Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Christmas Blue

vintage christmas postcard

How I wish I could sit by your side,

Hold you hand,

Smile into your eyes, and to

Have your breath moisten life into the emptiness.

How I wish I could.

Climb upon your lap, wrapping your steadfast goodness about me,

and have your laughter reassure me, "Corey, you sound like you are right here!"

Again and again, you often said when I would call home.

Though far from you I stand, your spirit laps against me from a distant sea.

____________________________

As we leave Paris, with a million memories stirred from the time when we first lived here, and head towards Rennes to celebrate Christmas with French Husband's family… I realize why I did not set up a Christmas tree at home. Why I have been in denial. Why I have not felt 'Christmas' for the first time in my life… why I am having a hard time pushing this feeling that wants to engulfs me….

Delayed grief. 

Now I know why Christmas can be a sad day. I miss my Dad, I miss my Mom, I miss my four brothers, my Sister in Laws, my nieces and nephews… I miss my family in the States, the popcorn balls, the family party with my million cousins at the hall, the aroma of my Mother's cooking love, the Christmas carols in English, Jingle Bells, My Aunts desserts, the whole enchilada and it is a fact I cannot deny this Christmas after 22 years. I will be okay… just a few tears here and there… I am thankful for I have and what I have been given, and I am tearful and that is just what it is…Life abroad, Christmas time and the whole enchilada without meat.

Have you ever felt blue at Christmas time?

Comments

70 responses to “Christmas Blue”

  1. Y

    I have been living in a foreign country for 15 years now. Yes! blues everywhere during holidays! Life in abroad…I understand you. Cheer up Corey! Call your Mom!! (only a few more hours till morning in CA)
    Merry Christmas! 🙂
    Y

    Reply
  2. Carol

    Dearest Corey,
    Yes, I have. Christmases the past few years have been filled with sadness and a few other years in my life. Like you they have all revolved around the loss, or separation from family because of distance, or death. In fact, today was a teary day for me too.
    Coming from a small family your family’s celebrations sound like heaven on earth. I can only imagine how you must miss them all. I hope one of these years you all can come to the states for Christmas.
    Have you heard the following poem?
    I’m Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this Year
    I see the countless Christmas trees,
    Around the world below.
    With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars,
    Reflecting on the snow.
    The sight is so spectacular,
    Please wipe away that tear.
    For I’m spending Christmas,
    With Jesus Christ this year.
    I hear the many Christmas songs,
    That people hold so dear.
    But the sounds of music can’t compare,
    With the Christmas choir up here.
    For I have no words to tell you,
    The joy their voices bring.
    For it is beyond description,
    To hear the angels sing.
    I can’t tell you of the splendor,
    Or the peace here in this place.
    Can you just imagine Christmas,
    With our Savior, face to face?
    I’ll ask Him to light your spirit,
    As I tell Him of your love.
    So then pray one for another,
    As I lift you eyes above.
    Please let your hearts be joyful,
    And let your spirit sing.
    For I’m Spending Christmas in Heaven,
    And I’m walking with the King.
    ~© Wanda Bencke ~
    You’ll be in my prayers the next few days, dear Corey.
    Love,
    Carol

    Reply
  3. Jeanne

    Ever since my beloved Mother died and my son living so far away never able to share a Christmas with us I am always blue at Christmas…………….
    I understand your feelings completely.
    I love you.
    I love you
    Embrace the smiles and the love around you and pray to God that is what I do

