Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

How Do You Get Over Your Fear?

Walking-out-the-door

His bomber jacket, 501s, grey sweater… long hair… it never changes.

"Come fly with me! It is beautiful today."

As much as I wanted to say yes, my fear got the best of me and I said,
"I will go up when the lavender is in bloom."

"Promise?"

I didn't respond, instead I smiled hoping he thought that was a yes.

The-plane

 

Rolling out the plane.
Ready to fly into the blue.
Finally the blue!
After months of grey skies that match his sweater.

"Come on, fly with me."

Joystick


But I am not flying until the lavender is in bloom….
though I will miss the jokes about the joy stick, but not enough to climb aboard.
Oh!

I am afraid. It is that simple and that silly. I trust him I do. But still…

How do you get over fear?

Comments

63 responses to “How Do You Get Over Your Fear?”

  1. Jann

    I understand your fear. I have anxiety
    attacks when we go on driving vacations
    and drive over high mountain passes.
    My husband grins and I hold my breath
    and perspire profusely. I always tell
    him that I don’t want to do that again.
    These men of ours think that they can
    talk us into going along with them.
    As for the fear, I guess I just pray
    a lot.
    Jann

    Reply
  2. Milena

    … by doing. By not thinking too much about why are the things that scare us scary, and just jumping in.
    As adults we over analyze things, I think, so we have to learn to relax (like when we were younger), and just see challenges as fun! Driving for me, flying for you 🙂
    … also, if you start now, you will be much more relaxed by the time the lavender is in bloom, you will enjoy the view more, and take even better pictures.

    Reply
  3. Jeanne

    I love you my darling one………….
    Keep singing the song from Moulin Rouge
    One Day I’ll Fly Away
    (And with you it will be with your handsome husband)
    I love you
    Big hugs

    Reply
  4. meredith

    When the lavendar is in bloom, I’ll dance with you in the fields and we can wave to him as he flies overhead!

    Reply
  5. Erin Wilson

    Last Fall I was in India for a photography workshop with a small group. One day we were driven to a monastery high in the Himalayas to photograph the building and the town below. When we wrapped up for the evening, they told us we’d be walking back down the mountain to get to town. I got to the top of the switch-back path, gravel slid out under my feet, and I knew that I couldn’t do it. My fear of heights was too great. I just could not do this thing. They sent for a car to pick me up.
    The next day we were driven back to the same monastery for a few more hours of shooting. But this day… there was no car to come for me. One of our guides, who had lived in northern India for several years but still maintained a thick Tennessee accent, got right in my face and declared that we were going to do this together. And we did. It took a long time. And I cried much of the way down, but he didn’t mind. And when I reached the village below, something fundamental had changed within me. It felt so freeing.
    I tell you, Corey… if you could move to a country so far from the home you adore, if you could stare down cancer… you can say yes when your man asks you to come fly with him.
    I want to see aerial photos of that lavender… 🙂

    Reply
  6. Karen

    Xanax. But seriously?… go out there and fly with that handsome man of yours. Just GO. You only live once. And ask yourself.. do you want to die a fearful person, or one who has lived life to the fullest.
    Your photos are just stunning. I want to see aerial lavendar 🙂

    Reply
  7. Karon

    myn fear is starting afresh with a new life. the fear paralizes me. I haven’t worked my way around it yet, I am not good at dealing with my fear.
    hope you do better with yours.
    Karon

    Reply
  8. somepinkflowers

    just
    do it
    in a reckless display
    of
    ~~Why Not~~
    think of it as a motorcycle
    up
    HIGH…
    🙂
    {{ nice Joy Stick, BTW }}
    ♥

    Reply
  9. Christine Wittmann

    You get over your fears by confronting them and doing that which you are so afraid of! I used to be petrified to speak in front of groups of people, but was constantly being asked to do so. Once I got up there and started speaking, I couldn’t stop!!
    Your husband is a handsome guy and you are fortunate to have someone who also has such interesting hobbies. I’ve been in all sorts of planes, including tiny ones, and even a helicopter once…it was the grandest trip and the best way to photograph the hot air balloons that day…just do it!
    Chris Wittmann

    Reply
  10. Jeanette M.

    I’m not sure I have any advice for this. What is it you are afraid of? Is it the plane going down? Would you want to be with FH if that were to happen? I don’t know. I find if I can figure out the root of something, the reason behind my fear, it is easier to accept or overcome, whichever I need to do. I don’t think it’s silly to be afraid – we’re all afraid of things. Silly would be not admitting it, pretending it’s something else. I too, will dance in the lavender fields with you and wave up to the plane (’cause I’m a little afraid too)!

