The Bottom of the Sea

Img_3007 Have you ever walked with your thoughts on an endless path? Where you vaguely remember where they started and are unsure where they will end?

Seeing the vast horizon, wondering what will stir up from the bottom of the sea, knowing that the water runs deep, even if your toes cannot find a spot to dip in. Reaching into the empty pocket, and not finding a map?

The current sands shift, the fullness of the moon illuminates a new path, the silence like a soothing song… hauntingly new… where the soul leads the way; days and nights blend peacefully with a slow steady rainfall.

Thoughts upon thoughts, layering past and present, where answers aren’t important or searched for. A rare truth is given when we look at mystery square in the eye and let it unravel as it will, trusting that a grace once obtain isn’t lost.

Thank you for your guiding light and friendship.



Comments

87 responses to “The Bottom of the Sea”

  1. No, Corey, thank you.

  2. annieelf

    You could not have expressed it more fully – that disconnect between what was and what is to be. Blessings, Annie

  3. I think you’ve created a map through some scary territory.
    My thoughts are with you during the coming days, that this journey’s end will be filled with grace and peace.

  4. Nancy ~ Fete et Fleur

    Oh Corey! My deepest “pensee” are with you and your family now. I felt the same way after my FIL passings. The air was thick with mystery, but I let it wash over me like the ocean waves. In my heart I’m still there by the sea standing and waiting, yet accepting.
    Blessings! Nancy

  5. angela marie

    I agree with annieelf and Alina…
    ((hugging you in spirit~))

  6. Boxwood Cottage

    I’m sending you and your family all my sympathies dear Corey and I second what Deidre said, it’s so true. Your words in the last posts filled my eyes with tears and I think it is wonderful that you have been there for him all this time and until his last heartbeat. May your dear Daddy rest in peace!
    Big hug to you – Carol xox

  7. Yes, I have Corey.
    You have captured with your beautiful intelligent words what I’ve thought of as an endless loop my mind travels always sweeping for information some of which will undoubtedly remain a mystery. At times I have an ahaaa moment that reveals what wasn’t apparent in real time, so long ago now.
    My Granddaughter wrote a paper for school in which she wrote, “now I understand what I didn’t understand before.”
    Blessings upon you and your family today.

  8. Thank YOU for allowing us to take this journey with you.
    Be Blessed!

  9. Travelingmama

    Corey, oh how my heart just aches for you. I hadn’t checked your blog in a couple days and had no idea what was going on.
    I’m praying for you and your family. May God be close to you. May you feel His comfort and love.

  10. Yes, that sense of swirling and shifting, you express it perfectly. May the path you walk on continue in love.

  11. MaryBEth

    And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
    Bear you on the breath of dawn,
    Make you to shine like the sun,
    And hold you in the palm of His hand
    My tears moisten the sand precious Corey
    holding all of you

  12. Jan Hughes

    Peace, amiga.

  13. constance lefevre forehand

    for GOD so loved the world that HE sent HIS only begotten SON. and now this day your precious father will be with HIM in paradise. i lift you and your family up to HIM for peace and comfort. GOD bless all of you. in christian love, connie

  14. Corey,
    I am one of those who have followed your journey without writing before. Now’s the time to check in and say thank you for such an honest and lovely and loving and raw telling of the experience. And for expressing faith without being the least bit cloying. My dad died suddenly, shockingly, just 2 months after Mom had been diagnosed with alzheimers. I thought I’d get over grief quite quickly, but silly me. It was a long journey with surprising moments of pain flaring up again and again even in the midst of faith, hope, and love. I started reading your blog because of the beauty of the photos, and now am with you because of the beauty of you. May you soon be reunited with the darling French Husband, your precious children, and Home. Lucky you, getting to feel his last heart beat. I wasn’t given that precious gift.
    Rebecca in Washington state

  15. Wendi Kelly

    Just hanging in there with you now, hoping the peace will wash over you.
    Will your family be able to come from over the sea to join you?

