Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

What is it like when your heart lives in two Lands

Corey amaro and her men

 

French Husband and I went to see our son Sacha in Arles, where he is studying.

We walked around the town, that is old and beautiful, talking, eating ice cream, teasing one another, and of course I took photos of those two men that I love. 

 

Reflection Sacha at twilght

Sacha is going to go to California for three months (summer holidays). I will miss him. 

When I married French Husband I never thought about the long term effect of living and loving in two lands.

My children have that love bug for two cultures too.

How could I say no to Sacha when he asked to return to his family, his cousins, my mother in California for the summer? He literally returns the day school ends and comes back the day school starts.

I get it.

Not easy…

The heart is big, it can hold enough love to pass through two lands, and passages of time.

 

Hearts expand

We had dinner on a boat on the river. We were the only ones in the restaurant. It was delicious, the food, the atmosphere, the view… When stories are shared the heart expands.

And when the heart loves it grows.

I want to keep Sacha close, I want to hold my children never let them live ten feet away from me. But I know that isn't what love is about. 

 

Walking ahead

My Grandmother Amaro said, "I left the Azores when I was fourteen. The day I left my mother she stood behind me and embraced me. I laughed telling her it was a funny way to be hugged good bye? She hugged me tighter, and than whispered in my ear:

"When I open my arms, you are facing your destiny, your future, and I'm behind you letting you go. That is love, letting others be who they are, standing behind them, and loving them all the more.

"When my mother opened her arms I saw what she meant."

Love unconditionally, easy to say, harder to do.

 

Reflection of my son

 

I assume that one day Sacha will live in the States.

He has said we would since he was a little boy.

When I think about my children living faraway, I understand more how my family and grandparents felt.

Crappy at times… yet a beautiful journey. 

The heart expands.

 

Wherever you go

 

Wherever you go… there I am.

 

Street arles

We walked around the town in Arles, that is old and beautiful, talking, eating ice cream, teasing one another, and of course I took photos of those two men that I love. 

Comments

63 responses to “What is it like when your heart lives in two Lands”

  1. jani

    i feel for u 🙁

    Reply
  2. Betty C.

    This is a beautiful post and I know oh-so-well how you feel. Our daughter Daphné spent her entire “année de seconde” as a sophomore at the high school that I went to in the States. I didn’t see her for ten months…she was only 15 but had cooked up that plan starting in 6me! But think of the rich heritage these kids have…I’m not sure my kids will end up in the States, but there is a good chance they will end up far from us.

    Reply
  3. Dottie

    Corey, I love your post. It touches my heart, the heart of a mother. Your words are beautiful and full of your love. They remind me of one of my favorite poems by Kahlil Gibran.
    On Children
    Kahlil Gibran
    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    Reply
  4. Mo’a

    It has been so long since I commented here…I read most of your posts, however, somehow I have lost my manners and leave silently.
    This post has stuck me where I live. My heart lives in three lands…the land I left as an 18 year old (Iceland) the land where my son, daughter-in-law and two precious grandchildren live (Denmark) and the east coast of the US where I live with my husband and not too far from where my mother lives.
    There is a constant tug of war inside me…When my son left for Denmark I told him that from now on he would have a hole in his heart for his homeland…he smiled and told me that he knew that, he had seen that in me.
    On the other hand our lives are rich with experiences in our three lands…where we have family and friends and a rich history.

    Reply
  5. Debra

    C, your posts are deep. And, as a mother, sister, wife, and friend, I need to read them. Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Joanne Tuchman

    Our son, daughter-in-law and two grandsons live in Munich while we enjoy our sun in Thousand Oaks CA. We see each other twice a year and treasure our times together while we are apart. I am ever thankful that we are separated during the age of the internet and inexpensive phone calls. The boys consider this their home in California and a part of my soul is always in Munich. At least you have the knowledge of your own experience to keep you secure in the fact that distance is not always a matter of proximity but is state of the soul.

    Reply
  7. Sharon Penney-Morrison

    Dottie’s poem say’s it all.
    Something tells me if your children settle in the states, you will not be far behind.

    Reply
  8. kim

    I do know what it’s like to live in another country but as I do not have children of my own, I don’t know the heartache of living far away from one’s children.

    Reply
  9. Celeste

    Corey – My youngest(#6) just flew the coup and will enter the seminary in Nebraska in the Fall. Meanwhile this California girl moves to NC to be with my daughter and grand children. Funny the capabilities of the human heart.

    Reply
  10. Donna

    Thank you for your honest, heartfelt post, Corey! Whenever you write about being torn between two lands, I can totally relate. And I devour your words because most of the time (like today) I need to hear them. For me, the “two lands” are two states within the U.S….not nearly as far in distance as your situation but just as far where the heart is concerned. Your comments are very relatable, and you are a wise and understanding mother!
    PS – Dottie’s poem is one of my favorites, too!