    Reply
  11. Liz

    Remember the Wizard of Oz and the Cowardly Lion? You already have courage and are living it…except for the flying. Something is always behind fear…something we can know and afterwards better understand ourselves.

    Reply
  12. Twinkleberry

    Go!

    Reply
  13. Karen

    Do you want to be the boring, scared wife who stays at home while the husband has his adventures? Or do you want to be that beautiful, carefree partner-in-crime sitting next to him as he shows you what he sees beautiful in the world?
    I have a fear of flying. But when my boyfriend wanted us to go to Alaska, I took two long flights to get there. Once there I rode in two helicopters and had the time of my life! Now I am no longer afraid (after being terrified for years!)
    Trust is the price of admission to a relationship. If you know him to be a trained, careful pilot, be that bold adventuress that he seeks!

    Reply
  14. Lorelei

    Fear of flying or fear of falling?? Trust God and LIVE life with your French Man. See the lavender from God’s view and then drive through the lavender to take it in with all your senses…

    Reply
  15. Christina

    I don’t like to fly either. It’s the fear of “what if..”. I can’t control the plane, it’s in someone elses hands. I don’t like the dizzy feeling that I get when it drops down… like your stomach isn’t where the plane is yet feeling…
    USA and Germany are to far for car. But my family there wants to see their grandchildren. So, for them I need to put on a face of calmness… don’t want them to be fearful of flying…love my son for not caring at all about flying… comforted my little girl after throwing up on two landings on the trip over.
    Lots of angels and him will carry the plane in their hands up in the air and not drop us…
    When you’re ready, you’re ready.

    Reply
  16. Cy Todd

    You’ve gotten some great advise! Mine is – go for it! Trust God. He won’t let you down!! Spending time with the one you love is the BEST way to spend your time – no matter what the end result might be!! Trust God. You can do it!! Have fun and post your pictures!

    Reply
  17. naturegirl

    I too would pass and wait for the calming lavender too!He really meant “come fly with me!””

    Reply
  18. Star

    I just have to dare myself to do it and then jump right in before I can chicken out. It hasn’t worked yet on getting up in front of people to speak.

    Reply
  19. Ed in Willows

    Face Them !!! over and over and over until they are gone.

    Reply
  20. Sheala

    How does Corey overcome her fear?? How did you do it when you danced across the football field ALL BY YOURSELF at halftime in front of practically the whole town??? Or when you stole flowers from the park in Chico (risking a huge fine)? Or when you used to drive out of town to dance with people you didn’t even know? Or on stage at Lamb Derby? YOU can do anything my friend!!!

    Reply
  21. yvonne

    It’s Normal to have fears of the unknown. I think once you see the beayty of flying you will live it and overcome it. Just think
    you are seeing Life .. You only live once so enjoy…yvonne

    Reply
  22. Linda

    I have seen you comment on cjane’s blog; re-read about her sister Stephanie’s plane crash; it is small planes that can’t be trusted; not husbands.
    Meredith had a great offer, to dance with you in the lavender fields!
    Linda
    __________________
    Hi Linda
    I think about Nienie each time my husband flies. I do believe her story triggers my fear. Though I should focus on her courage!
    C

    Reply
  23. Shelley at decoragain.blogspot.com

    T’wouldn’t be exciting if it wasn’t scary!

    Reply
  24. Shelley at decoragain.blogspot.com

    T’wouldn’t be exciting if it wasn’t scary!

    Reply
  25. Stephanie

    You just have to do it (whatever it is you are afraid of) and eventually the fear goes away. My dad is a private pilot and I’ve never been afraid to fly with him because I know he’s going to take extra care when he flies when I’m in the plane. I trust him more than any other pilot on the planet! Look at it that way, he’s not going to let anything happen to the love of his life. You are totally safe 🙂

    Reply
  26. Delores

    You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to fly in a little plane. I’m flying a commercial jet on Tuesday to go to Texas for the big Round Top Antique Show and I’m afraid I’ll have to be drugged! Seriously, I hate to fly. It’s that simple…..You are a braver woman than I.

    Reply
  27. Julie Ann Evins

    Why must you ? I guess if the reward exceeds the fear then somehow you focus on that but it is not necessary to force yourself I think. Having said that, you loved it the last time !
    Jx

    Reply
  28. Marilyn

    The more you take a deep breathe and jump in, the easier it will become. I am afraid of small planes, but love to fly in a large plane. Fly with him and share the joy of the view.