    Reply
  4. Katiebell

    Oh Corey, yes I have felt the Xmas blues. It has been hard in the past as my man left ‘this mortal coil’ two weeks before Xmas, 13 years ago now. I must say the love and grief is more even and spread out now. But its OK to feel it, its good not to pretend, its OK to leave the tree under the stairs and remember what was…
    We may not be able to capture that childhood feeling again, but we can imagine something beautiful and new. Sometimes it does feel a little like every joy is a grief as well.
    I dearly hope you find some new comfort with your French family and treasure that which you know you are always a part for with your family far away. Hey! Enjoy Sacha and Chelsea being there with you, and celebrate the young and growing family you have now, as time chances all things. (Just wait YOU’LL have grandchildren on your knee, before you know it, and with luck)
    Lots of love and Christmas joy and tears with you sweet Corey, go be with your family!
    ✶*¨‘*✫ ☽♥ ¸¸.☆.¸¸ . ✶*¨*. ¸ .✫*¨♥¸¸.✶*¨‘*✫ ☽♥ ¸¸.✶*¨‘*✫ ☽♥ ¸¸.☆.¸¸ . ✶*¨*. ¸ .✫*¨♥¸¸.✶*¨‘*✫ ☽♥ ¸¸.
    Its OK to grieve Corey. Love katiebell.

    Reply
  5. le petit cabinet de curiosites

    Love your poem !! Joyeux Noel !!!
    For me christmas is the moment to think about everything and make a ” bilan” ( sorry I don’ t remember the name in english)and sometimes it is joyful and sometimes sad. This year , there are positive and negatibe thoughts !!!I’m thinking of you

    Reply
  6. Laure

    Merry Christmas, Corey! Tears and sadness are sometimes necessary to sweeten the taste of the love and happiness, to remind us of all that we have. Take heart. Celebrate where you are, who you are.

    Reply
  7. jend’isère

    “We carry our homes within us, which enables us to fly”. I happened to stumble upon this quote after reading your poem. With new families and homes we accumulate memories and experiences which can be passed on to the next generation. I’m sure you are in the midst of sharing with your kids now! Happy Christmas.

    Reply
  8. Miss Robyn

    yup… been blue many Christmas’s… this one is a blue one too.. my son & his wife just broke up and we are all grieving… but when my gorgeous guy hugs and kisses me all better.. then I realize that all that happens is the circle of life… let French husband kiss your tears all better sweet Corey.. and a peaceful and blessed Christmas to you xoxo

    Reply
  9. parisbreakfast

    Who’s bleu?
    If you were lucky enough to have had all of those delicious goodies you describe so well you make our mouths water, well then yes, I can see there would be a downside if they went M.I.A…
    But vivid memories are wonderful things to cherish too and pass on…

    Reply
  10. marlis

    Oh Corey, I do so understand the sadness. This year I miss my mom and I miss my aunts and uncles and my son who can’t be home with us this year. But it snowed last night and the earth in Lubbock Texas is covered with newness, freshness and a quiet serenity that brings comfort.. I hope you find yours. Merry Christmas..

    Reply
  11. The Pliers

    You might just as well ask “Have you ever NOT felt blue at Christmas…”
    It wouldn’t be Christmas with out “le cafard” to add its thread of blue to the grand tapestry of holiday pomp.
    But one can grieve and make Christmas magic simultaneously, I’ve come to find out.

    Reply
  12. Jackie

    This will be the worst Christmas ever. My
    mother died Monday and we will spend Christmas day flying cross country.

    Reply
  13. Shannon

    I understand. It’ll be just the 5 of us up here while the rest of my family celebrates in NJ. I wish most I could be with my nephew for his first Christmas and watch his tiny hands figure out how to rip open the wrapping paper (and ignore the gifts he received, LOL).
    Feel peace, Corey 🙂

    Reply
  14. Ellen

    Corey, I am not in a foreign country but I do relate to the grieving. I lost my mom over 25 years ago and my dad 10 years ago and every year it is so hard. I’m an only child so my immediate family is pretty much all I have, so I am grateful that I have my husband and children, and my husband reminds me to focus on them and look forward to future grandchildren and sons- and daughters-in-law, but I still grieve every Christmas and miss my parents so much. I’m sure that’s compounded being in another country with different language, customs, etc. You can’t help but miss your own family and their traditions. Your poem today is so sweet, I really relate, and I think Y has the right idea – you should call your mom! Give yourself times to cry and miss everything, then enjoy your dear husband and children as you always do. May God comfort your heart and carry you through these days with joy!

