Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

My Mom the Heart of the Family

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My mom suffered a stroke  nearly a month ago.
When it happened it shocked my family… my strong, ever present, constantly "can-do" mom. Her stroke shocked us to a point of stand still sadness. I think it was the reality that hit the hardest…that life as we knew it could change and does change within a second. Life is unfair and strangely beautiful like that… Changing unexpectedly.

When my father was ill and dieing we braced ourselves, took count of our blessings, our love and held on for the inevitable. We told ourselves we must be strong, we must hold on, we have each other… we told ourselves those things that help you make it through the dark night and days of sadness.

The reality that our family could lose my mom too was the straw the broke our courage, that put us in a tail spin, that made us stand up and scream, silently …NO, not mom, not now.

Thankfully my Mom recovered (thank you for your prayers and response!) She has some numbness around her mouth, and in her foot, but overall she is improving day by day and feels very blessed.

We feel blessed too… I cannot imagine being who I am without the family I was born into…

My Mom's stroke was extremely hard on me… the reality of all that has happened hit me like a ton of bricks and rattled the fragile ground I stood on… I would wake up crying and unfocused as the days went by… I felt the weight on being with my father in the hospital coming tumbling down upon me… The image of his suffering was his new face in my mind's eye and it made me cry uncontrollably. Even now.

My Mom's stroke woke us up… we are fragile beings, and life turns, unfolds, looks at you and says…
How are you today? and…. how are you going to walk on the path ahead of you?

It is a choice… and you have to have a hell of alot of courage and grace to walk it, regardless how you are.

My mom shows me that her faith allows her to take each step.

Shelley my dearest friend with ALS shows me that her focus on family helps her live it joyfully each day.

My husband shows me to live life as it comes with gratitude.

My Godchild Daisy shows me to follow, to surrender to what it holds and take it as it is…LIFE… and this morning when the sun came through the window, I cried.

I am so fortunate to have love in my life, no matter how much it cost.

Comments

46 responses to “My Mom the Heart of the Family”

  1. Kitem

    Yes LOVE is leading our life no matter what happens with it.

    Reply
  2. Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    It is true that love has a great cost. It makes us vulnerable. Everything changed for me when I was diagnosed with Lupus. My doctor ( a Frenchwoman, by the way) was frank about the prognosis. We all know we’re going to die but when presented with the reality you either “get it” or you don’t. I sat in the car and cried for about 5 minutes and then a certain moxie I must have inherited from someone, kicked in. The diagnosis was a watershed in my life.
    I said to myself, “If I’m going to die, then I’m sure going TO LIVE.” From that moment forward I’ve lived every moment, even the most mundane, as an exciting adventure. I’ve taken risks, climbed Mayan temples and danced like no on was watching.
    Illness and death propel us into uncharted waters. Even if we believe we’re prepared, we are not. Every time we think we’ve got the answer, the answer changes. I’m sorry that you’re having to face this head on with your mother’s stroke following so closely behind your father’s death. Life is cruel and life is wonderful all at the same time.
    – Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife

    Reply
  3. liZZie

    I had a friend called Norman Greenfield, he was a mender of loud hailers and breeder of whippets. I thought he was wonderful. He was a sort of elder figure in my life and understood things without having to be told. It was he told me that when ever we love we make ourselves vulnerable. A very quiet man of few words, each one wise wrapped in gold. When he was very old I visited him the last time in the home he was in, by then beyond communicating much. I asked a nurse about the best way of getting through to him and she told me to just hug him lots, and although he has been dead mnany years now I’ve not ever let go. Thank you for reminding me.

    Reply
  4. Jeanne

    Blessings
    I love you
    I am glad your Mom is doing so well.
    Love Jeanne

    Reply
  5. Donna

    Your mother looks so beautiful in this picture Corey. When did you take it? I am pleased to hear that she is coming through so well. I send you loving thoughts from Down Under and lots of prayers for your Mom and Daisy. The cost of love you have borne again and again. I remember your first loss so long ago…
    You also know the JOY of loving. Your losses and the pain of loving have never kept you from giving your all. “It’s the soul afraid of dying that never seems to live.” I am so very grateful for your Life and your Love dear Corey. Heaven holds a special place for you.
    Love you,
    Donna Marie

    Reply
  6. Sugar

    I know exactly how you feel, Corey and I agree with everyone’s sentiments that you have shown great capacity to love, because you have been given the greatest spiritual gift as the Good Book says in the book of I Corinthians – LOVE. I am glad your mom is doing so well and in this photo, she is looking straight into the lens with a special message radiating to you!

    Reply
  7. Mim

    Corey
    Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
    I’ve been wondering about your mom.
    And it’s a lovely picture of her.
    I know the distance you are from her just adds to the difficulty.
    Thinking of you, and baby Daisy too.
    Mim

    Reply
  8. pauline

    Don’t resist the tears, TICA. If they are the only cost of love, we are lucky, yes?

