Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Baptism of the Empty Nest

French-crystal

Photos and text: Corey Amaro

Sacha hadn't been gone more than fifteen minutes when French Husband's cell phone rang. By the sound of his voice I knew he was holding his excitement and calculating how he was going to tell me.

You see when in the beginning of our relationship we didn't speak each other's language. Sure chemistry is fun and can be a glue for awhile. But French Husband and I knew we needed more than that, and more so wanted more than that. 

In the beginning sign language is what we had going for us. It is incredible what you can say without saying two words. Miming was our new bag and we had plenty of tricks.

Scalloped-crystals

Anyway, when he was on the phone trying to containing his skin from jumping away, I knew something was up. When he hung up he said some guys from Belgium were transporting an electric plane, and they were going to set it up at the hangar (where he has mosquito). This electric plane is going to be the first postal service plane in the world, and its first flight is going to be between Nice and Monaco. They needed someone to open the door, and well French Husband had a key, and well…. he dropped me off at home and away he went.

The hangar is about two hours away. They worked late, spent the night, and this morning were still at it… he was absorbed and I knew that was a good thing.


French-antique-crystal-and-
 

I came home to an empty house. It felt strange. I knew I needed a distraction, one that kept me home. I started to clean the house that wasn't that dirty. Then I got on a ladder and dusted crystals, one by one. Brainless activity, which let my thoughts unwind, seeing the reflections from the crystals splatter on the walls….  in the end I faced the empty house alone.

Later I poured myself a glass of wine, allowing whatever feelings to come to surface and splatter on the floor baptizing the empty nest.

_______________________________

What do you do for distraction?

Comments

62 responses to “Baptism of the Empty Nest”

  1. Paulita

    Corey, I feel that ache with you. So thrilled for Sacha as he marches off to his “freedom” yet so lonely without a baby to mother. I have less than two weeks with my daughter Grace who goes to college 10 hours away. She is as teary as I am. I wish she’d make a sign of independence like Sacha. Cleaning crystals seems like as good an activity as any. Maybe I’ll buy some to clean.

    Reply
  2. Cynthia

    I work, work, work. And read (detective novels are best for distraction). And do jigsaw puzzles. Yes, sometimes cleaning like a maniac works. Good luck!

    Reply
  3. Chris Wittmann

    Though FH had alot to occupy his time and thoughts, it’s unfortunate he wasn’t there with you when you returned home to the “empty nest.” You folks must not have any pets, and that’s sad too, as they are the best stress-busters and grief absorbers known to mankind. I could never be “pet-less.” You and FH need to get out and do some fun things together in the coming days, re-connect with each other like before you had kids, and then take some time when things (and thoughts) have calmed down to plan a trip to America. Do more things together, not separately, I hear this goes a long way toward closing the wound of empty nest syndrome. Planning a trip to the US to see your family might really help the months fly by until you are reunited with Sasha. My thoughts are with you!

    Reply
  4. Bev

    Well, I exercise by walking the dogs, taking a zumba class, a core fitness class.
    I read, knit, pray, and try and memorize a little scripture.
    I bake. And I visit friends.
    You’ll adjust. It takes a little time.

    Reply
  5. marlis

    I’m so sorry, but it will get better. It took me a couple of years to get used to an empty nest, but then I’m a slow learner 😉
    I clean.

    Reply
  6. Karen

    I can see a bit of obsessive cleaning working for me in a month’s time when my daughter leaves for university! I guess we all have our own forms of distraction, and your husband’s was well-timed for him. I wish you well, Corey – and some good times with FH in between the sadness. May new adventures open themselves to you …

    Reply
  7. Linda C.

    I read your blog…

    Reply
  8. Ardi

    I think a trip to Annie’s is in order, Corey. She could probably tell you a story and help with the lonliness. I remember those empty feelings as if they were only yesterday and my kids have been grown and gone for many years. Luckily, they both live in the same area and we see them often. It will be a warm reception when Sasha comes home after his year in CA. Of course, it’s always a warm reception at your house.

    Reply
  9. Everton Terrace

    I make jewelry or read, sometimes turn on an old movie. What I WISH I had the desire to do was clean – that would be very beneficial. My daugther moved out of the house a few years ago but out of the state (Arizona to Washington) almost a year ago now. Sometimes I think it has gotten easier, sometimes it hasn’t. I pray for continued rain in Seattle so she’ll want to move back home!

    Reply
  10. Jacqueline

    I love the metaphorical feel of this post. Subconsiously or not, the crystals represent your tears, which finally poured forth. Baptism. Lovely.