    Reply
  29. Barbara Snow

    I give myself permission to be afraid of some things, but I don’t let them stop me from pursuing my passions. I also hate to fly, but it’s the only way I can get to France and Italy – two of my great passions. {I’m also a firm believer in the powers of Xanax for long flights) You will do it when you’re ready. No one else knows when that time will be for you.
    Barb in Minnesota

    Reply
  30. Rhonda P.

    Oh, I don’t know, if a man that handsome asked me to do anything….I would. LOL You are a lucky woman but I understand, I hate flying of any kind. Trust in God is all I can think of to conquer fear.

    Reply
  31. georgie

    I loved Sheala’s comments! Remember how worried you were about riding the motorcycle at first? Then you went on that wonderful vacation. Maybe the same thing will happen after the plane flight.

    Reply
  32. Cara

    The motorcycle seems scarier to me than the plane. My husband has a motorcycle that I refuse to ride with him, not because of his skill, but because of people in cars who don’t pay attention to motorcycles. Now … if he had a plane, that would be another story.

    Reply
  33. cynthia Wolff @Beatenheart

    Ha, Ha Corey..using sex to sell the story..the opening shot of very handsome French man..and then how sexy is a man that flys his own plane…and then oh boy come on the joy stick shot!! I love it!! Fear…well that is a good one isn’t it..If it is that bad don’t fight it..You’ve gone up before right? Did you enjoy it or were you freaked out the whole time? Then I’d say give flying a miss..If you like it for almost the whole flight and only freak before you go up then bite the bullet and go up.. I tried scuba diving once. It was so bloody terrifly I’ll never do it again..Why do something that causes you so much anxiety…

    Reply
  34. Sharon

    I felt that same fear the first time I took a ride on a ski lift that only had a small bar that went around my abd. and the only thing to hold onto was the center pole. I put my heard in my husbands curved arm and cried all the way to the top.
    I didn’t fall
    I didn’t look
    But when we got to the top and I had to come down….it was the most beautiful site in the world to sit overlooking the great creation.
    Now, can we talk about the flight over the ocean in may to come to France…nothing but deep deep deep water to land in…Oh, I can’t think about that one!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  35. Kimberly

    Corey, I can relate. Having not flown since 1987 because of my fear of flying has held me captive with thoughts of “what if.” I have missed out on so many things I can never get back, family gatherings, funerals and weddings just to name a few. Lately I have felt the need to conquer some of my fears and I have felt liberated like never before. Taking each fear and facing them head on while saying to myself, “let’s DO this!” Recently it was with elevators. I HATE elevators but on a recent vacation, (I drove) I went on every elevator I could. It felt soooooo good to feel free. Like one of the many chains of fear had been cut off! This is a process for me and I know it takes time but one day sooner than later I plan on cutting off the chain of flying and who knows, maybe I will be able to fly to France one day. 🙂 Blessings, Kimberly

    Reply
  36. Lillian Brown

    You’ve flown with him before. Perhaps it’s just the going up and coming down that really bothers you? Maybe you could close your eyes …

    Reply
  37. Jen

    Hi Corey,
    I’m with you 🙂 My husband has owned his own plane for about a year now and I still haven’t flown in it! My excuse has been our son who just turned one – he’s too little to take with us and we’d need to get a babysitter for him and his sister. I keep saying I’ll go flying too! It’s not that I don’t trust my husband – I just don’t like those heights in such a small plane! I can fly on commercial airplanes – it’s his little four seater plane that scares me! I’ll do it if you will 🙂
    Jen J

    Reply
  38. Sherry

    Corey, All these comments remind me of my Mom and her one perfect waterski trip. She was determined not to do it, everyone tried to get her to. Instead she stood on the shore shouting directions to everyone else in jest. After hours of this they ganged up and told her if she was so smart show them. The challenge made her do it. She did everything she had been shouting all afternoon. She made a complete circle around the bay and coasted gracefully onto the beach. And never did it again!
    But she did it-It was a moment of triumph she will never forget, nor will I.
    Enjoy! Sherry

    Reply
  39. Patty Cole

    fear of posting…guess wanting something would have to out weigh the fear.
    in january i won a generous giveaway and for some reason it has never arrived. was i suppose to send you my address perchance?
    it is 621 N. Forest St. #3. Bellingham, WA
    98225. is it too late?
    ______________
    Hi Patty
    Never too late. I am glad to send it to you. Thanks for your address.
    C

    Reply
  40. Ida from South Africa

    Just do it – when YOU are ready… You’ve done it before, so FH knows you care very much about his feelings! Wait till the lavenders are blooming, and then decide!!
    PS. You’re blog-book is a super great decision!!!!
    ☺
    °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
    Hi Ida,
    I know, I did it once, and it was fun once I let go of my fear. But NOW thinking back… The idea of going up again makes me nervous…. scared.
    C

    Reply
  41. Valerie

    Corey, you have moved countries, ridden a motor bike, learnt how to blog, are considering writing a book – flying in a small plane is a cinch! The way to overcome a fear is to just do it!