    Reply
  9. Toni Brown

    Nothing like your posts, sometimes, to get the underground, held back, pushed down tears flowing. I’M SO GRATEFUL, because I fight crying, trying to be strong strong strong, but I need to give myself permission to be fragile, also. I absolutely LOVE the photo of your mom, Corey.

    Reply
  10. Vicki

    Happy to hear your mom is doing well….yes love is what gets us through life. I have had many crisis to handle in my life and am going through one right now but somehow through the tears I stay strong because of love. You nailed it once again Corey….thanks for your words when I needed them the most. Hugs!!!

    Reply
  11. annee

    I have heard that the first year after a loss of a loved one is the hardest. Reading Joan Didion’s book The Year of Magical Thinking describes this.
    My mom ,having lost her husband of 59 years, two years ago has had health struggles like your mom. Each day is a blessing.
    Hey, my brother has set my mom up with a Mac…..Mom and I ICHAT each morning. Might you and your mom shorten the physical distance between you the same way? Anne

    Reply
  12. naomi

    Love to you today, Corey. Thank you for a wonderful post.

    Reply
  13. Isabel ~ Maison Douce

    Sending you a little more love…!! XOXO
    Isabel

    Reply
  14. Miss Sandy

    Corey,
    Your comment about courage stuck a chord in my heart. I recently saw a show where there was comment on the courageousness of humans. It went something like this, “Humans are the most courageous beings I know of. They live through the sorrows and joys each day brings, go to sleep, wake up, and do it all over again day after day.” It takes courage to live, laugh, and love despite what life hands you and it is worth the pain that sometimes accompanies the process. Beautiful expression of being blessed!

    Reply
  15. Suzanne

    Totally agree Corey!
    God bless*
    Love*

    Reply
  16. Mary

    My prayers continue for your dear Mom – also Daisy & Shelley. Your words are powerful here Corey – you can express love in all its forms so well. Yet, you remain such a fun person, seeing beauty and peace even when life is in turmoil.
    I’m still remembering our October meeting – I posted on it this week – hope you like the pics.
    Stay strong in the embrace of those who love you.
    Mary ~ ACROSS THE POND

    Reply
  17. Pinkie Denise

    Dear Corey,
    This is such a beautiful post…So much love spilling across the page mixed with words that still cannot express it all…the joys and sorrows held together with the fabric our lives weave…threads of love, joy and peace
    Thinking of you all so much and sending my love and hugs to you Pinkie

    Reply
  18. martina

    Very touching Corey. Thanks for letting us know and love your Mom without ever seeing her in person.

    Reply
  19. Elaine

    Dearest Corey, I remind myself each day how fragile this life is. So many things have happened lately as you know but Daisy and Shelley have given me new strength in my own world. They are amazing as are you.

    Reply
  20. Marilyn

    I also am glad your mom is doing better. Love is sent your way and to your mom and Daisy. I continue to hold them in the light.

    Reply
  21. Ed in Willows

    …..and we are so fortunate to have someone like you in our lives. Thanks for being you.

    Reply
  22. Liz Ness

    Oh Corey, I’ve been so preoccupied that I hadn’t realized this was going on for you and your family. I’m so sorry. And, I’m so glad that she is doing well. Also, I continue to be inspired by your courage and willingness to share. You say you are lead by love. The truth is that you lead by it, too — love and beauty and grace. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!

    Reply
  23. beachy

    And we all love you, Corey! You are an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog, and we are blessed by the love it brings.

    Reply
  24. Laura

    You are so right, and so wise…

    Reply
  25. Denese

    Aah. “Surrender”. My life’s lesson I think.
    Denese

    Reply
  26. Tammy

    Your mother is beautiful. I continue to pray for you all. Your post was beautiful as always and touched me deeply. I believe living our lives means putting one foot in front of the other knowing God is holding our hand even if we are kicking screaming and crying tears of joy or sorrow…because we grow through it and we have treasured moments to be thankful for and that truly is joy for the soul. Thanks so much for being a blessing in my life.
    love and blessings

    Reply
  27. Star

    It’s hard to think that parents are not invincible, that they are vulnerable just like we are. My family situation is different from yours in that my family is VERY small. When my father progressed through Alzheimer’s and finally died last year, it struck me hard because my immediate family had been reduced by 25%. Without a large immediate family and very little extended family, it makes my family world pretty small. I just have to cherish each member that remains and count my blessings for having married into a larger family. Love truly is a wonderful thing 🙂
    Sending blessings to you and yours.

    Reply
  28. caren

    Thank you for your post. We must remember to be grateful for every moment and every day we have with our loved ones. My mom passed away first 10 years ago and then my dad five years later.
    At that point I remember feeling so lost, so little. How could I make it through each day without talking to them, hugging them, asking advise? Time helps, my family helps, it certainly makes you grow-up when your parents are not there anymore. Your mom looks fantastic!

