Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Would I Rather Have a Tanguy Situation?

Thank you for reassuring me that this feeling is something every Mother has. Yes, we know what it is like… the day our baby is put in our arms we know we are hopelessly going to fall in love deep, deeper and deeply. It is an amazing thing a mother's love for her child. Dang, I think it surpasses any love I have ever felt. Sorry French Husband, but I think you know what I mean.

Scary beautiful that love stuff is really.

Even when the baby doesn't sleep through the night until he is five years old.

Annie came over yesterday. While talking to her I broke into sobs, embarrassingly so… the more I tried to stop the more she looked at me like I was crazy. The crazier she looked at me I started to laugh that snotty kind of choky laugh.

"Corey?! Nobody is dieing. Nobody is hurt. Would you rather have Sacha and Chelsea living with you until they are in their forties, where you can iron their clothes, cook their dinner, buy their favorite yogurt, and not live your life like my friend across the street?"

Then she stood up and said, "You will be fine. Welcome to the part of motherhood that you thought about since the day they were born. Now tell me… Are you going to go to Willows too? Because if you do I will be very sad."

The cycle of life, the kumbaya, the whole enchilada is that love takes you on a journey that will have you laughing, crying and wondering how you ever got here in the first place.

Lucky is what I feel today. Lucky for a blog that allows me to know you, and for your generous response. Lucky that I had a Mother and Father who loved me. Lucky to have a husband who tries to keep me from being a brat, and luckier for having children who are so easy that they have spoiled me into knowing that normal is the new hot!


An excerpt from the French film: Tanguy, that came out several years ago. Tanguy is nearly thirty and who still lives with his parents. His parents want him to move out. He doesn't want to…. he is thirty going on sweet happy boy forever. The parents hatch a plan.

The excerpt is in French, but the storyline is easy to follow, and their home is beautiful… gee, I wouldn't leave for that reason alone.


When did you move out from home?

Comments

51 responses to “Would I Rather Have a Tanguy Situation?”

  1. Linda C.

    That Tanguy excerpt is Hilarious!
    Corey, let me tell you, after the initial sadness that your children have flown the coop. There is a brief, unfamiliar interlude of “Wow, it’s all about us now”, let’s have some fun.
    But, guess what? They all come flying back and with the added bonus of partners, delightful little ones, and of course, the reward seeing your children as good people.
    I left home or rather, escaped at 20.

    Reply
  2. miss Robyn

    I moved out of home at 17.. when I had my first baby ~ still a baby myself.

    Reply
  3. Kathy

    Our only child moved out in March. I know what you’re going through I was so very, very happy for her I didn’t expect the unexpected postpartum blues!! They were 24 years late but let me tell you, they were there! It’s better now and I am still happy for her!
    Kathy

    Reply
  4. Teri

    I left home when I was married at 19. Way too soon…
    We had a similar movie over here. It was called “Failure To Launch”, a comedy.

    Reply
  5. Vicki

    It is hard to let our children fly….I miss mine everyday….they mean more to me than anything else but I am enjoying my life like I never have. It gets better with time. My youngest came over this weekend and said “do you have to hug me everytime you see me?” & I replied “yes, I don’t care if you are 50 I will still hug you every time.” He will understand as soon as he is a father!!! My heart goes out to you Corey….I still shed tears sometimes when I think of them!!!! You will survive!!! Loving thoughts sent your way!!!

    Reply
  6. Evelyn

    I was back and forth during nursing school, but moved out completely at 20…first job, first apartment, first roommate. My mom and I had fun fixing up old furniture for me to have, going thru sheets and towels to stock my new cupboards, digging out old pots and pans, etc. You know…I never gave it a thought whether she was sad or not! Selfish child, I know. I was sad when my son moved out for a long, long time…some memory would trigger tears. That really didn’t go away until I saw him holding my first grandchild…get ready to fall in love all over again when that happens, Corey!

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  7. Beachy

    Grandchildren are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… they will come. And you know this is true, because look at how many generations of your family populate Willows?! 😉 hugs, Corey!

