Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Going Through the Motions

Going Through the Motions

 

My cousin Francabolla (Lynn's sister) is on her way home to face a terribly sad reality. I want to hop on a plane and join my family, to share their grief, to give support, to pray outloud with them, to wash our sorrow in tears… to hold their pain in my embrace. It is at times like this, in sorrow and in celebration of life that I feel the distance, the great divide, the many miles of separation as defeating.

 

 

Going Through the Motions

 

 

 It is at times like this, in sorrow and in celebration of life that I feel the distance between France and the California as the great divide. The many miles of separation as defeating. It is the one of the aspects, the biggest one in my opinion, that is hard to hold.

I want to be in Willows. And I could go… it is only a matter of money, time, family, commitments …

 

 

Going Through the Motions

 

 

 

I have said many times to myself that I cannot go back whenever I want to— that the size of our family is large enough that if I went home for everything I wanted to go home for, I would have to live in California, and visit my family in France on Bastille day.

Oh the joy of having a big family, oh the sadness that will come from saying goodbye to those I love… a million cousins means a many goodbyes. Lynn is the first one I will have to say goodbye to on the Amaro side. I can hardly bare the thought this faraway!

 

 

Going Through the Motions

 

 

So instead I go through the emotions of living far away with an uneasy grace.

And look at airline tickets,

and ask myself why not?

 

 

Thank you for your many prayers and good intentions towards Lynn's family .

Comments

73 responses to “Going Through the Motions”

  1. Gracie

    Distance is a beast….I’m sure she knows that your heart is with her and your family.

    Reply
  2. Gretchen Seibert

    So sorry, Corey. I will keep your family in my prayers.

    Reply
  3. Leslie garcia

    Dear Corey,
    Sending you my most heartfelt prayers during this very, very difficult time. I am so sorry.
    Love and comfort to you and yours,
    Leslie

    Reply
  4. jend’isère

    Love that photo of the Bassett nose rub. If life could be so simple and loving.

    Reply
  5. Jean

    Corey so sorry. Being that far away is extremely hard on you I know. You are in my thoughts today.

    Reply
  6. Jackie

    C, I wish there was something I could say or do to ease the sadness. Call upon your powerfull faith, it will pull you through. Something I have learned from Corey: You love bravely and you grieve bravely. Warm hugs, jackie

    Reply
  7. christine

    Your love pours over the divide. Thinking and praying for your cousin, your family, and you. Please let me know if you decide to make the trip and need a ride. With sorrow and hope …

    Reply
  8. Bev

    My condolences.

    Reply
  9. Michelle M in KY

    Dear Corey,
    Let your heart guide your decision. Still sending prayers and love to you and your family.

    Reply
  10. RebeccaNYC

    I’m just catching up with my blog reading and was shocked to read this news. What a difficult time to be away from your California family. My heart goes out to you.

    Reply
  11. Kiki

    Dear Corey, dear Amaro family
    I only just came back yesterday myself – and before was unable to follow your blog so I had to aquaint myself with Lynn’s leaving this earth first…. Such sadness after such great joy and times spent in great company.
    Also,I know how it feels being separated by thousands of miles from your family; and being unable to fly ‘back’ and forth at all times makes the pain and sorrow almost unbearable.
    I shall now pray for Lynn’s family and yours, Corey – every little bit helps; I have been through similar experiences and you will notice how you’re being carried by those thoughts and prayers.
    Your family will feel your presence in their hearts and souls – it’s not the miles that put in a distance between people it’s the lack of love and attention we deny. Your love and utter devotion will fly on angels wings to your beloved ones.
    Big hugs and holding you tight in my arms of soothing thoughts.

    Reply
  12. g

    don’t know what to say except i am thinking of all of you and praying for all the family…on all sides peace and good be with all of you ….now and in that very hard difficult days that follow….

    Reply
  13. susan

    Please know that your heavy hearts are being held, all around the world, during this time of decision and sorrow. Love and prayers to everyone.

    Reply
  14. grace

    Aww so sad for you. I hope you have peace in your heart and know that whatever you decide will be fine. Your cousin will be missed. You should have a little memorial in France for her with your family there. Grace xoox

    Reply
  15. Amy Kortuem

    It’s only time.
    It’s only money.
    Corey, go. Be with her.
    How blessed you are to have such welcoming arms on both sides of the ocean.

    Reply
  16. Irina

    So sorry, Corey. I wished I could help somehow. Thinking about you and Lynn’s family.
    Big hug.

    Reply
  17. Sharon Penney-Morrison

    The time you spent together is the most important. That is the tie that binds your heart to Lynn’s.
    Keeping you close to my heart.