    Reply
  11. Laura McHugh

    My daughter will be leaving home too, soon. I love how your grandmother expressed that feeling of letting go while holding dear. I will use it. She’s my last, the baby of four. Oh how I will miss her.

    Reply
  12. Beth

    Spectacular photos but an even more spectacular message. Love transforms the human heart and your story expresses that so beautifully.

    Reply
  13. Brenda L. from TN.

    Beautiful poem and post.
    My beautiful 18 yr old granddaughter just graduated from high school last night and now she is off to college. This is the beginning of her trip. I know I won’t see her very much any more. She is the daughter I never had as I only had boys and I will miss her terribly but she is happy and I am happy for her.But this is how life is supposed to be….our children go out and make their mark in this world and all we can do is pray for them and offer support and love.
    So Corey, to see Sacha leave is hard but he will be back…just as my granddaughter will be someday.Your grandmother said it so well…as all the mothers on here did…
    Sacha has gotten taller than his dad…he’s a man now. He will never forget his roots….never. He will always know where and to whom he belongs.

    Reply
  14. Shelley Noble

    So moving, Corey. So well expressed. Your love is big enough for the whole world.

    Reply
  15. Kathie B

    Is Sacha returning to Willows (staying once more with HIS grandmother Amaro, perhaps), or is he headed elsewhere in California? Will he be working, attending school or both, this summer?
    Corey, did you Grandmother Amaro ever see her mother again? Probably not, as back in those days most immigrants to the US stayed permanently — although I’ve found a ship’s record indicating that a 20-something man living in NorCal with the same name, age and trade as my paternal grandfather sailed (in 2nd-class, not steerage) back from the Azores, so I infer that he’d gone to visit family on Flores.
    As Joanne points out below, at least in this era of the Internet and inexpensive phoning — not to mention jet travel — it’s much easier to stay in touch with family and friends (and to make new friends, and reconnect with old ones!), and to exchange visits.

    Reply
  16. Kathie B

    You wrote: “How could I say no to Sacha when he asked to return to his family, his cousins, my mother in California for the summer?” Guess I flunked “reading comprehension” today (LOL!).

    Reply
  17. Judi D.

    OK, Corey. You are writing a book. That’s all there is to it. No excuses. I must be able to sit in my back garden, reading the story of your life and your family’s life and Annie and brocante and travels and everything in between. You are so terrific at storytelling!
    I know what you mean with this post. My oldest daughter lived in Berlin for three years and now lives in Maui, which might as well be as far away. My youngest daughter lives in Brooklyn. And the middle daughter lives….with us! I guess it evens out.
    You are a brave, strong, loving mother. Brava!

    Reply
  18. Laura

    life is too hard and rotten sometimes. Thank God we have planes/skype today. You will keep in touch. Imagine your poor great grandmother felt – very likely never saw her daughter again. UGH! I can’t even begin to imagine that one.
    You’ll never lose your children – they are just flying around your nest and one day will return with little birds for you to love 🙂
    Hugs

    Reply
  19. carol

    Dear Corey,
    How beautiful your words, how beautiful your thoughts. I needed to hear this today. It is indeed easier said than done. My son and youngest graduates Friday. This is his last summer home. My daughter gets married in June. They are moving away also, but at least she is in the states. I want to grab them and never let go, but as you said,”that is not what love is about.” May we all remember that love is all that matters.

    Reply
  20. Ann X

    You really need to write a book… Seriously! I discovered your blog just recently and can’t stop reading.
    I started reading because of French brocante stories (yes, I’m antiques crazy as well) but now I really enjoy every next post as they are small wonderfull essays… Small little wonders of life highlighted to stop by and think over…. Real gems!

    Reply
  21. Karen C

    My grandmother also, Corey.
    Now one of my sons is seeing a girl from New York, here on a working visa.
    I’ve always wanted to visit New York, but . . . . .

    Reply
  22. Karen C

    Further to my last comment –
    When my grandfather retired, he gave my grandmother a choice of a car (which they had never owned) or a trip back to England to see her family.
    She never forgot her terror of the sea voyage to Australia and said ‘When I left, I was as good as dead to my mother, but you will NEVER get me on that water again.’
    They bought a car.

    Reply
  23. Mrs. Pom

    Yes, it is the hardest part of raising a family. Letting them go to thrive and be their best persons. Since I cannot and would not stop them from doing that, I try to concentrate on having fun with them when they are here and we are together. It is all right for them to leave so long as they, too, miss what they have left behind.

