Mums, Cemeteries and Monday Morning

Grave marker
Photography and text by Corey Amaro

Across the canal, from where I lived when I was growing up, was a cemetery. It was your average cemetery as cemeteries go. Except that it was divided, a highway ran right through it: Catholics are buried on one side and everybody else on the other.

 

Cemetery iron cross

 

I had a friend who lived next to the cemetery too. Instead of walking to one or the others house, we would meet at the halfway point, which happened to be on the "everybody else side" of the cemetery.

 

Tombstone with angel

Some teenagers meet at a snack bar, some drive around in their cars to talk, others hang out at each others home. But my friend and I sat on top of the canal bank overlooking the cemetery. And once or twice with my brothers, we played hide and seek around the tombstones… (Until my mother find out that is.)

 

  Cemetery carcassone

Do you know why I am confessing this bit of unimportant information? Well, the other day while walking around the cemetery in Carcassonne (where these photos were taken) I reminisced about my hanging out at the cemetery to French Husband.   

 

Writing on the grave

Fortunately, we are already married. Because he stared at me as if I was a vampire or something. Just to whet his appetite of disgust I gave him a piercing kiss on his neck. As he rubbed his neck he looked at me like I was the strangest creature on earth… "I am just being funny." I offered  His sweet reply, "I like your weirdness."

 

 

grave hearts

 

Mums

Do you know it is a faux pas to bring Mums to someone in France?

 

IMG_mums french cemetery

In France, on All Souls Day, the French take mums to the tombs of those they loved. The cemeteries across the country are covered with mums, that is another reason why we went to the cemetery the other day. To see the mums (that might sound morbid, but the cemeteries come alive, that sounds strange too… I better stop…)

Anyway never give mums to a living person in France, is considered taboo.

 

Angel cemetery

While at the cemetery we thought of those who we love that have died especially, French Husband's father (He died when Chelsea was three months old.), his sister who died suddenly several years ago and my father.

French Husband and I have asked each other about death… I use to think I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes placed in Willows, France, Westport… but while in Willows I felt a gentle comfort being able to go to my father's grave. French Husband agreed.

This is probably too strong of a topic for a Monday morning…. but that is what happens when I first come back from being home in Willows. My heart, mind, and soul seem to over-feel, over-think, and over-wonder. Jet lag doesn't help.

 

 

Cemetery angel And so I will leave this post as is…

Reminiscing about things of the past that have shaped my days, recalling younger years where I did silly things that made me a tad weird, and of course very, very happy that today is another day waiting for me to soak up and pack in my bag of tricks to carry into tomorrow.

 



Comments

52 responses to “Mums, Cemeteries and Monday Morning”

  1. The photos and text are beautiful–not too heavy for a Monday morning…death in many ways is what gives life meaning.

  2. I used to tell my husband I wanted to be stuffed and put on wheels so he could still take me places…maybe creamation would be better than taxidermy…
    Great pix, as always.
    jackie
    bliss farm antiques

  3. Life would have little meaning without reflection of the past.
    Not to heavy, just real.
    Where can i find one of those hearts? Do you ever see them for sale (how is that for heavy?)
    ยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐยฐ
    Hi L
    Thanks. I do see those hearts and will have some on my brocante site soon… and no I do not pinch them from the cemetery!
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    c

  4. I love your images and musings about graveyards, Corey. I don’t think you’re weird at all – I’ve always found cemeteries fascinating places to wander around, such rich repositories of lives and memories – a little bit like antiquing, n’est-ce pas?
    I posted about my family’s love affair with Paris’s great cemeteries here:
    http://athousandmiles-k.blogspot.com/2010/09/rather-odd-family.html

  5. Is it a coincidence that Linda on Frenchless in France posted about cemeteries today too? Maybe it’s the time of year or All Saints Day. Anyway, when my kids were little, we always took walks through a hilly cemetery down the road from us. We loved to see the statues of the soldiers with their little white stones and flags attached. Now we live near a Civil War cemetery.

  6. You’re not alone in your childhood memories Corey. My sister and I actually “played” in an old cemetary in Pennsylvania when I was little, hide and seek behind tombstones, even doing silly (but rather morbid things now when I look back on it) like placing arms, legs and heads of old broken dolls amongst the branches of bushes that lined the alley leading to the cemetary. To us it was a funny game. What wierd kids we must’ve been! I visited my dad’s grave in Pa. several years ago…it had been many years since I was able to travel there and I completely broke down when I finally found his grave (I had even forgotten where it was it had been so long). He is buried alone and I own the plot next to him, but since it’s a Catholic cemetary and I’m not Catholic, I have no clue as to who will wind up there. It is indeed a comfort to know I can go there, even though I realize he’s with God and what’s left is just a shell. The out-pouring of emotion when I visited his grave was like a release for me after so many years.