  16. Going through what you have gone through must’ve been like bracing for a punch in the gut. You knew it was coming, but you didn’t know when or how much it would hurt. Now it’s here and I wish I could absorb some of it so it wouldn’t hurt as much. I’m with you despite the miles between us, my friend 🙂

  17. Deborah P

    Thank you for allowing us to walk along beside you, to the extent we could, on this journey.

  18. I was led here by another telling of your loss. I had to stop by and when I read your last post and this one I knew, that beneath the pain of your loss lies a deep and rooted faith. Faith is what gets you through such a loss as that of a parent. When my father died, I remember knowing that he was whole again in heaven, but the grief was strong. Until one day my daughter who was just twelve at the time, came into my art room and handed me a photograph of my father dancing with my grandmother at my wedding in 1972. I looked at her and knew as I wept that my father was dancing with my grandmother again. Such a beautiful thought as this reminds us how blessed we are to know that our loved ones are in heaven. I pray that the angels whisper joy to help heal the grief.
    Blessings, Karen

  19. Dear Corey and family,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been with you on this whole journey and it has so deeply touched my heart. I know God has his loving arms around you. May you rest in that peace and let your heart treasure all the memories.
    I will continue to pray for all of you
    love and blessings

  20. Dear Corey,
    Yes I have felt that way and I am so sorry you have come to know that feeling.
    You and your family will remain in my prayers at your time of loss.
    I am on my way to light a candle for your father. It is wonderful you were able to be there for him and that he was aware of all the love you hold in your big heart for him.
    xo~Tracie

  21. Debbie in CA : )

    “The more I wonder,” confesses Alice Walker, “the more I love.”
    XO, Deb : )

  22. rochambeau

    It is like fragments of a dream but you are awake. It is surreal, yet it is real. God protects us this way for a reason. To get us through to the next moment, the next hour, the next day.
    Thinking of you friend,
    with love,
    Constance

  23. Kim in Carlsbad

    God bless you Corey. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  24. Corey, as you know, my family have been walking that path for many, many years.
    We realise the journey will end but what we don’t know is: Where? When? How?
    Your post yesterday relected the peace that surely exists at the journey’s end. Surely? [I think, for a moment, I felt it.]

  25. Let yourself grieve. Embrace all your feelings.

  26. Wrapping you in compassionate thoughts, TICA.

  27. Am so sorry to hear of your loss, but as you well know, Love lives forever.
    Sandra Evertson

  28. I dreamed that I was walking along, here in New Mexico with our wonderful vistas. Heading north I looked out to see such a beautiful horizon, it was a blue like I have never ever seen before. The mountains were just this absolutely stunning blue that I could not take my eyes off of them. Aware that I was gaining altitude and breathing harder, I just couldn’t take my eyes off of the beautiful blue horizon. Suddenly I realized that I was “at the top”. Looking down I realized I had climbed a towering stone statue of Jesus, at Glorieta.
    Corey, the sacred is there for us even when we aren’t paying attention, leading us to realize new heights, new realizations, about ourselves, and to experience a beauty we’d previously not realized.
    I know in my heart, this dream was meant as a salve for your soul.
    Love and kisses.

  29. A beautiful transition. Blessings to all of your family and thank-you, Corey!

  30. yes I ave been there… blessings to you.

  31. Suzanne

    Just feel the love Corey and let you be embraced by it.
    Have hold you in my thoughts all day long. And in my silent prayers.
    Love*****

  32. Miss Maddie’s

    Dearest Corey, Though I do not know you personally I feel your deep loss.
    The gates were opened wide to greet the arrival of your Father into the Kingdom of Heaven.
    And though your heart is breaking and aches from his passing, remember you and your family were so privileged to share your Father’s time on this earth.
    My deepest sympathies to you, your Mother, your family and friends.
    xo Susan