    Reply
  18. Judy

    Dearest Corey,
    You are light and love…and your
    love is shining
    in Lynn’s heart now…
    Blessings,
    Judy B

    Reply
  19. Tracy

    whatever you decide Lynn will know and understand. My all the happy memories help to sustain you. Guilt can rear its ugly head at times like these even when you are close to home. The “I should of done this” “I should have said that”. Lynn knows your heart today.

    Reply
  20. Susan

    My sympathy, Corey. It is not necessary for you to be there now…you were together at your visit and that was what was important. She is no longer with you. But the memories…that you carry with you forever.

    Reply
  21. Lieselotte

    Poor Corey ! I´m sorry to hear that your cousin was taken away from you in the mid of life. Let´s hope she didn´t suffer too much. Kind regards, LieseLotte

    Reply
  22. Violet Cadburry

    Only time will ease your grief. Sending prayers for you and your family.

    Reply
  23. Mary Marsell

    Oh, Corey,
    I feel like I’m living this with you, my distance being California and Spain. It’s not enough, I know, but I’m praying for you, for her, and for both of your families.
    May there be an outpouring of love and even blessings in this very difficult time.
    Love from Astorga.

    Reply
  24. martina

    My sympathies to you and the Amaro family. Isn’t it really wonderful you had that chance to spend some time with her just a week ago before she became ill? You undoubtedly have many special memories of Lynn that will hopefully help you in this time of grief.Sending hugs.

    Reply
  25. Bridget

    Dear Corey,
    Please accept my heartfelt condolences. You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
    Hugs.

    Reply
  26. Claire

    Corey,
    I totally understand how you feel. My motherland is thousands miles away, too. I understand your torn and struggles. But please remember, as you are so linked in hearts to each other, wherever they are, you are.

    Reply
  27. Joanne Tuchman

    More prayers on their way from Thousand Oaks CA. I’m so thankful that you were able to spend that precious time with Lynn while she was able to bask in your love and enjoy your company. Life is fleeting but with love we keep people in our hearts forever.
    T.O.Joanne

    Reply
  28. Sandra

    Hugs for you dear Corey, for words fail me at times like these.
    xoxo
    Sandra

    Reply
  29. Paulita

    Corey, Like you, I’ve been looking at airfares and longing, but the reasons are totally different. I rejoice at the purchased airline ticket that brings my daughter home from France 10 days early, and can only pray that the helpful airline guy I talked to is waiting for you. Death is different. You need that closure, that embrace.

    Reply
  30. Nancy W

    Dear Corey,
    I am so sorry for all of the pain your entire family is experiencing. Holding you all, especially Lynn, in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  31. Kathleen in Oregon

    So very sorry. Sometimes I just don’t understand the “why” in this world. Will continue praying for your family.

    Reply
  32. Chris Wittmann

    I remember the phone call I received at the little antique shop where I worked in Ambleside, England, the call from one of my dad’s friends telling me I needed to hop on a plane THE NEXT DAY as dad was having surgery again and refused to undergo the surgery until he saw me. What a dilemma, but I had to go. Dad lived alone. And if the worse happened I would never forgive myself for not going. My heart goes out to you and your family Corey. I think God sent you there for 2 weeks to be with your family for a special reason. If you feel you need to be there now, then go. Don’t regret it for the rest of your life. If they need you and you need to be with them, go.

    Reply
  33. Susan

    Hello, my distance is between Zurich and Anchorage, Alaska. I haven’t had to make the choice you are mulling over – yet … but my parents are elderly and I’ve had to decide about more frequent visits. I ask myself: “will I regret not going?” Sometimes I can hear that still small voice say “it’s ok” – other times I feel a nudge and know that it’s a time to journey home again.
    As said above, what’s most important is the time you shared with Lynn before — I pray that right now you will feel the prompting that you need, one way or the other. God bless you and your family.

    Reply
  34. Linda P.

    I will you and your extended family in my prayers.

    Reply
  35. Kathie B

    Corey wrote, “if I went home for everything I wanted to go home for, I would have to live in California, and visit my family in France on Bastille day.”
    First of all, remember that your extended California family was delighted to see you last month for both the wedding and Thanksgiving. I imagine that if Lynn had had to make a choice — which she didn’t, of course, but this is only a dumb hypothetical — she’d have preferred your being there while she was still well and able to enjoy your company, instead of now.
    Secondly, if you only spent Bastille Day in France, how on earth would all those relatives be able to come visit you there?!?!?
    Special hugs to you, Franca, Sheba, Lynn’s husband, and the rest of the Amaros.

    Reply
  36. Marilyn

    Holding you and your family in the arms of prayer. How difficult to be torn between going or staying and the suffer the pain of possibly losing your dear cousin.