    Reply
  15. Judy O

    Yes, Corey, a blue Christmas for me. My mother passed away in November and the waves of grief are frequent. I didn’t want to do the
    tree this year but our two year old grandson would not understand.
    Another grandson coming in January and joy will come again. So the circle of life continues.
    hugs
    Judy

    Reply
  16. Vicki

    You are in my thoughts and prayers Corey!!!
    It is very difficult to be without our loved ones!!

    Reply
  17. Linda C.

    Christmas is memory time, making them and remembering them. Happy tears mixed with sad ones,that happens….
    And, yes, you will be okay because you are your mother’s daughter.
    Thank you for a wonderful year!

    Reply
  18. Bev

    For many years we lived in a foreign country which was always in the middle of a heat wave at Christmas time (Brazil). I would miss so many of the traditions of the States and being away from family. Now we are back in the States, still across the country from our family and have jobs that make travelling during Christmas impossible. I have found that though I still miss my family I have made my own traditions and am so thankful for the “family” that now share Christmas with us every year.
    I also know that Christmas is about Christ. He being with me every day is the best present that I could ever have, even if my family is so far away.

    Reply
  19. cathy

    Merry Christmas Corey. I am sure it is difficult to be away from American family at Christmas, and it is especially tough when you lose a loved one. After years of resisting Christmas for exactly these reasons I have come to realise that it is precisely these feelings that make Christmas so special. That is, we stop our lives and ponder, grieve, love, laugh , and cry too. All that we have all that we love and have loved.
    Merry Christmas and thanks for you heartfelt and beautiful blog.

    Reply
  20. Leslie G.

    Corey, I believe that we never get over missing those that have left us…it’s been 10 years since my father died and I still wish he was here with us….just give me one more day with him I whisper to myself.The holidays just remind me of what has been lost all these years…..

    Reply
  21. Dinah Soar

    Yes I have Corey. I haven’t spent Christmas with my mom since 1995…14 long years. Nor with any of my siblings. When you live far away from family and have conflicting work schedules and your own immediate family, it’s to be expected I guess….but sad just the same.
    We must soldier on, as you are doing, and make lemonade out of our lemons.

    Reply
  22. Salle

    Merry Christmas Corey. Thank you for sharing such tender thoughts.

    Reply
  23. Square-Peg Karen

    oh, Corey – I have been sitting here working on little (last minute) Christmas dolly-clothes for my granddaughter – after a very restless night’s sleep — and I’ve been wondering…
    the restless night’s sleep is due to leaving so much til the last minute
    and the wondering is WHY – when i’ve recently learned so many great things (both “tools” and also things about myself) that have helped me NOT be so last-minute —
    so WHY again, at holiday time I’m practically planning to give myself stress??
    I found my answer in your post – it’s because racing around like a chicken with it’s head cut off keeps me from feeling the sadness about people who’ve died and/or people who are not (for other reasons) in my life anymore. That stuff hurts especially around holiday time…
    So thank you – thank heavens for people (YOU!) who tell the truth about what they feel — I’m taking a tip from you. I’ll be “ok” (like you mentioned), but that doesn’t mean I’ll ignore the feelings. I’m going to be “ok” WHILE missing people – WHILE being thankful for what I have – WHILE enjoying the holidays.
    Thank you for this beautiful, vulnerable, courageous post!

    Reply
  24. leslie garcia

    Dear Corey,
    Have a wonderful time and know that you are loved all over this world!
    You sure did a lot this year…and I think it was so brave of you to do all that you set out to do…and often times I think Christmas is a time to feel just the way you are feeling… I know what you mean…those who are without YOU feel the same way too!
    Merry Christmas Eve!
    Love,
    Leslie

    Reply
  25. Jeanette Mc.

    I wish I could just hug your sadness away. I’m not sure why your journey keeps you there this year, of all years, but God does. It’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to be joyful. Whatever. Merry Christmas Corey, even in your sadness you are teaching me to embrace my joy. I’m lucky to be able to “hear” from you every day. Thank You.