  33. Hello,
    I have been reading your blog daily, last night as read it and found out about your father, my daughter heard me say oh no….and i told her your story, well she asked me did i get to be with my father when he died..and I really have never told her the story..but it open up a long talk about my father, you see he died when i was only nine, he went into the hosptial one day and never come home….I see my friends with their parents and tell them they are blessed to have had them this long….to be able to have been with your father was a blessing Your family is in our prayers…and what i learn from my mother’s death 13 years ago…writing helps alot…but i think you know that already.
    kelly

  34. Leslie Garcia

    Dear Corey,
    “Amongst the flowers that fade
    there is a spirit that does not grow pale,
    reborn season after season,
    tangible and fragrant.
    Reminding us that life is more than the few
    petals and thorns we hold in our hands.
    That which we cultivate in our souls does not die.
    Water your life with open veins.”
    ~ Corey Amaro
    May your own words bring you comfort like they did to me.
    Thank you!
    Leslie

  35. Alison Gibbs

    Corey my thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.
    Alison

  36. Corey, you have shared some of the most intimate moments in one’s life with us. I know it is an experience I will always remember. You have taught me much during this time. Bless you.

  37. pottermom

    May God be with you and comfort you as you walk the path of grief. May your thoughts be gentle and full of peace giving you a peek into the grace of God. As you journey through this countryside of memories and thoughts may the destination be that of joy.

  38. somepinkflowers

    blessings to you
    and your grieving heart.
    blessings to you
    and your heart full of memories.
    blessings to you
    and your awareness of life and death
    as you will be forever different.
    blessings, blessings
    and more…

  39. I have been following your journey with your Father ever since you came over to be with him. I’m so glad you were able to be with him this entire time. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your daily thoughts and you are in my prayers during this difficult time.
    With Love,
    Kara

  40. Loretta

    Your Dad’s journey is over; yours is just beginning. May God grant you solace and peace and keep you all together in the palm of His hand. Blessings to you and your family and a candle lit for your beautiful father.

  41. It is YOUR guiding light we hope to follow.

  42. Catherine

    Corey, will you please give your Mom a HUGE hug from all of us? We love her too.
    ~Catherine

  43. Natalie Pacheco (Robinett)

    Hi Corey,it’s Natalie. I am so sorry about Uncle George. My heart goes out to you. I love you and your family with all of my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  44. collette

    Thank you for all you give with your lovely words and thoughts even through difficult times. You give us, your dear readers, more than you know. Such a joy you are Corey.
    Holding you all up in prayer. Love to you.
    xo

  45. Debbie Schramer

    It is so difficult to lose someone you love and who you have loved all your life. Emotions that are filled with unexplainable words and thoughts. My father passed away several years ago and I still miss him. But it is comfortingly odd….I talk with him sometimes and suddenly he is right there next to me. I send my prayers to you and your family and hope that you will feel comfort and peace.
    Debbie

  46. fated follies studio

    wanting to send you blessings and comfort during this time. may God’s peace keep you still.
    jenny

  47. Corey… my deepest sympathies and wordless thoughts of comfort to you and your family at this sad time.
    Reading your thoughts, I am in awe at the extraordinary gift given you. The ability to speak the profound so well, and with such honesty. I thank you for using this gift here, where others are blessed by your experience and the humble telling of it.

  48. What a beautifully painful journey for you and your family. By sharing your story you have blessed so many and added yet another precious layer to the legacy of your beloved father.
    My heartfelt sympathies for your loss…

  49. Dear Corey,
    My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
    What a blessing for you and your dad to have so many loved ones near to him at the end of his life’s journey.
    I was in California, last month, to see an aunt who was dying and back two weeks later for a celebration of her life. I thought of you and your vigil and prayed that it would all go well for you. To have lived a full life and to die with loved ones near is a blessing in my mind.
    I hope you find peace. My heart goes out to your mom who has lost her friend and partner.
    Alison

