When You Live in France

               French

When you live in a foreign country rather than the one you know as
home, there are certain things you expect will be different, unusual,
far from the norm of what you are accustom to. Those big things like
language, culture, food… those big things that are necessary to
understand and help one to feel like they fit in. One doesn't expect to
be thrown off by the little things such as how to open a door, toilet
paper, signatures, hand shakes, ice cubes, you know the little things
that you don't expect to be different but are and catch you off guard the first time you encounter them.

               Living in France

When you live in a foreign country you will learn the language,
learn their culture, cook their food, sing their songs and eventually
laugh at their jokes. But when you first live in a foreign country you
will miss the smallest things from back home the most… for me the
things I missed the most where so silly I can hardly bring myself to
tell you… let's just say you will miss the smallest things because it
is easier to cope with than feeling your heart breaking because you
aren't there for your Father's 80th birthday, or your niece's birth, or
your best friend's wedding nor any of the unending list of important
dates that will come every month for the rest of your life.

               France

When you live in a foreign country your mother tongue sounds like music. When you hear someone speaking your language
your very words will race out, "Hello, where are you from?" Perfect
strangers seem like your new best friends. You have much in common
without even knowing the person name.

You wonder why you don't meet more people when you are back home… everyone there speaks your tongue?

             living in France

Then after years of living in a foreign country you realize you have
two places called home. You look around and the foreign place doesn't
feel so foreign. The doors that were closed to you before have opened
over time, and the homesickness feels so common you think of it as a
bruise that won't go away; you know how to protect it.

            French country

When you live in a foreign country the keys to your new life will
seem strange. The keys to any door at first feel awkward to use. Then
one day you realize that the passage is just part of the journey and
every nook, cranny, door, and key has brought you to a another place
within yourself.

Photos: Doors knockers in France, with one very odd, but very common key.



Comments

34 responses to “When You Live in France”

  1. That is so true, Corey!!! Sometimes I feel like I belong to both places, but sometimes I feel a little lost!!! Thank you for this post!
    Isabel

  2. So I pretty much get all of this but please tell me how the toilet paper is different !!!! I gotta know !

  3. Oh, Corey, I know what you mean by missing silly things. When I lived in Germany, years ago, I missed Tex-Mex food. My mother would mail masa for tortillas and other ingredients to me at great expense.

  4. Are you referring to the little pink squares toilet paper?
    I lived in France for about a dozen years-I so know what you mean in this beautifully written post……..

  5. Simply beautiful description of the journey.

  6. i remember the bath tissue but what is different about opening doors, handshakes, ice cubes and signatures?

  7. Corey, it is so funny but now I miss a thousand little things that I experienced from my brief visit to France. I miss the bread, markets, courtesy, cobblestones, blue shutters, whimsical decor on the exterior of buildings, stiletto heels on every type of shoe, colors, driving very fast, sounds, smells, the rain, long lunches, wines, cheeses, pastries, you. In my dreams I return often and one day I will to return and stay.

  8. Hi Corey,
    I can’t even imagine what that would be like.
    You are an amazing person to be able to live in France and miss your own country and family.
    By the way, Annie is the best!!!
    Rosemary

  9. Yes. Yes to everything you say here, and would add that your heart will never again be truly at home in any one place: you will always miss the “other home”. Such is the price for the blessing.

  10. This is so true. I find that the immigrant experience universal…it’s quite amazin really.

  11. Beautifully written and my very favorite of all–those beautiful door knockers. Thank you so much for sharing.

  12. I second that emotion…

  13. I totally get it. We have our moments. Sounds like a trip home is in order. I have been feeling it too.It’s been almost a year..I was just checking the airlines. The motorcycle trip is coming isnt it? You have helped me in my relocation, more than you know. I will never forget those moments of knowing I was not alone because of you.
    Your friend
    Marcie

  14. “…the homesickness feels so common you think of it as a bruise that won’t go away; you know how to protect it.”
    That poetic line conveys the total experience, Corey.
    You have an incredible gift for expressing the truth of living.

  15. Beautiful, Corey…
    Beautiful!

  16. géraldine

    Hello, everybody!
    I’m French, living in France… and reading all your comments, I wonder how is the paper toilet…in the United States???? I only know the “normal” one – French, I mean…;o)
    tell me, please…!
    Corey I love all your posts, you are a beautiful writer (and Annie is just adorable)…

  17. Corey, Your transparency is beautiful. I read your blog and think I would love to live where you live, not thinking of the reality of it all, even though I know many who live in foriegn countries and sometimes share their tough times. I remember friends who were in language school in Quebec, who walked into a church and heard the hymns being sung in English and broke into tears. Another friend living in Africia, when asked what a visitor could bring to them, without hesitation said “CHOCOLATE CHIPS!” Thank you for today’s message!

  18. Julie Ann Evins

    Wonderful clarity again Corey. If one has to live a world away from their homeland with all the missing I am confident that you picked the very best place. Every holiday I ever take in your very special part of France makes my soul feel at home. Have been offline a few days slowly and painfully getting used to the Mac (nowhere near yet – any handy hints welcome !). Just ready back over Annies story. She is grace and dignity personified – please tell her that and thank her so very much for sharing that. God Bless, Jx

  19. Corey,
    Isn’t it funny how it’s the little things, or the small differences, that have such a large impact!
    On the plus side, and it’s a BIG plus, you have the extraordinary opportunity to live in another country and truly immerse yourself in its language and rich culture.
    This is a rare privlege. I hope that brings you a small measure of comfort when homesickness comes rushing in.
    Marilyn (in Dallas)

  20. You hit the nail on the head with this post. I never really realized that this homesickness that comes and goes is never going to go away. And I’ve been in the USA since 1973! Might I say it gets stronger when there is life happening or as I get older. Stronger especially after my mom passed away 2 years ago. Your openness brings so many things out. When people ask where my home is, it’s in Texas and Europe (but I usually say Europe first). First memories, first loves, and then settling down. have a good day….

  21. i have been in US for 15 years, and if i don’t go back to my country for more than 3 years, then everything changes – train chikets machines, ATM machines… so i feel that i am a foregner in my own country and have to ask how to use those new stuff. people look at me strange!!

  22. I was born in Frankfurt, Germany, 56 years ago. When I was 19 I left Germany to attend school in the US. Even though I was born into an American family and attended American schools in Germany, my world was German– my neighbors, my village, my food, my TV (albeit, often American, dubbed in German– quite a shock to hear ‘Little Joe’ speak in English!). My second language was German, French, a distant third. When I came to the U.S., I was surprised to find myself in a ‘foreign’ country; my words were the same but the language was different and the context was wrong. I missed the foods, the markets, the holidays, the church bells, the music, the language, the Gemuetlichkeit. It was easy enough to prepare some of the foods– certainly the pastries were easy, but at that time, it was much harder to find the breads, the cheeses and the wine (even more difficult as I wasn’t yet 21). I missed the holiday celebrations, not just the major ones, but also some that not recognized in the U.S., such as St. Martin’s, Fasching, and Pfingsten. I eventually made it back to Germany, only to discover that as an American, I am now a foreigner in Germany. Mostly, I feel I have two homes; sometimes, I feel as though I live in a space somewhere between the two. In the intervening 37 years I have lived in Maryland, Alaska, Oregon and California; here the mountains are my castles, the forests are my cathedrals. I love the life I have. I still travel to Europe as often as I can, because the younger me never really left.

  23. mrsbucket

    After a few trips to England I really thought how blissful it would be to live there. Imagine my surprise when I was there a little over a month and the homesickness set in. Cory you said so much in this post! I remember being in Scotland and hearing American voices, I chased this poor woman down hollering “where you from!”. Turned out Philly which was like right next door since we were worlds away from home.
    The little quirky things you miss quickly become very important. I felt so bad that I was obsessed with a good Diet Coke, vanilla wafers and Mexican food. I will never take those things for granted again.

  24. We were only together for a short time but still you are my soul sister. I remember I fell and ripped my stockings, you driving, our shopping, quiche, wine,and so much gabbing that I daily feel homesick for you. Your life friend….Tamara

  25. Corey, your post was so heartfelt and beautiful. I have lived in the same state all my life,near my family,and actually I haven’t really traveled all that much. I guess that’s because I’m a homebody. Your adventure seems so special and exciting to me. Your lovely family and home. Wishes for continued happiness in your beautiufl country.

  26. The strange thing is I don’t really feel like I fit in here . . .

  27. That was beautiful! I’ve been reading for awhile, but never commented. I’ll be back!

  28. I left Ireland the day after my wedding to a Welshman who was living in England. It seemed like such a big adventure at first but then the homesickness kicked in. I was only across a narrow sea and in a country that spoke the same language but the differences, they were HUGE. The expressions I used were wrong. The etiquette in the supermarket, I might as well have been in a foreign country.
    After 9 years I felt like I had found my feet but was never quiet able to call England “home” Then we upped and moved to Australia and it was so different again. The weather, the landscape, the expressions, the supermarket etiquette! And yet it felt much more familiar.
    The humour was a common bond and after 6 months I felt more at home here than I ever had in the UK. I still miss things. Friends and family can’t be replaced and at times my heart aches when I know I am so far away. But generally life is great.
    I think thats why I love reading your blog Corey. You see things with a different eye than someone who was born and raised there. Sort of how I feel when I look at my life here in sunny Oz with Irish eyes!

  29. You brought a very big tear to my eye. I am homesick but when I am home I am homesick. What to do just be thankful I have a home or two
    Love Hellie xxx

  30. Jend’isère

    Though every single day I horrify my kids hearing comments about my strong accent, it’s wonderful to feel I have 21/2 “homes”. My children are proud of their 3 countries, one from each parent and the country they live in. We work at the languages and culture, enriching and gives us many holidays to celebrate (& food!
    The worst case are several sad folk I have met who feel they’re foreigners where they reside and where they are from.

  31. And your home here… on the internet… full of people from all over the world who we all get to know a little bit and enjoy..
    Ah, another home for you, Corey! Thank you for sharing!!

  32. This post has touched a chord with so many of us! For me, I sometimes feel so helpless living in France. It has been good for me to realise that I can’t power through life using my educated English accent, the way I probably did when I lived in the UK. But I’m still keen to improve my French accent and my grammar to the point where shop assistants don’t look at me with ill-disguised horror.

  33. Knockers in France are sure different from the ones around these parts! 😉

  34. I was born and raised in England and now I live in a foreign land: USA. Just because we (almost) speak the same language didn’t make it any easier to adjust!

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