Madame M. the Visit that Changed my Life

 
Photos and text by Corey Amaro

Madame M. came to my house when I was thirty-four.

She did not bring a gift to my newborn baby, nor was she subtle, dare I say rude, as she entered quickly, barely saying hello. Madame M. has lived with me since then.

Mixing Baby Blues and menopause is a cocktail few have tasted, but let me tell you, it is one nasty drink. A lack of hormones can cause people to do drastic things. I did not shave my head, but when I see women who do, I wonder if they, too, tasted Madame B.B.'s underrated drink. Mix in Madame M., and it is psychedelic!

In Madame M.'s presence, how was I to know that I would not need a coat for the next five years? She gave new meaning to the word hot, and not in the way of sexy.

angel with mirror


I had heard tales of Madame M. how she could slap you on the side of your head, cause your face to turn red, have you forget your name, and make you feel, unlike a natural woman. I was shocked to learn everything I had heard was true. Yes, she was a head trip I wish I did not have to take. The journey was long, tedious, and without a road map or Estrogen as a friend, I stumbled along the way. Thankfully French Husband stood by me, loving me while I wrestled with myself under the influence of Madame M.

who are you

When I was thirty-four, I had ovarian cancer (stage two). The chemotherapy rendered me menopausal. The doctors forgot to tell me about Madame M.'s visit. A few nights after my first chemotherapy, I kicked the covers off, opened the window wide, and swore to God the house was on fire. It took a few more nights of this routine before it dawned on me that I was experiencing hot flashes.

Hot flashes were easy breezy compared to the other party favors Madame M. brought me. The worse trips I ever took with her were the ones where I felt I was going down the kitchen drain. Hard to explain to someone who hasn't had menopause but Madame M. can make you think you are going crazy. I saw ants crawling out of my pours. I pinched myself to see if I was awake, then wished I was sleeping.

bubble passes by the louvre

 

Thirty-two years have passed since Madame M. came to live with me. I have several coats and wear them often funny how she makes me feel cool after years of feeling too hot.

Lately, my women friends talk about menopause; naturally, they are of that age and some are older and Madame M. opens up her other bag of tricks. One party favor after another. I look at them, smile, think back, and count my lucky stars. Madame M. is a resident in my body; we live comfortably with one another, dare I say harmonious.
______________________________________

Has Madame M. come to visit you?



Comments

72 responses to “Madame M. the Visit that Changed my Life”

  1. an Australian Corey friend

    Oh, Madam M, she has me too…
    I rue the day she came to stay.
    Does anyone know how to send her away?
    All suggestions welcome.

  2. Massilianana

    No , not yet . Though I feel so strange lately , either it is stress or madame M. peeking. I plan to check this with my doctor in a couple of days , actually !!!

  3. Lieselotte

    …you meant to say “hormonius ” ?
    LOL, waiting for Mme M. to come and bring me more heat .

  4. Luckily, when she arrived she was only a mildly annoying guest. Loving her stay now…life is calm and comfortable…in fact, beautiful and romantic too!

  5. oh yes…she came to stay with me after a radical hysterectomy…oy vey! My sister told me to think of the hot flashes as “power surges.” It did help…a little…

  6. She has been with me for a year now and it is time for her to go!! I have joined a fitness class for just this – and I hate to exercise but I will try it to see if she will subside and maybe lose some of the gifts she has brought(weight gain)good luck to all…….

  7. Oh yes, I can relate! The word “thingy” has become part of my vocabulary when I can’t remember certain words!(which is more often than I want to admit!)The hot flashes still happen occasionally. My mom is 91 & still gets the occasional hot flash. I have memories of her sticking her head in the freezer for some quick relief. Unfortunately I can’t do that since we have a fridge with the freezer on the bottom & I’d probably pull my back out!

  8. Madame M is waiting right around the corner for me having lost my ovaries to surgery at 41. (my mother survived ovarian cancer too) I’ve had hormone replacement for years, but as 50 approaches, I am considering giving it up and just dealing with the change in temperament and temperature.