  50. berriehead

    quick true story for you Corey:) I have been there exactly where you are.
    remember when I moved to the cabin in the woods? It was an area that my dad knew well, he rode those roads in the country and knew them like the back of his hand…I did NOT! I use to take off with map quest in my hand intending on getting to the best antique store miles and miles away..one day I took off and after driving endlessly with my useless map quest I was lost and practically driving in circles…my gas tank was nearly on empty and I did not have my cell phone with me…nothing but woods and roads and woods and the occassional farm house…I was scared as it was getting darker….I came to a part in the road where I could either go left or right…I needed to get to a gas station and fast! I yelled out “OK DAD! I know YOU know where I am help me find my way to the nearest gas station or I’m in trouble…I took a left and there less then a mile down the road was a gas station! I know my dad turned the wheel for me! I asked the attendant in the station for directions the rest of the way home…your dad will always be with you…It is true!
    I have another story about flying a kite after my grandpa’s funeral with my brothers..but I rambled on long enough! love to you!

  51. Elizabeth

    ((((((((dear Corey))))))))
    my prayers for you and your kin,
    Elizabeth

  52. Dear Corey and family,
    Praying blessings and peace for you in this difficult time. You have so generously and beautifully shared this journey with us. Thank you.
    Grace and peace,
    Lisa

  53. ((((Corey))))
    A silent prayer for you and my thoughts will be with you in the next few days.
    Love Muriel

  54. So many thoughts for you, for your family. I’ve been where you are–where you were…where you are now going
    I sent you an email that holds my heart. You can keep it for awhile…
    And my hand walks through the day holding yours.
    Love to your family too.
    lauren

  55. From what you accomplished, by staying with your father and your family, you must feel an incredible sense of peace in all the sadness that the loss of a parent brings. I wish you all the comfort you can find and joy in remembering that your father lived his life so well, and now does not have to suffer anymore. I hug you tightly, stay well, sweet girl.

  56. I am so very sorry, Corey. Even when you know what may be – what is coming, it can still be such a shock, finding yourself standing on that shore, looking at the footprints left behind in the sand…I pray your faith in making that journey to join him some day in the far future, will bring you comfort and strength in the days ahead. Sending so much love, thoughts and prayers for you, your mom, your whole family. Peaceful blessings to you all, Corey.

  57. My thoughts are with you.

  58. Eternal Memory for your dear father, Corey. I am continuing in lighting candles & praying for your father, you and all your family.
    I’m thinking of you with fondness and much respect and asking our dear Saviour and His Most Pure Mother to bring you abundant peace, grace and consolation for the days ahead.
    HE will supply all your needs according to His riches in Glory.

  59. Dearest Corey,
    I am so sad for your loss. I will say a rosary for your Dad today.
    You are so blessed to have a family like you’ve shown us through your blogging. I know that, together, you’ll get through this painful time.
    God bless.
    Love,
    Terri

  60. Corey…I’m so sorry on the passing of your father. You have completed this long and turbulant time in your life with grace and compassion. I marvel at your words and strength that you have continued to share with all of us. I am so glad that you choose to share this experience with us, I have learned so much from you during this time.
    May the angel wings be around you and your family at this time. And, I’m sure that one of those angels is your father who will continuously keep his wings around you as you continue you on your journey.

  61. Corey, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you are proud that your father fought so hard for life right to the end. He is surely an inspiration to everyone. I say again that the first post I read on your blog was on your father’s 80th birthday celebrations and I was so touched by your sentiments for him that I have returned again and again to this space.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

  62. Jenny McH

    Dear Corey,I hope all the wonderful memories you have of your dear Father can help you & your family through the days ahead.

  63. Amylia Grace

    Corey,
    I read this Daily Word from Unity Church today and immediately thought of you and your father, George. I wish I wasn’t so far from California so I could pay tribute to him at the church. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Today’s Daily Word – Thursday, May 1, 2008
    Comfort
    My loved ones and I are eternally one with God and with one another.
    The Traveler
    by James Dillet Freeman
    He has put on invisibility.
    Dear Lord, I cannot see —
    But this I know, although the road ascends
    And passes from my sight,
    That there will be no night;
    That You will take him gently by the hand
    And lead him on
    Along the road of life that never ends,
    And he will find it is not death but dawn.
    I do not doubt that You are there as here,
    And You will hold him dear.
    Dear Lord, I thank You for the faith that frees,
    The love that knows it cannot lose its own;
    The love that, looking through the shadows, sees
    That You and he and I are ever one!