    Reply
  42. Liz

    I hear hypnosis works. Seriously! I have seen someone really fearful of ski lifts and heights be perfectly confident after just one or two hypnosis sessions.
    Also – if the worst happened and if the plane went down would you want to be with him? Or would you want to be without him but with the children. Tough call. Strangely, the smaller the plane, the safer I feel. It is the huge ones that I can’t work out how they stay in the air, and can I trust the pilot etc.
    Feel like I should encourage you to go, but why? If we are afraid why should we put ourselves through it?
    Liz x

    Reply
  43. AmyKortuem

    I think of what I would miss because of my fear. As in, when I’m sitting in my rocker in my 90s, will I regret not having done this thing? That conviction has forced me to step on stage with my harp in front of 800 people at my very first concert, it’s forced me to travel solo to Paris to chase a dream, it’s forced me to produce independent albums and get the fine arts degree I wanted and dig up 15/16 of my yard for a garden. You’ll weigh the importance and the benefits vs. the risks and make the right decision, every time. I know you will, Corey!

    Reply
  44. Shelley Noble

    Don’t ask me!I won’t drive on freeways, let alone get into a commercial airplane. That light weight looking moskeeto would be out of the question.
    Daredevils, life lovers, like Yann, are as alien to me as if they had 4 heads and purple sand for blood.
    Statistics say there no problem and a a life lived in fear is wasted. I say I’m staying home!

    Reply
  45. sandy

    PROZAC

    Reply
  46. Sally

    Hi Corey!
    Can I say ditto to Shelly Noble because that’s exactly where I’m at!
    Am I losing my middle aged mind and memory? I think I remember your having flown with your husband before??? If I haven’t lost my mind and you did go up with your hubby before, I’m so sorry it didn’t help your fears subside and embolden you for further flights. I gather you’re not phobic of flying though, since you’re able to get on planes and fly back and forth to the States?
    I’m phobic of flying, so there’s no way you could get me up there at this point in my life. I’ve heard that Virgin Airways has an excellent program for phobic fliers though but they don’t offer it in the States yet.
    If you want to share the thrill seeking, could you perhaps climb mountains, go spelunking, become a race car driver, etc. with adorable FH instead of flying in mosquitoes? 😉
    (Says the woman who is scared of her own shadow!)
    Sending you lots of hugs, whether your feet are on the ground or merrily up in a plane!

    Reply
  47. pauline

    you just get in the plane. you fly. you stay scared but you fly. the fear goes away or it doesn’t – it’s not something you get rid of, it’s something you live with…

    Reply
  48. Valerie in Oregon

    To quote from “Sting and his mosquito go into the blue” …
    “I will go up with him when he is ready. I just won’t look at the tires.”
    If he asked you to go with him, doesn’t that mean he was ready – and therefore, you are ready, too! : )
    I think you must be ready, you just won’t realize it till you up in the sky and share the joy of flying with him!

    Reply
  49. bramble

    It might sound trite or glib but for me…the thing that scares me is the thing I must make myself do. Not foolhardy or reckless, so we are not talking about cliff diving, etc…but sometimes it just helps to know that our fear is almost always the WORST part of the equation. And the best part…after the fact you not only have surprised and amazed yourself that you were able to do it, but you also wonder WHAT THE HECK you were ever scared of!

    Reply
  50. Mindi

    Go fly! You can do it!

    Reply
  51. Cookie

    My God Corey ,,, if you can get on the back of that teeny bike and survive the Stelvio Pass…then you can do anything Girlfriend….Trust French Husband and most of all trust the Lord….They wont let anything happen to you….Enjoy !!! Hugs Cookie

    Reply
  52. Violet Cadburry

    WOW if such a man asked me to fly with him I would jump over the moon! You are living my dreams…wanna switch places? I actually am officially afraid of flying and have found that if you drink enought vodka the ground looks much softer from the sky and much much closer. So, my advice is, thumbs up on the flight but only if it is powered by Grey Goose.