  9. I went through menopause 10 yrs ago.. when radiation fried my ovaries.. and under instructions of my oncologist I went on to HRT now 10 yrs later they take me off it because of a breast cancer scare and I am having not hot flushes, but volcanic ones.. and I am very sad.. I do not feel like a natural woman at all and it is a wonder my husband who is dutch even sticks around.

  10. Weaverbec

    She came 5 years ago. Right after surgery. If it weren’t for the hormone patch, I would be unemployed and divorced. She still hangs around, waiting…

  11. Your story made me thank my lucky stars that at 58 I’ve not once experienced the horrors of Madame M.! Everything simply “stopped” at age 50, no hot flashes, no foul moods…nothing. If there were any changes at all I’d say I became much more amorous, to my husband’s delight! Maybe it’s my lifestyle, herbs..good food…lots of outdoor excercise..little stress, lots of pets, etc. etc. vitamins to keep skin soft when the estrogen levels plummet. By the way, they now say skinny women have a greater estrogen loss…a reason to stay alittle plump at least! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Madame M has yet to visit me.

  12. My mother and my grandmother went through the same thing. My mother had a tubal pregnancy at age 30 which followed by the beginnings of cancer cells. They did a full hysterectomy at age 32. It took her about 6 years before she returned to herself. My grandmother started going through menopause at age 32 and since she is no longer living I am not too sure her story. Somehow, God has heard my prayers and I have escaped early menopause, but I will not be proud but be quiet and humble because I know it could come knocking at my door at any time. Hopefully, God will give the strength to my husband to endure because I know first hand how it effected my mother. It was like she was possesed. Thanks for opening up your life each day to all of us out here in blogland.

  13. Hmmm, she comes to visit. I am in the perimenopausal stage… it sucks as it is now. It won’t be long, we go early in my family. ugh.

  14. Marie-Noรซlle

    Madame M must have been busy getting at you and more women friends and so had no time for me OR she may have visited me but I did not hear the door bell when she turned up … So she sent her assistant who was much sweeter and by far more humane. That was very early for me, (in my early forties), probably due to my auto-immune disease + treatment.
    Everything went on without my noticing it !
    @ “Australian Corey friend” : What about changing your door bell ???

  15. Why yes Corey, Madame M. is here! Thanks for asking. It’s not as bad as it could be. I found a nutritional supplement that’s stopped the hot flashes. And I DON’T miss my old friend Miss P.!!!!!!

  16. Not here… Madame P has been visiting me for the past 33 weeks… I’m already 35, but I hope Madame M stays away for a while, because Madame P is leaving in about 7 weeks (but leaving someone else behind), and I’d like her to come back for at least one more visit, maybe two, even though she brings some hot flashes, too…

  17. Ah, yes, Madam M . . . First off, I am sorry that you had to go through this so early in your life, with a new child, and all the rest you had to go through with ovarian cancer. Having said that, I am so happy you made it through.
    I had a hysterectomy at 48, was immediately put on a patch, and must say I felt better two weeks after surgery than I felt the day going into it. I recovered quickly and my life became so much more, well, livable.
    Life went on well for quite a few years, then, like a few others here, the decision was made to take me off of HRT. OMG – menopausal symptoms returned in a flash – a hot one – over and over again. Foul mood, dry skin, and a memory that often escaped me.
    A few weeks into this and boyfriend #1 drove down to ask for our daughter’s hand in marriage. Can you believe how rewarding that is in this day and age? No? Well, two weeks after that boyfriend #2 came over to ask the same for our other daughter.
    Six years later, I have survived; hot flashes abated, memory, well, forget about that, and weight gain, yikes. But, a few weeks ago, my first grandchild was born, and all is right with the world.

  18. Mmm M visited me via something called stress menapause about five years ago. Going through a batch of depression I was hit by this lady at the same time. Didn’t realise at the time as life was just crashing everywhere. It wasn’t till later that doctors told me I had had a stress manapause. Now through that wood I think. just battling the other trees.
    Hang in there
    Karon x

  19. Madam M has sent me on way too many trips to the tropics!!!

  20. Corey, I had the privilege of meeting you when you were in Texas, so I am so glad such a beautiful soul made it through Madam C, Madame M and the after-BB Blues.
    I went from birth-control pills to hormone replacement and skipped the symptoms of Madame M. However, I have to constantly find doctors who will understand and prescribe the replacement meds. Right now, I have a great doctor who believes in HRT for the rest of my life…but he’s almost my age!