    Reply
  24. Marilyn

    Oh that would be difficult to love those close to you from afar. I wish the best for all of you.

    Reply
  25. kim g.

    Hello there. Today I spent the day in willows where my mom and I had booth at Gathering’s vintage market. I was able to visit your mom. She told me your son was coming for summer and she said she was so glad and he is very helpful to her. She is so proud of your children. I just adore your mom. She loves her family dearly and she is always keeping busy. She looked darling today in a black eyelet dress. Someday I hope to be the kind of grandmother and woman she is. With love from home.

    Reply
  26. quiltmom anna

    Corey, I so can relate to this post- Our son lives on the other side of Canada – about 4000 miles from where we call home. We know that he wants to be with the girl he loves but oh do we miss him. I love the quote from your grandmother.. Thanks for this beautiful piece.
    Warmest regards,
    Anna

    Reply
  27. Lana Kloch

    your words transport me. each visit i learn more about you. i learn more about myself. you are so gifted that you are able to put into words and pictures the yin and yang of life.
    life is complication. yet..it is very simple. BE
    thank you for being you..

    Reply
  28. Ellen

    Being a military spouse I so know this tug of war. My roots are in New England and I’m now transplanted in the south. It makes one’s view expand and embrace what is good, yet I have missed so much of my family. Love tilts our view, yet our heart remains true to those we hold close no matter where we hang our hat! Wonderful post~

    Reply
  29. Joan Thodas

    Oh Corey, maybe this will mean you will come to Willows this summer?! Our grandmother, Maria Amaro, never did see her mother again. She was preparing for that long awaited trip home when she received word that her mother had died. Oh, the sorrow!

    Reply
  30. susan

    beautifully written. Thank you for words that share such strong emotions. Enjoy that lovely family and all the pain and joy that they bring.

    Reply
  31. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi JT
    Grandmother Amaro planned to return to the Acores for a visit, when she was nineteen? Isn’t that when she heard her mother died?
    C

    Reply
  32. Tongue in Cheek

    Thank you Lana, and all of you who kindly support my blog by following it and generously encourage me to write! I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
    xxxx

    Reply
  33. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi QA
    On the constant emotion in the sea of love.
    Yes, it is the happiness of those we love that keeps us going and giving.
    C

    Reply
  34. Tongue in Cheek

    Thank you Kim!!
    My mom said it was a wonderful show, and she was so happy.
    Thank you for your note, it makes me feel my mom.
    C

    Reply
  35. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Karen C
    Oh the long journey… It is a constant choice isn’t it. What we want and what we must do to have it.
    The amazing thing about love and family, and those we feel a connection to, is that time and space rarely changes the way we are when we are together. Does that make sense?
    C

    Reply
  36. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi AX
    Corey Amaro will write a book if an Editor lands on her doorstep, and gives her deadlines to meet, and dares her every single step of the way.
    🙂

    Reply
  37. Tongue in Cheek

    HI C
    I understand exactly what you are saying, the current of emotion runs deep within us mothers.
    Thinking of you,
    C

    Reply
  38. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi L
    My Grandmother talked about it often.
    That is why her words speak loudly to me these days.
    Love is not for the weak of heart.
    C

    Reply
  39. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi J
    Did you visit Berlin and Maui? At least when our children venture out we can see with new eyes, new landscape.
    C

    Reply
  40. Tongue in Cheek

    Yes my Grandmother traveled back to the Acores for a visit.
    No she did not see her mother again.
    Yes, Sacha will do an internship with a friend in Chico.
    Thank God for inexpensive communication tools.
    Yes, Sacha will stay with my mom.
    C

    Reply
  41. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Shelley,
    I like you! I feel I know you.
    Blogging is an amazing tool how it can bring people together!
    You are a creative soul!
    C

    Reply
  42. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Brenda,
    You have an 18 year old granddaughter? I always assumed you were younger than me!
    Yes Sacha is taller and bigger than Yann.
    xx C

    Reply
  43. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi B
    Love does transform the heart, doesn’t it?
    Thank you for your note!
    C

    Reply
  44. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Laura
    ( We meet in Chico)
    You have four children!!
    Wow!
    Where are they now?
    C

    Reply
  45. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Donna
    Yes space and time is just that… distance.
    Whether it is across the ocean, across the land, across the street, or even across the table.
    We still have to go the distance and time to connect physically.
    C

    Reply
  46. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi C
    Religious? What order?
    C

    Reply
  47. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi K
    A mother’s heart is never her own.
    C

    Reply
  48. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi SPM
    (I meet Sharon through blogging and she came to France we went brocanting together.)
    Oh I would visit more often, but France has a hold on me 🙂
    Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet is one of my favorite books of all time. When I was fourteen I nearly memorized it.
    C

