The Ride: the ups, the downs and the curve at the end of the road.

              Img_2268

Where does one begin…

My father asked me, "What should I do? What would you do Corey?"

The words that came from my heart ached my mind causing my back to tighten and my legs to wobble.

A decision was taken based on my words.

Had I known life was like this I would have lived it more wildly somewhere along the line. That is not to say that I regret how I have lived, but more-so to say that I have been silly at times not to have jumped and splashed in the puddle- to take advantage of the life I have been given.

My father in the misery of these 87 days in the hospital has shown me that he holds life strongly, preciously in his hands. His will to live astounds me. I would and have given up in far far less of a stressful situation.

Img_2271 Img_2277_2

When the decision came to either go back into the ICU for more aggressive treatments (that cannot be done in the DCU the section of the hospital that he is presently resting)… My father was asked what he wanted to do.

                                                                Img_2273_2

He turned to me and asked, "What should I do? What would you do Corey?"

I told him what I would do, and he nodded acceptingly. Oh God, how my father’s asking and accepting willingly my response has haunted me, and yet made me feel the loving trust my father has placed on me.

Photo: All the photos on my blog since February 3rd have been photos I have had on stock. These were of last summer: The Honda 90 Ride.



Comments

98 responses to “The Ride: the ups, the downs and the curve at the end of the road.”

  1. What an impossible question, but I really believe you will find the answer in the love and feelings in your heart with the right words connected to it!
    Wishing you, your father and the rest of the family all the strength in the world!

  2. Still thinking good thoughts for you and yours. Sometimes I don’t know what all to say, to a stranger feeling pain…but I have enjoyed your blog ever since I stumbled across it…. even during these difficult times you’ve generously shared photos and thoughts and ideas with your readers…so…thanks, and am thinking big beautiful positive thoughts for you and yours. 🙂

  3. There are no wrong answers to these questions, just listen to you heart…

  4. Oh Corey it is such a difficult road to travel. One we travelled late November last year with my Father in law. So many questions asked and all we can do is answer with our hearts.
    Take care
    Alison

  5. Thinking of you and your family and sending you even more strength and courage (although I know you already have a good bit of it around there).

  6. Do I feel Peace about it? That is my question for myself in a hard decision, listing to the Holy Spirit. I dont know how else to go about it as my own mind is usually a mess. My prayers are with you and your family Corey.Have courage, it will be alright, you can do this.

  7. With you in my thoughts\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
    Corey, I believe any answer you give from your heart would be the right answer. My thoughts are with you and your family this morning.
    Darla

  8. Regardless of your answer or the resulting consequences, you will both continue to be blessed because it was done in Love and lovingly. His Will be done.

  9. Your father knows you are strong enough to be asked the question. You may have your doubts about your strength, but it will be enough. Blessings on you all.

  10. Corey, It’s always the curve in the road that gets ya! After a few curves you begin to watch for them,taking a deep breath and holding on tight. Practice helps, but we are forever cautious. At times the caution allows us to be more greatful,and to maybe take a chance to live with wild abandon. Mostly the curves that life throws me, causes me to reflect and prepare my heart for what will be. Life is splendid and wonderous,curves force us to adjust and change our direction.

  11. When we are small, we ask our parents, “What should I do?” When our parents reach a place in their lives where they ask us, we need to be as strong as they once were when we asked. We can only ever do our best. Your head and heart are both strong, TICA. Take peace in your decision.

  12. What a weighty question. Rest assured that your Father would never do anything he didn’t want to and that he just needed someone to conquer?
    Prayers sent your way…
    Joy

  13. How lucky you are to have a Dad that listens to and trusts you. He treasures your opinion. I am sure that is a nice feeling, though the circumstances are terrible.
    Your heart, especially one like yours, will always be right.

