Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Found Bummed and Guilty

 

 

I know I shouldn't complain. It could be far worse.

But I cannot wait to have this cast off and my hand back.

It will take months to recuperate full movement of my hand…..

I know at least I have a hand that will work again… but nevertheless I am bummed today and cannot deny it.

BUMMED by all the things I want to do and cannot. Even though I am happy to discover French Husband's cooking, and the generous kindness of friends and family… and I feel like a brat to complain…. but it is what it is…. I cannot WAIT to get this cast off and my hand back!

Tell me have you ever been bummed before and felt guilty as hell because of it?

Comments

48 responses to “Found Bummed and Guilty”

  1. jackie

    Oh yes, so many times I cannot count them…it’s all part of the process honey…sorry:(

    Reply
  2. Paulita

    Corey, Give up the guilt. Feel what you feel and let everybody else deal with it!
    I remember feeling the same way. I wanted everything to go back to normal after I tore my ACL while rollerblading. I had to have surgery and then I needed about 3 months of physical therapy. Before I tore my ACL, I had been training to run the marathon. I had run 17 miles (!!!!) just the weekend before. After the surgery, I was stuck in bed or on the couch or limping off to physical therapy. I couldn’t wait to run again. “When I’m healthy,” I vowed, “I’ll run everyday. I’ll be so grateful for the use of my legs, I won’t complain about my chubby thighs.”
    Well, now I have complete use of my legs, and many days I lie in bed rather than getting up to run and sometimes I take the elevator instead of walking and I’m not that grateful for my chubby thighs.
    Give yourself a break — but not another bone break.
    Thanks for entertaining us– singlehandedly.

    Reply
  3. Evelyn in NYC

    Yes, I have been there too. It’s ok to feel what you feel, and our feelings should never be diminished, by ourselves or others. I would be bummed too. Sending a warm hug your way.

    Reply
  4. deborah

    Yes, too many times.. I do not blame you. I would feel the same way. Independence is an awesome blessing. It is hard to not be able to do the things you want to. Saying a little prayer for you..

    Reply
  5. deborah

    I do not love my chubby thighs either! LOL! But it is nice to be mobile!

    Reply
  6. Bev

    I wouldn’t feel guilty if I were you Corey. I think that it is just part of life to get bummed and then feel guilty.
    Just yesterday as I went in for minor surgery, I was feeling bummed–bummed that I had to do this stupid thing, bummed that I would be out of commission for a week, etc. And then I overheard the litany of problems that another patient had in the next room and she was 6 years younger than me. Oh my heavens, it was bad. And it made me thankful for all of the things that I do have in my life.
    There is an old hymn that is called “Count Your Blessings, Name Them One By One, Count Your Blessings See What God has Done. Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done.” The first time I heard that was in a very poor church in the slums of Barbados and these people were singing their hearts out. When I’m bummed that is what I start to do–count my blessings–like the health I have, like that I have God in my life, like that I have a home, etc. etc.

    Reply
  7. Kathie B

    Months and months recuperating from pneumonia + complications that nearly killed me — more than plenty of time to think about what I wanted to do (and, equally importantly, NOT do) with the rest of my life, if I ever got it back and however much of it there might be.
    Once I was out of the hospital and well enough to walk around at home unassisted, then a few weeks later to start working at the computer a little while each day, my depression began lifting, as I once again had a creative outlet. That’s when I polished the existing pages on my then-new website (online just before I got sick) and created several new pages — all things that I’d been thinking about for the several weeks I’d been held prisoner by illness and been unable to put into effect.
    Alas, between illness and age, I’ve never become quite “as good as new” again, as Corey and Yann know. But at least I did get A life back, even though it’s somewhat different than before, and my goals are better thought out. I also try (!) not to take nearly as much for granted any more.

    Reply
  8. Penny

    Part of recovering from an injury like yours is a day here and there of feeling bummed. Go for it! Bum out all you need to, feel angry and bad and put upon and sad. Then, dear Corey, you will proceed to “get on with it” once again.
    I was involved in a nasty accident a few years ago. My knee went into the dashboard at about 40 mph. My leg, though mobile, was black and blue from my thigh to my heel. Not a pretty picture and I couldn’t bend it for what seemed like an eternity. I was mostly brave and smiled and made jokes, but, my-oh-my, I did have a day here and there of complete and utter buminess.
    Keep healing.

    Reply
  9. Patti

    During my daily commute today I was walking from the train underground to get to street level, talking in my head to myself about my boring job, I wish I didn’t have to do this stupid commute, blah blah blah. As I headed towards the escalator, I see a young boy of about 15, both legs in braces, using crutches to make his way very slowly to the STAIRS! I wanted to go to him and say no, the escalator is right here! But of course he saw the escalator, it was right there. He purposely passed the easy way up to take the stairs. That was powerful for me to see. Actually, he made my day.

