Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

A Rocky Road Made Smooth

Crystal-flowers

Forgiveness.

My mother in law came to help me when I broke my wrist. She left yesterday, after staying with us for two months.

She packed packages sold on my online shop for me, helped carry things I bought at the brocante, folded laundry and ironed clothes… but most of all she offered me her love.

 

corey amaro antiques

 

We have had a rocky road relationship since I married her son.

It wasn't a road I liked. I kicked the rocks often, and it hurt not only me but those around me.

My Mother in law never kicked rocks… her wall was at the end of the road, fortified, unchanging and no matter how I tried to change it… it remained rock strong.

Pretty but not giving.

 

 

brocante online corey Amaro

 

Who would have thought that a fall from a ladder would have brought her wall down.

I did not expect it.

But she came to help me. And I knew that she came to pave a healing road.

Day after day, we shared our lives in my home.

Healing. We knew we were taking those steps .

 

 

First Communion Crystal

 

A few weeks ago we went out to dinner, just the two of us.

My mother in law asked me something, that went straight to the heart of our pain and frustration. I did not hold back, I warned her saying, "What I am going to say is not easy, it might not be easy to hear either, but I believe we do not ask something of someone unless we are willing to hear the truth."

With that I told her my truth, what I felt, what I believed happened between us, and how that wall of hers was not welcoming, nor inviting… but that after many years I understood why it was created and what stood behind it…. and that it was okay.

 

Church crystal

 

My mother in law listened.

She took each word and held it.

She looked in my eyes and I in hers.

The truth was not easy. But what came after was worth every ounce of courage it took us to get there.

 

 

Crystal with flower

 

Before my mother in law said goodbye yesterday she took me aside and said,

"I love you and I appreciate your talking to me… " she said many things, and each word brought me to my knees.

We cried.

We smiled,

and our journey together will never be the same.

The rocky road was made smooth from a ladder breaking which opened a path for us to see one another in a new light.

 

Comments

83 responses to “A Rocky Road Made Smooth”

  1. Linda

    Wow.

    Reply
  2. Pearl

    Amazing how the universe operates. So happy for both of you. I too have had a difficult relationship with my mother in law but I have yet to decide what I want out of it.

    Reply
  3. Helene

    You are both very brave to have been able to walk that rocky road together. In life some relationships are chosen; some are given to us. They each take effort and attempts to understand, ourself and the other. The relationships that are given to us have special lessons because it is so easy to escape into “Why this”. But in the effort to make these relationships have meaning and to grow together from the effort is the very best type of extending and receiving love. I applaud your efforts.

    Reply
  4. Lorrie

    joy from sorrow, beauty from ashes

    Reply
  5. kim

    Both of you are very lucky to have had this opportunity for connection. I agree with Helene, who said that you are both very brave. This is a very inspiring story and I”m happy for you both.

    Reply
  6. Susan

    God moves in mysterious ways. You both have been blessed.

    Reply
  7. Debra

    C, powerful. My relationship was much the same with my MIL, never got it settled & now she’s gone – sad ending! Happy to hear the new path you both are on!

    Reply
  8. denise

    that was beautiful and so tender. oh there is a God and He always has a plan for us. we don’t see why at the moment,but that is so plain to see and it is so ♥ warming. Bless both of you. Bestest,Denise

    Reply
  9. kelleyn

    It seems falling down the ladder was a blessing.

    Reply
  10. Anne Gsolfot

    Another example that His Ways are not our ways and that they are usually not understood.
    What a beautiful gift of love you’ve received and given.

    Reply
  11. lila rostenberg

    A wonderful post! You are both very brave!