  14. Corey,
    Your Dad is still trying to make you happy!
    There is not a selfish bone in his body.
    rel

  15. Oh Corey it is just a year ago that I made that decision. In my own case my regret is that we didn’t turn to hospice sooner … because my mother immediately got increased attention and medications and things were very peaceful for her and there were no other real options. Whatever you decided was the right decision. I hold you closely.

  16. I’m sure he’s at peace with the answer you gave him.

  17. His hat read “Willows.” A plaid shirt and sun-bronzed skin. A man of the land. You are so much of what you are, Corey, because of who he is, how he’s lived.
    Love is forever, an expanding ring on the waters, that knows no end.
    I send mine, Corey…

  18. Dear Corey,
    My husband and I faced the same situation a few years back. And though I’ve never before posted a comment, I feel compelled to remind you that you would have had no words for your father if our Heavenly Father hadn’t whispered them into your heart.
    Peace to you, Corey,
    Laurie

  19. You are the ray of sunshine that your father reaches for, shining through the crevice in the stoney wall. Your answer comes from a loving heart, and wisdom you have shown in these 87 days. I have been away for a few day, but you have not been far from my thoughts. You express so eloquently what you are going through. It is healing balm for my soul hearing the words echoing what were my thoughts as I sat by my fathers side. I pray you find peace in your answer, renewed hope and strength. I love the pictures and read in them the love of a family, beginning with a loving, strong father. I see where you get all that strength and determination!

  20. In retrospect, our human nature would likely question any response to such a difficult question. Corey, you spoke from the depths of your heart, from the depths of your love for your Dad, and his trust and love for you responded. Take peace, dear one.

  21. Corey, I had to make a similar decision last June with my dad. I had to convince him that he had to be admitted to the hospital, both of us knowing very well that went he entered, he was never coming back. Before the ambulance came, he said to me: *I want you to handle everything*. I did. I was with him before the morphine took over and slept by his side for the last 48hrs. He opened his eyes for 20 mins.before they closed forever. I was blessed to be given the opportunity to hold him till the end. I am convinced he knew that I was there. I understand this connection you have with your dad. He is also blessed to have you. Have no regrets. You have done more than is expected from anyone – much much more !
    Hugs,
    Maria

  22. Corey,
    What a beautiful, strong, loving person you are!
    I just recently discovered your lovely blog and want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.

  23. christine

    Dear Corey – it is no surprise that he turned to his wonderfully wise beloved only daughter for guidance….you never cease to amaze me with your strength and grace. Many thanks for showing us the way.
    Christine

  24. Corey ~ Reading your posts, my heart reaches out to you offering solace, love and courage to go on.
    HUG

  25. Dear Corey, first let me refer to the previous post you’ve made: I love you, we all (yours friend-readers) love you, Corey. And for me, you’re not a stranger! You’re a friend! A special friend! A friend that I do not know or have ever hugged, but still, someone that I love and that I truly respect and more than admiring I truly nurture and care for, even from the distance, across from an ocean distance these days!
    You’re special to me and to everyone who have crossed your blog and got to know you more. You are a friend Corey, and that’s why I check on you every day, think of your Father and family, pray for you all. That’s what friends are for. To love each other. And to love you.
    Super-portuguese-friendship-hug*

  26. the father-daughter bond…. so precious… warm thoughts and prayers for you as you wheel thru the curve. xo

  27. Don’t forget to pray with him, Corey. My Mom was not a very outwardly religious person but facing her death was very scary (though most did not see her fear). A very wise nurse asked to say the Lord’s Prayer with us and afterward, asked me, “Are you doing that, are you praying with her?” I had been so busy tending to her physically AND spiritually but I hadn’t thought of helping her with her relationship with God. I started saying the rosary with her after that. My cousin is a priest and visited often but I felt the need to find a female chaplain because I thought Mom could relate to her better. Of course, my MOm could not respond or talk at this point, but it was the day that the female chaplain came and prayed with her for one hour that she finally let go. It is a very hard thing to leave this world. I’m praying for you and for your Dad.