  21. Madame M came later than normal to me and has been pretty mild; no night sweats and is mostly gone after 5 years or so. I actually welcomed the “flush” because it was preceded every time by a weird sensation in my body like a panic attack, and I was always relieved when I was sure it was just the flash and not me going crazy. I likened it to the way a cat suddenly jumps up and races about the house, then lies back down.

  22. Madame M. I spent my 30’s going through fertility drugs and 6 miscarriages – all the while dealing with the a Madame M. imposter – not quite her but same baggage. It’s not fun having your body feel like it’s on fire when you live in Phoenix I can tell you. All this ended in a hysterectomy at 42 and I’m much better. The imposter went away but I’m expecting the real lady back in a few years. At least I’m ready for her this time.

  23. OK, that was brilliant!!! I was thinking Madame M was a cat at first. You put a name on our nemesis, without rancor or complaining, and I’m sure it touched us all. I just love it.

  24. My mother had a hysterectomy in her late 40s. Madame M became a member of the household about the time I was heading off to college. Fortunate for me, not so much for my father and four younger siblings. My parents were just starting to build their house. After 25 years, they were building their dream home. Only Madame M at times made it seem more like a bad dream with her demands and tantrums. Thankfully, Madame M is more subdued now but my parent’s house is an artic zone and I don’t like being cold!

  25. The only good thing about Madame M is that “Miss P” is gone after never missing a month since I was 10. I was hit with clinical depression, hypothyroidism and menopause all the same year. My hot flashes rated in the SEVERE category, several times an hour, 24/7. I too had the anxiety that preceded each hot flash. 5 years later everything is pretty much resolved and I am so thankful and so understanding of anyone going through her horrendous visit.

  26. total hysterectomy at 28.. but the weird thing is that now that I am 56, some of the symptoms have resurfaced.. cruel lady Madame M.

  27. Love you my darling
    I love your stories
    You even make Madam M sound glamorous
    Smiles
    Someone said don’t think of them as hot flashes but Power Surges…….Smiles

  28. I believe we are just becoming acquainted. From what I read, it will years getting to know one another, and she is already wearing out her welcome ๐Ÿ˜‰

  29. Madame M has been living with me for a couple of years but I’ve been to see her keeper and she’s moving out soon. The worse of it is memory loss for me. Last week I worked with three women for two days. This week, I couldn’t name them.
    Madame M. is no longer welcome. Upon her departure, I welcomed new guests in my life: bio-identical hormones. It’ll take a while to shake off the memories of M, about 3 weeks, I think.

  30. I was 45 stage one…had total hysterectomy…funny that word begins like hysteria ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Madame M. came for a visit and my Dr.prescribed hormone replacement…this was quite a few years ago before all the reports came out about hormone replacements.
    My current Dr. is trying to wean me of said replacements…however, it is not working so I may be on it for the rest of my life. I am longing for a good nights sleep under the duvet instead on top of it ๐Ÿ™‚

  31. I was just two years older than you – 36, when I had my surgically induced experience. The hot flashes and weird dreams started while I was still in the hospital recovering from the surgery. I was fortunate in that I’ve been able to do hormone therapy, ultimately. Until things were balanced, however, I did some things that made me feel as though I was standing outside myself, watching another woman who looked like me, making a total fool of herself. Worst memory – a weeping, door-slamming episode in my boss’ (all glass) office. With everything dripping down my face, I had to participate in the office fire drill down seven flights of stairs with about 150 other people. It’s been 23 years, and I still cringe!