    Reply
  12. marlis

    You just made me cry. I know how hard it is to be a mother-in-law. You were very brave to speak the truth and she was courageous to open the door. I’m so glad the outcome was this good. bless you Corey. xo marlis

    Reply
  13. Chris Wittmann

    Your story moved me Corey and reminded me of the unsettled relationship I had with my husband’s parents, one that unfortunately was never patched before they passed away. My first inlaws (English husband’s parents) were so kind to me and treated me like their own daughter, so when my new inlaws treated me exactly the opposite it was so hurtful, and I always felt so intimidated I never tried to make the relationship better. Worse yet, my husband didn’t either, which really hurt. But I congratulate you on your courage to make the journey and take those steps to a renewed relationship with your mother in law. special. Starting over will be wonderful.

    Reply
  14. Becky F

    Lovely. So happy for the two of you.

    Reply
  15. Diane

    Beautiful!
    As one who has a less than chummy relationship with her mil, and has the potential to become a mil in the next calendar year, I really appreciate this story.
    Warmly,
    Diane

    Reply
  16. Mélanie Aussandon

    There is always positive things that come out from negative moments …

    Reply
  17. Laura

    Congratulations. What a tough issue to resolve. But I’m sure you, your MIL and many others in your family will feel much better from now on. YAY.

    Reply
  18. Cheryl ~ Casual Cottage Chic

    It’s sad that it took so long to be open with one another,but happy that the “road” ahead, even with a few pebbles here and there will be an easier path for both of you.

    Reply
  19. rose

    Thanks for being so open. You are already blessed many, many times.

    Reply
  20. deb

    How brave of her to ask the question and of you to answer it. It’s much easier just to continue dancing the dance we know than to have an honest conversation that might stop it.
    Good for the both of you!

    Reply
  21. Christine

    What a beautiful thing to come out of misfortune. I’m so happy for you both!

    Reply
  22. Kimberly

    Beautiful stuff going on here. Healing in more ways than one. Thank you for sharing and your transparency. I am sure it is helping all who read. Blessings, Kimberly

    Reply
  23. Cathy J.

    Bravo!
    Life is too short to hold on to “crap”.
    I’m happy the two of you were able to work it out!
    What a great way to end the year and start anew.

    Reply
  24. jeni

    Thank you so much for sharing this experience. I also walk a rocky road with my MIL
    and your words give me hope and the courage to look for an opportunity to break down the wall before it is too late.. but I hope I don’t fall off a ladder to get the chance. ; )

    Reply
  25. Marilyn

    Oh Corey, I am so very happy for you and your mother-in-law. I wish it could be so for me and mine, but she doesn’t listen and my husband doesn’t want me to say anything anymore. Smiling for you!

    Reply
  26. Karen from Wisconsin

    Forgiveness heals our soul. After that comes true love, living as we were told to live. How wonderful, Corey.

    Reply
  27. Bev

    “All things work together for good…” Romans 8:28

    Reply
  28. Tamara Komuniecki

    People say things happen for a reason and it’s a sentiment I’ve never subscribed to, because I think sometimes things happen that are just plain sh*tty and seem to have no purpose or lesson or plan. But. Often it is there when we’re patient or look a but beneath the surface. This was a really nice post and I am so glad you shared it with us, because you know we’re right here with you, right??!!

    Reply
  29. Zosia

    Strained family relationships affect not only the two people immediately involved, but the rest of the family as well. I am happy for all of you that this breakthrough happened .

    Reply
  30. freefalling

    There’s always hope, isn’t there?

    Reply
  31. jend’isère

    My road is currently being straightened out with the women who has referred to herself as my mother-outlaw. Inspiring.

    Reply
  32. pattyg

    Thank you Corey for sharing. I am so pleased to hear that a transformation in your relationship with your mother-in-law come through. Happy for both of you and your family. I hope to always remember this story, it is hopeful.

    Reply
  33. Sara

    Wonderful! Thank you so much! A beautiful reminder that sometimes we have to go through a bit of pain and discomfort to make things ultimately better, or at least make the attempt. I am very happy for you and her.