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  8. pauline

    That ache will always be there but it is soothed by return trips and lavished love – look at your own trips home to Willows!
    I left home at 20 and there were times I wished myself back. I miss my own four children, flung outward to the corners of the country. They are marvelous people, having learned how to fly on their own. That they fly back every now and then makes my heart full to bursting 🙂

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  9. Jeni

    Corey, you are so right on. Of course we don’t them to go…but of course they will and we will smile through our tears. I left running from home at 17. I feel better about my kids leaving, because they have lots of love to come back to and love to keep home in their hearts. I will have to reinvent myself as I have been home with them for 21 years, but this could be a good thing, right?! I’m so glad your sharing this with us, and I will laugh and cry with you.

    Reply
  10. marlis

    Permanently at 16.. it was a good thing.

    Reply
  11. Chris Wittmann

    It’s not a good thing for either parents or kids to pamper kids to the point where they always think they have mom and dad to take care of them, they grow up having no sense of responsibility and it’s bad for their relationships with others too. How can a man think of taking care of a wife if he’s home with his parents when he’s 30? Yikes!! Let them grow up, let them experience life on their own, you will always be there to pick up the pieces if things go bad, which inevitably sometimes they do. I left home at 21, 3 days after marrying English Husband. I had lived at home up until then, so I was never really out on my own living alone. But I wish I’d waited till I was at least 26 to marry!

    Reply
  12. Sharon, Morrison Mercantile

    Corey, I left home at 17 to marry in May. We were married for 40 years and then he died. My daughters had already made nest’s of their own.
    No matter how old we are,or what the situation is, separation is alway painful.
    The movie is right on:-)
    hugs…

    Reply
  13. Shelley@thiswhiteshed.blogspot.com

    My friend, the college professor, says many of her students have ‘helicopter’ parents…always swooping in to rescue.
    Re: movie clip: Symbolism of the great world beyond the windows – magnificent!
    I left at 18, sobbing into my pillow, and hanging over my balcony as parents drove away…and then life began, and our love endured!

    Reply
  14. Evelyn

    I moved out of my parents home when I was 19. My son left my home when he was 18. The day I left him at Duke University to start his freshman year of collage, I put on a brave face, hugged him goodbye, got in the car with my husband, and as soon as my son turned his back, I sobbed. We were on our way to Florida to visit my in-laws, and I did not stop crying until we reached Georgia. I still miss my “boy” and ache for him between our visits. It does get better, as everything does with time.

    Reply
  15. Wandering Chopsticks

    17, when I left for college. I was selfish. Caught up in new adventures and didn’t realize how hard it was for my parents to see their oldest child go. It got easier through the years though. But gosh! I was so homesick.
    Just think of what you were saying recently about how hard it was for your father to let you go to France. Sacha will be with family, regardless of which path he chooses to take. That should make it easier to let him go.

    Reply
  16. Ed in Willows

    Corey – If you haven’t seen it, find the movie “Failure to Launch” with Matthew Macconahey (sp)…. about the same thing and very funny

    Reply
  17. naomi

    I left and went across the country for college at 16. Came back for about 9 months right before I got married at 19. Now busy living happily ever after . . . 15 minutes from my parents!

    Reply
  18. vicki wegener

    Germaine Greer called this wish to stay close to one’s children “matrilocality”. I remember Sophia Loren stating in an interview that wherever her sons live she buys a house so she can be close.

    Reply
  19. Darlene

    I am a late bloomer…that or a scaredy cat. I was bound and determined to be out of my parents’ house by 30…so I bought a home of my own at 29. I bought it in November. I didn’t move into it until the next April. And then only because my Dad moved my bed over there and I had no place to sleep!

    Reply
  20. Penny

    I started leaving home when I went away to college. It was a slow leaving: first college, first apartment; living with a favorite aunt and her family for a short while, then marriage. Gradual was nice.
    Our girls left gradually as well, but, the big change was when our younger daughter went out to CA from IL. My poor husband drove her and her belongings to Pasadena, flew home, and then learned that our older daughter was moving to WI. All in a few weeks. That was hard, but, necessary for them to continue to grow into the fine women they are today. Here’s the payback, the good thing, the blessing that hopefully comes from the letting go – productive adults that are their own persons – and a grandchild!
    Sacha is young and just starting out with an adventuresome spirit and you will mourn the passing from child to adult and it will hurt like you-know-what and then, just like giving birth, you will forget the pain and relish the young man he becomes.

