How I wish I could sit by your side,
Hold you hand,
Smile into your eyes, and to
Have your breath moisten life into the emptiness.
How I wish I could.
Climb upon your lap, wrapping your steadfast goodness about me,
and have your laughter reassure me, "Corey, you sound like you are right here!"
Again and again, you often said when I would call home.
Though far from you I stand, your spirit laps against me from a distant sea.
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As we leave Paris, with a million memories stirred from the time when we first lived here, and head towards Rennes to celebrate Christmas with French Husband's family… I realize why I did not set up a Christmas tree at home. Why I have been in denial. Why I have not felt 'Christmas' for the first time in my life… why I am having a hard time pushing this feeling that wants to engulfs me….
Delayed grief.
Now I know why Christmas can be a sad day. I miss my Dad, I miss my Mom, I miss my four brothers, my Sister in Laws, my nieces and nephews… I miss my family in the States, the popcorn balls, the family party with my million cousins at the hall, the aroma of my Mother's cooking love, the Christmas carols in English, Jingle Bells, My Aunts desserts, the whole enchilada and it is a fact I cannot deny this Christmas after 22 years. I will be okay… just a few tears here and there… I am thankful for I have and what I have been given, and I am tearful and that is just what it is…Life abroad, Christmas time and the whole enchilada without meat.
Have you ever felt blue at Christmas time?
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