    Reply
  34. Paula S In New Mexico

    Good for you Corey. Love

    Reply
  35. martina

    So, falling off a ladder was really a blessing in disguise. Maybe your MIL just couldn’t figure you out and you mystified her. My mother snd her MIL loved each other as if they were mother/daughter. Mom said she was a saint! We all learned a lot from Grandma just by watching how she dealt with people and life’s challenges. Mom cried more when Grandma passed away than she did when her own mother did.
    I’m so glad your mother-in-law listened to you and the wall came down!

    Reply
  36. alena

    This brought me to tears and I am so proud of you both.
    I just had a good cry over my MIL yesterday, as a matter of fact, many times over the time I know her.
    What is killing me that I don’t dare to tell her what I really think and the pretending and agreeing is really hard.
    That is why this is such a good news.

    Reply
  37. Sharon Penney-Morrison

    Doesn’t God work in strange ways?
    I stand in awe…often at how things happen,
    and how they turn out.
    What a blessing for you and your Mother in Law.

    Reply
  38. Kelly

    How beautiful. I am happy to follow such a brave person. Your had the gumption to be honest and look what it brought.

    Reply
  39. Nancy W

    Corey
    We never know where the path will lead, do we? You all deserve this path. Hope your wrist is healing as well.

    Reply
  40. Marilyn

    You were wondering “why ? “…now you know. God works in mysterious ways. He can bring down any wall, even the strongest and highest. Sometimes we aren’t too fond of his methods of demolition though 😉

    Reply
  41. Jackie

    C,
    Really glad to hear this story…J-

    Reply
  42. Rhonda

    I’m crying typing this, what a wonderful healing story.
    Darn you Corey…..you tell life so well. Hugs, R

    Reply
  43. Lemon Tree Tami

    This brought tears to my eyes… I’m so glad that you and your belle mere were able to break down that wall. Life’s so much easier when we get along with our in-laws. My MIL definitely has been a supportive part of my marriage.

    Reply
  44. carol

    Dear Corey,
    You brought tears to my eyes. Your posts are always uplifting – in so many ways. I am so happy for you and your mother-in-law. You are so brave and told the truth, but in a kind way. I cannot imagine anyone not loving you, and so you see, your beautiful mother in law loves you. The truth, you were able to tell it in such a way that you did not kick her out of the boat. 🙂 I hope your wrist is doing much better.
    love, carol

    Reply
  45. melly

    Your mother in law is very elegant in more ways than one.
    Brave and graceful to hear your truth. I applaud you both.

    Reply
  46. gayle

    Neither your lives or the lives of those you both love will ever be the same.Easier and enriched.
    So happy for you all.

    Reply
  47. Star

    What a touching post, Corey. From the other side of pain comes something beautiful and wholly unexpected.

    Reply
  48. frenchblue

    It always amazes me that there is always a positive from a negative. BUT it does take someone moving forward in their spiritual life to take note of it and embrace it, as you did. There is always something beautiful made from sharp little priklie things like the thorns on your roses and you made rose jam~
    xxx

    Reply
  49. Linda

    Rough roads smoothed by love–nothing better. I’m so glad you were able to reconcile. These past two months have helped to build bridges where walls once were. I was fortunate to have a wonderful mother- in-law who was very welcoming and patient. I hope this is new beginning for you and Belle Mere.

    Reply
  50. Beachy

    Oh Corey, this post brought tears to my eyes. I can honestly relate to your relationship with your dear mother-in-law. I am so happy to hear you’ve shared the truth with one another, and that you both love one another, and that you have had one-on-one joyous time together. Love each and every minute you can spend together. My own mother-in-law passed away rather suddenly last year… and I was so grateful that prior to her passing our love toward one another had grown. In fact, it was the love she showed toward me which helped me to deal with her passing.
    xo – Beachy

    Reply
  51. Judi

    You are both very brave. Brava!