    Reply
  10. Amy Kortuem

    Every single time I feel bummed I feel guilty (I was raised Catholic, it runs deep…)
    I was TOTALLY bummed when I was rejected from two granting agencies when I’d applied for funding to study medieval harp with a great instructor in the Bay Area. Waaa, poor me. But I have high hopes that this next grant I’m applying for. I’ll hear in January (sadistic, that they make you get the application in by August and make you wait until January…)
    Feel the bummage fully and you’ll be better for it!

    Reply
  11. Jeanne

    Big hugs my darling one.
    This too shall pass.
    Love you
    Jeanne

    Reply
  12. Dinahsoar

    Yes, but when I do I remind myself that even Jesus Christ asked God to ‘if it be possible let this cup pass from me’. And if the perfect son of God can do that, why should I think I can do better? I think God understands our frailties, that we are human, but he also knows our heart and if we have a heart for him, that is what matters…he is after our heart.

    Reply
  13. Dinahsoar

    Yes, but when I do I remind myself that even Jesus Christ asked God to ‘if it be possible let this cup pass from me’. And if the perfect son of God can do that, why should I think I can do better? I think God understands our frailties, that we are human, but he also knows our heart and if we have a heart for him, that is what matters…he is after our heart.

    Reply
  14. Kathie B

    Erma Bombeck famously observed that guilt is “the gift that keeps on giving” 🙂

    Reply
  15. marlis

    I think it’s natural and totally acceptable. Get better, find a good book, a glass of wine and some of FH cooking.. life will be more rosy.
    “Beaucoup de gens renoncent aux petites joies dans l’espoir du grand bonheur”. Pearl S. Buck

    Reply
  16. Rhonda P.

    Anytime we are snatched from our normal life, we are going to feel bummed until we get back to that life. It’s human nature. I pray that cast comes off soon, you are feeling the tug of wanting to get busy. I’ve been there.
    Walking and not looking where I’m going, I’ve sprained the same ankle three times. We are talking propped up for days and crutches. Not the same as your cast but I can only imagine your bummedness. Is that a word?

    Reply
  17. rae.lange@maac.com

    ah….I know the feeling well. I literally feel your pain. On August 14th, I was tripped up by a running 2 year old boy;he got tangled in my legs and I catapulted headfirst into a wall and shattered my left wrist and fractured my right elbow. To say the least, I was totally out of commission for the first week. I now am halfway into rehab and have partial use of left hand. I have a long way to go, but know the end is is sight!! hang in there, Corey, it really will get better! the freedom when the cast comes off is just unbelievable-like you, I still get down in the dumps, but just remember, soon it will be a memory and you’ll be back to normal – hugs to you and I hope you get back to your routine as soon as possible!!
    love, Rae

    Reply
  18. martina

    Yes, because I’ve been in similar situations to yours.
    When Dad was a young man working downtown, every day he’d see a man with no legs, using his hands to maneuver himself on a wheeled board. Dad had his share of problems but he always told himself “Yea, there but for the grace of God, go I”

    Reply
  19. Marilyn

    Oh yes! My husband is going through radiation right now for prostate cancer and we thought he would be finished on Friday. I am bummed because he won’t be finished until next week. We had a celebration planned for this weekend. Oh well, we will celebrate his recovery anyway, but he might be too tired to celebrate. Best wishes for a faster than expected recovery from your broken wrist.

    Reply
  20. Ann

    Hi Corey, there are lessons to learn from this experience. Lessons like … to slow down….to be grateful for the all the blessings you have…. to learn not to be a brat….learn patience….be aware of just how fragile life is moment to moment…. ask God what it is you are to learn and you will get your answer….it may not be what you expect or want but it will be enlightenment for your journey. Maybe it is acceptance….adversity is a powerful test of faith. Blessings for a happy day.

    Reply
  21. Marlene Brady

    I create something everyday. It’s a drive, a passion, a wild excitement bursting inside. My hands and eyes being my tools. I’ve worked all my life, raised a family with my husband of 43 years and now am enjoying each moment of each day with him. We joke that I let him live in my studio because my art has taken over our home. Crocheting and knitting in my easy chair, beading and polymer clay in my studio, painting and mixed media in our enclosed porch. Nor can I waste valuable time just standing in a line, riding in the car or waiting in a doctor’s office. I crochet organic shapes or small doll clothes. Getting the picture? Along comes a rare disease that ends up taking my left wrist bones after 8 months of trying to save them. In Arizona, it gets 120 degrees…try that wearing a cast up to your armpit. And then physical therapy and then I find out I need a hip replacement and that I have osteoporosis. Then my neck bones needed to be fused. During surgery, my left vocal chord was bruised and I lost “my” voice. I had a voice, but it wasn’t mine. I was told it would take 3 months to 2 years before my voice would come back. Then my husband has two TIA’s and had to have brain surgery-all went well with no permanent damage. 6 months after that I developed shingles and the word “pain” didn’t cover it. I ached to create. I was so far in the dumps, the word “bummed” doesn’t cover it. Thank God for family and friends who helped me through it all. They helped me find another way to enjoy life again. They showed me blogs like yours that fed my soul. I found art again. I remember commenting on one of your “sepia” photos of a building…it had brought me such comfort. I typed with one hand for a long time, but was able to post photos of my art on my own blog. I connected through it and felt part of something. It got me out of bed in the morning. Still does. I have the use of my left hand thanks to a brilliant hand surgeon who did not fuse it or plate it, but by multiple castings, forced the upper 3 bones down to form a new wrist. My voice came back, meds are helping with the bone density, arthritis and osteoporosis. My husband is in better shape than he ever was. I see how fragile life is. Those two years were two of the hardest years of my life to get through. You, your blog, writing and photos, were part of my healing, so thank you.