    Reply
  21. Sue from Seattle

    I didn’t move out until I was almost 23. I lived at home while I went to college and couldn’t afford to go to school and pay for an apartment. My mom says I left home at 12…she is old fashioned and thinks you should live at home until you are married. Yikes I’d still be there. haha

    Reply
  22. Lorelei Lane

    I enlisted in the Women’s Army Corps just before I was 18. It was the early 70’s. I’ve lived in my hometown for 2 years after that but have lived in another state for almost 30 years. When my husband and I can both retire, we want to live in my hometown. The pace is slower – just a few redlights – lots of porch sitting and neighbors who are older and offer advice (like Annie). Sounds perfect!!

    Reply
  23. Christina

    Left Germany at 24 to move out of my parents home in with hubby to the U.S.
    The hard thing is when you come from a closeknit family… cars, trains seem easier, closer to keep that newly won distance not so painful. Add a possible planeride to that and expenses that come with that, it makes that distance huge…
    For me,even 14 years can’t keep that pain away. It get’s easier though…
    Guessing that optimism is not lacking in you, it’ll turn out just alright :o)

    Reply
  24. Toni Mason

    Left the east Bay area, Antioch, in 1969 and came to live with my new husband in his victorian apt. in Willows….it was an extremely happy time!….

    Reply
  25. Brenda L from TN

    I left home at 19 to be married…too soon as someone said. My youngest son left at 26 to get married and now I have 2 wonderful grandkids. Believe you me, THAT’S what is so wonderful…”GRAND” kids…they surely named them right…they are GRAND. .I had a sign in my antique booth once that said…”Grandkids are your reward for not killing your own kids”. It sold the next day. Sacha and Chealsea will always “come home” and each visit will become a happy memory. Best of luck to them both.

    Reply
  26. Kate of the North

    I left home at 15, when I moved into the dormitory at a boarding school in the city. And when I was home, I was never there … was always out with friends.
    Too cute, how the parents in the film excerpt are so delighted to have their home to themselves! My boys go to their dad’s for the month of July and we two left behind also enjoy that extra bit of freedom.

    Reply
  27. Nancy from Mass

    I left home at 26 when I got married. I could have moved out earlier, but then I would not have met my hubby (I would have moved to northern NH and would never have seen him). I have an only son and I can’t bear to think about the day he leaves to go to college! Thankfully, I have 6 more years to find out how much my heart will ache for him. At least if Sacha goes to Willows, he will still be with family. It won’t make it easier though, will it?!

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  28. Gwendie

    Annie is completely right. I raised my children to be independent so how, when they were grown, could I suddenly tell them not to be? The worst part is before they go. After about a week, life seemed normal again. The part of my life with my children here was wonderful but so is this part – it’s just different.

    Reply
  29. Everton Terrace

    I like how Kathy put it – postpartum blues. I feel your pain. Just left my daughter (only child) in Seattle (I was visiting) where she has been for almost a year now. It is so darn hard. My biggest fear now is that she will want to stay there after she graduates. I can’t let my mind go there, too hard. At the very least, you know he will have family around him and that must be a comfort.

    Reply
  30. Jean Wright

    Oh, Corey…I can only sympathize! My son moved out last year for university, my daughter leaves next year–and yes, I want to go with her. Empty nest is beginning to hit hard. And, yes, they come home, but it’s not quite the same — but this is how we grow.
    I left home at 18 and it must have killed my mother (to whom I am very close). But I’ve never been back even though I divorced with really very small children. My mother still misses me a lot, and I miss her.

    Reply
  31. kip Mitchell

    I was the kind who couldn’t wait to have my own place! Nowadays, in the states at least, kids have the big screen at home, the pool, the AC, etc. so of course they don’t want to leave home, lol!
    I did go away my last two years in college, about 5 hours away, and only came home for the holidays. When I finally graduated, I moved into my own apartment but it was in the city where my parents were so not far away!!
    Congrats to Sacha! That means you and French husband, did your jobs well! Be proud.

    Reply
  32. giftsofthejourney (Elizabeth Harper)

    I left home at 18 when I joined the Army and never lived at home again. I’m afraid I never considered how my parents might feel. Selfish child! Sorry for your sad heart. I miss my almost 23 year-old daughter all the time.

