Sacha’s Eyes

Strangely wonderful. That is what it felt like to see Sacha after nearly four months of separation. He seemed taller, more grown up, I could see my father's eyes in his…. more than anything I found a young man in replace of my little boy.

His embrace was a long needed hug and I soaked every bit of it in. I laughed because my head fit perfectly under his chin. I felt like a little mommy. It was good to be the little one, the one in need, the one without the answers, the one who could let down her guard knowing that changing places even if for mere seconds meant that the world did not stop… in fact it smiled. I needed his hug as much as he needed mine.

On the way home he asked me to stop at the cemetery. The moon lite a tiny path. Darkness a soothing blanket, we walked to my dad's grave site and I told Sacha the details of the day Vo was buried…. How the fourteen grandchildren carried candles to the altar, that the church was standing room only to over 700 people, that my four brothers, French Husband and I carried the coffin and it was heavier than I expected, that large red rose buds caressed the altar and a mountain of ivy and greens were placed on his casket. I told him that a procession of forty motorcycles followed us to the grave site and that afterward at the cemetery we let doves go and they flew in circles like a white halo over us before flying home. I continued to tell Sacha that in my small hometown people have a reception after a funeral and that everyone brings food. We had enough food brought by the community to feed everyone there and still food left over to feed over a hundred people that night and the days to come.

At that moment I felt something lift, something shared, and in that dark night I felt home in Sacha's eyes.

Note: French Husband and Chelsea arrive in several days.



Comments

51 responses to “Sacha’s Eyes”

  1. Beautiful words and a heartfelt story. You are always offering your true gift to us. Glad Sasha is *home*.

  2. You have gone through an agonizing experience. May being with your husband and children bring you much joy. You and your family remain in my daily prayers.

  3. My children make me look forward to the future and all the wonders to come, even when the past is on my mind.Looking at them, I am reminded that life really does goes on, and that I am so glad to be a part of it. So glad you and Sacha are together today.

  4. Your children are amazing and so are you. I’m glad that your family is joining you and giving you their shoulders to lean on as needed. My guess is they will be the breath you need.
    Much love.

  5. The most wonderful feeling: to look in another’s eyes and feel home. You will feel even more at peace when your husband and Chelsea are once again with you. Welcome home, Sacha.

  6. Much love and many blessings to you all.
    Love Jeanne
    Your words are a gift~
    Love you

  7. Corey,
    I am delighted to hear of your reunion with your man/child. I am glad you were cloaked in darkness illumed by the moon as you shared your final goodbye, as it seems most fitting that intimate conversations such as this one be shared in the holy hush of the evening when all the world is silent and listening to your tale. This remembering, it was good and it seems as if it was one more step in healing. May French Husband and Chelsea arrive safely.

  8. martina

    Welcome back to your other home Sacha! Corey, your words were perfect. It will be wonderful to have FH, Chelsea and Sacha with you once again.

  9. It’s a strange and wonderful feeling when our children become adults. I’ve received some very good advice from my children. A little correction from time to time too. I think you’ve done something right when you can be comforted by your children.

  10. You and your family will see everything from a different perspective. It is good to be the little mommy, isn’t it?

  11. becky up the hill

    It makes me cry..I thot of you the other nite during the Willow’s 8th grade grad nite. Your blog makes me cry..having your son home makes me cry. I cry alot these days. I’m on holiday on the Oregon, Coast now. I’m working on resting and crying less ;o). I’m so glad your husband and daughter are soon to with you. All my best, Becky

  12. Marie-Noëlle

    I can make out the picture so well there :
    You and Sacha walking through the cemetary lit by the moonlight…
    I can hear you relating the funeral in a whisper…
    Mother and son together again !
    Enjoy !

  13. I’m glad you had this alone time with your son. It sounds like it was a gift to and for both of you.
    Hugs,
    Sher

  14. Hi Corey.
    I am sure it is good both for you and your mum to have Sasha with you. Life must go on, and he will be a blessing for you both.

  15. Your recounting of this whole experience, including the days after the long nights shared with your beloved parent are really important to the rest of us. You’ve done a splendid job and in your willingness to share with us your deepest feelings, you have rendered a service far greater than you’ll ever realize. Thank you.

  16. XOXOXOXOXO
    that’s all.

  17. Dear Corey, it’s wonderful to hear that your children and husband are going to be with you(for the summer?). Your Father’s funeral was beautiful…he was loved by all and ALWAYS! ((hugs))

  18. Ah, TICA, what a beautiful post! I am so glad you felt the home-coming with your son. To feel the sadness lift, even for a short time, is such a blessing.

  19. Corry, that was so beautiful. Your young boy, now grown tall… The tender beauty he holds within… A gift… So precious… All my love. Vanessa

  20. Beautiful — the ties that bind, here and in the next world, and sustain us. It’s all grace, isn’t it? Enjoy each precious moment with your family, dear Corey.

  21. How beautiful and tender. I’m so glad Sacha, Chelsea, and French husband will soon be with you and your family. That will complete things.

  22. Hugging your son…what a true gift and blessing. I got to hug mine for the first time in 3 months last night! Sending you love, xx, JP/deb

  23. stljoie

    I’m so happy your family will soon be reunited….that will be the best comfort.

