Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Girl Talk and that thing called Love


 

Spending the night with Chelsea we had plenty of time to girl talk.
Our conversation wove clothes, hair, movies, food, future dreams and boys (two boys to be exact) into a warm cozy blanket that wrapped itself around us.

Drifting off to sleep next to my little girl who is now taller, firmer and way smarter than I, She said (in reference to my moving to France to marry French Husband), "I could not have done what you did."

This morning after she left for class I thought about what my daughter had said. I found myself surprised, curious and a bit confused…. Of course she could do what I did because she would have done it differently and it would have been easier. She would have learned the language, she would have made choices with clear boundaries, she would have expressed what she needed and found solutions to ease the loneliness… as I was telling myself this list of why my daughter could do what I did: Leave home and follow love in a distant country. Three paths burned clearly in front of me:

1) She could fall in love, leave home and do what I did– because there is another way to climb a mountain rather than straight up. Looking back shows us paths we did not see in front of us.

2) She is on the path. Life is before her with its balancing act of holding on and letting go. Scary sometimes, beautiful most of the time, and full of surprises constantly.

3) Love is the net.

Please Lord let me be strong enough to show the way, and to catch her if she falls.

————

Note: Photo of Chelsea and Mr. Espresso last summer from an unknown source.

Comments

30 responses to “Girl Talk and that thing called Love”

  1. herhimnbryn

    Whichever path she takes, you will always be her Mama. You will always be there for her and she knows that. Dearest Corey, you have the courage…

    Reply
  2. Beverly

    These sweet college kids…it’s sort of a privilege to be part of this development and separation process, right? It’s a bittersweet privilege, that’s for sure!

    Reply
  3. Julie Ann

    Beautiful expression of all those complicated emotions Corey. It really is a very beautiful process isn’t it but tougher on the one who has been round the block & knows exactly where the potholes are. Chelsea is at a wonderful and extraordinary time in her life. I wish her well and am so glad that behind her are parents with such life experience and wise council to offer. Bon Chance Chelsea ! Jx

    Reply
  4. splendid

    Aren’t children the most amazing creatures?
    my oldest just turned 20 and some{many}times i look at her and still see her as if she were 5 years old: she is dipping her foot into a new body of water, yet she keeps her head turned a bit back to me…always gauging my reactions. giving our children wings to fly that is the true role of parenthood, and a nest to return to if needed.
    much love
    xoxoxoxoxoxx

    Reply
  5. wendy b.

    we have just started on this pathway to college through the application process. i wish i had some of your calm sounding reserve. the idea that my eldest baby is just about to leave for a new adventure is a little bit terrifying. i still don’t trust that she can cross the street safely by herself. i will pretend that i am a fraction as wise and circumspect as you are. i feel very nervous but elated about my girl’s future and opportunities. again she carries my heart as she blazes a trail for firsts. i wish her as much luck,support and love as chelsea has had.

    Reply
  6. The Pliers

    I have always found the story of how you came to live and cope for 20 years in France particularly fascinating because the story of my marriage is like a funhouse mirror image of your own.
    We are both from the USA, we are now women of a certain age, our husbands are French, we met them in San Francisco, you had the I-Beam, we had the Rawhide, I got married on 8/8/88, you went to France and struggled with the language, my husband came to the USA and struggles still with the language, I have experienced the problem with “clear boundaries” in France and I agree with Chelsea that what you did was quite brave (even if unknowingly so) and imbued with enormous tenacity over the long haul.
    Since it has been your own life, lived in the moment and not as a conscious effort to make history (as in the actual historical sense of history) you might not necessarily see your accomplishments in the same way that your readers, children, family, and friends see it.
    It is our good fortune that you are able to pause here at Tongue In Cheek at this rather wide, flexible threshold of endings, transitions, and new beginnings occasioned by the loss of your father, the launching of your children, and the natural process of your own aging to share with us your reflections upon what that life abroad has been about for the past two decades and what it will be about for the next two or three.
    I for one will be looking forward to reading about it as it reveals itself.

    Reply
  7. Jeanette Mc.

    I am impacted (again) by your words. It seems, almost daily, I am reading something by you that I needed that day. Today your wisdom brought me the message “Looking back shows us paths we did not see in front of us”. Beautiful and so so true.

    Reply
  8. Violet@Create Beauty

    She is blessed to have you for her mom! I”ve read these others comments and can’t add anything to these beautiful poignant words expressed by all the mothers love… except to say, I agree! What a delight it is to come here for a visit with my morning coffee. ~ Violet

    Reply
  9. parisbreakfast

    Well looked at from another angle…
    You won’t have to have a long distance relationship if she prefers to stay on the home front..ahem

    Reply
  10. ‘Aunt Amelia’

    I’ve wondered if Mr. Espresso is still in her life…
    But your words of “(two boys to be exact)” has me wondering, again…
    Aunt Amelia

    Reply
  11. DEB (IN)

    I left to move thousands of miles away but came home several years ago as my mom’s health faded. It was a glorious time living away..but, now, I wonder how I will handle it if my son chooses the same. I pray to be completely supportive and encouraging.
    But…now, I wonder how my mom did it. It will be difficult for me. It must have been difficult for her.

    Reply
  12. Annie

    No matter where our daughters are, they are always close in our hearts.

    Reply
  13. Delores

    I’m sure you have been told this before, but I think you should write a book. Especially now. After 20 years, you have made a life for yourself in France and it hasn’t always been easy. I am close to your age with my youngest (20) in college and am reflecting on my life as well. I left my home in Oregon, parents, friends to come to San Francisco with my husband. It took forever to find my way. I was a small town girl in a big city and my in-laws didn’t like me. I was not Armenian! I can relate in a small way to what you so eloquently write about. I look forward to reading your thoughts and realizations, especially about letting go of and loving your young adult children. Sorry for the long winded comment. –Delores

    Reply
  14. pam

    Corey, you write so beautiflly. Your words hold me spellbound, carrying my imagination to a dreamy world of possibility.
    My daughter is in her first year of graduate school. We live together and I help her out so she can focus all of her attention on getting her doctorate degree. There is no Mr. Espresso in her life, but she is still trying to figure out the balancing act of holding on and letting go. I am learning to let her go and much as she is learning to let go of me. Sometimes it is a tough act and I feel like we are both just waiting for our Knights in shining armour to show up, scoop us up, and take us into the sunset. However, that does not seem to be the path our lives are taking, but I love your thought that thre are more ways to climb a mountain than straight up, since I seem to be taking the reandering path.
    You seem to be enjoying this time in your life very much!

    Reply
  15. Marilyn

    Yes, all you can do is be there for her if she falls. You have done your job well and she will come through with joy and surprises. The grandmother of the boy my daughter is dating wanted me to know that he was a “good boy”. His mom also reads your blog; so I will say when my girl comes to meet you, she is a good girl. I know you will love her.

    Reply
  16. Kate L.

    You do not have to give it a second thought, catching her if she falls is a given, you are her mother. That is what mothers do.
    Thank you for the gift of reading your blog everyday and all the emotions that it brings!

    Reply
  17. Kathie B.

    Corey, might I also suggest crediting your own mother for having raised a daughter to become an independent adult?

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  18. Kathie B.

    Maybe “self-reliant” would be a slightly preferable term to “independent.”

    Reply
  19. Kel

    My daughter became engaged to her longtime boyfirend this Christmas Eve. This got me thinking that I was so happy she is going to marry someone from the Denver area and who’s parents live here too. I could not imagine her being far away.

    Reply
  20. Sara

    I’m all choked up, Corey! My daughter just went back to kindergarten after 2 weeks vacation and I am missing her like crazy. How do we survive motherhood/parenthood? I feel like I’m going to lose it, I love my kids so much. Your blog is such a touchstone for me some days, thanks!

    Reply
  21. Mindi

    You sound like you are a wonderful and caring mother. I am sure you have always been their for your kids and always will.

    Reply
  22. Gretchen Baldauf

    Holding on and letting go — the lesson of life — when to do which? But I embrace the idea that love is the net! Wonderful!

    Reply
  23. christine allen

    With or without a path … life has it’s way of taking us through situations without the awareness of where we are going or what it will bring. We just go without looking back …
    until someone says, “I couldn’t have done what you did.” And you think, “of course you could” … hmmmm (thinking)
    oh … but perhaps not … and allow yourself to bask in the admiration of your bravery !

    Reply
  24. jend’isère

    The respect and love you share with each and every member of your family is most sigifican. Not the luck we wrote about yesterday.

    Reply
  25. Alina Klein

    Corey, I am 26 and feel that exciting feeling of what lies ahead and the unknown. I relate to what you said about there not being a straight path…often in daily life, I’ll think that something has to go a certain way, only to look back at the end of the day and realize it could have gone many different ways. Progress not perfection, I guess. I’m looking forward to what the future holds, and I really do love your blog…you are inspiring to me and I think of you as I encounter different situations, believe it or not! All the best, Alina

    Reply
  26. Carol

    As always, Corey, you have written so beautifully about your life.

    Reply
  27. momof5

    What a compliment she gave you…but I’d guess you are right that she can do what you did. It is your love and the love you received from your family that allowed you to take the risks you did. Our parents show us the way even though ultimately we find our own path on that journey. I joined the peace corp when I was 21 because I had this huge desire to see Africa. My youngest at 16 did an exchange program in Xian China during her sophmore year of high school. It was major culture shock and Mandarin is a difficult language to understand much less go to high school in. But in the end she thrived…I worried but I had to allow her the opportunity to spread her wings. My older daughter also says she could never do what her sister did but that is ok too. Chelsea may choose not to go so far…but either way life is paved with stones and I’m am certain she will find her way as you have.

    Reply
  28. Gillian

    My good friend Tara says, “Leap, and the net will appear.”
    We must trust, and let go.
    Hard when we have daughters. Oh so hard.
    My biggest worry is that she will do as I did.
    Yikes!!!
    They are smarter than us. Stronger willed than us. There in lies our credit. They are a credit to us. You were brave. You did set boundaries, standards. You have licensed your daughter to live FREELY and LOVINGLY.
    You were brave, and bold, and you did chase love for love’s sake. Thanks for setting us all a prime example.
    Be your mom for a moment, remember how you felt, when you fell for FH…. 😀
    What would your mom say? 🙂
    xo

    Reply
  29. Marie-Noëlle Roland

    Crying silently …

    Reply
  30. Patt

    As my youngest daughter left for Vetrinary School in Grenada West Indies I wondered if I had equiped her with all she needed to survive.You see I cried when we left her at UC Davis, we only live 40 miles away. After Minnesota and now working in NY this bright young woman is very independent. I only hope she finds her Mr Espresso closer to home. After surviving Hurricane Ivan in Grenada I know she can survive anything. Can I?

    Reply

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