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  33. Patty

    I have 4 wonderful boys and sending the oldest off was the most difficult. I remember watching him with his college orientation group and I felt like I did when he went to kindergarten. Will the other boys like him, will he make friends? My other boys joke that I cried every day in September as I made Joe’s favorite dishes and he was not there to eat them. Having grown children is just another phase of being a mother – each phase having joys, frustrations and sorrows. I love when my boys are all together and still have such love for each other. I have one more still at home and believe me when he leaves I will be a basket case.
    I left for college at 17 and married at 21. My mothers biggest sorrow was when I moved from the east coast to California at age 35. I don’t think she has ever forgiven my husband.

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  34. Marilyn

    Having a 41 year old son living with us I can totally relate. You definitely don’t want that. They need their wings and fly. You can sit back and be proud of them and love them and know that you and they did a good job.

    Reply
  35. Di

    I moved out at 18 for university, but managed to come home most weekends and at holidays – then I moved elsewhere to work at 23 and still came home most weekends for a night for a few years and now I go home about once a month – but I speak with my parents every 2nd or 3rd night! THink how much easier it is to keep in touch now when we have phones, internet, Skype, aeroplanes….my aunt left for the USA (from Scotland) aged 22 and 12 months later got married – 3 days after my own parents – and with not enough time for her parents to get from Scotland to New Hampshire……..

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  36. Sally

    and lucky to have an Annie nearby. I have a feeling that you perform the same reflective role for friends and family yourself. Tell Annie she’s the best.

    Reply
  37. Liz

    Hi Corey… lump in throat time reading the last two posts and comments. Eldest son moved 300 miles to university and I cried for three days. Three years later, he announced his gf of 7 months was 6 months pregnant [they really hadn’t known]. More tears. Now they live the same 300 miles away with their gorgeous son now nearly 3. Son is an infrequent communicator and I worry over their relationship not their parenting. Such conflicting emotions and endless flapping of mother hen wings.
    Next two children live 200 miles away – it was nice to read the comment that they feel confident to go away – but I miss them all and les temps perdus with a physical ache at times. Motherhood!

    Reply
  38. kelly

    I left home at the age of 20 to marry….its hard to let go….but Im also looking forward to when my daughter leaves in a few years ..I will be able to travel…and my kids will always be my kids..but I also want them to live their dreams..even if Im not a part of those dreams….as longs as they call and try and make it home when they can 😉

    Reply
  39. ann

    it is very hard, especially when your quiet son leaves for London at 18. I cried, ate too much and became depressed! his elder sister and younger brother leaving later did not affect me in the same way. 16 years later I am at ease with him still in London, he now has a wife to look out for him. Talk with Annie, she is so wise, I wish I had her in my life. and remember your husband will also be missing your children, xx

    Reply
  40. cheri

    Yes Corey… watch Failure to Launch- it will lighten your mood! I left home way too soon (16) not good! My kids left home young too- I thought that as normal. It sounds like your children are on a very good path. It’s cliche, but there is a song that talks about giving your kids roots so they can also have their wings. Sacha’s wings may take him many places, but his roots will always be with you. Hang in there… it does get better!

    Reply
  41. Jo Eike-Smith

    Corey, I left home at 18 to marry and was horribly oblivious to my parent’s feelings. Unfortunately, I made a very unwise marriage and later divorced, but have four, absolutely amazing children. The youngest, at 25, is leaving home in September to teach in — of all places — Aix-Marseilles! It was terribly difficult at first to give my children the freedom they craved, as they flew from the nest and faced challenges of their own. However, it has been the joy of my life to see them grow into such interesting people who are realizing their dreams. Fortunately, thanks to modern technology, we can communicate in an instant, so we are never far from each others hearts, even if we may be hundreds, or thousands, of miles apart.

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  42. karina westfall

    Corey,
    I am not a mother, but still can understand what are you feeling right now. I left my parents house when I was 23 years old. Left my homeland looking for a new life in the USA. Leaving and starting our own life at a young age is hard and exciting at the same time. I am sure that Sacha will be calling you a lot, and missing you both. Especially during birthdays, holidays, or anyother special event. It is nothing like been with family, with loving parents, etc.