    Reply
  37. Toni

    Dear Corey, your relationship with your cousin Lynn was a close one…..then you can come home, or stay in France, your family will understand. But remember funerals are for the living as you well know. Your love and prayers travel at Gods speed…therefore they are already here in Willows. I saw your Mom at the Post Office yesterday, she could not speak to me…I just gave her a hug and patted her on the back as she waited in line in front of me. Very sad. My prayers continue for you and your family. Love Toni

    Reply
  38. Ann

    Daily {HUG}! Saying goodbye to a loved one is one of the hardest thing we will do in this life. There are no words that take the pain away or wipe our tears. Life is a gift and every goodbye takes a little of us with them. We emerge differently from a loss. And only by God’s grace do we continue on in our life’s journey.
    If Lynne was as close to you as it appears, then, yes, go and be with your family. Say your goodbye’s. Let your brocante profits be your travel fund and since you have a large family, I am guessing you will need to work your business more so that you can be with your Calif family at times like this. 🙂
    When my dad passed away, I missed being with him by one day and the rest of my family was with him to the end. I think it has taken me longer to find closure because of this since, it has been 3 years and I still get tearful just thinking about it.
    Blessings to you and your family.

    Reply
  39. Jennifer in SF

    Prayers are with you and your family Corey. A life with regrets is a life not lived…the money will work itself out (and you can decide if you can manage the other commitments). Why not indeed!

    Reply
  40. carol

    Dear Corey and Amaro family,
    I am praying for Lynn’s family and for your family, Corey. I am so glad that you got to spend special time with your cousin at Thanksgiving. I wish there were words to ease the pain and struggle you are going through. Kiki said it so very well, “it’s not the miles that put in a distance between people it’s the lack of love and attention we deny.” You are full of love and light. Let your faith be your guide whatever decision you make. You are in my prayers.
    carol

    Reply
  41. Carol

    I’m so sorry, Corey, and will continue to keep you all in my prayers.

    Reply
  42. Tongue in Cheek

    Dear Readers,
    As a few of you have commented about my relationship with my cousin Lynn I feel I must add a few notes to clarify.
    I am closer, or knew better, Lynn’s sisters Francabolla and Sheba (Sacha’s Godmother) as I was closer in age to them. I did not see them on this trip as they were out of town when I was there.
    Francabolla had planned to visit me in France, unfortunately, her trip was called short on the news of her sister.
    Going home to grieve for Lynn is one reason, going home to be of support, to amongst my cousins in this moment, to share the burden is the strongest pull.
    I am leaning on staying after talking at lengths with my cousin Sheba and my mother.
    I appreciate every prayer, thought, intention and ounce of love sent from you to my cousin Lynn and her family. They are faced with difficult decisions today.
    Thank you so very much xx Corey

    Reply
  43. Lindy in TX

    It is just money. Go and be there to say farewell until we meet again. The whole family will be there.
    xxxoo (big hugs)

    Reply
  44. Jeanette

    Her life, friendship and love were a gift from above. I am sure she would want you to remember all the good times old and new. So grab those memories and remember the fun! And the most important part is laugh with the memories it will help get you and her sisters through the tough times. Prayers for your family

    Reply
  45. meppybn

    I too am 6000 miles away from from family – it IS so hard on occasions like this and yes, I have had to make decisions of whether to go back or not. Comfort, strength and peace to all your family, Corey, cry much

    Reply
  46. Pam

    Praying for you and your family, Corey.

    Reply
  47. Brenda L. from TN.

    I’m so very sorry…My Condolences to Lynn’s immediate family and to all of the Amaro family.
    THERE WAS A REASON YOU WERE THERE for a FAMILY WEDDING and for THANKSGIVING, Corey…God works in mysterious ways. HIS wonders to preform. We don’t always understand or know WHY things happen the way they do but the Lord provides answers to these questions in some manner…WE just don’t always see them.
    Lynn knows what’s in your mind and heart…she WILL understand whatever you decide to do…
    ((((HUGS))))

    Reply
  48. kim

    Living so far away from family is extremely difficult — especially in times like these. I haven’t had to face this dilemma yet but it is certain to happen one day. Thinking of you, Corey.

    Reply
  49. cynthia wolff

    you were there (in Willows) just moments ago. that is such a good thing.

    Reply
  50. Kathie B

    Thank you for the clarification, Corey. I know you’ll do whatever you think best for all concerned, because they’re secure in knowing that your love will be with them, no matter what. Abraços.

    Reply
  51. Denise

    i am so sad for you and yours. i continue with prayers. Bestest,Denise

    Reply
  52. everton terrace

    Still thinking of your whole family.
    Understanding your push and pull feelings.
    My mother just flew to Ireland to be by her cousins bedside and the cousin, who has always been my dear Aunt Bessie (we share a birthday) asked if I was there many times. My heart cracked a little. Money and Thanksgiving commitments made it impossible. Now this woman is in her 80s so, while sad, I think easier than what you and your family are facing. I am just so sorry. Virtual hugs from Arizona.

    Reply
  53. Jeannie

    Go. If you feel you will gain comfort and peace, go.

    Reply
  54. Susan young

    Corey, mon coeur est avec toi et ta famille.

    Reply
  55. Brenda, Walker, LA, USA

    Dearest Corey: Checking in for your updates. I have been thinking of you, and remembering a similar situation. The distance between our family in Illinois and Louisiana, we have faced some hard decisions too. After a great visit with Mr Brown, he passed away shortly after. Flew back there for the funeral, but always thought our appointed time with him was so timely, to see him smiling and hearing words of wisdom. It was the perfect memory to be left with. Talk with your family, your husband, pray, God will show you what to do. Praying for all of you….

    Reply
  56. Barbara Snow

    Dear Corey,
    My condolences for you and your family. For some reason these things always seem more profoundly sad at this time of year. Beaming you strength and love.
    Fondly,
    Barb in Minnesota

    Reply
  57. frenchblue

    Sometimes we have to accept there is a process. A process bigger than we. A communion that is not separated by a country or a plane ride. It is the reach that you already know so well, when you reach for your Dad. Be kind to yourself. Don’t be torn during this time of greiving. Just ask and you will have your answer.
    XOXO

    Reply
  58. Shirley

    My prayers to you and your family.
    Shirley
    Atlanta, Ga

    Reply
  59. pattyg

    Dear Corey,
    My heart goes out to you and your family.
    Wishes for peace-

    Reply
  60. momof5

    Corey, I’m just sad for all of you, including Lynn and her family. I’m sure whatever decision you make will be the one that needs to be made.

    Reply
  61. joanne nixon

    i am sure you will make the right decision when it is necessary to choose. whichever decision you make, do not mulll over the idea of a right or wrong choice.,go with your first instinct….you are all in my prayers….

    Reply
  62. quiltmom anna

    Corey,
    I am so sorry to read about your cousin Lynn- it is so very hard to find the way to deal with the sudden loss of a loved one. There is no easy way down that path- Your family will know that your heart and love is with them, even when you are not. They can feel that love across that great physical divide. For you, it is more difficult- to find comfort and ways to express your grief for your beloved Lynn. May you find yourself surrounded by the warmth and love of your French family and good friends in the days ahead.
    Sending you a big cyber hug,
    Warmest regards,
    Anna

    Reply
  63. tinker

    Peace be with you and your family, Corey. xo

    Reply
  64. Merisi

    Dearest Corey,
    I don’t want to say I understand how torn you are feeling, but on the other hand, you know I have been living pretty close to your situation, only the continents reversed.
    Much love,
    Merisi

    Reply
  65. mary

    Hugs and prayers go out to you and your family

    Reply
  66. Monica

    THERE WAS A REASON YOU WERE THERE for a FAMILY WEDDING and for THANKSGIVING, Corey…God works in mysterious ways. HIS wonders to preform. We don’t always understand or know WHY things happen the way they do but the Lord provides answers to these questions in some manner…WE just don’t always see them.
    THERE WAS A REASON WE WERE THERE for OUR FAMILY REUNION two years ago. My mother passed a week later from a coronary embolism. But we remember her happy and celebrating our birthdays and saying goodbye…she did not suffer and God is Good all the time. How blessed we are to know she is home with her Saviour.
    We keep you all in our prayers Corey.

    Reply
  67. Sue J.

    prayers for peace and comfort, Corey.

    Reply
  68. Maura

    I feel for you Corey. I live in a different country than my family and I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if something like this happened to one of them. You must do what your heart tells you to do. Hugs to you.
    Maura

    Reply
  69. LA CONTESSA

    Sad sad news……………I feel for you.Beautiful posts about it all……..

    Reply
  70. Dianet23

    my heart goes out to you and your family

    Reply
  71. Julie

    Loss…no matter if one is near or far, is always difficult. Hold the memories dear and close. Her smile in your photographs of her in the blog, revealed a woman with happy heart. Thank you for sharing and prayers and thoughts to you and family abound.

    Reply
  72. Nancy

    Your family knows how much you love them Corey..whether you are with them in body or in spirit..they will feel your love..Hugs

    Reply
  73. jeni

    Beautiful words. Your words touch our life with every post you share.
    My heart is full for you and your family as you pass through this moment in time.
    My prayers for comfort and peace are sent for you and your family.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Privacy Policy - Terms and Conditions