  24. How wonderful for you to be with your son again. How nice to share with him.
    Rosemary

  25. How precious are your words about Sacha!! so touching. So glad to know your family and you will all be reunited. That is a blessing indeed.
    love and blessings

  26. Oh Corey… Reading this and remembering something we didn’t know yet made my heart feel heavy and light at the same time. Heavy for the memories of goobye, light for the beauty in it, in your word, for the memory fo your Dad’s love.
    I’m so glad you have Sacha with you and soon also Chelsea and french husband. Soak in love, Corey.
    Big hug*
    Love*

  27. I am happy for your reunion with Sasha – and yes, they grow fast while you are not looking! I remember the day I realized my youngest was taller than I am.
    Your memories are beautiful and bring tears to my eyes. Blessings to you all.

  28. Dear Corey
    We really need our children as much as they need us don’t we!
    How wonderful for you to have Sacha with you and also French husband and Chelsea joining you soon. You need to have your immediate family around you to help with teh grieving.
    They will bring much joy for you at a sad and difficult time in your life.
    Your Dad will be with you all in your hearts and minds this summer as you try to get some ‘normality’ back in to your lives.
    Will you go home with your family? Will you take your Mother back to France with you?
    Best wishes
    Kathy

  29. Dearest Corey, After being gone for several days, what a joyous post to return to reading of Sacha’s return to your loving arms – and soon to be joined by Chelsea and French Husband. Love, Annie

  30. Bramble

    Corey- I am glad that Sacha arrived safely and you had some time to share with him before your daughter and husband arrive. They will be so good for you and your sweet Mom.
    Someone once told me that grieving can be a fiber of our daily lives but that we must continue the tapestry of living that we have been weaving. It may not be the same as before and will certainly be colored with different thoughts, feelings and emotions but we must pick up that thread and be brave and bold. If we remain true to all our feelings, we will create a life filled with every hue imaginable. That was a very comforting analogy for me after we lost my Mom at the age of 47 as it felt disloyal sometime to feel the good things of life. Remember that what our parents want for us is what we dream for our children… to be happy, content and to know joy and most importantly; love and be loved. Blessings to you all, Bramble

  31. Leslie Garcia

    Sacha’s Eyes…a window to his soul…reading your words made me cry! I am happy that you are safe in eachothers’ arms. Enjoy the time together!
    Peace to you all,
    Leslie

  32. Your father was well-loved in your small town. I’m glad that your son arrived to you safe and sound. He sounds like he has a good sense of humour – as you do – and will cheer your heart and put a smile on your face.

  33. I am so happy for you that you will be reunited with your family for some time. You are a very strong person with much patience and courage that has brought your through the last several months. Your children should be very proud of you. May God continue to bless you and your loved ones.

  34. So glad that your baby has arrived and what it has already done for you. Blessings in the days to come!

  35. I’m so glad to hear your family is re-uniting after so many months apart. I’m delighted for you.

  36. Ahhh…to hold a missed loved-one in your arms again!

  37. Wonderful news Corey – I’m happy to know you will all be together again soon. Meanwhile enjoy some special time alone with Sacha.

  38. Bless you Corey..
    both you and your son..
    an your family..
    I felt an urge to hug mine..
    who looks so much like my dad..too..
    Hope all gets better soon.. very soon..

  39. Ed in Willows

    Corey – I’m so happy that Sacha is finally here and that Chelsea and French husband are coming soon. With their help, life will start returning to a more normal path. There will always be a difference but I hope that soon, you will be back doing the things that bring you joy. Enjoy the time you have with your children because they will be starting lives of their own soon. My son flew down from Portland last weekend and it was nice to spend a few days with him. Unfortunately, time is fleeting and he returned to his home all too soon. I look forward to the day when we can share that Coke and sit and talk of things that bring us joy.
    Huggs – Ed

  40. So glad for your Corey that Sacha and you are reunited after 4 long month!
    Warmest wishes from Germany sends
    Carol xox

  41. You’ve quite moved me. I don’t really know what to say, except it sounds like you both shared a wonderful moment. xo lj

  42. Hello Corey,
    I have caught up on your posts after 3 weeks away on the Oregon coast, and Portland,,,my first home. Such a breath of fresh air. Life is an adventure. Have a wonderful reunion and love everyone to pieces. There is something pretty special about a Mother and Son relationship. Thank you for sharing your heart. All the best to you and your family.

  43. What a beautiful reunion for the two of you. A burden shared is always lighter; I hope all of you will feel the weight on your hearts lift in the coming days.

  44. How wonderful to be with at least 1/3 of your far-away family! I hope the joy begins to return, now that Sacha is with you.

  45. Deborah P

    I’m so glad he’s there with you.

  46. I love how you wrote this. Beautiful.
    a.

  47. Elaine L.

    Your description is so beautiful.
    Being able to physically share your father’s passing with your children must bring a sense of closure and Peace within your heart.
    ~elaine~

  48. I am so glad that your family are arriving – and so beautifully written about.

  49. So glad your son is with you now. I’m sure having him near helps your heart a little…
    Loved the photos from the rice drier too….what great “action shots” of the boys being boys! LOL
    God bless.
    Terri

  50. may love bless all of us corey
    it was the most heartfelt piece of writing i’ve come across in a long time
    i’ll send u hindi song that somehow goes with these words, hope u’ll like it
    u made me connect with my god, my love and my family once more and again and again
    lots of love
    and a heartfelt hug

  51. I’m so glad your son is there with you now, and hopefully your hubby and daughter as well by now….

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