  7. Julie Loeschke

    Our priest gave the most amazing homily yesterday about the “Afterlife”. I wish that you could have heard it.I think you would have loved it. ๐Ÿ™‚ PS. I love cemeteries,too.

  8. No, I don’t find it eerie or odd or anything but good to visit cemeteries, especially where someone we love is buried. Strangely, I find it comforting; to touch the stones of those who once lived, to view the inscriptions, some so old the letters are worn and blur into one.
    Growing up, the family would pack up and go to the cemetery for Memorial Day. It was like a picnic and I would cringe when the soldiers would shoot their guns in a 21 gun salute. Hmm, maybe I’ll write about cemeteries too soon.
    Your photos are beautiful, Cori. The artwork in the stones is, well, artwork. I hope your jet lag ends soon and your memories of your trip mellow into the beautiful thoughts and feeling they are.

  9. I think it’s completely normal for you to be feeling this way after being home. Your feelings and memories of home are deep, as they stir, it brings everything up. The images are quite beautiful today.

  10. I love these photos! Gorgeous.

  11. Reflection comes with the fall in my world. I ponder death, the loss of my husband, and loved ones, and wonder what choice to take..burial or cremation. At 66 you think about those things often…not too often…just often.

  12. Much love and many blessings
    I love you

  13. So the stones did talk, what a wonderful story.

  14. How funny! My girls love to go on walks though the same cemetery! My Mom will ask them do you want to go for a walk? Yes! they both yell. Where to? Swipers house! This is a joke when they were younger she liked to take them on walks and to keep them going they would walk through the cemetery and she would tell them she just saw Swiper the Fox. (this is a fox on Dora the Explore cartoon) so they would and look to see where he went! It was a great game and they loved it! The girls even found his house hiden in the cemetery! The youngest Teresa could tell you where and what the house looked like inside and outside, but you ask her if she was ever in? NO! he wouldn’t let me go and no one would be able to find me! Even now the girls 9 and 6 still love to walk with Gram to find Swiper the Fox! Memories they will always have so I guess they are in good company when they are older and told they are weird!!! LOL!!!
    Jeanette

  15. Jean(ne) Pierre in MN

    I like your thoughts and pictures today, Corey. The French cemeteries are so different from here, often with a picture attached. I hesitated for a long time with my husband’s ashes; half in France, half here? Ended up with the local cemetery next to the school that all the family attended. Those kids are familiar with the lovely, small, historic old park.

  16. Same custom in Portugal regarding the mums.
    I cannot stand to see the flowers anywhere but a cemetery. Even the smell repels me. Cemeteries are archaeological treasures. The old stones are fascinating. I love to read the inscriptions. They still transmit all the emotion spilled on that small piece of dirt as an eternal testimony to those who lived and loved before us.

  17. welcome back…i ABHOR mums –always have….my mom left us nov. 6 10 years ago…so all the flowers were mums. i hate the smell of them too….i have a very strong smell/event association, always have the colors may be brilliant…that i can appreciate, but the flowere are best admired from afar…for me anyway. i miss her like mad, everyday….her departure was sudden and a shock….maybe more than you needed on monday morning…but you got me thinking…..g

  18. we lived down the street from an old cemetery that nobody seemed to care about. headstones reading 1800’s and the like. i would go up there to think.
    long live the weird! ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. What a beautiful post! Love to look around at cemetaries. I also hung out in a very old cemetary with friends, meeting up, creeping each other out while we sat there. I am glad to hear I am not the only “Weird” one out there! There was also an abandoned huge three story house nearby. It was said to be haunted.

  20. Wonderful post! I love old cemeteries and we often pull off some old road to investigate an old cemetery. We even have a saying about being in “eternal bliff” – the old colonial “s” looks like an “f”.
    New cemeteries are sterile and weird, but I love the serenenity and stories in old cemeteries.
    Interesting information about mums – I’m not a fan at all, so I like the idea of keeping them in the cemetery and off everyone’s front porch!

  21. I loved walking through the cemetery at Carcassonne. My husband and I agreed all the beautiful decorations they have there would disappear if in the states. Thanks for your beautiful thoughts and pictures.

  22. Do you see the wrought iron crosses for sale? Just curious. I realize they aren’t considered “smalls”.
    __________________
    Hey Cousin,
    Yes, I do see them. Plenty of them. Heavy as sin (sorry I had to say that) and beautiful too.
    C

  23. Enjoying the heartfelt and honest reflections, and the weird!

  24. I happen to be one of those who absolutely adore these flowers. Ok, the smell isn’t very sweet but I love their beautiful colours that brighten up the autumn drearyness. What a pitty the French only see them in the cemetaries. I for one buy them for my windowsill and don’t care for the peculiar looks the French give me ๐Ÿ˜‰

  25. Reading your post, I could smell the mums.
    I brought my mother’s mums from her yard to my yard after she passed. I can hear her telling me when to cut them back. They are blooming now and because of your post I will “take mums to the tomb” of my mother on 11-11 the date she died.

  26. The more we age, the more present this topic becomes, Corey. It’s a real comfort to understand where your place in the word is, even in death.

  27. Your post is particularly apropos for our household as we just completed signing the papers and paying for our funeral arrangements here in central France. We aren’t dead yet, nor expecting to be any time soon, but it was at the top of our To Do List and it’s complete.
    French law has recently changed and individuals no longer have the right to have their ashes, in the case of a cremation, divided to be scattered in a variety of locations. The ashes are now, legally, “indivisible.” And they may not be disposed of except at a grave site/tomb, a columbarium, a jardin de souvenir, or, perhaps, scattered, and that is up for interpretation, in certain limited areas–10km out at sea. Technically, you may no longer keep your loved one’s ashes in your home, nor bury them on your own property. It remains to be seen how the public abides by or skirts the new laws.
    I am so pleased that you photographed the enameled hearts on the tombstones. It is the first time that I have seen that method of commemorating the dead and it is very lovely.
    I too spent many a tranquil hour in the cemetery as a child and do so still as an almost 60 year old.
    ______________________
    Hi Pliers,
    Yes, I have heard of the new law, knew it was coming. Our conversations had that in mind as well.
    C

  28. Denise Solsrud

    you are not weird. if you are, then so am i. i LOVE cemeteries and have since i was very young. they are loaded with stories and ancient stories. there was a cemetary next to aunts house. we kid’s(cousins)would take a short cut thru a barb wire fence to go visiting. i still have a scar on my leg crawling thru the fench. my dad is buried there and he died when i was eleven, so i especially. there are many family members in that cemetery. we never played in the cemetery as we knew to treat it with reverence. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ we were even taught where not to walk. don’t walk on top of the grave sight. thanks for reminding me to recall good childhood menories and about the mums. Bestest,Denise

  29. So even in death people were separated! I wonder what Peter at the Gate has to say about that, “Sorry, I’m putting you to work with your new Protestant neightbor” (if you would be a Catholic).
    Love the pics!

  30. I love cemetaries too. It is not morbidness – it is a love of people and an interest in the lives that they lived (for me, anyway). My husband and I often have discussions about cremation/burial. His family cremate. My family bury. I like being able to go to my grandparents’ gravesite and know that their bones are still there. It is kinda comforting in a weird sort of way.
    That’s really interesting about mums in France. I must ask my French teacher if she knows about that one.

  31. I have the opposite in my life regarding cemeteries – my family has its own plot, way out in the middle of nowhere. hidden in Australian bush land. there is a fence running right round the graves except for a few outside – as a child, I asked why and who? ‘they are the catholics’ I was told. I since converted to Catholicism 20years ago and I am sure those rellies would be turning in their graves.
    I love to walk in cemeteries, often taking photos. beautiful.. oh and me? I am going to have half my ashes buried here where I live.. and the other half are being taken to Cornwall, land of my ancestors ๐Ÿ™‚ [picture my daughter carrying that on a plane!!]

  32. Annie vanderven

    Oh Corey
    You brought back memories of my youth, I loved to go to cemetaries in Saumur, I was intrigued by the little houses as mausoleums, also at the time (I am an old lady!) there were wreaths made of beads and my brother and I would collect them!!!
    I also wondered why the french cemetaries were surrounded by walls!! were people afraid that they would escape?
    Annie v.

  33. Joan Thodas

    I used to take Maria and Tony to the Willows cemetary so often they thought it was the park. I have reserved to plot next to my parents, just because. Joan

  34. I once lived near a cemetery in Telluride, Colorado. The headstones dated back to the 1800’s when Telluride was a silver boom town and the rush was on. Men had come quickly from the east to make their fortune. One set of tomb stones belonged to two brothers and said both had fought in the American Civil War but one on the Union side and one on the side of the South. In those few words stories were told and questions left unanswered but to be pondered. Cemeteries are interesting places.

  35. I don’t think you are weird at all, corey. In my family, we spend time in cemetaries to “visit” those we have lost. We leave a quarter on the headstone of my grandfather (who always gave the grandkids a quarter to buy a popsicle). Thanks for the advice about mums. Here in the states, of course, mums are everywhere this time of year, for Thanksgiving. On Dia de Los Muertos (November 2), it is marigolds that go to the cemetary and on the altars for our loved ones. I love tradition, don’t you?