    Reply
  11. tracy

    I used to take a day off from work and paint a room a different color. Working the trim and moving furniture around all day all of a sudden the day is gone, I am wiped out and haven’t thought about what was bothering me for hours! Best part, I have a brand new room. Rearranging helps too. When bone tired after a day like that, a nice glass of wine is THE finishing touch.

    Reply
  12. adee

    i clean!
    whenever i feel lost or troubled or don’t want to think what i’m thinking then, i start dusting, cleaning, wiping my room 🙂
    if i’m somewhere i can’t do that, i sleep 😀

    Reply
  13. Karen

    I so define myself as a “mother”, and I love that job. I am not looking forward to when the kids say “You’re services are no longer needed” and move on with their adult lives.
    Beautiful post. There’s a book coming, right? 🙂

    Reply
  14. Ed in Willows

    I go back and read old entries of Tongue In Cheek

    Reply
  15. Judy

    Isn’t change a wonderful and frightening thing? So much openness ahead. Bless you as you go through it. And thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    Reply
  16. Penny

    I polish silver; spoons and forks and knives, then trays and jewelry and frames. Anything that is tarnished is fair game. Polishing silver always helps me work my way through whatever I need to go settle.
    Then, I eat!

    Reply
  17. Julie Ann Evins

    That was so poignant Corey. Yann’s distraction was heaven sent but you had to write your own story. What do I do for distraction ? mmmmm perhaps some of the things I should not – but beyond that, tidy, clean, re-organise, write wish lists, the usual I guess. I am fickle with an excercise routine but a walk always helps. If I cannot bring myself to face the world then online shopping is a certain cure ! jx

    Reply
  18. Denise Moulun-pasek

    I play solitaire or I knit.
    This too shall pass.

    Reply
  19. Cheryl ~ Casual Cottage Chic

    Read blogs…lol!Go antique shopping 😉

    Reply
  20. Darlene

    When I’m nervous I clean, specifically the kitchen. Otherwise, my waistline would tell you I eat. I’ve also tried knitting and reading to get my mind off things…

    Reply
  21. Dee @ Red Dirt Ramblings

    I garden, but of course, you knew that. Take walks, read something really absorbing. Read my favorite blogs like yours. I also pray the rosary. It often changes my point of view. My daughter, Meg, is a senior this year. It will be hard for me to let her go. I know you understand.~~Dee

    Reply
  22. Lyndee

    I was alone a lot if being with your children and without your husband is alone.He was often gone for 21 days and home for 6. I operated in two worlds. One I created for staying busy and being the best mother I could. The other was when my other half came home and we entered the “Daddy is home” zone. I receded but was there to encourage and come up with ideas for fun. I became very independent and almost did not know what to do when the season changed and he came home much more often.

    Reply
  23. naomi

    I clean the house, too. But I’ve never been in the situation of it not really needing it!
    Thinking of you often during these days.

    Reply
  24. Sharon, Morrison Mercantile

    When I am stressed I usually pace around the house first. Then pull my self together and go into the studio and sort through my fabric, or lace jar (it’s big) and think about projects I want to do. Sometimes I call my friend and say, “Let’s get out of here and drive for a while and talk. That helps the best…just driving.
    I try at all cost to keep from curling up in the fetal position and cry. LOL

    Reply
  25. le petit cabinet de curiosites

    For me cleaning is not a distraction . Depending on the day , I can go shopping, or calling my friend or cooking

    Reply
  26. DanaSmith

    I pick up my needlepoint canvas and stitch. Or I head to my little art room and create something using the French papers I’ve purchased from you. Or I sit in front of the computer and mindlessly read blogs for hours and hours.

    Reply
  27. Beachy

    Corey, I woke up in a panic in the middle of the night… I was thinking of these latest posts of yours and the emotions you are going through. My oldest son still has three more years of high school left, but I know the beginnings of my empty nest are on the horizon. Last night when I awoke I started to panic, as if he were leaving for college tomorrow! You are a strong woman to share your feelings with us!

    Reply
  28. Marilyn

    Turn the music up and dance.
    It is difficult to adjust, but it does happen. Good luck figuring it all out.

    Reply
  29. Star

    I do jigsaw puzzles. Running my fingers through the pieces in the box is soothing (probably a leftover from childhood).
    I’m glad FH had a distraction and that you were able to feel the moment rather than pushing it away. Today you will start fresh again.