  64. Oh Corey, I am so sorry for your loss!!! Oh, it is so very hard to take inn. I really thought our prayers, thoughts and positive energy would have given him this extra breath and will to carry on. But life is sometimes unexpecting hard, and it is so very hard to understand.
    I do hope he felt that is was time, that he felt calmness, that he carried lots of happiness inside.
    I am sending you my all my love, and at the same time I want to thank you. Thank you for sharing this oh so difficult journey. For your inner thoughts, your tears and happy memories. Hold on to your love for each other My friend.
    Warm warm hugs from Aina

  65. Miss Sandy

    Corey,
    Lean on the one who will buoy you up, through, and over the troubled waters in which you currently swim.
    Please don’t think me cold, unkind, or unfeeling for the offer I am about to make. When you feel you need a lift, I invite you to visit this specific blog post, http://quillcottage.blogspot.com/2008/04/bridge-over-troubled-water.html and perhaps you will see that I too swim in those same swirling waters and where I found hope and encouragement. I am not trying to promote my blog, just to offer you a bit of support.
    Still lifting you to the Father.

  66. Corey,
    My prayers are being sent up for you, your dad and the rest of your family. You have been so brave to share your thoughts and fears with us.
    MimiG

  67. Elizabeth

    You are so loved, by your family and by us…you are in my heart today, as always; you have shared with us your incredible, beautiful words, a journey that many of us have been through or will go through. You have supported us, too. My dear father’s name was George, too, and he has been gone now 9 years. The immediate knife-wound heals and the good memories keep his spirit in me. As your Daddy George will stay with you. I will be with you in spirit at the memorium.
    Peace be with you, dear Corey.

  68. Barbara Jordan

    Dearest Corey
    The deep waters give way to the clearest blue sky for you, your family and especially for your father whose light now shines brilliantly as he basks in the glow of the Eternal Light. Be comforted.
    Thank you for sharing your journey so poignantly.
    Barbara, your France-loving Canadian

  69. this poem helped me alot ….
    Death is nothing at all
    I have only slipped away into the next room
    I am I and you are you
    Whatever we were to each other
    That we are still
    Call me by my old familiar name
    Speak to me in the easy way you always used
    Put no difference into your tone
    Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
    Laugh as we always laughed
    At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
    Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
    Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
    Let it be spoken without effort
    Without the ghost of a shadow in it
    Life means all that it ever meant
    It is the same as it ever was
    There is absolute unbroken continuity
    What is death but a negligible accident?
    Why should I be out of mind
    Because I am out of sight?
    I am waiting for you for an interval
    Somewhere very near
    Just around the corner
    All is well.
    Nothing is past; nothing is lost
    One brief moment and all will be as it was before
    How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
    Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul’s Cathedral

  70. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure you were a comfort and a joy for your father during his last days. God Bless you and your family during this difficult time.

  71. Karen Otto

    I am so sorry for your loss and your family’s sorrow, Corey. I love this song’s lyrics by Greg Lake (Emerson,Lake & Palmer)
    “…so be closer to believing, though your world is torn apart, for a moment changes all things and to end is but to start. And if your journey’s unrewarded, may your God lift up your heart. You are windblown, but you are mine.”
    With love and prayers for your healing,
    Karen

  72. Ciretta

    Dear Corey… this prayer:
    We thank you, God, for our loved one who was dear to us.
    We thank you for the friendship, love and peace he brought.
    We pray that nothing of his life will be lost, but that all he held sacred may be held and respected by those who remember him.
    We ask that he may go on living in those whom he loved,
    in their hearts and minds,
    their courage and their conscience.
    We will go on living without him.
    We ask, then, that he, living with you,
    may watch over us and intercede for us.
    Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord,
    And let perpetual light shine upon him.
    May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed,
    Through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
    Amen