  36. Corey my dad worked for the Cemeteries for 40 years as an office manager and my grandpa built the wooden boxes the coffins would go inside. I and my sibs were raised playing on the grounds, and the older ones were born in the mansion that served also as the office. It had been an old estate in a prior life. It was as natural as anything else in life, facing death head on. It was a vocation for my dad to serve as he did and we gained an appreciation for every breath we take.
    I can remember the smell of the flower room in the mausoleum. Hmm, funny the strong association scent has.

  37. In Italy is the same never give mums to living person. We also bring them to the cemetery on all saints day…anyway i think there’re beautiful.

  38. In Ukraine, dahlias are the flowers for dead people.

  39. Corey, I love cemeteries…I go to them when I can especially ones in Europe. Those statues and crosses are so beautiful…Loved your angel one.

  40. I too love cemeteries. I’m from an area where cemeteries are large and the angels and monuments are enormous. I love this post and you are not weird, you are interesting.
    Your photos are beautiful.

  41. I always thought it was odd that the cemetery here in Willows is separated by “Catholic” and “Everybody Else”. Not being Catholic, I didn’t understand as a child why it was so important. To be quite honest, I still don’t, but that’s beside the point. My dh and I often go there, to visit our daughter’s grave, my father’s, and my husband’s families, plus all the friends we have lost over the years. I don’t find it morbid at all. It gives you a chance to take the time to remember the ones you love that are gone.

  42. I’ve never visited the cemetery to stand by the grave of a loved one. I just don’t feel any connection to a grave and the soul of the person. When I want to honor them I take their picture, place a candle near it with a vase of fresh flowers. I talk to my father all the time, because he’s been in every room of my house. I feel him here.
    To me the body is a shell from which the soul has risen. We plan to spread my father’s ashes on a hill over-looking an area that always reminded him of Scotland.
    When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes free to blow to the four corners of the earth. I don’t want my body shackled to a grave.
    ~elaine~

  43. I agree with the very first post. I know my loved ones are not”in” the grave they are free:) they are home. where the wind blows is where I want my earthly vessel to be where ever the wind blows:) my mom passed away this year on aug 31 (saddest day of my life) she is with me everywhere I go… (she wanted to be cremated & her earthly vessel or at least a part of it is waiting on me to get to amsterdam:) she wanted to be among the tulip gardens:)she comes to me in my dreams:) love you .

  44. oops…I should have said I agree with the poster elaine directly below my posts;) she is spot on for how I feel.:)

  45. Corey – your photos are wonderful! I love photographing in older parts of cemeteries but you have captured a beauty and peacefulness that I have not yet been able to do. (I also don’t get much time as my family is not to enthused at wandering old cem with me when we travel together.)
    Debbie – Admin for http://www.france-travel-info.com

  46. I like your so-called weirdness, too and have also visited many graveyards in my travels. When I lived on a teeny Japanese island as a young girl, our house was built above some ancient tomb-like graves built into the hillside that were probably hundreds of years old. Every fall the families visited the tombs and gave homage and respect to the spirits of their ancestors. My older sisters took full advantage of the situation, of course, and scared the bejeebers out of me telling their made up tales of the ghostly inhabitants below. To this day, I do not dare dangle my feet off the end of the bed at night.

  47. In Italy too, mums are for the dead….

  48. your photos are awe-inspiring, as usual. Thanks for sharing..

  49. I had to refresh the page 2 times to view this page for some reason, however, the information here was worth the wait.

  50. Corey, do you know there is a board game named “Carcassonne”? My son plays it with his best friend whose grandmother is from “Carcassonne”
    You could get yourself a game and play it and not upset your mother by thinking you are playing in the cemetery. FH might feel a little safer too.

  51. Corey; I am weired too…. I love visiting cemeteries and I often did while my son was small. I did have a problem with my dog though… ๐Ÿ™‚ I also love taking photos of tombstones – and no, the theme is NOT too heavy for a Saturday night (in my case), sorry, neither for a MOnday! It’s a just fine choice at any given day! Such lovely pictures, such great story telling and such a number of memories coming alive!
    Thank you.

  52. I also want to be cremated and I left instructions (oral not written) with my Hero Husband about what I where I want my ashes being taken to…. And I shall check from heaven to see whether he does it! LOL
    I also didn’t know that you don’t give mums to French people. I think it might have been the same rule in UK but I still would buy those HUGE spider mums with heads like a child’s head and in wonderful sad and romantic colours and then give them away – to share my joy in those beautiful blooms…. nobody ever told me not to – they must have loved the mums after all… ๐Ÿ˜‰

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