By Corey Amaro.
"Take off your shoes and put them in a tray," announced the Security Guard at the airport, "Take any electronic devices you might have and put them in a separate tray…."
When going through customs French Husband is someone you do not want to stand behind.
He takes forever to get his stuff out and into the trays, and the Security Guards nearly always pull him aside thinking he is a terrorist.
French Husband puts his twenty thousand coins into a tray, it never fails one of them drops and rolls over to the next line. When he gets out of line to retrieve his penny, the guards tell him to stay with his things, he reflects on what to do, deciding to forgo the penny. Gingerly he puts his computer into the tray, but while doing so his newspaper falls like leaves to the ground. He picks the newspaper up refolds it with precision, then gets out of the line to take another tray but someone has already put their tray behind his, so he grabs his computer out of the first tray, and walks back to take another tray, the security guard tells him to stay in line, and stay with his belongings… he gets back in line and motions for another tray. Adds his phone, folds his sweater, then his jacket, takes off his ten ton watch… Each step, each item he puts into the tray he does so with concentrated care as if he were preparing for brain surgery.
It drives me nuts.
I cannot stand behind him in the line.
I on the other hand am a expert in speed, racing through customs with precision and flawless effort… well sometimes that is true.
You do not even want to know how long it takes French Husband to put everything back into place after his things have gone through customs. It makes an escargot look like a thunderbolt.
After going through the security point I grabbed my computer out of the tray, the Security Guard asked me if he could check my carry on bag. I agreed. As he proceeded to open my carry on bag I remembered the roasted almond oil and truffle balsamic (a gift I had brought for my friend Lynn) that I had absent-mindedly stuffed into my carry on bag before leaving North Carolina.
"Ma'am, we do not allow liquids to be carried on the plane. You can either go back to the check in counter and check this in, or we will have to dispose of it."
I told him I knew the law, but that the item was sealed and therefore free of anything dangerous. I cringed, "You let baby bottles pass through…"
He didn't smile, and repeated the law.
I asked him with a smile if he would make an exception… he flatly said, "No Ma'am."
"It is oil and vinegar, really good stuff, you cannot throw it away…" I insisted.
But the Security Guard wasn't hearing it, instead he told me if I kept insisting he would have to report me.
"Honestly? Come on, seriously! I could cause more trouble on the plane with my husband's belt and twenty thousand coins than I could with oil and vinegar…." though the moment I said that I realized I was walking on dangerous ground and barking up a dead tree! I retracted, and offered, "Please keep it and use it." Instead he chucked the roasted almond oil and truffle balsamic into the bin.
I moaned, and repeated, "You should keep that, really you should."
"Ma'am if you don't move on I am going to have to report you…"
Meanwhile French Husband had his twenty thousand coins in his pocket, his belt, watch, sweater on, his other belongings packed and was waiting with a big fat juicy smile. But before he could utter one teasing word about me, I waved my finger in his face and said, "Shhhhhhh! Don't even go there."
He laughed, "Ma'am I am going to call Security if you continue to threaten me."
Leave a Reply