    Reply
  29. Betty M

    You are already blessed by God because you know how to, and do, count your blessings.

    Reply
  30. Shannon

    Always know that I am holding your hand from across the ocean 🙂

    Reply
  31. Rosemary

    Hi Corey,
    I’m so glad your mom is doing better.
    Not sure if you celebrate Thanksgiving in France, but you have a lot to be thankful for, as we all do.
    Rosemary

    Reply
  32. Debbie

    It is incredibly frightening when something happens to the remaining parent. I know that this makes no logical sense but parents are supposed to always be there.
    Glad your mother is doing much better.

    Reply
  33. Ellen Cassilly

    We are giving you a trans-Atlantic hug. Love and blessings on all.

    Reply
  34. rositta

    Corey I know exactly how you feel. My Dad died in 2000 and my Mom in 2007. I’m still not over it and cry at the weirdest times. Small things bring so many memories to the fore. I feel like and am an orphan now. I am so glad your Mom got better and you don’t have to deal with another loss so soon…ciao:)

    Reply
  35. marge

    I am so glad your mom is recovering Corey. My mom passed away 2 weeks ago and it still feels surreal to me.

    Reply
  36. Star

    I had to pop back to tell you I saw you on Jenny Doh’s blog today 🙂

    Reply
  37. kas

    Your words echo the heart within me. . .

    Reply
  38. Jeanette Mendonca

    Hello from Fort Bragg, CA. We are here for a few days and enjoying the coast. Back home on Wednesday and host Thanksgiving at our house. Just catching up with your blogs I haven’t been around a computer for a few days now I gotta go because the battery is dieing better get it plugged in then to bed for church tomorrow and a day on the beach fog or not the girls are already talking about the sand castle they are going to build! Glad to hear all is well with your Mom she looks good I saw her driving the other day. (I think it was her it was her pickup anyway.) Look forward to hearing about your road trip throughout the year. Happy Thanksgiving!
    Jeanette

    Reply
  39. Elizabeth

    Life can be tuff…and it is NEVER easy to love those we love, nor to have someone so special as Mom be so ill either. I remember my Grandmom telling me once that it was just so hard to be the only ones left of their generation (most all the relatives and friends there age had died). Now that I am nearing 60…it makes more sense to me than it did then. I wondered at the time if not having us was enough. She loved us very much, but we did not live through all they did and no way could we totally understand all of that. I lost my mom almost 8 years ago now…and due to ill health, much of her was gone from me anyway, for several years longer than that. I still miss her so…but that is not forever, because one day we will not be separated anymore. WE will be in the Kingdom with many others we love and we look forward to that day too. My heart goes out to you in the adjustments grief brings. It does take time and the acute pain will go with time, but it returns too from time to time, or at least it has for me. Blessings on you dear!!

    Reply
  40. Sandy

    What a beautiful picture of your mom. I’m so glad she is getting better.
    Enjoy every day you are here : )

    Reply
  41. carold

    Corey, you will forget the mind’s eye picture of your dad when he was ill. Then you will remember him the way he really was.
    For sometime after my father died I could only picture him in the coffin, then I started picturing him on the couch reading a book and it was almost like he was still there and it comforted me. You will never stop needing him or missing him, but the ugliness of death recedes in your memory.

    Reply
  42. stljoie

    Me too, Corey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Reply
  43. Anna

    Corey,
    Your blog radiates love- it takes courage to share the challenges as well as the gifts. Each day your mother is getting stronger- she looks so beautiful in the picture.
    Wrap yourself in the love that surrounds you when you are feeling the need for sustenance- Allow yourself the tears and the joy for they are all threads necessary in the fabric of life.
    Hugs,
    Anna

    Reply
  44. Gracie

    Life is very hard sometimes, and when we live beautiful moments we tend to forget the sadness and the sorrow, till next time suffer hits us. But not being alone, love and being love is what matter

    Reply
  45. wendy

    corey, somehow shared journey makes the path a bit less steep. even if it is just because you validate my feelings…i’m not the only one seeing my dad’s face drifting in and out of my mind’s eye at the most inopportune times. normally, i spend half my week at my mom’s where she is most comfortable and i find it all easiest to manage alone. but i’ve brought her north for thanksgiving and after an extended family meal yesterday, my husband gained new insight. after answering the same question four times in the space of 5 minutes, he recognized what it takes for me to be with her day after day…and why i sleep an entire day when i get home. but for now – i wouldn’t have it any other way. it’s just like her spending days with me as a toddler – now it’s just a little upside down. seeing your pictures, and daydreaming about my former life in spain is one of the little escapes i have when i need a break. thank you thank you thank you.

    Reply
  46. Suzanne

    And Corey… your Mother is beautiful.
    Love*

    Reply

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