  28. How precious that you and your father have this kind of relationship! He trusts you because he knows you. Knowing you so well, he can trust you. His confidence is well-placed.
    Praying for you,
    ~Kim

  29. And your father… he is really a pearl! That only shows the level of confidence he has in you. How precious is that.
    I wish that whatever decision was taken it’s for the best. I wish he heals and returns to the family cocoon.
    Love*

  30. Dear Corey,
    I have alluded to being where you are more than once… very recently I was very frustrated with a family member who characterized my experience as being unfair— that the people I had taken care of had somehow wronged me by their need and their illnesses by their expectation that I would be there for them (I thought that was ludicrous by the way, as health deteriorates in unpredictable ways and there is no such ‘planning’ admidst a health crisis!)…. It was then, perhaps for the first time, that I realized that those people who I have kept your watch with had literally trusted me with their lives and in doing so I realized how much that truth meant to me. It means the world!
    Oh… and I had a free moment yesterday and grabbed my as yet unopened Victoria magazine and flipped through the pages…. My eyes fell on a photo of french antiques including a porcelain madonna and I just knew had been taken by you! Sure enough, searching another page back, there was your byline— “and when I see your name it is like seeing a friend’s….”
    Peace to You, and Strength,

  31. How my heart aches along with yours. There are times when we just want reassurance, another’s opinion to echo our own so the burden of decision making does not seem so heavy. I’m sure your father is grateful for your honesty and love as he considers this fork in the path.
    Bless all of you as you continue on this journey together.
    Star

  32. gretchen

    dear corey, please take comfort in knowing that at this point, no matter what your answer was to your father, that it is God who is speaking through you now… He knows what the right answer is but just needed a voice… and He chose you. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers, love, and hugs, gretchen

  33. Dear Corey.
    Your three years in the monastery was a preparation for these days.
    God be with you. God be with your father. God be with your mother.
    And God be with FH and your kids back in France.

  34. We owe our loved ones the truth. He asked you because he trusts you and has confidence in you to be true to him.And you had the courage to answer him. He is such a lucky man to have you for his daughter.

  35. There is no harder question, Corey, and only the strong receive this question. We hold someone’s life in our hands with this question. God Bless You.

  36. Corey,
    You are far stronger than I could ever be. I don’t think I could have answered the question. That must have been very difficult for you. Prayers and hugs are being sent your way for you, your family and your Dad.
    Lorene

  37. Corey,
    I continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
    I wish there was something I could say to help, but I have no words for this.
    fond regards,
    shirley

  38. Corey,
    My heart goes out to you in this moment of decision. It is so hard when the tide turns and your parent looks to you for advice, when you must become their strength, and you need them to be strong for you. I pray you are at peace with your answer and that you will continue to be guided in wisdom every step of the way. Tell your dad I have found him to be a fount of inspiration and that I have treasured meeting him through you. I will remember his courage in the face of adversity, his deep and abiding faith, his love for his family, and most of all his precious daughter who reflects his character. God bless you all.

  39. Corey – Thank you for posting a picture of your father. I needed to see his face again. My heart goes out to all of you. May God grant you peace.

  40. Corey, you have the strength within and through prayer to help your father and your family through this period. I’m praying for everyone, especially your father, to come to peace and relief.

  41. Dear Corey, today is the day we leave for the city and the next step in our journey. I’m not sure I will have access to a computer, for a few days, so I didn’t want to leave without coming by to see how you are and to let you know I’m here praying for your father, you and your family.
    Pat

  42. God has you and all your family in His hand.

  43. Bonnie Buckingham

    I clicked on the photos to see clearer
    and what a loved man. You are blessed
    and blessed right now to be at his side
    even with the hard questions. God is right
    there and He is not silent.
    Bonnie

  44. Hello Corey, friendship from France!Sometimes we can forget how life is fragile but your love is so strong, and your father’s question shows so much love and confidence! It’s a precious treasure!

