7. anna

    Such beautiful reflections, Corey, such wisdom. And yes, though this time has been painful, it has been rich with unimaginable and immeasurable gifts. Blessings to you and your father and family.

    Reply
  8. constance lefevre forehand

    you are a beautiful daughter. may GOD continue to watch over you and your family. todays love, connie

    Reply
  9. Irene

    Do you have to learn the hard way? There is no other way, I suppose…and appreciate the love and the importance of people we love…

    Reply
  10. swampgirl

    Hi Corey.
    What an amazing perspective you have. I do not know of many people who would think of the gifts they are experiencing in such a
    situation.
    Sending healing beams from NJ.

    Reply
  11. Shannon

    You are doing an amazing job hanging in through all of this. To see your vibrant dad not able to be physically vibrant is really hard for you I’m sure. But his mind is still vibrant!! It’s good to see that shine through.

    Reply
  12. Sandy

    Incredible! Just wanted you to know I’m praying for you and your dad.
    Many blessings,
    Sandy

    Reply
  13. Mary

    I’m sure a dozen more daughters would never have stood by so tenaciously as you have Corey! I’m glad your father still has a sense of humor which shines – this helps both of you I know.
    My similar experience at my father’s bedside many years ago was much shorter but did allow us time together. We were never very close, and I had ‘crossed the pond’ to live here permanently 18 years before. Those couple of weeks brought peaceful closure and I have always felt grateful we were blessed with the time together. Despite his pain, in his eyes I could see his thanks.
    Enjoy the moment – it’s all we have.

    Reply
  14. Alison Gibbs

    Oh what a special moment you spent with your father when he tapped you on the arm…….
    So special and memorable.
    Alison

    Reply
  15. Marie-Noëlle

    Blissful moments of yours…
    So honoured that you share these very special ones with us !!!

    Reply
  16. deirdre

    One of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned is that there are gifts in everything. Everything. I’m glad you’re getting to share them with your father.

    Reply
  17. Sheila

    Corey it is a gift, to spend these special days with your father.
    It is a time you will remember, and treasure always.
    hugs
    xx

    Reply
  18. Merisi

    Corey,
    I wish you many of those blessed moment with your father.
    As hard as it is right now,
    one day, these long days and nights
    will become cherished memories,
    and that will be part of your hard earned reward.
    Hugs xxx

    Reply
  19. Paula

    HUG

    Reply
  20. Karen from Wisconsin farmland

    “How sweet is the way of love!”
    St. Therese
    With continued prayer and love for you, your Dad and family.

    Reply
  21. carole

    Hi Corey:
    I am glad you are your wonderful Dad’s only daughter!!!
    Love & Peace
    carole

    Reply
  22. christine

    Dear Corey – 75 days and counting your blessings. I think it is also your father who has been given the gift of your company for this journey, where ever it may take both of you. You will always hold deep this precious time.
    Continued prayers to you and your family.
    Christine

    Reply
  23. carole

    Hi Corey:
    I am glad you are your wonderful Dad’s only daughter!!!
    Love & Peace
    carole

    Reply
  24. sepia art studio

    corey, your words are sparkles of divinity.
    could you post a address, where cards could be sent.
    delila

    Reply
  25. Marva Plummer-Bruno

    Corey – you have such a wonderful and positive attitude towards this whole situation and I know it’s rubbing off on your dad, then again maybe that’s where you got it. 🙂 Still keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Marva

    Reply
  26. Ruth

    Corey,
    Some of these days have been hard – I know how a mind can carry you away to dark places. And some of the days are hopeful and light. But all of the days are time to treasure, each moment that is given to share the world together. You will always remember these days, with shivers of joy.
    We are there with you…
    Ruth

    Reply
  27. m read

    You are one who has looked into the abyss yet you also walk in grace and that grace, light, and strength pass on to those you come in contact with including your father. I can remember at times being very sick and in pain and drawing on the healthy strength and light of a loved one coming to hold my hand and talk to me. Your being there for him makes all the difference.