    Reply
  26. Penny

    My father has been gone now for 40 years. I was quite young when he died. My mother more than 20. All my aunts and uncles, too. Each year I shed a tear or two in my eyes and in my heart, and then I put it behind, rejoice in the hope the Christmas season gives us, and move on. You have already moved on, Corey, because you have allow yourself to talk about it – to several hundred of your closest friends here in your blog. You gave yourself permission to omit a tree this year. You chose a path that was different because of love. I find you a brave and a strong woman to be so far away from your birth home, especially with your father gone now. You are an example to all – a pioneer of sorts. I like to think of that as a worldly present to us all out here in cyberspace, or wherever our words are wandering.
    See? You are not so alone after all. Merry, merry!

    Reply
  27. Linda

    I have felt blue almost every Christmas that I have been in France. This is the first year that the black cloud is finally gone. I’m not sure why. When I return to the States for Christmas it’s not the same either. My children are all grown so they have their own traditions. This year some family is visiting me. That certainly helps.

    Reply
  28. molly

    merry christmas corey!

    Reply
  29. Gina Johnson

    Oh yes, I have felt blue at Christmas. I can remember year after year of trying to get pregnant. Christmas morning was the worst. It was too quiet. I wanted to hear little feet running across the floor, I wanted laughter, and noise. After a long struggle with infertility, I have my noise at Christmas. I have twin six year olds that bounce off the walls all of December. I have 5am wake up calls on Christmas morning. “Mom…..Dad……HE CAME………SANTA CAME!”
    I still miss my family who are back in California but there is nothing like having litte ones at Christmas time!
    Merry Christmas to you!

    Reply
  30. Twinkleberry

    Absolutely, being a foreigner is hard, no matter how long you been in a home away from home, and it’s normal to feel what you are feeling – does it help that you are not alone in your emotions?

    Reply
  31. Star

    I’ve had teary Christmases as well, missing the traditions of childhood and the bustle of big (for our family) meals with everyone there. I think there is a slight sadness that has built over the years as Christmas here in the States has become evermore commercial (stores carrying decorations in August for heaven’s sake!) and the meaning and special quality of this time evaporates. It’s not about the decorations or the parties or even the gifts…it’s about The Gift.
    Wishing you love as you spend this time with your French family and keeping those memories of previous Christmases close in your heart.

    Reply
  32. dancing kitchen

    Oh Sweetie,
    Christmas is always hard for me. I try to enjoy it moment by moment. I wish you the best my dear and by all means cry if you need to.

    Reply
  33. Rhonda

    Oh yes, except I feel that way every single day. I miss my family so much and they are only 1400 miles away. I hang onto the memories of all Christmas pasts and phone calls are plentiful. I’m thankful for those here who warmly invite me into their lives but there is no place like home, especially at Christmas.

    Reply
  34. Penelope

    I understand how you feel, Corey. All our close family members are far away on the other side of the world. I realized this evening that this is my 20th COLD Christmas since our family left Australia. I hope to one day experience a HOT Christmas again. Have a Happy Christmas in Rennes with the family you have.

    Reply
  35. Sandra

    Dearest Corey,
    It’s okay to feel blue at Christmas..most of us do at some point or another. This is the second Christmas without my hubby..this is the toughest time of the year for me. So go ahead and have a good cry..I’ll cry with you. Then we can smile and embrace our many blessings. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
    Hugs,
    Sandra

    Reply
  36. Mardog

    Merry Christmas Corey
    Thank you for the daily bread you give us
    much love and thoughts of you today

    Reply
  37. Debbie

    I remember a particularly blue Christmas….the first one with just me girls after my ex husband and I split up.
    Merry Christmas to you and yours Corey.

    Reply
  38. leilani

    Oh my, yes. Having one this year and for the life of me, can’t figure out why.

    Reply
  39. Celeste

    “We are ALL experiencing our total misery. REJOICE! He is near us and keeps us together.”
    Monsignor Lorenzo Albacete
    Know this poverty is a drawing nearer to Him.
    Merry Christmas Corey!

    Reply
  40. Denise Moulun-Pasek

    Every Christmas since I’m on my own I have to chase a little of the blues away. In my case, it has to do with expectation. In my head, I know I shouldn’t have any but darn it if I don’t get myself into the trap every time.
    I have a hard time accepting that Christmas will never be the same as when I was a kid, that my family and this time that we live in just isn’t the same.
    This year, we are AWAY for Christmas just like you. Expectation still nibbles at the perimeter of my well-being. But if I relax and remain in the moment, I have a chance of beating it.
    Joyeux Noël Corey.