  45. Cheryl in California

    Dear Corey,
    I’m amazed at the depth at which you share all that is going on in the lives of your family. Regarding the decisions you have to make about your father’s treatment…rely on wisdom from above and remember that our lives are held in the hand of a loving heavenly Father!

  46. Don’t worry Corey, Gods hand was on your shoulder the entire time, helping you to tell your pa exactly what he wanted him to hear:) Your dad is lovely, look at him sitting there among the men! A king for sure! sending love sending prayers for all of you! xo

  47. Don’t worry Corey, Gods hand was on your shoulder the entire time, helping you to tell your pa exactly what he wanted him to hear:) Your dad is lovely, look at him sitting there among the men! A king for sure! sending love sending prayers for all of you! xo

  48. Dear Corey,
    I also have been following your blog and praying for you and your family daily.
    We also had to make a decision about my father’s care and more invasive treatment after he had been in the hospital for several weeks. My dad had dimentia, and it was undoubtedly the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. A dear friend told me not to second guess myself, and I tried very hard not to. My father died shortly after being transferred to “comfort care” in January, and I know he went peacefully, surrounded and wrapped in prayer. Now he is at peace and restored to wholeness.
    I am quite sure that you answered your father’s trusting question with your heart, and that your response was the right one for your father.
    I’m praying for you.
    Wylie

  49. Corey, you are so strong and honest. My heart goes out to you and your family. Oh how you must miss your husband and children!

  50. What a precious posting. I admire your courage and tenacity during this hard time. And your father sounds like a truly lovely human being.
    Brenda

  51. it is often only at such moments that we remember the life that we share with each other. Rather we should rejoice at every moment cos we never know when we will part from each other.

  52. Corey you are so strong. Sending love, hugs and blessings your way. And many prayers.

  53. Deborah P

    My heart aches for you. What a difficult question to answer. However, you answered it, I have no doubt that it was lovingly and honestly answered.
    I don’t think you are at this point now, but I have read, so many times, that dying loved ones sometimes hang on for the sake of the family more than a wish to live. To tell them it is okay to go at that point is an act of love, I believe and never anything to feel guilty for. If that time comes for you and your family, I pray that you will know it completely, without any doubt.
    At the same time, I hope and pray that your Father’s strong will to live is rewarded with his healing and with strength returning so that he can enjoy many more days on this earth.

  54. I believe when it comes to the really hard questions, answers that come from an honest, loving heart are never wrong…
    Sending prayers and many (((hugs))), Corey~XOXO

  55. Corey,
    My prayers are with you and your beautiful family at this time.
    I know it must seem strange that someone you’ve never met cares about you and your family but my heart goes out to you just the same.
    God Bless you and yours.

  56. Jan Hughes

    Corey, not to worry. As long as what you do, and the answer you give, is out of love – and it is – it’s the right answer. Your father knows that, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. My mother asked me the same question. I was honored, and horrified. And answered the truth, as she knew I would. We know who loves us, and your father knows. Hard to become one’s parent’s parent, isn’t it? But, it is the most loving thing you can do.
    Keep the faith!
    Jan

  57. Those are the questions and times that I dread, the times when the strong father is weak and daughter has to be in charge. My thoughts are with you, Corey, as you so graciously dwell in this upside-down world.

  58. At the first sign of spring, one wants the new leaves and blossom to come forth faster, yet once when everything around us seems to have turned green, all the blossoms opened, we want to stop this mad rush into summer, want spring to lnger longer. The approach of summer and then harvest seems premature.

  59. Oh Corey, those are questions we never want to get, let alone answer. Many thoughts for you all.

  60. Oh dear, Corey. That’s alot of pressure on you. Your father certainly values your opinion. You’re in my thoughts.

  61. Corey, I wish there was something I could say that would make this easier for you. I know there isn’t. I know how painful it is and how important your dad is to you. I think I may also know how much it means to your dad that you are there; when I was in your place, and my mother in a place similar to your dad’s, well …
    It is a gift to be so needed, and you will never regret these days.
    And remember, when times get hard, that it is change — not loss. It doesn’t feel that way but, to believe it, somehow makes a difference.
    All strength to you and yours.