    Reply
  28. Suzanne – The Farmer’s Wife

    It’s true there is good in almost anything. In some situations it’s very, very hard to find. I simply cannot imagine standing at the edge alone. Wouldn’t that be the worse thing that could ever happen to a person?
    – Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    Reply
  29. Dee

    Corey…hold on to that gift of journey with your father…it was the most precious journey I ever took with my dad.
    I know you are growing weary…I pray for an extra burst of energy for you today!

    Reply
  30. Rosemary

    He is a great father, and you a wonderful daughter Corey.
    Rosemary

    Reply
  31. Miss Sandy

    I am glad your lessons in life have not ceased as you have sat at your fathers bedside and that you continue to share them with us. It is a rare gift indeed, this sacred journey through life, knowing that we do not walk it alone! Thanks for being an inspiring and bright spot in my day. Tell your father that he has a daughter who is a treasure beyond measure and one is all he needs!

    Reply
  32. pusa

    i am having goose bumps reading your post corey… im so glad that you are still keeping a happy thought… you know we’re praying for your dad

    Reply
  33. sonrie

    As I approach my own (and first) hospital stay, I remind myself of the strength of your father to get through the anxiety and fears I have. I, too, have often heard my parents wish they had more daughters. 🙂 It’s the sincerest compliment.

    Reply
  34. Ulla

    Offered a gift – yes, and being a gift, both go hand in hand. time ticks by, but memories and love stays forever. You are both so lucky to have one another!

    Reply
  35. Cyndi

    I don’t know what it was that led me to your blog but I am very glad to have happened upon it. My heart truly goes out to you. I lost my father on February 13th and it was an experience so life changing I cannot find words to describe. Your strength and insight are an inspiration. I believe that the love is what goes on. God Bless.

    Reply
  36. annieelf

    Dearest Corey – I don’t know where my mind has been but reading this today just put my own worries about Quanah and his job hunting in perspective. As you, he and Erin made a great sacrifice by making a radical change in their life together because of her brother’s illness. George is gone now but the fallout remains. But today, as I read this,I was reminded forcefuly that there is a tremendous upside to such sacrifices. Thank you for the wisdom. God bless you, Annie

    Reply
  37. pegg

    Dear Corey, Does your dad know what he is doing for all of us who count your blog as a daily read? He is in my thoughts every time I get near the computer. I feel he must know that there is a large community who share what you are going through. It serves to remind us to cherish every day we have with our own loved ones. I also did the 24 hour vigil with my father but unfortunatly he might have not known I was there. He is so fortunate to have you by his side. Please tell your dad how much he is loved by people who don’t even know him. Strength to you and him during this difficult time. Peggy

    Reply
  38. stephanie s

    i haven’t said it enough… but you, and all your family, are in my thoughts.

    Reply
  39. Jan Hughes

    Corey, it is indeed a gift, and you are wise to see it. It’s not easy, but it is immeasurably worth every minute you’ve spent at your father’s side. For some of us, it’s the only chance we have to really learn who our parents are, and to form a real relationship with them. It’s not easy, but most miracles aren’t. Bravo!

    Reply
  40. tut-tut

    This time is a gift, and you are able to communicate and say what you’ve meant to say, maybe, for a long time.

    Reply
  41. Mo’a

    Corey, I think of you and your Dad everyday as I drive my 93 year old Father to and from Radiation Therapy. As I go to Dr’s offices with him and my Mother. As I take them grocery shopping, to the drug store and to a friends house. I think of you and what you are doing for your Father and Mother.
    I sometimes wish I did not have to do all this, then I think how lucky I am to still have them in my life…it is a small sacrifice after all they have done for their Child over the years.
    I know that this has not been easy for you…I admire you for your Grace.

    Reply
  42. Marie

    I have no idea if the last game of chase my brother attempted to play with me was real or not – over the years whether it was has come to be less and less important. It was a stolen moment that occured after he died (sorry – have always hated the phrase passe away like you just let the person slip away without a fight). I was alone in our bedroom putting on my favourite shoes – red patent leather has always been a weakness of mine!! – I felt someone in the room with me. I turned round and there was this warm light and my brother was standing there laughing and well. He looked at me daring me to chase with him – he turned to go and I followed as he went behind the bedstead. As I climbed over the bed he re-appeared and then he turned as if listening to someone and was gone. I tried to follow but my buckle was caught in the bed spread and I was stuck – calling out to him. For years I was bothered by the thought I had never gotten to say goodbye to him but I did I just hadn’t realised. May God go with you.