    Reply
  22. kim

    Yes – I always feel guilty when I am down. I always think “oh I have no right to feel this way…” but actually, I do have a right and so do you. And I think the more we can actually go deep into those feelings of disappointment and loss and allow ourselves to feel those things, the faster we bounce back. IMO.
    I hope tomorrow is better. 🙂

    Reply
  23. Zosia

    Dear Corey, you are only human. We all are. We all feel that way sometimes.
    I was going to fly to Toronto today for my friend’s wedding. I am sick in bed and had to cancel my ticket. I feel so bad that I won’t be there, but there is not much I can do about it, just be with her in my thoughts.
    Sending lots of warm hugs your way.

    Reply
  24. Vickie

    yes, guilty as charged. we feel your pain Corey. you’re the one-handed wonder girl don’t cha know..

    Reply
  25. Candace

    My husband is having major back issues. He starts treatment Friday. It has really changed our lives as we are very active retired people. Sometimes I get mad because I have to do everything and then I feel guilty. Since there is an end in site, there is hope.

    Reply
  26. Franca Bollo

    Guilt is such a destructive and dangerous emotion. I avoid it at all costs.

    Reply
  27. Franca Bollo

    I feel a little guilty for writing that.

    Reply
  28. denise

    yes, i have had those days,infact today is one of them. it does not happen often,but when it does it’s a whammy. i think we all have them. myself, i am not too fond of them. would you like to join me in a pity party? and i too also feel guilty as i have everything to be thankful about. it just happens. i try to tell myself to “knock it off.” many have it so bad. it can ALWAYS be worse for someone else. so, it is time for me to buck up and get over it. you know things will get better. hugs to you. Bestest,Denise

    Reply
  29. Annie v.

    anger the companion of guilt!!!!Have walked by my side after having had chemo and radiaton have lost feelings in my right fingers and that shall not come back furthermore the radiation damaged my heart to the point of having a massive heart attack (they dont tell you that this is a risk!!!)all I did before is gone frustration would overwhelm me at times but what is the alternative? cannot do miniatures anymore, get out of breath more than I can count,but I still can enjoy somethinglike your blog.. Nature all around is a great comforter, and I still can hold a brush to paint..
    being frustrated is very understandable but just think about all you will be able to do again.
    All the best

    Reply
  30. jody

    Corey….yes i get bummed and feel terribly guilty too. and personally was that way earlier today.
    But dear one, be good to yourself.
    maybe take another outing to get your mind off your limitations for now? and feed the visual senses?
    above all, you do have reason to be bummed, so please do not feel guilty for feeling exactly what is normal…..
    soon soon soon you will be doing many of the things you are longing to do. we pray for wonderful healing for those sweet hands that give us such kind and cheerful words on your blog.
    I hope many ways come for you to be blessed…
    can you get a recorder or one of those computer programs you can speak into and it will type for you?…maybe you can begin that book you have been dreaming of writing? maybe that can ease your frustration.i feel for you!……blessings xoxo jody

    Reply
  31. Jeannie

    Yep, everyday. I hate having pity parties, but sometimes I just can’t face another day putting on the “perky facade”. I have a condition that causes my neck muscles to contract, day in and day out. It will not kill me, I can function moderately well, and it will reach a point where it doesn’t get any worse. That said, some days I just pout. I want my 40 year old body back that could do anything and do it well. My mind still thinks I can do these things, my body knows otherwise. I think pity parties are part of the healing process. So pour yourself a cup of tea, kick back, and know that this too shall pass. Hugs.