  62. Corey,
    My heart and arms are wrapped around each and everyone of you.
    Please give my love to my friend and let her know that she is within my every prayer.
    I hold her deep within my heart.
    Love,
    Holly

  63. Shepard Me Oh God
    Beyond my wants
    Beyond My Fears
    From Death into Life
    (the responsorial I sing to the 23 rd Psalm)
    over and over as I hold you all in Prayer
    xoxo

  64. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Your love for your dear Father is so pure, Corey, that you couldn’t possibly give a “wrong” answer!
    Much love and prayers to you, my sweet friend!

  65. My friend, it’s never easy to love, and I am so sorry you’re going through these things — but thank goodness you’re going through them with and because of love.
    Just know your sharing this is helping others. You knock me flat with awe at how you and your dad bless each other with your love and care for each other, in spite of all sorts of pain.

  66. What an intensely beautiful moment.

  67. Your papa knows that you speak with love in your heart, Corey. Whatever the outcome may be, your family has such an incredible bond, all will be well. Don’t worry about leaving any commentary for those of us that keep you in our thoughts – I am sure you would do the same…you have your family to think of.

  68. I think Rumi’s translated thoughts say it so eloquently,
    “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.
    P.S. I remember the moment I whispered in my beloved Grandma Ruth’s ear “I love you and it’s okay to let go. We’re all okay now.”
    I cried knowing it was the thing to say from my heart and that moments later she passed.

  69. there is no book to read, no friend to tell you, no wise woman to instruct what only your heart can build as a bridge within your family at this time. take strength in the love you share. cry when you need to (when i had cancer, i gave myself five minutes in the shower to cry then i knew that i had to stop for my family. it was enough for me). find some small way to replenish yourself physically and spiritually and just keep hanging in as best as you can. that is enough. you are in my prayers. your dad is in my prayers, pulling at God’s ear. my heart goes out to you.

  70. Genevieve

    Dear Corey –
    As you turn yet another bend on this road with your father, I am glad you can feel us all hovering around you and your family with our kind thoughts and prayers.
    Hover, hover….
    Genevieve

  71. Elaine L.

    Such a difficult decision for you to make. Your dad loves and trusts you. God Bless You.
    ~elaine~

  72. I was there Corey, giving thoughts to the best man I will EVER know, my Dad. It will playout as it should because the love in your family will see to it. It will see to all of you, through all of you. It really will.
    XO
    D.

  73. My father asked me as well. I said what I thought at the moment. Maybe today I would say something else, I don’t know…I guess we just do the best we can on the circumstances we are with the self that we are at that moment. To give our opinion in such cases is courageous and helpful, we would appreciated it as well.
    A big hug Corey!

  74. Corey, Corey, Corey Dear, I love you.
    Please give my love to your Father. Thank him for me for his wonderful “joie de vivre” and for his faithful love not only through the past 87 days but through his whole life. Please thank him for gifting me and all of us with YOU! I am so grateful for the opportunity of meeting him and of sharing life with you! Your father already resides in the Heart of God. The Lord has gone before him to prepare the way so that at the perfect right time your father will see Him face to face and “Heart to Heart” The Best is Yet to Come!
    When my father made the decision not to do any more chemo he faced death with the same resolve and faith with which he had lived.
    The hospice workers came to our home and were absolutely wonderful. They asked my Dad what services he would like. He sent for his diary and read out which priest he wanted to celebrate his funeral, what Scripture Readings and Songs he wanted and who he wanted to sing, who the pall bearers would be etc. There was not a dry eye among my family members. Everyone thought this was premature. It was certainly not the type of “services” that the hospice workers were referring to. They lovinlgy assured the family members that this was important for my Dad to do. Three weeks later my Dad made his transition into Everlasting Life. What a blessed blessed time those three weeks were.