    Reply
  52. lisa-vet

    Beautiful, Corey. : )

    Reply
  53. Paula S In New Mexico

    And…………those crystals are so pretty. Looking at them, I really begin to reflect on the nature of crystals and how things are changed but yet somehow the same when we look through them. Kind of like relationships, I guess. I have to think on this for a bit…..words aren’t coming to express what is in my heart.

    Reply
  54. Ann

    Wow! Foregiveness….respect….and the greatest of these is love. A new beginning for you, MIL and FH. Perfect!

    Reply
  55. Shelley

    Hi,
    For the first couple of years of my marriage, my mother-in-law seemed to be ‘competing’ with me for my husband/her son. I discussed this with her one day saying, “It seems like the two of us are butting heads and competing over someone we both love.” It did open up a dialogue between us. Now that I have a grown son, I can empathize and understand where she was coming from. How hard it must be to ‘hand your son over’ to another significant woman in his life. I am thinking the ‘key’ to keeping a positive relationship with a grown son, may be through his life partner. I will find out first hand in a year or two….or hopefully five!

    Reply
  56. RebeccaNYC

    And THAT is why you fell off that ladder. This needed to happen.

    Reply
  57. Lorelei

    Oh, Corey, what a powerful post. I, too, walked a rocky road with my mother-in-law. We did not smooth the road until her last days when I sat with her day and night and read and talked to her and dried her tears. We knew at the end that we loved each other and we both loved her son. Thank you for your words today.

    Reply
  58. Jane Ann

    A relationship healed is the most beautiful thing. Your bravery and transparency are a thing to be admired. I am confident that God allows things into our lives to bless us and to also help us grow. Now, your dear FH cooks and you have a healed relationship with your MIL. I wonder what you will be learning from the physical therapy sessions? Great things I’m sure.

    Reply
  59. mary blanchard

    Things happen for a reason….many times we do not understand why until we have lived through it….and it humbles us
    behind every cloud is a silver lining….:)

    Reply
  60. Denise Moulun-Pasek

    Corey, your story has brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I rejoice with you in this most momentous event. I had a belle-mère very like your own and the love, though hard-earned, was worth it.

    Reply
  61. Marie-Noëlle

    Somehow your fall was worth the while.
    I’m SOOOO pleased about this happy end… or should I say happy “beginning” ?!?
    My best wishes to you both !!!

    Reply
  62. Marie-Noëlle

    PS – Now the 2 pots of salt (from Batz and Aigues-Mortes) are together on the same shelf …
    (REMEMBER ?)
    xoxo

    Reply
  63. labergerebasque

    My daughter who lives near San Francisco just had her first baby and I received photos via e-mail. After years of silence, she had announced her pregnancy the same way. I had offered to visit and give her a hand, but I knew she would gently decline. I was not invited to her wedding and she told others I could not make it. Why would she let me be near her baby?
    She has shut me out of her life since she was 14 years old (15 years ago). I am still not sure as to why. She was close to her dad and I had left him (no, I had no one else) . He had a lot to say and I chose not to involve her in “her father’s and mine relationship problems”.
    I hold my breath for forgiveness. My arms ache to hold the new baby.
    I must continue to pray and hold onto hope.
    Thank you for the post.

    Reply
  64. Jennie@clusternavigators.com

    As with a number of other replies I had a wee tear in my eye when I read this.
    I had some difficult moments with a sister-in-law when I took up with my significant other 15 years ago. It was very unpleasant and I did not understand why I was being singled out….but strangely/nicely that same person wrote me a lovely note not so very long ago saying I was the best thing that had happened to him….this came after I had taken her to task for the way she talked to me one time. So I really do think we can break down walls and barriers with honesty, clearly you have done that and your blog today was very touching. Thank you!

    Reply
  65. Vicki Bonne Amie

    Once again you brought tears to my eyes…and once again I see in life that everything happens for a reason. It seems more than your wrist “healed”. You are a blessing!!!

    Reply
  66. Kathie B

    Do you think it’s simply a matter that — especially because of the length of your MIL’s stay — the two of you have bonded over your shared love for Yann, Chelsea and Sacha? Or am I over-simplifying?

    Reply
  67. Evelyn in NYC

    How wonderful for both of you! Not everyone gets a chance like you were given.

    Reply
  68. Brenda L. from TN.

    So glad it all worked out…I am happy for you BOTH!

    Reply
  69. lisa

    Tears again after reading this. My rocky road as a DIL resulted from competition with her real daughters…this eventually killed my marriage as well. Ours was a road blocked by jealousy and lies. When she passed away, my children were told their mother was not allowed to attend her funeral. The pain will always be there…and the longing for truth.

    Reply
  70. Julie

    I loved my mother-in-law. She was a beautiful person with a beautiful laugh. Unfortunately, I only had her as a mother-in-law for a little more than eleven months. She passed away suddenly right after my son was born, and a month shy of my husband and my first anniversary.
    Sometimes I think I miss her more than I would miss my own mother if she were gone. She knows things about my husband that only a mother can know and I don’t have her here to share those things with me. I don’t have her here to show me how to love her son and to give me those wonderful words of wisdom. I don’t have those times with her in the car driving to or from her dialysis. I miss her so much.
    You see, when my mother dies, I will have great memories, years of memories. But with my mother-in-law, I only had a short time to love her and I feel I really missed out. I think I miss her more than anyone else does.
    I hope that your mother-in-law and you can continue to heal your relationship and that you may have wonderful memories with her. To have a mother-in-law as a friend is a most wonderful gift!

    Reply
  71. Jeanette

    Life, truth, peace, forgiveness, the greatest gifts you can give another. Blessing. Amen.

    Reply
  72. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Kathie
    You are over simplifying 🙂

    Reply
  73. Kristin McNamara Freeman

    Corey…so many years of feeling, looking, watching, hearing, being, caring, strong love between you, your husband and children…all the pieces that stood firmly beneath and behind you as you shared those inner-most thoughts and feelings. And to hear you MIL had to open her wall a crack, and she did, and there was room for a beginning of healing, and growing on a road to travel together. I thank you for opening up your personal life’s door and sharing with us all this most lovely new step… possible because two people each took a chance in their own way. Your words have deeply reached into my heart. Thank you so much. Kristin

    Reply
  74. Kiki

    Corey;
    I can hardly write, my eyes are brimming over with tears. You know every time I read your posts about m.i.l. I thought ‘She’s having a difficult relationship with her’ – I just felt it coming towards me….
    Imagine my shock when I read that she came to help you mastering your life when you broke your wrist. I took stock of my own feelings and I thought ‘How wrong you were Kiki’…. until today!
    I know all about those feelings, about the struggle to get things right, the frustrations of not succeeding to win over, but also the quiet acceptance that you can’t be best friends with everybody. I am always very thankful to my mother in law for having given birth to my Hero Husband – and for that fact alone I will treasure her until she dies.
    I think that this is your best and most honest and quite stunningly beautiful post so far and I shall take the time to read every single comment – it probably would make a whole book on its own!
    If I’ve learned one thing in my life it’s this:
    We only live once and we can’t be loved and cherished by everybody. If we can ‘manage’ it, we should try to love with no conditions and if the next person doesn’t wish to be our friend, accept it.

    Reply
  75. Sue J.

    “And I knew that she came to pave a healing road.”
    a lovely, lovely post, Corey.

    Reply
  76. Vickie

    I am crying in the library where I read this post.

    Reply
  77. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    That is so cool, so loving, and love takes us down many an unexpected path. It always brings growth!

    Reply
  78. Gracie

    My MIL has always been a little selfish, now that she’s older and in need I told myself to forgive her for so many things she said in the past. Now every time I see her she hugs and kisses me, I’m not so much at ease with that, but I do it for my husband (he knows her, but she’s still her mother). I’m happy to learn from yout hat hope is the last to die……

    Reply
  79. monique

    Yes, you’re lucky Corey, Mo is a great mother in law!
    but that’s probably because you’re too!
    full of big Bizous every 2
    mo

    Reply
  80. Tongue in Cheek

    One of my dearest friends sent me this…
    “Oh Corey. You have brought me to tears with this one, once again. Such a wonderful wonderful blessing coming from and through your pain, through the shattering of your hand and wrist as you reached for the ceiling. I believe that your ceiling now reaches to the heavens and you have touched it with a heart made new and a hand which bears the scars of the journey. The crucifixion does indeed lead to the Resurrection and the Ascension in the Light. You have both ascended, God only knows how many rungs on the ladder, as a precursor for your being totally ascended in the Light and Free. My Love and Prayers are with you. You are such a special soul of Light. Thank you for sharing.”

    Reply
  81. Tongue in Cheek

    My friend M. sent this to me… I asked if I could add it to the comment section/
    cher corey,
    oy, have i got a belle mere story for you!
    long ago and far away…..
    in 1942, when my parents met and decided to marry, both had very recently been engaged to marry other people. i have no clue who the others were.
    very shortly after their announcement, my father’s brother (one of two old-maid
    uncles) arrived at my mother’s parents’ house. he told my mother, in front of her parents, that ‘our mother doesn’t want you to marry our brother’.
    my father told them all to go to hell, but remained on decent terms with them. my
    mother never made any effort to like her mother-in-law because, obviously, the old woman hated her-for no reason.
    my parents married 3 months later. neither of my father’s estranged parents came to the wedding, even though his father had been a frequent guest at my grandparents’ house in the few short months of the engagement. he was very religious, and my mother’s grandfather, also very observant, could dine at my grandmother’s kosher home.
    as children, my sister and i knew there was friction of some kind, but nothing about why. my mother always came with us to my father’s mother’s house, but was always a bit ‘itchy’. my mother, to her credit, never interfered in the love i felt for my grandmother. nor did she interfere when i backed away from ‘the uncles’.
    my father’s father lived someplace else and i only remember seeing him twice. my
    sister was born a month after he died, and i don’t think my mother ever saw him again
    after the engagement. my father alone took me to see the old man.
    when i was 17, my mother became very sick and we gave up hope she would live.
    my father’s cousins visited her at one of three hospitals, and happened to remark that my grandmother was terribly upset that she was sick.
    my mother, sick as she was, became incredulous, but that’s when it came out that the uncle (both old maids, actually) had concocted this crap, and that their reclusive mother had no part in it! and my grandmother never had known why my mother wasn’t cordial. she knew my parents loved each other, but was too passive to ask (a whole ‘nother story about her terrible marriage). slowly my mother recovered with the help of a great doctor and with the prayers of her mother-in-law.
    for the last two years of my grandmother’s life (she died when i was 19, on yom kippur in 1962) she and my mother became close friends, and when her belle mere died, my
    mother was distraught.
    in all the years of her marriage, and after my father died, my mother never said a harsh word to her crazy inlaws, even when, after my father’s death, they started the same old crap. my mother never compromised my father’s memory by fighting with his family.
    enjoy all the good things and new friendship you have with belle mere! i’m delighted for you and for her.
    love and stuff, m

    Reply
  82. mimi

    Beautiful.. Brought tears to my eyes. God bless both of you for your courage to confront the truth. So often people do not want to face or acknowledge the pain in their relationships. All things work together for the good. How true in this situation. Thanks once again for sharing your truth.

    Reply
  83. FRANCO

    Very touching. You’ll never regret putting the feelings you once had behind you. Forgiveness is uplifting. I know you’ve grown from this. I’m sure French Husband is also pleased. After it is his Mother. My MIL is a rude, selfish, old lady. For the sake of my hub she has no clue I feel that way. She adores me and I’m glad cuz it makes my life easier. I’m sure you both have a lot of happy times ahead to share. TEXAS FRANCOPHILE

    Reply

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