  32. Oh Yes! She is with me as I type to you tonight! I had a hysterectomy (total) at 37. Fortunately I had a great gp, who advised hormones, so no early meno. for me. But when I reached 50 last year the hrt was gradually stopped and heavens hasn’t madam M made up for lost time! I now always carry a fan with me…

  33. Lorelei Lane

    OMGoodness, Corey, I thought you were talking about the neighbor’s cat…. Madam M has been visiting me about 5 years now….she’s making me hot and cold, testing my emotions, and turning my hair grey and my skin dry. Not a very nice companion. She should move on….

  34. One brief but fairly heated visit…..thought I had escaped, for 5 glorious years then just as I was convinced I had flown through Madam M’s visit, just like my Mother had, she returned with a vengeance! Panic attacks…weight gain…..on standby at all times ready to fight or disappear into the woods!!!! Have now started mindfulness classes and hope to throw her out the door in eight weeks, hopefully never to see her again!!!!

  35. So that is what is wrong with me?!!?!?!?!
    I swear it wouldn’t happen to me…
    But reading the comments..and I am 53 now…
    The saucy woman must have tippy toed in without my preparing for her.
    I haven’t the hot flashes,but the dippiness and depression.
    Oh I don’t think I like Madame M.

  36. Oh yes, Madam M. snuck in without me knowing. A hysterectomy at 40 but since I still had ovaries Doctors said none of my symptoms were menopausal, they were in my head – and as a good patient I beleived. Hind sight knows Madam M. was here all along. depression, weight gain, I literally could wring a bowl of sweat from my gown, my hair all wet a 2pm, but the worst was the insomnia. Madam M. kept me up all night every night, once 3 nights in a row with no sleep I thought I was going insane. My supportive husband was at a loss as how to help me. Here take an anti-depressant said the good doctors, which gave Madam M. the chance to run nightmares through my head should I dare fall asleep. It was a long 10 years until I saw my way through it, but NO anti depressants for me, and Madam M. has been put in her place.
    Women the weaker sex? Rubbish!

  37. Great Post Corey. I can’t imagine going through all you went through – cancer, surgery, baby blues, Madame M. I’m so glad you are well today – your posts are the brite spot in my mornings.

  38. Oh, yes! She came from a hysterectomy when I was 36. Funny how in one day time you can go from normal to a raving lunatic! I didn’t have her sneak up on me – it happened within a few hours. However, I am very grateful that I did not have it because of chemo like you did. There should be a club or something!!

  39. That must have been so awful for you Corey. To get hit with all of that at the same time.
    Oh yes, Madame M came and she was polite at first, even making me laugh at her silliness. Then, without any warning, she turned into the Tazmanian Devil. And offered a side dish of Anxiety Disorder. My Granny and Aunt both went “a little funny”, but I was young and didn’t know what was going on. I’ve been on an anti-depressant for 4 years now and my doctor told me it also helps with menopause symptoms which I would agree with. Before I was diagnosed with the AD I was convinced I was going crazy. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I have read that years ago Asylums were filled with a lot of woman our age that were simply going through menopause. I have no doubt that, years ago, I would have been in an Asylum.

  40. Oh brave darling…you were so courageous. And now look at you. A fighter with a wicked sense of humor no doubt developed during your battle. Mad man M has stayed with me for 6 years now. I don’t know if she’ll ever leave! She is not welcome anymore but can’t take a hint…go away! I say, but still she stays…

  41. Bio Identical Hormones are the only thing that keeps me sane. I tried going without and OMG, I’m amazed I didn’t kill someone, or myself. I literally thought I was going insane. I finally woke up and got myself to the doctor when I realized that as I drove home from work, I had mentally composed a suicide letter to my grand daughter……this condition is not to be taken casually.

  42. After a Hysterectomy at 32 Madame M came hard, fast and furious. I thought I was loosing my mind. After being mis -diagnosed with chemical imbalance of the brain, wrong medication, and other assorted traumas, FINALLY a doctor gave me my sanity back and slapped a HRT patch on me… I am now almost 57, still need the patch, and grateful for them. My husband and family are even more grateful. Lack of HRT can bring on a migraine and disrupt my happy life.
    Thank You Corey for starting a conversation that might help other women reading know they are not so all alone in their journey. This was truly a C.A. Public service annoucement.

