Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

The Year of Popped out Eyeballs

                                        rose 

 
My mother is home. She has some difficulty with her left hand and leg, though with physical therapy it will improve and correct itself. The doctors say she suffered a mild stroke on the right side of her brain. They gave her medicine to correct her high blood pressure, and cholesterol. Her heart is very good and did not suffer. She is in good spirits, and my family is taking care of her.
 
My brothers and sister in laws were bulldozed over with emotion. All of us literally fell apart- yet held together. I spent most of the day sitting in a stupor… I literally felt sick. The shock of my mother's stroke brought a tidal wave of buried emotion of my Dad's death to surface…and the thought of mom in the same situation was too much to cope with. Not both of my parents in one year is what I kept thinking… My brothers and I never ever saw my parents in bed, let alone in their PJs, they never showed us weakness.
 
But let me tell you I showed weakness to my kids these last few days. Grumpy, eating chocolate and staying in bed late… basically incapable of focusing on anything other than, "…what if?"
 
I feel the pieces of sanity and acceptance holding hands again… My mother's stroke was another eye opener in the year of popped out eyeballs.
 
 
 
Thank you for listening and caring-
xx  Corey

Comments

75 responses to “The Year of Popped out Eyeballs”

  1. Diane

    Dear Corey
    It’s so very difficult to see our loved ones ill. I also find it to be terrifying. I have to remind myself why it’s so important to love & live for today- Savor each moment with family & friends.
    Think of you often. D.

    Reply
  2. Boxwood Cottage

    Oh my oh my you are really going through a hard year dear Corey, but I’m glad to read that you mum is home and better, that must be a great relief!
    I’m sending you and your family all my best wishes and luck for the next month to come!
    Warmest
    Carol xox

    Reply
  3. My Mélange

    Anytime love-anytime.
    So glad she will improve.
    Hugs and kisses to you and yours.
    And yes-
    THE TIME IS NOW!!!!

    Reply
  4. La Framéricaine

    The only thing that I can say, besides I am sorry that your trials and losses are coming back-to-back, is what I said to myself and what I said to my husband in our times of similar trial:
    –Put your life in first gear and keep it there for the time that is necessary to negotiate the new, unexpected, unimagined, emotional demands on your heart and mind. When I received the notice of my mother’s suicide, it took me two months to go back into my own kitchen. If it had not been for my husband feeding me, I don’t know that I would have eaten.
    –Take extra good care of yourself. See your own doctor and have a little chat about the stress of this year and how you are coping. Your own family needs to know that you are well because the reverberations of loss travel far and deep. When I received the notice of my husband’s prostate cancer, I ended up in the ER within 5 days with the mother of all stomach aches and it lasted for two years. The doctor helped me to manage that stress-related physical pain with some grace.
    –Concentration shatters in these times of high stress so you need to lower your expectations of what is “reasonable.” When my SIL received the notice of her husband’s terminal lung cancer, she drove them both into a ditch and almost killed them. Take it slow.
    –Give and get love. I’m glad that you have been home with your little family, even if circumstances conspire, later, to send you back to Northern California before you intended to go there once again.
    –The only way out is through. Everything else is just killing time. You already know this, up close and personal, and you have shared it with too many people to count–all of whom have benefited greatly, in one way or another.
    I wish you clarity of mind, strength of heart, and wind beneath your wings as you work your way through the changes in your mamma’s health.
    Amitiés,

    Reply
  5. Paris Parfait

    So glad to hear the good news on this very auspicious day. xo

    Reply
  6. Erin

    sent off a little card to you yesterday…my heart aches for you. hugs and many prayers to all…

    Reply
  7. pinar

    I am glad to hear about good news..
    and I am sure your children will understand your feelings..
    we are humans.. and have the right to feel down.. after all..
    much love ..

    Reply
  8. Jeanne

    Love and hugs and prayers.
    I am glad your Mom is doing well.
    You are all lucky to have one another.
    Love and hugs and prayers.
    Jeanne

    Reply
  9. Miss Sandy

    Corey,
    I am thankful to hear a good report on your mother. Still praying.

    Reply
  10. Elaine

    Corey, I am so happy to hear such good news from your blog this morning!

    Reply
  11. TinaTx

    I’m so glad to hear your mother is doing well. It must be very hard to be so far away from her.
    I’ll be keeping both you and your mother in my thoughts.
    Take care of yourself.
    Hugs,
    Tina

    Reply
  12. beachy

    I’m so grateful to hear of your mother’s progress, Corey. Continued love and prayers to you, my friend. =)

    Reply
  13. Ed in Willows

    I’m so happy to hear the great news.