    Reply
  30. Lynn

    Corey, I’m wondering what is meant by the first postal service plane in the world? Planes deliver mail all the time, and in Canada planes would deliver mail to remote areas where otherwise they wouldn’t have service. My grandfather was a bush pilot. He didn’t deliver mail, but he had buddies that did. He delivered supplies to remote miners–a very dangerous job, as was the job of the mail pilots. So I’m a bit flummoxed by labelling the plane in your post the first postal service plane! Unless it’s that it’s the first electric plane doing that job–which would indeed be very cool! Either way, it’s fun that your husband got to go over and inspect it. How fun is that!

    Reply
  31. Lorelei

    You don’t have an empty nest, Corey. You are restructuring your nest – making it better for all the homecomings and additions.

    Reply
  32. Bramble

    Corey- This has been my summer of “What Is To Come” as the newly 17 year old Shaggy Haired boy has somehow morphed into MR. Independence. One last year of high school and then who knows? I can almost feel what you are because I am on the cusp and know that it is only a matter of 12 short months. I am hoping that it will also bring a sense of freedom and new insight into our family as we all take steps in our journey, together and apart.Wishing Chelsea and Sacha journeys full of all good things, and you and Yann hearts full and joyful for these two brave and adventurous souls you have nutured so well. Hugs across the miles.

    Reply
  33. Jackie

    Sometimes I eat, sometimes I go see a movie-if I am sad, I’ll make it a sad movie so I can cry in the theater, in the dark. I must say I am looking forward to the time when the kids are gone and I can travel…Miss Corey, I think you should travel to Massachusetts! I have a room waiting for you-and please bring Annie. We will have great fun and eat loads of summer foods and visit local flea markets too!
    jackie
    bliss farm antiques

    Reply
  34. Victoria Ramos

    I am with you — when I need a distraction from something that is completely upsetting me, I clean. And I mean CLEAN. And I move furniture … I find myself moving one thing and then before I know it everything has been moved away, the rug moved, pictures down, sofa in a different place, the day is lost and I am exhausted!
    It is a good thing FH had a distraction – even though it didn’t include you. I know sometimes, at least for me, it is good to be alone with your thoughts if just for a day. Plenty of time to adjust to this whole empty nest thing together!
    I am in your same boat, girl – so grab an ore and lets keep on truckin’!
    Just don’t see any sad movies for awhile 🙂

    Reply
  35. Lucy Rogers

    Beautiful post but you won’t have much time before they start coming back with families of their own. Start getting ready for that! Most surely a lovely time to look forward to.

    Reply
  36. Kimberly

    I am with you………..I clean like a crazy woman! Blessings, Kimberly

    Reply
  37. Valerie

    I do as you have done, write about how I’m feeling. I have whole books I’ve written over the years. It’s good to go back and read how I felt at the time and how I rose above it all. As commented above, in no time the nest will be full to overflowing.

    Reply
  38. Brother Mathew

    Joe just came running into the house yelling the news of Sacha’s arrival in Willows. Joe and Sam and overjoyed, Sacha is finally HERE!

    Reply
  39. Amylia Grace

    Re-organizing and redecorating relaxes me–with music and wine–even better. Also, writing. Yesterday’s post of yours was a catalyst for me and inspired a blog post of my own–I hope you don’t mind that I linked and included an excerpt from your post in mine (credited, of course). It’s brief; you can read it here if you wish: http://amyliagrace.blogspot.com/2010/08/missing-terrible.html
    Thinking of you,
    Amylia

    Reply
  40. Robyn [miss*R]

    you need to go get some hugs from Annie xoxo

    Reply
  41. cynthia Wolff @Beatenheart

    Tears are flowing out of my eyes and my hands are now moist from the wiping of them…your words touched my heart is such a deep way. I don’t have children. I spend days alone…often. I never get used to it but cope with it all the same. The tears…probably out of joy and knowing the fact that your children are so very fortunate and loved. Your son is going to your mom’s..not some commune run by crazed fanatics… Your mom and him and the rest of your family will be so enriched by all of this…relax Corey…enjoy the free dom you too will eventually be getting used to and even liking..best to you and Yann..

    Reply
  42. brocantess

    You know what I do…..pace and then you put a broom in my hand and I sweep 🙂 It will get better my dear….remember that 2 steps forward and 1 step back still equals progress. Someone said that to me when I was going through this last year and it I remember it often.

    Reply
  43. Laurie SF

    Long distance run on the trails and through the trees. Up city steps and down narrow lanes.

    Reply
  44. Julie Loeschke

    I wish that I could give you a hug.