  75. Your dad trusts you because he knows your heart. He knows that it only has love for him.
    Take care, love & prayers continue your way Corey.
    Nel xo

  76. Oh gosh Corey, I don’t think I could have done that. I would have had to ask him to make the decision together.
    You’re going to have to find a way to be OK with this. Even thinking about it hurts. Be kind to yourself.
    – Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

  77. Together you made that decision. He knew he could ask and you knew at the very core of you what you had to say.
    PAX.

  78. No words…just loving prayers.

  79. Just hugging you and praying for you all.
    And more hugs.

  80. I’m sure your words were a comfort for him Corey. You are a strong, smart, wonderful person.
    I am here with you everyday!!
    Take care,
    Rosemary

  81. There is so much life holding all of you… so much love… let yourself rest into that love as you follow your heart… XO

  82. Corey,
    We have had a glimse of the wonderful soul you must be prior to the last 87 days. But that your dad came to you in that moment speaks volumes to what we have already believed. You are doing your best, and are a trustworthy person, or your dad would not have asked that of you. Trust yourself, and what God has placed in you.
    My tears and prayers are with and for you and your family today.

  83. Just checking in this morning to say hello and let you know you’re thought of.

  84. I have the feeling from reading your blog the past few years that your Dad worked hard, and played hard. He loved to have fun, and did so whenever he could.
    Based on that, whatever he decides to do will be right decision, all you really need to do is support him in that.
    We should jump in those puddles, but somewhere between childhood and old age we become too serious, and forget how much fun splashing can be..

  85. Corey,
    I hope these days with your father will become a precious memory in your life. My dad was here and gone, a heart attack at age 61. I regret not spending more time with him. Your dad will go in peace knowing how much his family has loved him. Bless you, my friend.

  86. How my heart aches for you. Looking into the eyes of you father in the posted pictures shows me what a wonderful man I know he is. I am sure what ever advice you gave him was the best. I am thinking of you daily and hope you and your father can feel my love and support. You are an amazing daughter.

  87. still, and always, thinking of you corey.
    love, steph

  88. Dearest Corey,
    I am sure your words spoke the very depth of your heart and soul. You are your father’s strength now and you can know that God will guide you every step of the journey and you will not live with regrets. But all that has happened will be a tresured memory.

  89. You will always be Daddy’s girl of course he asked and trusted you.xxx

  90. Betty @ Country Charm

    Corey,
    I’m certain without a doubt that the answer you gave your Dad was from a heart full of love…..
    You and your family tiptoe across my mind often and I wonder how things are with you…
    I know your family in France miss you but understand that you need to be with your Dad and Mom…..God Bless You All….Betty

  91. You know Corey… there are no wrong choices… there is only this moment…full of all possibilities… Just thinking of you in this moment… XO

  92. What great gifts you are one to another. My thoughts are with you both.

  93. Still thinking of you today.

  94. Dancing Kitchen

    You did right girl…you spoke from your heart. Don’t let that haunt you…let it be a solace that you were honest with him.
    Holding you in the light,
    ~Cynthia

  95. Corey, whatever you said to your father it was THE RIGHT THING, don’t doubt that. You spoke with the love of a lifetime, your father knew and trusted that you would, that’s why he asked you.

  96. Sometimes the best thing to say is the hardest. Telling someone at the end of such a difficult time that it’s ok to just let go can bring peace to everyone. Your gift of time with your Dad has been the most precious gift you could give him. How wonderful your husband and family in France have been to allow you to give your Dad the gift of yourself.

  97. DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
    Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
    Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
    Because their words had forked no lightning they
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
    Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
    Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
    And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
    Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
    And you, my father, there on the sad height,
    Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
    D Thomas
    (for Corey’s Dad, because she asked)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *