Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

The Way to a Man’s Heart is through his Stomach

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Text and photos by: Corey Amaro

French husband loves to eat. I was
taught that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It stands
to reason that we'd make a good team. Except
he eats so fast. His plate is cleared-off before I've taken my first
bite. Honestly, he shatters the French image of proper dining
etiquette. He borderlines abnormal in this department. I've often
wondered why he doesn't enter a food eating contest.

To slow down his rapid hand-to-mouth
feeding, I ask him simple non-threatening questions. (Non-threatening
because he could blow food chunks!) Questions such as, "What are you
eating?"

Last night was no exception. I made lentils in a curry coconut sauce. I asked French husband if he could
define the flavors he was inhaling? Barely coming up for air he
answered, "Brown and good!"

          

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"Really," I continued, "I haven't seen brown and good in the market place. Seriously, Honey what is the flavor of brown and good?"

He guessed cinnamon.

French husband knew if he wanted seconds he had to appease the cook. He said the dinner tasted like bananas mixed with little grainy things and chopped white stuff. Adding there were hints of chocolate, eggs and tomatoes. He almost described a cake until he said tomatoes.

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I gave him enough clues that if there was a guessing contest between the fish in the pond and French Husband, the fish would have won.

I said, "Brown and good has something white in it. Can you guess the flavor?" French Husband chipped in with, "White Chocolate!" Not acknowledging that response I continued, "It grows on a tree." He said, "Mais oui, I already guessed that one……..bananas!"

You're probably thinking he is being
funny, that he's pretending to be food illiterate. Trust me he is not
kidding. He claimed to our baker friend that mustard would be a sweet
flavor to add to brownies.

Looking at him I shook my head, "Remember your children are listening."

One last clue. "It starts with the letter "C" and it is hard."

French husband didn't miss a beat. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye.

I smirked, "Don't even say Corey, or you will be eating rocks tomorrow for dinner!"

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French husband does love my cooking.
Actually that doesn't sound like a compliment anymore. I'll let you
know what he thinks of rock souffle.

Photos: Of a French vintage journal about love, food and homemaking. Repost from 2007.

Comments

30 responses to “The Way to a Man’s Heart is through his Stomach”

  1. Colette

    Goodness me, this reminds me of my ex. He also wolfed down his food and his tongue seemed as blind to the nuances or flavours as his eye was to shades and patina. If I asked what he felt like eating for dinner he would reply ‘food’.
    So, when are you inviting those fish for dinner? 🙂
    Colette

    Reply
  2. Jeanne

    Kiss the cook often and season everything with love.
    Love you

    Reply
  3. Vicki

    Love the frame…can you find me one & FH obviously loves your cooking!!!

    Reply
  4. Gracie

    Hilarious! And my husband is fast at eating too, I guess most men are, in my own experience.

    Reply
  5. Paulita

    Did he come from a big family so his only alternative to get enough was to shovel it in and not worry about the taste?

    Reply
  6. Kit

    At least he loves it all , rocks or lentils! My husband is also a fast eater – from growing up the youngest of six. His problem is that I still cook with the kids’ palates in mind and the food is never spicy enough for him. So he got a bottle of Tabasco sauce for his last birthday.

    Reply
  7. kelleyn

    At least your husband isn’t picky. Mine is about 6-10 things and complains whenever I try something new. A while back I made red beans and rice and he told me that was prisoner food and refused to try it.

    Reply
  8. Alena

    That is just to funny.
    My husband, no matter what, is always looking and poking for at least little piece of meat! Honestly, it drives me crazy!
    BTW, lentils in curry coconut sauce, hmmmmmm, that sounds so good.

    Reply
  9. Merisi

    Have you ever thought about sending your FH to FDA*? 😉
    *) Food Devourers Anonymous

    Reply
  10. Robin

    I seem to be married to that man. I would love to see the recipe for that dish, it intrigues me…

    Reply
  11. Marilyn

    I had to smile while I read this because I understand exactly how you are feeling. The feeling is particularly acute as I watch my family eat a large, lovingly prepared holiday dinner. Hours and hours of preparation, gone in a flash!
    I comfort myself knowing that at least they’re not complaining about the food. 🙂
    Marilyn (in Dallas)

    Reply
  12. Ardi

    My Dad was a fast eater, too. Someone once told him he was a vacuum cleaner with teeth! LOL

    Reply
  13. Beachy

    Well now I know why my hubby of French descent eats (actually inhales) his food the way he does! And so does his brother! They tell me they “eat with intensity”! Honestly, I wonder how they can possibly enjoy what they are eating when it goes down the gullet so quickly! lol

    Reply
  14. Penny

    I laughed aloud and my Irishman came in to see what was so amusing – and, so, I read your post aloud to him, which made it all the more humorous. My husband is a hearty eater, who appreciates everything I put in front of him, but, never savors the moment and often burns his tongue in his eagerness to get food in his mouth. I think he’s burned off all of his taste buds.
    Thank you for your humor and grace.