    Reply
  32. Shane

    DEar Corey
    I’m in the same predicament as you.
    On 29th Aug i had a fall in our pavedc courtyard while running to answer the phone…
    I fell very heavily on the paving resulting in a bad break in my right hand and badly sprained L hand.
    I also love to create and can’t at present – i FEEL your frustration and feelings of despair – thats where I’m at right now too!!!!
    Yesterday the heavy cast was removed and a lighter one put on – but i can still only use my L hand and thats still sore from the fall too…..
    However, v soon all that will change and both YOU and I will be doing all the things we want to do.
    I’ve just seen the new “Jane Eyre” movie – wonderful & it lifted my spirits – so I found the book on my bookshelf and im reading it again!!!
    My garden which i love is bursting into Spring and giving me much pleasure and signs of hope and renewal too!!
    Take care Corey – we’re allowed to be bummed – it’s all part of ‘the process’.
    thinking of you
    much love
    Shane

    Reply
  33. Kimberly

    YES! Blessings, Kimberly

    Reply
  34. Victoria Ramos

    Okay – now I feel even more guilty after reading all the comments…..my pity parties are shameful compared to those who have commented….ugh!
    I am with you….get the stinky/itchy terrible cast off soon!
    My niece was involved in a bad accident car accident that involved her hand…they told her she might not ever have full range of motion – but she proved them wrong. I am confident your recovery will be just as successful!

    Reply
  35. Kathie B

    Yup, the gift that keeps on giving 😉

    Reply
  36. momof5

    Sometimes you just gotta feel what you gotta feel. No need for guilt. The sun is still there behind the clouds. Feel better.

    Reply
  37. Kieren

    oh yes I feel for you Corey. When I was pregnant with my son, I had to stop work and go on bedrest early in december(no christmas shopping!), with an almost 3 yr old daughter to entertain, until he was born Jan. 27. My husband, mom and sisterinlaw took her to preschool, bought groceries, did laundry, cleaned the house, while I just lay there on the couch. I HATED it! I couldn’t draw or knit, just read books all day. And someone else had to go to the library to pick out books for me. It was the worst!

    Reply
  38. Affordable Medical Insurance

    Sometimes you just gotta feel what you gotta feel. No need for guilt. The sun is still there behind the clouds. Sending a warm hug your way.

    Reply
  39. Jean

    Ahh Corey I know exactly what you are speaking of. After the accident of falling down the steps and the surgery. Wearing a leg brace that would not allow you to bend your knee. Couldn’t move without pain and had to sleep in the brace. Couldn’t drive at all for 6 weeks and it didn’t matter cause I couldn’t bend my right leg to get it in the van. I had friends who looked after me….came to see about me every day…brought me meals and called to see if I needed anything. I realize just how blessed I am to have friends like that. I hope this will be a learning lesson for you too. First lesson stay off of rickety ladders and the second lesson to learn who your friends are and those who love you. Accept their love and their help. I know only too well it’s not easy to do but do it anyway!

    Reply
  40. Diane

    Martina’s post reminded me of a saying (song?) that I used to refer to alot, “I sang the blues ’cause I had no shoes; until I went out on the street and met a man who had no feet”. I know what you mean, Corey. I have so many blessings, but I also have issue that I feel guilty getting down about. When we get down, we can be thankful if we have feet.

    Reply
  41. Ruth

    Corey, I do so admire your honesty, it takes courage and strength, I admire that you recognize that you are blessed. About 2 years ago, I was so ill that I had senior citizens walking past me as I struggled to keep my breath and take steps……….(I secretly wished for a walker-aid so as to give the other people on the track a visible sign that I was ill not just blocking their path..haha)and I remember thinking once I can get going again I will keep going…….yeah did not happen – but after reading all of the comments above, I’m lacing up my shoes and walking!

    Reply
  42. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    You feel what you feel. God allows it sometimes! I have felt bummed, and then guilty, when I had a rare disease called ” Gulliame Barre’ Syndrome” and could not even walk to the bathroom by myself, much less wipe! I had to be very dependent on my husband and I did not want to!!! After this horrible thing was over, I had loss of some nerve endings, but became very thankful that God had brought me this far. It was a long process! In the end you will become very appreciate of having use of your abilities, and more compassionate of the handi-capped! God has blessed you so much!

    Reply
  43. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    God Bless you! You may still not realize what you have reaped from all of your catastrophes! Remember to drink deep from that well!!!

    Reply
  44. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    High Fives You!!!

    Reply
  45. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    Your Dad was special, just hearing that one thing about him, it is obvious!

    Reply
  46. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    Yes, Dina….Always, every day, and forever!

    Reply
  47. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    This day’s subject matter, Your honesty, and all the posts I have read has reminded me of the “different eyes” God has allowed me to look through! God Bless you, Corey, and all your readers!

    Reply
  48. Jeri

    My friend fell and broke her wrist & also had surgery and pins put in. After physical therapy FOREVER, the Dr. said it was as good as it would ever get….until she signed up for Sr. Ladies Aquatics to support her friend who needed it. The result was 100% usage of her wrist and hand from paddling in the water! So file that away in your “things to consider” stack. Good luck!

    Reply

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