  43. She’s on my doorstep!

  44. Dear Corey,
    How wonderful. Only you can take a subject such as menopause and turn it into a riveting story. Madame M was beautiful.

  45. My mother had the menopause from Hell, so severe that from my teens I truly dreaded mine. (Turns out smoking can aggravate symptoms, and she puffed at least 2 packs a day — yuck). Late in her menopause, estrogen pills began being prescribed, which helped her symptoms but doubtless caused her uterine cancer, which fortunately was diagnosed early.
    Since I don’t smoke, and we avoid smoking like the plague (as well as my having half my heredity from my dad’s side of the family!), I was a lot luckier in the menopause lottery than my mom. Hot flashes could be managed by wearing lots of twin-sets, so I could remove/replace the cardigan easily whenever needed. I’d wear very little to bed, and maybe just have a sheet over me, if necessary. Happiness was when I stopped having periods (not that mine were bad, and they just sort of dwindled away without any undesirable side-effects). I felt so liberated once they stopped!

  46. Ed in Willows

    Speaking from a man’s point of view, I can say M. definitely visited me. But that’s like saying a hurricane visited for 20 years. All the women in my wife’s family start in their late 20’s or early 30’s and she was no exception. Mood swings is to put it lightly. It was more like a demonic possession. Thank god for hormone pills. I nicknamed her hot flashes as “power surges”. She would throw the covers off in the middle of winter and be bundled up in the heat of summer. She’s in her 50’s now and things have finally settled down. The only problem is, now I have hot flashes. Yes, my doctor told me there really is a type of “manopause”. And I thought going bald was all I’d ever have to worry about.

  47. She came to visit me a year ago. I had hot flashes for about 3 months. I guess they can come back, but haven’t yet. I got really grumpy and gained weight. What is it with the weight gain. Is it just me?
    Betsy

  48. O God, dont want to meet her.

  49. AAHHHHH 65!! those mindless, tearful, hot years are behind me. Now Madame A has moved in. She literally hurts you!! Shoulders, butt, hands, and the best part is she leave little bits of treasure where she has visited, mainly in your knuckles!!
    Someday looking forward to Madame D! “no more sorrow, no more pain…..”
    Really, I am not depressed at all!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    See you in May

  50. Corey, You have a graceful way of making the subject easy to talk about. The wisdom women can share with one another in a forum like this is coming close to “sleep overs” and late nights around the camp fire. Thank you for gathering such a thoughtful and wise group together.
    Madame M. came long ago and left many gifts. Mostly I remember going into the basement and screaming into a pillow so I could release the steam without terrorizing my children and husband who I knew were not the cause of any of the anxiety. Now, there is smooth sailing and a personality trait that knows “this too shall pass” about all the bad . . .and the good. It seems only slightly easier to remember now that this particular moment, right now, is the only one. And it is great (if even for this moment).

  51. Brenda L from TN

    Oh yeah….I was 48 and having hot flashes and sweating like a stuck pig in bed at night. I had the fan trained on me every night so I could sleep….One day I came home from work and went into the bedroom to change clothes and there it was. I couldn’t believe my eyes!! My (now ex) husband had installed a celing fan over our bed…I was so happy…it was and remaines the nicest thing he ever did just for ME. Of course he benefitted as well, but I knew he had done it for ME, since he wasn’t having any hot flashes.. at least not the kind I was having. So I understand why you were hanging out the window.

  52. Leslie Metzger

    Ah, Ms. Corey–You have hit a nerve! Up until recently no one talked about menopause. My friends would deny it as sweat streamed down their faces! So, I went my Grandmother’s route–no drugs but boy, I had one helluva teenage rebellion! It was good for me and I did settle back down. Another group of great stories to bind us women together.
    Here’s the very BEST NEWS. Ever heard of PMZ (It’s called Post Menopausal Zest)? You can bet that Corey has arrived at that place and so have I. I finished college, got an interesting job, published a book, don’t give a damn what anybody thinks (in a nice way, of course)and best of all–I’m really comfortable with myself. I love this new part of life. You all will, too! If you survive the night sweats!

