Memory 1988:
Sitting up, he leaned over the couch and said, "Corey?"
"Oh Dad!" I was caught off guard, "You surprised me, I didn't know you were here."
I picked up the phone to call Yann, my soon to be French Husband. My Dad cleared his throat, you know the way one does when one has something difficult to say, and the words seem stuck in the pit of your stomach. "Corey, you know I've been thinking… Are you sure you want to marry this man? Think about it. If you do you will live on the other side of the world, we won't see you very often…. you'll be giving up everything… kind of like Jesus Christ?"
"Dad!" I giggled, then the reality of his loving me, his evident sadness kicked in… I, his only daughter, was marrying and moving to France.
His look, the moment of that time is fixed in my memory. I can still see his eyes glistening with tears on the brink of falling, his eyes loving me, begging me, hoping I would say, "I"ll stay."
Instead, I said, "Dad I love him. If I think about it I won't be able to do it. I have to trust and let it be. I have to follow my heart."
He sighed, "I know."
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The goodbye at the airport was beyond anything I have ever felt then or now. My parents walked with me to the very last check point at the airport. We bawled: Loud sobs, snot running down our face, without any words. We must have hugged each other over a thousand times… we could not let go. My Dad took my face in my hands and kissed me, my mom held me, my feet felt cemented to the ground.
I cried. I pulled away. I walked backwards through the gate and nearly all the way to the plane. I cried so hard that the airline stewardess asked me, "Are you sure you want to leave? You can still get off if you want?"
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When I thought about marrying I had a list that would run through my head… The man I married had to pass the test:
1) He had to be loving to people he did not know, bringing to mind random acts of kindness.
2) I had to see him mad at me and at others, to understand how he dealt with anger. (I think I have seen my husband mad twice.)
3) and, most importantly, I would ask myself….
Will he be a good Father, equal to the one I know?
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He is.
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