    Reply
  14. susanna

    I’m glad that your mom is feeling better and that she is surrounded by your family members. I know how difficult it must be to live so many miles away from your mom (my mom and I live in two different countries). She knows that you love her.
    And I experienced similar feelings last year when my mom had her heart problems and other health mysteries. That What If fear can really take hold. One thing that helped me through that time was knowing that my mom, like your mom, lives in a country with excellent doctors who have years’ of hands on experience in their fields.
    As for being weak or feeling grumpy, you’re not a mean person, Corey. I just don’t think that’s in you. Besides, I imagine that your family completely understands. Hang in there!

    Reply
  15. meredith

    I’m glad to hear that your mom is going to be okay. I know what you mean about the flood of emotions, mine are still so close to the surface after the loss of my Dad.
    Hugs, Meredith

    Reply
  16. deirdre

    I can only imagine the flood of emotions you’ve had the past few days. It’s been a rough year for you.
    Lots of candle lighting going on here for you. xoxo

    Reply
  17. Kit

    I’m glad she is home and recovering. I’m not surprised you fell apart – it is too much in one year to even contemplate. It feels like a tidal wave or a black hole to me just imagining it. Hope the chocolate is helping you recover a little.

    Reply
  18. Deborah P

    There’s some very good advice in these comments and I have nothing better to offer, so I’ll just say “ditto” and you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  19. gretchen

    Corey, my own situation mirrors yours- I lost my dad almost six years ago after an extremely long illness; and 5 months later, my mother too suffered a mild stroke; I just wanted to let you know that with a bit of physical therapy, (and the same meds your mom has been put on) she has been just fine! And your mom will be too!! I keep you all in my prayers,
    love and hugs,
    gretchen

    Reply
  20. Terri

    oh honey!
    I am so sorry to learn of your mom’s stroke. It sure doesn’t seem fair for one family to have to go through so much in such a short period of time.
    You are in my prayers.
    God bless!

    Reply
  21. anna

    Happy news! All shall be well…all shall be well.

    Reply
  22. Lynda

    So happy to hear your Mom is home and doing well, Corey! Wonderful news!!!
    xo,
    Lynda

    Reply
  23. Annie

    Cannot express to you how relieved I am that your mother is recovering and will suffer no lasting effects. Love, Annie

    Reply
  24. Mim

    Corey
    Glad your mom is home from the hospital.
    Thinking of you far away in France and feeling so helpless.I hope you can continue to be as brave as you’ve been.
    Mim

    Reply
  25. Evelyn

    So glad to hear your mother is home. I wish her a speedy recovery. We just moved my mother into an assisted living facility. My dad passed away about 2-1/2 years ago, and moving mom brought back all of the emotions with losing dad all over again. And I know it’s not over because now we are left with the task of cleaning out the house we all grew up in and putting it up for sale. The cycle of life is filled with so many emotions.
    Holding your hand as we journey with our mothers.

    Reply
  26. Rosemary

    Hi my dear Corey!!
    So glad mom is home, and she will get better.
    It must be very hard for you and your family being so far away.
    I really feel for you. I have you in my daily thoughts and prayers.
    You are a strong woman!
    Rosemary

    Reply
  27. Debbie in CA : )

    I am singing the praises to God for the good news about your mother. Your family has shown such fortitude and love and depth as you each reach out and hold one another in this difficult time of fear and bewilderment coming so soon after your father’s death. Celebrate that bond.
    How I wish you lived close enough for me to come scoop you up out of your “salon” and go for a drive in the country, sip something refreshing/soothing (you choose) and nibble ANYTHING France has to offer! I know you don’t do meat, and as a former vegggie I can understand, but as one sorely longing-to-visit-and-enjoy-France I dream of all kinds of delicious souvenirs — like the memory of visiting a sleepy country inn and dining on wild boar and all the rustic trimmings. BUT … we could just lavish our plates with patisserie goodies and drink gallons of cafe au lait while we gab and gab (and cry a bit) and gab some more.
    I delightfully spin all of these options, when what I really would like to do is just see you IN PERSON, share a hug, and tell you (IN WORDS THAT DON’T REQUIRE A KEYBOARD) how much you and your precious family have come to mean to me through this bloggy thing. I shall embrace a close second and leave this comment before I retire to pray for you and them over a streaming cuppa tea on a chilly morning in the California Sierras.
    Blessings this day, sweet friend. You are loved. : ) XO!