    Reply
  49. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Jt
    “…distance is not always a matter of proximity but is state of the soul.”
    Well said!
    C

    Reply
  50. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Mo’a
    I will never forget how years ago you sent my friend Shelley such a lovely gift.
    You are a generous soul and I am certain your children have gained much from it.
    Thanks for still being part of the blogging community!
    C

    Reply
  51. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi D,
    Kahlil Gibran’s
    The Prophet is one of my favorite books of all time.
    When I was fourteen I nearly memorized it.
    Especially the section you quoted.
    My favorite is,
    “You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
    I have said it often and it has given me courage.
    C

    Reply
  52. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi BC
    15!! Oh my. You are brave. I admire that quality!
    C

    Reply
  53. mary blanchard

    Letting go is one of the hardest things to do but so rewarding when you see your children transpire to be wonderful individuals on their own
    My daughter is getting married next week and my son will graduate from aviation technician next year…..he informs me he might become a pilot or maybe travel the world fixing planes….. one side of me wants to surround him and never let anything happen to him but the other knows I have to cut the apron strings and let him spread his wings and sore
    So now I have a new son and grandson and I might be able to travel more…love grows and yes you are right a mother’s heart is never her own:-)
    Corey thank you so much for your beautiful words and blog

    Reply
  54. Jackie

    My son, Jack, longs to return to China. Having been adopted at age 14, he is more Chinese than American. I see him struggle with the pull toward the country of his birth. He misses hearing his language, eating authentic Chinese food, and all the cultural bits and pieces that go along with being away from the land of his birth. At the same time, he loves the U.S. He understands that he has many more opportunities here than he would have in China. The vast majority of his friends are Chinese ex-pats. They get together and do what Chinese teens do, cook feasts while playing cards and talking, talking, talking. It is an eternal tug, a never ending tug.

    Reply
  55. Evelyn

    Thank you for putting into words what my heart has been trying to do for the past month or so. My son and daughter-in-law will be moving to Brussels, Belgium in August to start a new chapter in their life. While I am excited for their journey, my heart aches for the loss of them being just a car ride away.

    Reply
  56. Rhonda

    You share your life stories so well. This one is very touching and so ever true. You’ve described true love.
    Your men are so unbelievably handsome, Corey. I pray Sacha has a safe and wonderful journey.

    Reply
  57. Lisa DeNunzio

    Hope I am not commenting twice – computer glitch…… Allors I left my home in NYC to live in Florida and later marry my husband of 35 years. I surely did not think of the long term impact it would have on my life or that of my family. Now that my own children are grown and married, I so hope they will live close to home; but when their parents raise them with an eye to other cultures and experiences, well………..
    Best I can say is ‘that it is not where you live, but how you live’. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Best, Lisa

    Reply
  58. Kathie B

    What a wonderful opportunity for Sacha! I trust your mother will put him to work helping prepare sopas for the Princeton festa, too.

    Reply
  59. Elizabeth Mackey

    Beautifully written, and I know how you feel. My daughter moved to London with her French husband, to pursue her fashion design career. I miss her terribly, but I know she is living her destiny and I must set her free to find it. Very tough though!!!

    Reply
  60. Pauline

    This is an absolutely glorious post!

    Reply
  61. amber

    Beautiful post Corey. And look at your two men– my my! How proud you must be at how your little one has grown up. Very neat.
    And well, if he lives here, that just mean you shall have to come more.
    :)oxox

    Reply
  62. Gracie

    Beautiful post and beautiful words Corey. I feel exactly the same way every time my daughter is away even if for just a short period for vacation. She’s already stated that after her graduation she will try to live abroad on her own, and I fear when this will come….but we just born them, we don’t own them, right? We can prepare them the best we can to give them their own wings…..

    Reply
  63. Kiki

    I SO know that feeling; it will soon be the fourth time that Hero Husband will work in another country and I’ll stay here for a while longer. That while was the 1st time 10 months, the second time it was 18 months of me being at home alone from Monday early morning to Friday very late night, than again for some 6-7 months when he worked in France already but I still lived in Switzerland and now it will be happening in reversed order (which is a relief)…. The heart is broken so often that you think it might never mend again but of course we’re so much stronger than we think it possible. Men is weak, but with God’s help we can do anything! Your child was given to you as a ‘loan’ for some years; then it’s time to ‘release’ the loan and be just happy when he/she is happy. This moment is now… And of course, a mother’s heart can be broken but she will always love and care for her child – my mother still does at 85 and her heart cares for her four children and all their partners, families, children and her grand- and great-grand-children 🙂

    Reply

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