    Reply
  53. joanny

    Corey
    I say this ‘Tongue in Cheek’ because I am not the best person for giving advice — but I would grit my teeth and say every prayer – mantra – silently to myself — bless the plane the pilot what have you — and jump in and be there beside my best friend – my life partner and wear extra underwear just encase —
    Joanny

    Reply
  54. Gwen

    Corey, I am a professed white knuckle flyer. Although several years ago with the opportunity to fly to Europe when my husband started flying for Delta, I did overcome most of my fears. My husband is a pilot…29 years USAF, 18 flying E3A AWAC US and Europe, 9 years Delta Airlines…..he’s an instructor for Delta Airlines and his BA in Aerospace Engineering. So he’s the one that doesn’t like small airplanes so I don’t. But if he decided that he did, I would be like you, even though he’s a great pilot. What he said years ago while getting his Aerospace Engineering degree…..the equation for flight has 42 variables….18 of which are ASSUMED….has always made me think, “Are we supposed to be flying?”! Just keep those flights to “fair weather” trips….weather is not nice to small airplanes.

    Reply
  55. Diane

    Don’t you just hate what fear can do to you, you don’t want to be fearful but you are.You try and overcome it and wham it just sneaks up and grabs you again. For me I try and find a scripture verse that really speaks to me and the situation and I memorize it and say it over and over and over till the fear can’t stay because the words have crowded it out.I end up believing more in the words than the fear.

    Reply
  56. Sue McGettigan

    A wing and a prayer Corey!

    Reply
  57. billie haffey

    Cor…. I just read that the odds of being in any kind of aircraft accident is 1 in 11 million. But, I don’t think that is your fear. And obviously, you trust Yan…so that ain’t it. It must be some deep seeded, forgotten fear… its so old and hidden that you will only get over by jumping in that plane and feeling the joy that he wants to share with you. Hell honey, the back of that motorcycle would of scared me to death and I was full of admiration…and I do fly with my husband. You can too. Face that fear and overcome it. I know you can! B

    Reply
  58. Berlin

    I am sure your honey will keep you safe, I know when the lavender is in bloom you’ll be up there enjoying the purple sea of flowers!

    Reply
  59. Patti

    If my pilot looked like that, I would get over it!

    Reply
  60. Tammy at The Butterfly Mind

    I LOVE flying – big plane, small plane, helicopter – doesn’t matter. It’s in the genes. My brother’s a pilot. An uncle was a pilot (in WWII and then as a career with PanAm), and now my daughter is a pilot. Read here about my first aerobatic ride with her – what a trip!
    http://thebutterflymind.com/ramblings_0143_wildblueyonder.htm

    Reply
  61. Maura (in Kansas)

    Hello Corey! I just found your blog through my friend Cynthia at Beatnheart. She REALLY wanted me to check out your blog and I am VERY glad I did! I love France and all things French and finally got over there in 99 with my sister from England. I only saw Paris…but I was in LOVE! I am going to have fun going through your blog archives..thank you for sharing your life with so many people and giving us a chance to see what it’s like to live as the French do! Oh…I don’t like flying either…and especially in small planes. Love the Joystick! I hope you have a wonderful evening. Maura

    Reply
  62. helene

    I fly with my husband whenever he asks. I feel much safer in the Cessna than in any auto on the freeway. I would never ride on a motorcycle because THAT is dangerous. I have been convinced (by loving husband) that the small plane is one of the safest means of transportation. There is very little traffic, plenty of places to land, many more engine safety checks required than an auto. And the accident, if there is to be one, is relative quick and fatal. My husband is so passionate about flying that I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to be with him when he is in that state.
    Early on I took a class offered in General Aviation here in the States called Flying 911. It is a ground school that taught me the basics of avionics. That is how the plane stays in the sky. I began to understand that the small planes are so well designed that they want to stay aloft and will do so as long as they have the speed. The class also goes over some of the basics of how to use the radios if you need help. It is reassuring to know these basics and I have no interest in being a pilot because that involves way more math and remembering numbers (like 180 means South).
    Anyway, my advice is to get some knowledge to reassure yourself and know that it will make French Husband so happy.

    Reply
  63. rita darnell

    the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
    look who’s talking! i would not go up in that thing for all the antiques in france. no matter who my hubby was nor my gazillion friends telling me to.
    your fear is yours. if it rules, then so be it. ride the motorcycle twice as much! he will know you love him either way!

    Reply

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