    Reply
  28. suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    Your children saw you in moments of weakness? That is a good thing Corey. It’s important to give them the message that it’s OK to be overwhelmed, emotionally and physically. To pretend otherwise is not only a lie, it’s very dangerous.
    Shortly after my father died I began a downward spiral that I tried to ignore and push my way through. The end game was that my subconscious said, “That’s enough. You’ve tried to handle all these stresses by ignoring them and stuffing them. It’s not working and I’m taking over.”
    Literally I shut down and was hospitalized catatonic. It took me three years to be stabilized and five years of therapy to come out the other side. Like La Framericaine said, the only way through it is through it and it must be done paying respect to the true emotions and not stuffing them.
    I’m glad your mother is doing well but I suspect that you are feeling the distance more than ever.
    – Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    Reply
  29. Shannon

    Your mom will be baking cookies again in no time 🙂 Make sure she sends you some good old fashioned chocolate chip cookies.
    You’re very vulnerable still, so anything negative will tip the scale toward popped out eyeballs. But your mom will be OK now 🙂

    Reply
  30. Mary

    Great news Corey – we are relieved and now this means you can get back to life without chocolate….well you should still nibble a little dark now and then, it’s supposedly good for us!!!
    Meanwhile our prayers will continue for your dear mom as she goes through her rehab. and regains her movements. It’s wonderful that your family are there to rally around her – know this gives you strength too.
    Blessings to you all.

    Reply
  31. Marilyn

    How wonderful to hear your mom is on the road to recovery. I will continue praying for a complete recovery. One parent loss this year is indeed enough!

    Reply
  32. shannon in oregon

    glad to know she’s home now and doing well. your family is a strong one. both blood and cyber.
    much love, my sister.

    Reply
  33. Toni Mason

    Dear Corey,
    We are praying for your Mom and you know she is a strong woman. She will do what the doctors tell her and we will make sure she does! Love to you, Toni & Gary

    Reply
  34. Dee

    God’s love and mercy…endures forever!

    Reply
  35. qualcosa di bello

    corey, i’m holding you in my heart & my prayers…chocolate & jammies are good for the soul! (& my favorite therapy!)

    Reply
  36. Kris

    I continue my prayer vigil for your family. I’m glad that your mother is home now and is going to be okay. Your right about an “eye popping” year!!!
    Kris

    Reply
  37. sonrie

    The blog community is stronger than I ever imagined. Continued prayers for your mother, yourself, and your family.

    Reply
  38. Ulla

    Hang in Sweetie, this too shall pass… It took M half a year to get near normal after his strokes, but I remember feeling scared and helpless every single day – life throws us in the ocean, tumbles us around and then spills us ashore to count sand grains again. Hold on to your heart and believe.
    Kisses!!!

    Reply
  39. Marcie

    I just got back in town and caught up on your blog,,I am so relieved your Mom is better, she does have angels all around…and Dad is watching over her too. All will be well, stay in faith. I have walked a similar road with another. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

    Reply
  40. Jenny

    What your children see is real and who they know is you. Your love for them and the love for your mother. Love is a covering over all things. Prayers and Blessings.

    Reply
  41. Melly

    Weakness?
    Not at all. Why did the Creator give us all these different emotions? Are they not the appropriate response to the occasion? When we cut our finger and bleed do we not say ouch? Crying and withrawing is the response of the body to emotional pain. It is a very healthy response. I am glad you are STRONG enough to let your children see all of you. I have never been able to understand this “tough front”. It’s not good for the heart, let alone the mind…
    Be well dear Corey…Do what you must to heal your soul.

    Reply
  42. Rosemary

    Corey,
    Prayers for your mom and all your family. I pray she continues to improve. Be patient with yourself – take it easy. Chocolate and sleep are great comfort!
    Rosemary

    Reply
  43. carolyn

    Oh Corey I’ve only just found out about your Mother’s stroke and I’m so sorry that this has happened to her. Be assured that recovery rates are excellent. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
    Carolyn x

    Reply
  44. heather kathleen

    i have a “tres chic” pirate patch for those “spur of the moment eye ball pops”! seems like you have it under control though with your chocolate eating, lay ins!
    i wish a bit of restful peace….

    Reply
  45. Star

    Such good news! I’m glad that therapy will help her to recover any lingering weakness.
    You are so strong, Corey, but we all need to work through the emotions. And sometimes chocolate and bed are the things that ease us through those times.
    Thanks for the update 🙂

    Reply
  46. Suzanne

    So good to hear that Corey! 🙂
    Love*

    Reply
  47. carol

    Corey, this is such wonderful news! Your Mother seems like such a trooper and I’m sure she will work very hard at her recovery.
    I don’t think it hurts our children to know that we’re not super heroes AND chocolate is very good medicine once in a while.
    I’ll continue to keep you all in my prayers.

    Reply
  48. naomi

    Whatever He gives you, He will help you handle it. When He makes us our weakest is when His strength will shine through. Glad she is home, and hope you are doing better.

    Reply
  49. Alina

    Welcome home, Mrs. Amaro.

    Reply
  50. freefalling

    Feel the pain, otherwise you explode.

    Reply
  51. kayla

    great blog some how i found you when i was researching things on our sons birth defect esophageal atresia and other complications. i wish you nothing but the best.

    Reply
  52. Betty M

    Do not be sad about your children seeing your weakness. Now they can be strong for you and it will make them happy.