    Reply
  15. Brother Mathew

    Yann is a lucky man. My sister is an excellent cook but it wasn’t always that way. My brothers and I remember her early years in the kitchen as an experimenting chef. Yann, you can give some credit to the guinea pigs. Funny post Corey.

    Reply
  16. Elaine

    Corey, perhaps he hurries through dinner so that he may savor the finest of desserts….you. How’s that for romantic?

    Reply
  17. kim

    I’m kind of glad to hear the FH eats fast. I’ve been known to do that, too. I’m always the first one to finish a meal in our family.

    Reply
  18. Ed in Willows

    I loved Matthew’s reply. I also had a sister who experimented in the kitchen. I too, am a fast eater. Eating too fast can be a big contributor to weight issues. I’ve read that it takes the brain 20 minutes to realize that the stomach was fed. By eating fast, you can have a tendency to over eat. I have found that controlling the size of my portions helps greatly. Have you ever noticed the average size of people who frequent “all-you-can-eat” buffets? I used to try getting my money’s worth when I went to them. I try to avoid them now.

    Reply
  19. annie

    I love your table time tales, Corey. Eating at the speak of light, how does that man manage to keep such a slim silhouette?

    Reply
  20. Lorrie

    I grew up in a family where my dad ate really fast, too. I used to, but I’ve learned to slow down and put my fork down between each bite. I taste the food more and I keep my weight in check.
    Love this post – many men don’t seem to mind what they eat as long as it’s prepared with love.
    Lorrie

    Reply
  21. Shelley Noble

    Gads, that’s hilarious. Makes sense though. Anyone who climbs mountains or walks out onto rock cliffs with husband and children stealing crashing waves can’t possess much sense!

    Reply
  22. Amy

    When we first got married, my husband was a pretty normal eater. Then he went into the military, and they only give you X amount of time to eat. If you don’t shovel it in in record time, oh well… so now he eats like a wild bear. It does drive me crazy, because on one side of me, I have my husband eating ravenously, and on the other side, my 10 year old son who eats painfully slowly.

    Reply
  23. Vicki

    Judging by your photos of FH, even if he eats faster than his brain has time to kick in to say “its time to quit,” he looks great. He obviously burns it with his active lifestyle.
    I love the frame! Vicki

    Reply
  24. Beverly

    Great story!
    I don’t think my husband tastes anything! Nothing!
    But he doesn’t like rice, so I started cooking it with coconut!
    Your last picture made me laugh!

    Reply
  25. Lilly

    Hahahahahah…I know what you mean. What is it with “fast eaters”? My children are the same way…and what really bugs me is when I am left at the table eating alone and my daughter keeps grabbing the side of my plate and saying…”are you done yet? I’m trying to clean up.” Sitting down is our time to relax and enjoy our labor of love!
    Thanks, Lilly

    Reply
  26. Dixie

    Corey… I know this will sound weird.. but I read an article about the way people taste food… some are called “super tasters” and they can taste nearly every different flavor in a recipe… and in particular, have a distain for bitter flavors such as that of broccoli, cabbage…. etc.
    On the other end of the scale, the taster types were called (I think) “Impotent Taster” and they could not discern different flavors, and in fact could eat nearly anything but basically never knew exactly what they were eating. Most of us fall in between the two… perhaps French Husband falls nearer the latter than the former… my cowboy husband does… I put it in front of him… he scarfs it down…

    Reply
  27. Alina

    If the way to a man’s heart is truly through his stomach then I am doomed! 😉

    Reply
  28. Elaine L.

    My husband is just like FH. It’s really embarrassing when we eat with guests. He eats as though as hasn’t eaten in days. Forget polite table conversation. Then, when he’s finished, about 45 minutes before anyone else, he leaves the table.
    ~elaine~

    Reply
  29. kimberlyhope

    corey, I made my husband eat with chopsticks for several years in an attempt to slow him down. He quickly mastered them so I have learned to eat fast!

    Reply
  30. Kim B.

    Oh Corey you make me laugh.
    I didn’t find the way to my husband’s heart through his stomach since it’s always he who cooks for us. I guess I’m kind of useless!!

    Reply

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