    Reply
  41. Tamara

    Corey, I think our dads are up in heaven having a great time together. I think their chemistry would mix together like ours did when we first met.
    I miss him so much! My heart is breaking open like a pomegranate. But inside is full of all the richness. Little seeds of memories that thankfully can never be taken away. Juicy, and leaves a nice red stain. Holding you in my heart especially over the next few days. Love you!

    Reply
  42. Dee

    I so can feel your pain this year…it’s been just a few months since I lost my 20 year old grandson…and yet it seems like yesterday. It’s hard to pull my family through Christmas this year…everyone wants to just cancel everything…except eating…of course!
    You will be in my prayers, Corey…God’s blessings on you and your family!

    Reply
  43. Colette

    Oh, yes. So many Christmases have been and are tinged with blue, because I am alone. There is no family here, and I lost my husband and potential children years ago. We adapt, we do our best, so don’t be blue, Corey.
    Joyeux Noël!
    Bises, Colette

    Reply
  44. Kimberly

    Corey, I too am having a blue kind of Christmas. My oldest son left a week ago for boot camp and I am having a hard time adjusting. Tears come and go from my eyes and I have no control over them. I do praise the Lord that he is in America and not seriously wounded or something horrible like that but I am hurting learning how to let him go and fly from the nest. Merry Christmas to you and many blessings this coming New Year. Kimberly

    Reply
  45. Joanie

    Oh, yeah. My Christmas’ have been navy blue for many years. We live away from our family and my parents are in Heaven. Like you, I MISS MY DAD. Very, very much.
    I miss my Mom too. And I miss our family’s week long celebration that we had when we were growing up.
    My son is spending his first Christmas in 22 years away from us. He’s spending it with his new bride and her family. I am glad he’s grown up and is in so much love but, damn it! I want him HERE.
    Well, for me the tears will come tonight at candlelight service…when all the church lights are out and the congregation softly sings Silent Night.
    God Bless you Corey and family…Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  46. Linda G.

    Dear Corey ~
    I, too, lost a beloved parent (my Mom) near the holiday season. My “cure” (though it’s never really a cure) is to let myself think of her even more than usual — her radiant smile, her gentle hands, her love of words and writing, her tender heart, her courageous will to live well in spite of age and infirmity. It makes me cry, but the tears are cleansing and I feel just that much more in touch with her. My heart is with you, Corey. Time makes it a little easier, as I’m sure everyone has told you. I didn’t believe it, but it is true. My best to you and your dear family. xo

    Reply
  47. Kathleen in Oregon

    Yes, a few years ago when I felt completely without hope that things would ever be ok again. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but that year I forced myself to put up the decorations and when my kids were home we played Christmas music and I glued a smile on my face for them. It was actually painful going through the motions.
    THEN, I found your blog and Eva was headed to France… Each morning I had something to look forward to. Honestly it helped get me back on track.
    Thank you and Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  48. Linda G.

    One more thing, Corey. A close friend of mine reminded me that one of the most heartbreaking things for a parent is to see their child unhappy and in pain. She advised me to let my tears flow, but to remember that my Mom would be so sad to think that her memory was making me cry. Sometimes I can almost see that look of concern on Mom’s face when one of her children was hurt or hurting. It helps me to be thankful that she lived a good, long life and to remember how lucky I was to have had her as long as I did. (89 wonderful years) xo

    Reply
  49. wendy b.

    it seems as if your commenters are as filled with blue as you are. i am one lucky person. my blues come at other times. i am not a christian, or do i practice any other particular faith. my parents are all alive. what i do understand is that you can feel grief for expectations and loss of potential. my family is just one small element from formal clinical lunacy. i have spent years grieving for relationships that others take for granted. it is macabre that i have felt deep unstoppable pain for people that are still alive.
    The thing that has been a resounding benefit is that i appreciate the times i have with the family i was lucky enough to “create”.
    i hope that you are able to look into sacha, chelsea and yann’s eyes for a little something extra. that special sparkle that you have put there as your daddy and mama did for you.
    we all feel as if you are one of our dearest friends for all that you unknowingly share. i wish you profound personal peace and love this holiday season. after all, you deserve it all.
    xoxo.w.

    Reply
  50. splendid

    i am truly touched by everyone’s words today, thank you all for sharing these. i have struggled with these same feelings for years, and my way of coping is to allow myself blue moments…time to grieve or be sad.
    i also have 3 children and a husband who love me very much and take their cues from me.
    someone said earlier how sad it would make a parent to know that you are sad because of their absence, i think the same is true for your children, it makes them sad to see you sad as well.
    for me i have found the act as if until it is works for me. i look for the small moments to make me smile and be grateful. usually it is something my children do, but lately i have found foder even in strangers eyes.
    whatever is real and good and shared between people is a blessing to count.
    peace to you all and happiness for the new year.
    xoxoxo

    Reply
  51. Paula S In New Mexico

    Big Hug to you, Corey.

    Reply
  52. Amigh

    Merry Christmas, Corey. And thank you for another wonderful year.

    Reply
  53. Brother Mathew

    Hey, give me a call when you can. 530-592-9912. We can talk about coconut covered ice cream snow balls.
    Brother Mathew

    Reply
  54. Ellen Cassilly

    It’s been eight years since the death of my father in mid December. I was with my mother at Thanksgiving and I think that it was the first time I really saw how truly amazing she is. She is doing great at 84 and is running around helping the “old people” get to their doctors’ appointments and all sorts of other things. She is joyful and energetic and I hope that I can live my life as fully. Holiday joy to you,
    Ellen

    Reply
  55. Marilyn

    Yes, I have felt blue at Christmas often. I think it is a time of reflection,expectation, and anticipation. Often what we anticipate is not possible because of lost loved ones or the should have’s or just not what in our minds we imagine Christmas to be. My expectations are now just to enjoy a peaceful day where ever I am and maybe sit by the fire and dream a little dream or two.
    Merry Christmas and Love sent your way,
    Marilyn
    in Oregon

    Reply
  56. Tammy

    Cherish the treasures in your heart and know it is ok to be a bit sad but I find adding new treasures helps…like watching my 13 year old twins…toss snowball at the window and ask me to come out…or having tea by the tree and just being grateful for Jesus.
    Merry Christmas Corey.
    Thanks for sharing your life with us.
    love and blessings
    Tammy

    Reply
  57. Janet

    I will be in Willows this Christmas morning visiting my father’s grave. It will be my first Xmas without him and I understand the profound emptiness you are feeling. I plan to spend that night in Santa Rosa in my new home and my “new life” but this Christmas will not be the usual joy filled Christmas. Until I read your blog, I was confused as to why I wanted no tree this year and why I am not in the gift giving or receiving mood at all. I knew I would visit my dad’s grave but I didn’t make the connection. I guess our minds do their best to protect us but in the end the heart always has the strongest voice. While I am in Willows, I will send love waves into the air for your family and your dad from you. May your Christmas be full of peace and joyful memories. Janet

    Reply
  58. The Brocantess

    I completely understand. Dad’s death may be why I can not muster up the strength to do anything with the tree that I did finally put in the living room. It has a top hat and nothing else. I managed to get the last of the gifts today but wrapping them….hah! I really don’t care….and Daddy’s birthday would have been 12/31 so it’s not behind us yet. Thank you for helping me put a name to what has been bumping around in my head.
    Enjoy your time with Sascha and Chelsea. They are your gifts 🙂

    Reply
  59. Julie Ann Evins

    Hello darling Corey, I am so sorry to hear that you are sad today. As you know I am a year ahead of you in this process. It comes in waves and special times & celebrations are always a trigger and forever onwards bitter sweet. It’s a double blow for you as your family are many many miles away and I at least can sit here with my Daddy albeit both missing. Hope you can find joy in happy happy memories, Yann & the kids & your belle-mere. God bless Corey dear, Luv Jxx

    Reply
  60. Laurie

    Instead of feeling loss for my Grandmother Rosa. I’m using her antique cookie cutters this Christmas Eve. Ones made from wood and others tin. Her flour still coats them. Fingerprints are not of mine but hers. Christmas cookies. It’s a tradition that keeps her spirit alive.
    Merry Christmas Corey!
    Laurie
    San Francisco

    Reply
  61. Kathy

    My husband is a ship Captain so he is always gone for the holidays and I am home alone. 2 years ago he got me puppies so I wouldn’t have to spend the holidays alone

    Reply
  62. becky up a hill

    It’s not delayed grief, just the ebb and the flow of the mysterious painful journey. Sometimes in the season of the ebb, the memories can brighten a moment, other times the lost is so quiet…other times it’s harsh, brittle and it hurts. The ebb and the flow. It will be there always under the surface and sometimes it just calls for more attention. It’s all normal. God bless you all.

    Reply
  63. Cheryl at Casual Cottage Chic

    For your New Year’s resolution….Christmas in California!!

    Reply
  64. rochambeau

    Thinking of you Corey.
    Merry Christmas.
    With love,
    Constance

    Reply
  65. Lieselotte

    Corey, I think your feelings came up because you spent so much time with your American girls and had so much fun together, and then they went back HOME but you had to stay behind. You will feel better when you are taking on your usual, every day routines in the house. Enjoy being with your loved ones!
    Hugs, Lieselotte

    Reply
  66. pam

    Hi Corey,
    I’m a day late replying to your post. I am sorry that you are feeling the void of family members, and fighting back tears today. I am finding that every year I am learning more and more that life is a wild adventure of adjustments. I have experienced the 3 D’s–diagnosis of a chronic disease, divorce, and death of a parent, and find that every day requires more strength than I have alone. I’m so glad there are others who will lift us up when we are down. Thank you for writing this blog everyday and for lifting our spirits, and taking our thoughts to places we want to go, vicariously experiencing the life we wish we had. You are a Christmas blessing!

    Reply
  67. Ann

    Corey, I too lost my father last year and it is more difficult during the holidays. My mother spent Thanksgiving with us and we put up all our decorations to cheer her. When she went back home she was so touched by our beautiful “Christmas Spirit” (as she put it) that she decorated her house. I was so encouraged that she could do that since it has been a very long 18 mos of grieving.
    Then, my recently divorced sister called me on Sunday venting and crying. I felt so bad for her – I felt her pain and it took me a few days to get cheerful again.
    I took two weeks vacation from work. On Christmas Eve DH noticed I had three missed calls from work! I listened to the messages and was so upset since they wanted something done before year end. I had nightmares all night. I’m on vacation and it’s Christmas Eve!!!!
    It’s been up and down. It seems every corner there is something that will test one – so you’re a happy person – well take this…bam…take that…bam!
    Finally, I got out a new journal and started writing. I listed all the things I am grateful for. Thanked God for everything (including my job). That’s the only way – to reach for the higher meaning of Christmas. Take care, Ann

    Reply
  68. Karon

    A white Christmas tinged with blue over here in scotland. Lots and lots of pretty snow but this is the first time my Mum isn’t here, she is in a care home. Not a proper Christmas for her, an organised Christmas full of almost strangers.
    I miss her.
    love always
    Karon x

    Reply
  69. liz

    My father died on Christmas Eve, twenty years ago this year and it’s my third Christmas since my husband passed away. I’ve had some “blue” moments. But I spent a wonderful Christmas Eve at my sister’s home with her family and with my 82-year old mother and we shared Christmas Day as well. Being with family, whether by blood or the family you create, are the most joyful moments of the season.

    Reply
  70. Patt

    My father died Nov 29, 2008 the day after his 78th Birthday, I did not decorate the tree last year, just lights. This year seemed worse. Again no decorations. I think I was so numb last year, I now feel the reality of it all. As I read messages from your readers I come to understand that feeling will never go away. I will just learn a new normal. It’s long after Christmas I just needed to share.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Privacy Policy - Terms and Conditions