    Reply
  53. Ariane

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and your family. What a difficult year you and your family have been having, so much to endure. I can literally feel your pain. Wishing your mom a speedy recovery and renewed spirits for all of you.

    Reply
  54. caren k.

    i am so happy your mom is doing better. Chocolate makes everything much better! Prayers to you and your family.

    Reply
  55. karen

    Glad to hear your mom is back home. Something similar happened to my mother years ago. With good treatment and medicine it never happened again…….. Thinking of you.

    Reply
  56. angela

    A sweet answer to prayer!!!!
    Popped Out Eyeballs—a perfect way to describe so many of our lives, thanks for putting it into perspective for us!!

    Reply
  57. Jamie

    Oh Corey, Im sorry your Mother has had to go thru this. Im sending thoughts and prayers for her and your whole family. Jamie

    Reply
  58. Jennifer

    Your mother seems to be healing now, similar to your current state. After another shock you are “healing” in your own way. Lounging around worked today, a Sunday brocante, autumn walks, chocolate. Having recently experienced such sorrows across the Atlantic, I have to personalize my recovery. Surround yourself by your most personal possessions: family and friends!
    From those far and near-“courage”!

    Reply
  59. Morgan

    Corey,
    Well new news to me.. My mom never told me and I was a little late on reading up! I am so glad that Aunt Dolores is doing fine!! I am sure that it was such a scare, but its nice to know that shes okay! Love and prayers!

    Reply
  60. Beverly

    I’m so glad to hear that things are looking up for your mother and your family.
    I’m so thankful that the doctors could help her.
    Continued prayers.

    Reply
  61. Julie

    I’m sorry.
    xx

    Reply
  62. Elaine L.

    Just as I suspected. Your mother’s stroke was like my father’s and he is fine. He has more weakness when he is tired, so we have to remind him not to overdo.
    The main thing is to get her moving. The brain is capable of building new neural pathways. As active as your mother is, she won’t be down for long.
    ~elaine~

    Reply
  63. Tammy

    This is cause for joy…I am so glad to hear that she is home and so thankful God put His arms around you all…especially you dear Corey as you let your heart rain out its tears…
    love and hugs

    Reply
  64. Marybeth

    We hold your precious mom in the light sending healing love and energy
    xoxo
    MB

    Reply
  65. Julie

    Corey, the way you write about your family — and more importantly, the way you care about your family is absolutely beautiful. All my best wishes for you and your mother and everyone in your family. I’ve been reading your blog for about a year and although it has at times been heartbreaking, I hope you know how inspiring it always is to read. Thank you.

    Reply
  66. Die Rabenfrau

    I’m glad for you!

    Reply
  67. Amy

    When I was in the car accident, my kids saw my weakness (how could they not…) and took over. In the midst of a tragedy, I saw my children grow into amazing people proud to be able to give back. Weakness. Not a bad thing, IMO. much love to you, Corey….

    Reply
  68. Massilianana

    Wonderful news !

    Reply
  69. Kitem

    Ah tant mieux, je suis bien contente qu’elle soit à la maison.

    Reply
  70. Ricardo

    I am very happy she is fine now.
    A big kiss to you!

    Reply
  71. Sandy

    I’m sooooo glad your mom is doing better : ) I’m giving you & her a hug through the bloglines.

    Reply
  72. Christi from Charm & Grace

    I can’t believe this… I haven’t been to your blog in too long. I took a break from blogging for a while. I come back and see that you are dealing with suffering and grieving again …all too soon. I grieve with you and am sending prayers for you and your precious family tonight. Keep your eyes and heart focused upward…
    Blessings,
    Christi

    Reply
  73. marietta

    Sunday afternoon has been spent discovering your web site (on my Mac). Delightful in every way. Reminding me of my last trip to South of France many years ago.
    So glad your mother is recovering and that your family is there to help.
    A lot is two words and sisters in law is the plural of sister in law.

    Reply
  74. Dee/reddirtramblings

    Corey, I’ve been away awhile. I’m glad she is all right today. I would have broken down too. What a year you’ve had.~~Dee

    Reply
  75. 1eyedmonkee

    what a special treat to stumble here via marrakesh I think – tho, I’ve been so many places today, i’m not quite sure. i just started blogging in July when I quit my job to care for my elderly parents. My dad passed away in August and now I travel to be with my mother for a few days every week. I feel like it’s the least I can do as we lived overseas in Spain for 12 years and I missed them dearly when I was gone. I had to get out old photos (slides) of spain today because you made me home sick. I posted them on my site ‘coz I just didn’t feel like talking much today. Thanks for the excuse. I’ll be back for more, and more and more and more. Coz once Europe in your blood – you can NEVER get enough. Thanks again for your terrific pictures and words. I’m jealous and nostalgic all at once!

    Reply

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