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  43. carol

    Corey,
    I did so well when my daughter (1st born) went to college. No tears, that is, until Christmas. At Christmas I sat beside her on the stairs and cried like there had been a death in the family. I still miss her so much, but know that she must spread her wings (7 yrs. later). Her younger brother is now 16 and will leave all too soon. Being the last to go, I feel your pain all too well. I hope I will have the courage to not turn into a crying, sobbing mess when it is his turn to go. Your posts will be a gentle reminder and I wish I had an Annie!

    Reply
  44. Throughthemilkhousedoor

    I moved to San Francisco at the age of eighteen. Dreaming of the city’s exterior. Left behind what was familiar and what I loved most. My family and friends. Living in a city of one million. Took a risk. Married my city neighbor and became a part of the city’s interior…..Today, I still dream of it’s exterior…

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  45. Catalina

    as a daughter I went away at 18, and came back a year later. Stayed as Tanguy until 30 and then away again and come back once in a while. Living abroad is an adventure! you know that, painful sometimes, always amazing. Opens your mind and heart and that is really a treasure.
    Life has always many paths and we choose one or another even when not taking decisions. Your kids will do great because you are their parents and they have the heart skills to preserve themselves. You will miss them for sure, they will miss you as well. Love will be always the each second link.
    When a teenager I went to many places I knew my parents will never be and I used to believe: If I see these places is like they see them as well in a way. I loved this idea 🙂

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  46. Kathleen

    My husband said it compared to a death in the family when our eldest left for college at age 19yrs to go from Ireland to England!He cried buckets after she left at the airport and got me going too after holding it together while she boarded.Then when she returned unexpectedly after a month (gave up on her course wasnt happy) he said it was like another death in the family!
    She is home now until her first novel sells and makes her enough to move out!

    Reply
  47. Charlotte

    17! 15 if you count boarding school. Ask mum for advice on children flying the nest, now that Fabien is living back at home I think she can see some advantages to kids living faaaaaaar away!!

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  48. Liam’s Grandma

    Corey, I remember reading your blog where you wrote about your upcoming marriage and your father not wanting you to go. It is, indeed, difficult. But, at least as far as we know now, Sacha doesn’t intend on remaining in the States. Your father had it much worse, dear one!
    Also, if it helps (and I’m sure it won’t), my almost 29 year old son moved out for a year and came back home. Our 26 year old daughter moved out and returned home as well. With a baby boy. We love this 2 year old as if he were our own, but enough is enough already and we are trying to get them all to the point where they will move out and live on their own.
    I married my husband at 21 and have not been back “home” since. It was difficult for my parents because we live 400 miles away. At least we can visit and make the trip via car in 7-8 hours. And we do – often.

    Reply
  49. Emily jane

    Corey, when my firstborn went away for college I was so sad…in fact, I started to dread the first day of senior year of high school because I knew that meant the day would be coming very soon when David would be leaving. I remember that day vividly. We drove him the two hours to school and I was sad, but held it together. When I got home, I started to notice things that reminded me of him, for instance the laundry. I started a load and some of his dirty clothes were there and smelled like him, then I saw the car he drove and that hit me with a painful reminder. Suddenly, and uncontrollably I started to sob, and I sat down on the sofa with a box of tissues and just let it all out. I cried for an hour. And you know what? After that good, cleansing cry, a cry that i had been suppressing all summer and part of the year before, I felt better. That cry was all I needed to decompress my feelings and get them back to an even keel. You should do the same-allow yourself a good cry and all will be better. And as the weeks go by you will probably feel an ease coming over you, and you’ll be able to go on. Eventually, you will love your increased ‘me’ time and that will help you get over it.
    I wish you well. Just spill out your sadness into words. We, your faithful bloggy followers will embrace you with a group hug. Annie is right. Listen to her…how luck you are to have such a wise, old friend at your door.
    Here’s a {{hug}} Corey.
    Emily

    Reply
  50. kevin pinkerton

    I just watched it last week on tv5MONDE Asia

    Reply
  51. Linda

    I actually saw a scene of that movie being made when I was strolling around Paris near Place Vendome. I smiled at the actor but he just looked at me. Then I saw the movie and was so excited to see that scene. Good movie and it had a good point.

    Reply

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