  73. I am so sorry Corey.
    You have drawn beauty even out of such pain, and your father must be looking down with such love and such pride…
    Hugging,
    Wendy

  74. Cynthia G

    Corey “My Dearest Friend”
    I just got home from work…..And read your post
    I can’t express enough… the pain and sadness I feel
    for you and your family…. losing your father
    He was a benevolent man a wonderful Dad and your mother’s
    life-time soul mate ….
    George..touched all our hearts through you..[I was lucky
    to meet, George in Paris when you were carrying
    Chelsea] your pictures and lovely stories.
    He may have left because God needed him…….
    and didn’t want him to suffer anymore…
    But, he will live on …. in your hearts and minds
    through his sweet legacy of love and family
    With All My Love

  75. I am so sorry for your loss Corey. Sending lots of love and healing light your way.
    Lisa

  76. Oh Corey, I’m so deeply sorry about your loss. I’ve been reading your thoughts all along, and I know how bittersweet you are feeling at this moment. My heart is with you, sending you the finest hopes for healing and a cocoon of warmth around you and your family. You are a brilliant soul, and I am deeply touched by your memories of your father through all of this you and your family have been through. I’m sending you a hug.

  77. rositta

    Oh Corey I was hoping for a better outcome for you and your family. My deepest sympathy for your loss. I just got out of the hospital and went straight for your blog. I cried tears for you when I read it. Celebrate his life…hugs

  78. Ariane Cagle

    Dear Corey,
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I was praying your father would get better. Your father was so lucky to have such a loving daughter who stood by his side to the very end. I’m sending loving thoughts to you and your family as you handle this great sorrow. Many, many hugs,
    Ariane

  79. Hello Corey,
    I just came over to your blog from a friend’s,
    and was very moved by your posts. I felt your pain and shed a tear for you tonight. The picture of your father on the motorcycle was just amazing. He was surrounded by so much love then, as I’m sure he is now. My best to you and your family. -Nancy

  80. My prayers go out to you and your family. I sense losing your father is much like it was for me when I lost my father. Cherish the celebration of your father’s life these next few days. Many memories will be be shared and wonderful stories told of your father. Enjoy them and cry for the loss. Healing comes. Sally

  81. oh corey! tears are streaming down my face as I type ….I am so so sorry. May love surround you at this time and fill all your needs.
    love ….t.-

  82. babelfish

    Thank you for sharing your story of courage, unconditional love and faith, you and your family are an inspiration to us all.

  83. Stephanie

    Oh Corey, I am so sorry. May you and your sweet family continue to feel the loving presence of God’s love and care. You have so many special memories of the time you spent with your father in these last months to carry with you forever. I feel blessed that you shared your love for him with us.

  84. I have been away from your blog for a few days and returned today to check in on you and your family. I am sorry, sorry, sorry to hear your sad news. I know that there are no perfect words of comfort, even as I search to find them. Know this: my heart aches for yours, my eyes fill with tears, so many of us hurt for you, so many of us pray for you, pray for your entire family. What a gift to know that your deep love has given so many a love and compassion for a man we have never met. Thank you for sharing your love with us and by that for encouraging us all to treasure our own families and hold them tight. Know that many of us will continue to lift up you and your family in prayer. God bless you all.

  85. Paris Parfait

    Corey, as hard as it is to say goodbye, spending these last few months with your father is a blessing you will always carry in your heart. He was an amazing man. Thank you for sharing his stories with us. Much love to you and your family. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. xo

  86. Tina Wright

    Prayers for you and your family. May your father rest in peace and you peace in your heart. hugs from Texas

  87. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I spent much time reading your blog in an attempt to catch up and to get a glimpse of your Father. It sounds like you were richly blessed and will continue to enjoy the residual affects of that richness through your precious memories.
    I will pray for God to wrap His arms of peace and comfort around you. Even the Bible encourages us to live fully those seasons of mourning.
    HUGE HUGS, KJ

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