  53. Oh yes, been there done that. Aside from being hot in bed ๐Ÿ˜‰ the worst problem I had was sleeping at night. Late nite TV and I became friends for the first time in my life, that is, when I didn’t have a good book to read.
    It’s so wonderful that you can look back on your experience and share them for the benefit of so many. And thank God you lived to tell the tale of such a difficult time in your life!

  54. Well yeeeessssss. Madam M is starting to make an appearance and thank you for giving her a name. I shall now refer to her that way and maybe we can become friends. Sort of.
    Cheers, Corey.
    Kim

  55. Madame M comes so differently to each woman. Your experience has been difficult, but I appreciate your story and humor. My mother’s friends called her “hot flash frannie” when she was going through it and I dreaded the thought. But for me it seemed easy in comparison. Thanks for sharing your stories.

  56. Birdbrain

    COLD FLASHES and migraines!! Imagine being under a down comforter fully dressed in long sleeves, sweatshirt, jeans and two pair of socks in a house at 80 degrees in August in Chico, still shivering and looking at your blue fingernails. Not fun and really weird. Menopause just makes your internal thermostat go on the blink. Oh, and if you used to get that pre-period headache, you can expect to get a magraine now and again or try once a week. I don’t do migraines and lucky for me my nurse midwife practitioner put me on low dose HRT. Live in fear she’ll take them from me, but she says studies show women starting HRT in their early fifties do not run the risks shown in previous HRT studies.

  57. Jenny McH

    I have been to a naturopath the last eighteen months to help with migraines that I got every month,which have now been controlled. Then a few months ago the hot flushes started and I recently had an anxiety attack late at night, at the same time constant hot flushes, pin & needles in my left arm & chest so my husband insisted on an ambulance taking me to hospital. What a weird experience that was and one I hope is not repeated. So I think Madame M is constantly popping by for a quick visit. I wish she would stay at her own place & leave us alone. Now I understand why my Mum was a little weird when I was in my late teens! I am nearly 52 and I hope all this is over soon. from Jenny

  58. Well at 51, I would say she’s peeking around the corner for me – just waiting to spring like a cat on a mouse. Although I have had at times what feel like hot flashes over the past few years. They’re just not very regular yet. After reading everyone else’s stories, I’m not sure I’m looking forward to this!!!

  59. No, no visit yet. But I wonder sometimes. I have way overly emotional on certain days.
    I did have kids much later than most. Heck, most of my high school classmates are grandparents. I am excited to see Livi at her PreKindergarten graduation..and Will graduate Kindergarten. But still, yes, I wonder how far off it is.
    I keep coloring the gray, not ready to embrace that aspect just yet. My babies are too young to go gray!!

  60. Madame M is why I am confidant God is a man. If He were a she, then we wouldn’t have hot flashes.

  61. Yes, we are walking arm-in-arm, come hell or high water! It started nearly four years ago. Thank you for this post. I’m in tears and I’m laughing! It has given me the perspective I’ve sought. Your timing is impeccable! My guy is truly about to end our relationship over this, as he refuses to believe it’s legitimate – thinks I’m making excuses – but I’m determined to get through it! Jamie V

  62. Madame M. has moved in with me and is a terrible house guest! I do not like her. It’s been a little over a year since my first hot flash, and it seems I get a new, delightful menopausal symptom every few months. The anxiety is horrible. The cold flashes are just weird. The spaciness is irritating. Menopause is not the worst thing I’ve been through (by far), but it is the most bizarre.
    Thanks for opening this conversation, Corey. It’s nice to know we’re not alone – or crazy.

  63. No, not yet and after reading all these I’m not looking forward to her. I’d really like to get it all over with and soon. Madame P. is about to make me crazy, dare I say I’d welcome Madame M. to not have Madame P.???? My Mother becomes very uncomfortable talking about any of this. I don’t know anyone yet who is going through it, so I’d have to do it alone. Poor man of the house.
    Wonderful post Corey. Your strength is truly admirable and beautiful. Oh my, I have to tell you, at first I thought you were talking about your mother in law, LOL, sorry. I didn’t think she lived with you.