    Reply
  43. Marie

    I have no idea if the last game of chase my brother attempted to play with me was real or not – over the years whether it was has come to be less and less important. It was a stolen moment that occured after he died (sorry – have always hated the phrase passe away like you just let the person slip away without a fight). I was alone in our bedroom putting on my favourite shoes – red patent leather has always been a weakness of mine!! – I felt someone in the room with me. I turned round and there was this warm light and my brother was standing there laughing and well. He looked at me daring me to chase with him – he turned to go and I followed as he went behind the bedstead. As I climbed over the bed he re-appeared and then he turned as if listening to someone and was gone. I tried to follow but my buckle was caught in the bed spread and I was stuck – calling out to him. For years I was bothered by the thought I had never gotten to say goodbye to him but I did I just hadn’t realised until recently I had. Thank you for reminding me. May God go with you.

    Reply
  44. Isabel

    Corey, I have been a silent but faithful reader of you blog for a few months, now, and am always amazed at how you always look at the bright side of things… Your dad is blessed to have you by his side!!
    I just entered the world of blogs, by starting my own… I would love for you to come and visit me. When I look at you, I feel I am on the other side of the mirror… I was born and raised in Portugal, and moved to the US after meeting my american husband (on a blind date, no less!!). I live in Oregon, now, but miss home tremendously and visit every other year (if I could afford it I would want to go twice a year, at least…!). Wishing you and your family, especially your dad, the best!!
    Isabel

    Reply
  45. Islandsparrow

    My family also kept vigil with my mother.It was long and it was heartrending but I would not trade a moment. May you have glimmers of goodness every day – and love overflowing. You are in my prayers.

    Reply
  46. tinker

    What a sweet moment of healing and laughter – wishing you and your dad, many such moments, Corey. In sharing your journey, you are inspiring and transforming many others of us, I think. Thank you for that. Bless you for sharing your journey~xo

    Reply
  47. Barbara Sydney Australia

    The greatest gift you are giving your children Corey is your wonderful example of the love and devotion of parent and child.In a world of disfunctional families I wish your story could be seen by all.
    My love and prayers to you all
    Barbara

    Reply
  48. gracie

    Time.. it is a gift so precious and fleeting. How I wish all my patients could have daughters like you. You would not believe how many people are uncomfortable spending TIME with their suffering loved one, and how many people die alone. Many grown children do not think it worth being there if they cannot ‘do’ anything or they are not being recognised or able to hold conversation. They are oblivious to the simple gift of presence. You have given your father a great gift and you recognise the holy privilege of standing by in the crucible of suffering.

    Reply
  49. Liz Ness

    Even in trials, there are some amazing moments. Thanks for sharing yours (love your return, “I’d be sooooo jealous.” So real.

    Reply
  50. Katy

    This may sound strange, but I do envy you so much – being able to communicate with your father. During the last two years of my mother’s life, she was quite beyond knowing anything. We took care of her at home – my brother and I. He worked during the day and helped at home nights and on weekends, while I stayed home with her all day and only got out on weekends. It always irritated me that I was given more credit for the whole thing than he. None of it would have been possible without him. (Poor guy – hardly ever got to go anywhere for himself.)
    She died at home with us there. I realized later that she had died on her own mother’s birthday – which was nice somehow, since she had never known her mother, who had died when Mama was only 3 months old.

    Reply
  51. gayle

    I just returned from a fun trip to Az. and have been reading your last entries. You take my breath away…your love, devotion, charm, writing…I could go on and on. The gift you are giving your Father is the most unselfish act I can imagine. My Mother is 89 and I wonder daily if I will be able to be as giving as you are when the time comes. You have a son at home, mine are grown and gone. God Bless all of you. Love, Gayle

    Reply
  52. Pat

    We’re going to try to get away for a couple days. I wanted to stop here, first and tell you, I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
    Pat

    Reply
  53. pauline

    It is a gift to both witness and participate in another’s struggles. You are making wonderful memories amid the sad ones, memories that will comfort you whenever you think of them.

    Reply
  54. Bonnie Buckingham

    AMEN!

    Reply
  55. Lilly

    You are wise and loyal and loving to walk this path with your dad. The rewards are many, as you have said here.

    Reply
  56. pottermom

    In many ways I envy your your time with your father. I had no time with my mother before she died and the time I had with my father he was not aware of my presence. How I would love to have had one last I love you. You are truly blessed.

    Reply
  57. tommie

    corey- I read in awe ech day. You are able to put so many feelings into words that make me feel like I am right there with you. hugs!

    Reply
  58. wilsonian

    It is a holiness few have the courage to behold.
    Glad that you are courageous 🙂

    Reply
  59. Laura

    So profound and true, Corey.

    Reply
  60. Hasmin

    Embrace the time you have with your dearest Dad…((hugs)) to you both.

    Reply
  61. Elaine L.

    Corey, your post reminded me so much of my dad that it brought tears to my eyes.
    Do you realize that your posts and the heartfelt responses would make a wonderful book!
    How wonderous it is that the internet has brought together all these souls who have never met, yet share such honest, emotion filled thoughts with one another. To me, this is such a positive testament to the basic goodness of humankind.
    ~elaine~

    Reply
  62. Betty @ She’s Sew Pretty

    It is a gift, Corey. You are blessed to have such a strong father and he is blessed to have you.

    Reply
  63. Genevieve

    Dear Corey –
    I made just a such a journey with my mom, 20 years ago. Those long months are a treasure to me still – the lessons I learned and the connnection we made changed the course of my life profoundly. What she bestowed on me silently has stayed with me and continually eased and softened any sadness that came from missing her after she was gone. The bond we formed in that year actually imbibed me with a bit of her truest essence – an invisible momento that has kept her joy and spirit alive in me forever.
    You are wise to see the irreplaceable value in sharing these 72 days together with your father. There are many levels and layers in the story you are living right now and fathoming it here is teaching/touching us all. Thank you.
    I think of you often and wish for you a daily bit of joy in the midst of all you are experiencing. It looks like it’s found you in “the glimmer of something good.”
    Bless your heart.

    Reply
  64. Catalina

    Finding humor and laughing in very difficult moments is something special, a break in suffering that gives you hope!
    A big hug Corey!

    Reply
  65. Marie-Noëlle

    I could sing all night for/about you two:
    When the night has come
    And the land is dark
    And the moon is the only
    light we’ll see
    No, I won’t be afraid
    No, I won’t be afraid
    Just as long as you stand
    Stand by me
    So darling, darling
    Stand by me
    Oh, stand by me
    Oh, stand
    Stand by me,
    Stand by me
    (Ben E King)

    Reply
  66. My Melange

    It is a gift, and you are lucky to have the opportunity to give it. What a wonderful relationship you have…and have just made stronger.

    Reply
  67. Dee/reddirtramblings

    Lovingly and beautifully said. We’re with you, dear blogging friend. We are with you.~~Dee

    Reply
  68. Alexandra

    Happy belated birthday to your dad. Prayers for your dear dad’s continued improvement. ((Hugs))

    Reply
  69. Julie B.

    Your dad, he’s a spunky one and he is a patient man! They say the fruit doesn’t fall to far from the tree…patience and spunk; I’d say you’ve got both!

    Reply
  70. nel

    It’s not odd at all! As I was reading through this post I was thinking the very same thing… I am so glad when I reached the end you shared those same thoughts. What lovely memories of intimacy you are creating with your father… a blessing. I pray that this ‘glimmer of something good’ brings you comfort and joy.

    Reply
  71. arlene

    Oh my. I just came upon your blog. I have spent the last few weeks sitting through the nights with my father as he lived his last days on this earth. He passed away on April 11, one day after his 72 birthday.
    I was amazed by his courage and peace throughout that time. We also shared many moments that i will never forget. I am one of three daughters, and we all were able to do our part to help him live…and die.
    Your words are so poignant to me. I will reread them often. Thank you for sharing them.

    Reply

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