Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

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French Dining: Lesson Number One

Napkin on table

Photographs and text by Corey Amaro

   French table top

I've noticed something recently about dining in France.

You see, I like to pride myself by saying, "I am observant. I notice little, mostly unimportant details when many do not." This is not always a favorable quality to have. In my case noticing details can appear that I have anal tendencies. And I do. So lately, I have been trying to let things be. Notice them but not reacting to them. It isn't easy to let things be when they are not the way I think they should be.

After twenty some years of living in France I realized the other day a detail that has slipped by my attention.

In France, when one sits down to have a meal one is not to grab the napkin and put it on one's lap. Instead one waits, until the first plate is served. Then at that point one takes the napkin, placing it on their lap.

How did that detail slide by me for all these years? I have ruined my children's future lunch interviews for life (I like to exaggerate you know).

Have you ever noticed that our past experieces can blind us to what is really evident? I have taken my napkin off the table and put it on my lap as I was taught to do since childhood.

Oh my faux pas number one in a million… but here is the best deal yet… what one hasn't known doesn't hurt them, especially if it is a napkin amongst family and freinds.

 

Comments

29 responses to “French Dining: Lesson Number One”

  1. Susan

    Corey, I am happy to learn this little rule. When we go to France each spring, we try very hard to blend in and simply “be as French as possible.” This is one quirk I have missed and will be very observant about it in the future.

    Reply
  2. Paulita

    And now you’ve written this blog post, saving us, and your children, from future embarassment since we all follow your advice. You could make up some strange ritual, like “The French always lick their fingers before they pick up their silverware,” and you’d always be able to recognize your readers who were licking their fingers before picking up their silverware. You’re a trend setter!

    Reply
  3. Gina

    Dear Corey, Thank you, Thank you, faux pas no more when I visit next.

    Reply
  4. Penny

    Oh, I feel so much the better now. I don’t know why, but, I am always hesitant to pick up the napkin right away and finally succumb if I look around and see I’m the only one without one on my lap, even if there is no food around. Here you come, early in my day here, validating my napkin etiquette, which I didn’t even know was correct. How good is that?

    Reply
  5. Eileen @ Passions to Pastry

    Being observant and noticing the little things makes a great photographer.

    Reply
  6. Cynthia

    Better to put the napkin on one’s lap at some point! My husband never does, although he regularly spills something and complains about his clumsiness! duh.

    Reply
  7. Cheryl ~ Casual Cottage Chic

    Who is the first to be served? At home or out dining? If it’s two women, which one is served first? Of course, I know your answer if it is a man and a woman..lol! How does the waiter know whom to serve first? The one with the bulging wallet? Love the tureen in your picture, btw.

    Reply
  8. Cheryl ~ Casual Cottage Chic

    I’m always confused about the glasses on the table. I see in the pics several wine glasses. Is one for white wine, one for red? And what about the bottle of water ~ with or without “gas”? Which glass for that? Oh, my….now I am over thinking it all this etiquette. Now I need another cup of coffee {I mean cafe au lait}. Cheers and have a cozy day!

    Reply
  9. Brenda L from TN

    Well, at least I know I am no the only person to notice things like this…
    When I am at a restaurant and they bring the silver to our table I always turn the knife blade – sharpe side- towards the plate. It always amazes me that the wait staff doesn’t know that….
    Thanks for tip about the napkin…although I usually wait until they bring my drink.

    Reply
  10. Dee

    Oh wow…I need to watch the “napkin thing” if I EVER make it back to France! I’ll start practicing now! haha

    Reply
  11. Debra

    C, ditto on the detail problem . . .also, on trying to let it go. Funny you should post about napkins, just had this conversation at Thanksgiving. Of course, the French way is tres important to me . . .thanks for the heads up!
    PS just finished reading the comments from yesterday . . .incredible! We all admire and adore you!

    Reply
  12. martina

    It makes perfect sense!

    Reply
  13. Amy Kortuem

    When I was visiting my Uncle in Melbourne, he took me to high tea at the Victoria Hotel. The napkin rule there? Leave it on your plate and the WAITER will put it on your lap for you!!!
    When in Rome…

    Reply
  14. Marilyn Miller

    Now that I know this rule, I must travel to France again and practice, practice, practice. Thank you!

    Reply
  15. Rhonda P.

    I simply adore formality, a little goes a long way. The beauty of dining out will never die. I love it, put your napkin in your lap after the first dish arrives, just love it.

    Reply
  16. Monica

    Ah bon?

    Reply
  17. Ulla

    Details are the spice of life, especially when they spice up your life!
    You can do whatever you want with your napkin when you visit my house, even if it means wearing it on your head!
    Kisses
    Ulla

    Reply
  18. Just Plain Jane

    Who knew? Another interesting entry for which I send thanks.

    Reply
  19. Jenna

    The number one rule when it comes to manners is to always make someone feel welcome, anyone who’s picky about the napkin isn’t worth eating with anyway.

    Reply
  20. Amanda Brown

    I never noticed this anytime I went to France – interesting! 🙂
    http://notsocountry.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  21. Everton Terrace

    Ha Paulita, trying to make us all look silly, fun. I’m wondering why FH didn’t tell you this custom? You are right, ignorance is bliss.

    Reply
  22. Kiki

    🙂 oh well, if that’s your only worry, we mustn’t (worry)… 🙂
    A ta santé et bon appétit

    Reply
  23. Tamra/The Gilded Barn

    Thanks, now I know how the waiters alwasy know I’m american before I even open my mouth. It’s the napkin on my lap.

    Reply
  24. jend’isère

    You challenged my observant self, Corey. Such a tradition must be in Dining with a capital D.

    Reply
  25. Julie Ann

    Your way might be useful to hurry up slow service ! Jx

    Reply
  26. Brenda

    …What would you say to one putting their napkin gracefully upon ones lap, having delightful conversation at the dinner table….then….Excusing ones self and getting up so strategically as to be even photogenic, and then seeing the napkin fall to the floor because you forgot it was there!! ha…Has anyone ever done that besides me?

    Reply
  27. Antoinette

    Corey, I’ve been making the opposite mistake here in America. The French way just makes more sense…

    Reply
  28. Gina A

    your french derserts look ao tastey that i just want to eat them. yummy! I miss you and cant wait to see you. Your awsome neice gina amaro

    Reply
  29. heurebleu

    After flying for 26 years and having the majority of my dining experiences in Europe (especially Paris) I found that when I would eat out in the US I would feel rushed almost to the point of indigestion. I had become accustomed to the gentle pace, coffee at the end…etc. And I still feel annoyed if the waiter places the cheque on the table before I’ve taken even my last bite in the US. And I don’t consider myself a fussy person…It is possible that the American way of eating so quickly contributes to the obesity problems here. Corey I’d love to here your play-by-play of the French dining experience. Not to be snobbish. Simply because cultural differences are interesting and there is something to be learned from everyone. Bon Appetit!

    Reply

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