  64. How eloquently put my friend, yes she has paid me a visit too in my early thirties and now nearly twenty years later we are at peace with each other. The changes she has made to my body have been amazing but my acceptance is now absolute and I relish in being the woman I was created to be. I am very new to this blogging world but I love your blog and the insights I receive are magic, funny, uplifting and exquisite
    Take care
    SusieQ

  65. Elaine L.

    It’s all been said and I’ve been through it all and it continues. I was put into premature menopause from chemo for breast cancer. I had heard that it lasts ten years, but I’ve been having hot flashes for 14 years. I don’t think there is an end in sight. I’ve pretty much adjusted to being crazy and not having a memory.
    ~elaine~

  66. Corey, thank you for giving her a name…
    You are blessed with a wonderful husband. When Madam M came to visit me, my husband “dropped out” the rest of the way and quickly found himself a younger, more buxom, blonder model… and since that nightmare I realize I’ve been given my freedom from a prison of sorts. It’s a do-over! Madame M is wired to make us inspect all parts of our lives and we get a chance to let go of what isn’t working and set a new course for ourselves. The caterpillar turns to a “soup” in the chrysalis before it becomes a butterfly… I had to do it entirely on my own… but what a lovely creature I must be transforming into! (I don’t always feel that way though, honestly… still soupy sometimes… hot, sleepless soup!)
    Your own story is so touching and inspiring… Madame Love certainly found you early in life and has made herself quite at home.

  67. monicawatercolors

    I suspect that menopause like PMS has different effects depending on our genes. My mother told me hot flashes are for life and to get used to them (at least in our family we have that proof!) I have prayed since age 46, when menopause set in naturally, that I learn to accept the changes gracefully.. but there are days! Just when I found myself comfortable with my body it started changing again…ah life:)

  68. Marvelous Madame M is gone, but has left a vapor trail behind her…
    The funniest part, is the effect she has had on my family, who rely on me for “all things memory”.
    Just turing the corner to 50 and I can no longer recall all the needed secret code numbers of our lives (and there are many for everyone these days.) Important things: appointments, birthdays, renewals, etc. have fallen through the cracks, much to the dismay of those around me.
    The blessing is that I have given up trying to run things! What a relief! My family was always so admiring of my “mind like a steel trap” These days it’s more like – “Steel trap, rusted shut.”
    But in a Good way. ๐Ÿ™‚

  69. My doctor put me on Depo Lupron 6 years ago to shrink my uterine fibroids, which put me in a drug induced menopause. I have sine had hysterectomy, but spared my ovaries.
    Oh my, I went to through the Big M like gangbusters. I couldn’t figure out why middle-aged women had not all been arrested for murdering their spouses. I felt crazy. I had to cut back my hours from work. If a patient looked at me funny, I’d break out in a sweat followed by chills.
    My beautiful husband was a doll through all of it. I remember why I love him so. At night he was threatened if he touched the ceiling fan. Waking up every two hours was truly a nightmare!
    I’ve been spared so far, and are praying that it’ll remain this way!

  70. Oh Madama M. I know her oh too well. Like you, we met during chemotherapy (for me, during breast cancer in 1990) and she has not left my side since. She is hardly companionable. Back in the chemo days, I was known as the wild woman who would be sitting calmly at her desk at work, and then suddenly, without warning, throw her charming red wig across the room and run to the bathroom in a wet blur. For the most part, she and I live separate lives now, but every so often she likes to visit to remind me that SHE is in charge. Thanks for putting her in a new light for me. Had I known she was a “madame”, I might have accepted her with a bit less hostility. Thanks for “feeling my pain”.

  71. Madame M. hasn’t come yet; but when she will ring at my door, I do hope you’ll be there, as ever you do, when I do need Help.
    Love you.

  72. Madame M. has not come to see me nor will she. I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 25, then lots of shots and things that chased her away, far, far away. Would I rather have M.M. than a hysterectomy at that age, oh yes. I live in the South and still freeze all the time…..
    Oh well, we each have our cross to bear.
    MimiG

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