    Reply
  45. Shelley@thiswhiteshed.blogspot.com

    I have an idea!
    Isn’t life always better when there is something to look forward to? Book yourself a visit to Willows for three, four, six months from now and get excited planning it….before you know it, you’ll be there amongst family, friends and your boy. By the time you get home, you’ll realize that you actually back to France, you’ll quietly realize that you accomplished 6 months without him, so then make another plan and get excited…and on we go….

    Reply
  46. Kieren

    Laundry is always good….and cooking. Good luck.

    Reply
  47. mindi

    Hi Corey, I would love to come and visit you, and give you a hug!!! And its always better to drink with a friend instead of dusting crystals.
    I will send you some pictures of our recent trip to the Azores.

    Reply
  48. cathy

    Hi corey, empty nest good, crying bad….:)
    You will find your way and learn to love it!

    Reply
  49. stljoie

    you tell me if this advice is wise or hogwash
    http://aestheteslament.blogspot.com/2010/08/well-said-pauline-de-rothschild.html

    Reply
  50. Judy

    My third child has flown the nest recently. It is a wonderful time to get to know your hubby again! We found we worked harder at finding things to do together (hiking, going to restaurants, antiquing). But your need more too! I started a blog. I joined a choir. I started working with an Autistic child the age of my baby. (20). It can really be uplifting and enlightening. Enjoy the new freedom! Your children will love you for it!

    Reply
  51. Julie M ~ The Little Red Shop

    Two words…shopping therapy!
    : )
    Julie M.

    Reply
  52. Ania Pietka

    Corey – What a beautiful voice you have. I’ve been drawn into your writing over the summer. You make me feel like it’s okay to adore my four-year old son as much as i do. Time is such a treasure. When they are little it’s nearly impossible to imagine that they will ever leave your side, much less fly away to another country.
    What do I do for distraction? I write poetry, draw, ride my bicycle from one end of the city to the other.

    Reply
  53. jadie

    When our youngest left for college, I would come home to a SILENT house…no more music, loud pounding down the stairs, shouts from somewhere else in the house. instantly, I decided we’d get a dog. not a puppy, a perfect young adult with all the work done. We found him! The house came alive with happy greeting sounds again, and we’ve all lived happily ever after. sseriously!

    Reply
  54. The Cowgirl

    It’s been a while since I’ve commented…but this is an absolutely gorgeous post, Corey.

    Reply
  55. barbara gillies

    i think that is why everyone should have some kind of craft there love to do. i usually will stitch by hand or machine, read, i love to draw and sometimes working in the garden is great therapy and a good distraction.plus you i think my hubby and i have gotten even closer. mine have been gone for over 5 years and you do begin to love it. yet there is always a place in your heart and head that misses them, their noise and mess!

    Reply
  56. Marie-Noëlle

    As a distraction, I can weed or water the garden – if I have to be distracted a lot, weeding is more accurate (and less expensive !!!)
    If it is a warm day, I clean the pool,fishing leaves and insects – the best way to keep my mind cool, actually.
    If it is a rainy or cold day, I have a “blog crawl”. I used to do a lot of writing. But I have stopped – busy-lazy !!!

    Reply
  57. Marie-Noëlle

    @ Lynn : just like you, at my first reading, I missed out the most important word.
    Quoting Corey’s words “This plane is going to be the first ELECTRIC postal service plane in the world”

    Reply
  58. Linda C.

    He’s there already?
    Sounds like the boys are jumping up and down with joy over there in Willows.
    That should gladden your heart Corey. I am sure you will be over there soon.

    Reply
  59. Candy

    It’s been a while since I’ve commented too, Corey. But this is truly beautiful and in about a week I’ll be in the same boat. Mine will only be an hour away though and therein lies a vast difference. I’m thinking it’s not quite far enough right now but I know when he’s actually gone it will seem like light years. It’s funny how two people who live so far away from each other can be going through the same things. fascinating. Saying a prayer for you and for Sacha. FH appears to be just fine. :o)

    Reply
  60. Pat

    This was so beautiful Corey, every word and emotion and photo: and all the ideas for distractions are good.
    But I have found that at monumental times like this that it is better to not distract, but to allow the feelings to come crashing to the surface, and feel them, let them flow with force, whimper, cry, shout and moan and wrap yourself up in a cucoon.
    Letting your children move on in their life is a mother’s goal. But in my mind, it is as painful as childbirth. And there is a point in labour which must be beyond distraction in order to get the job done properly.

    Reply
  61. AnnieElf

    Men lose themselves in opportunities of distraction. Women lose themselves in tears. I think we have the better deal. Love, Annie

    Reply
  62. Marie Amaro

    For a distraction I daydream. The crystals are pretty!

    Reply

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