The Difference Between the French and the American

Forest-tree-leaf

 

Someone once told me that the difference between a Frenchman and an American could be summarized like this:

"If you put a Frenchman and an American in the middle of a forest and asked them to find their way out, the French person would bend down, look at the soil for clues, look up to see which way the wind blew the trees and which way the sun was moving across the sky… in other words, the Frenchman would study his surroundings before making a move. On the other hand, the American would climb up the nearest tree, look around and holler: "HEY! Anyone out there?"

 

Trees-palais-royal

In general, because thankfully we cannot put a label on a whole country let alone a single person, the French are more methodical in their approach, trusting that they can find their way by themselves. Whereas Americans favor team work, and will go out on a limb to find a new way.

Why?

If you ask three hundred thousand French people, "Did you have fun (as in liked, enjoyed, considered it the best years ever…) school?" Two hundred and ninety-eight of them would answer solemnly, "No." Then they would look at you oddly, and ask, "Why?"

 

Trees-paris

 

French students go to school to learn how to study. Fun is rarely in the equation. The first day of school they are taught to come into the classroom, sit at their desk quietly. They are not allowed to talk unless they are asked a question. If the teacher asks the students for a response, or "Who knows the answer?" The French child is suppose to raise their hand no higher than their shoulder, with their pointer finger in the air. Unlike an American student they cannot wave their arm frantically, and with excitement say, "I know, I know, ask me!!!!"

The French are taught from a very early age to sit still, listen, obey, and if in doubt re-think, and if you don't know the answer listen, and if you think you are right you probably are wrong.

Therefore, when they do know the answer they believe they are right. Their opinion is well thought out, they can back it up with an army of examples. They will listen to your arguments, your ideas, but in the end they believe they are never wrong.

An American student is taught they are the master of their universe, that they can accomplish whatever they want to do, as long as they believe it, work hard towards it and/ or have the money to get it.

The American and the French come from a very different upbringing, a different approach to education and a way to be. In France you rarely hear: "If there is a will there is a way!" Watching my children go through the French schools (K through University), listening to them talk about school, I know that I would have suffered greatly in their mold. Simply because I was raised to climb a tree, and believe in myself even if I didn't have a single example to back it up.

This is not say to either approach is better or worse than the other. Both have advantages. Both are worthy, and both ways of educating shape a different way of thinking.

In the end, the American who climbed the tree, and the Frenchman who studied the surroundings found their way… and both ways bring for an interesting conversation at the end of the day.



Comments

24 responses to “The Difference Between the French and the American”

  1. It would seem that French children are given the gifts of discipline and respect for others, something I think many American children are sadly lacking. Chelsea and Sacha seem like nice people; I would love to know them better based on what you share here.

  2. Frank Purrkins

    Maybe I’m a chat and not a cat. I did not like school and I hate to ask for help.

  3. Thanks for this very well written post. I had a difficult time in school when growing up because of those obnoxious kids that were waving their arms around saying “I know, I know!” I think I would have done a lot better in the French environment. I do like that the French children are taught respect also.

  4. Wouldn’t it be nice to blend the two models for children and adults. I would have suffered in French schools. I suffered in US schools, mainly because I don’t talk unless I have something to say. (Yes, I am odd, but I also see a lot that others miss due to my quiet nature.) I think a little more discipline and a lot more listening would help us all in the US. We all aren’t that much different. We just have different ways to approach life. 🙂

  5. It’s not just the respect for others and self-discipline that French children are taught, but also a base level of knowledge that is lacking here.
    When we lived on the French border, it was wonderful to be able to go anywhere and speak to almost anyone about art, philosophy, politics (anything!) and have an interesting, intelligent, conversation. My husband was always thrilled when he would go to the equivalent of SuperCuts next door to Carrefour, and discuss Voltaire and Habermas. Trust me, that would never happen here…
    I don’t think you need to have the French school system (I have problems with the emphasis on rote learning, the severity, and other things) though. When we were living in Geneva, our children attended a Montessori. It was run by a formidable French woman (aren’t they all?), but was run according to educational principles which are in direct contradiction of the classic French pedagogical method. And yet, the children (from many different cultures from all over the world) turned out to be respectful and self-disciplined. (They tended to love school though)
    We really note the difference having returned to Canada. Here too, our children are in a wonderful well-run Montessori which is true to Montessori principles. And yet… and yet despite the “Canadians are so nice” rep, the children are not nearly as respectful of others as the children in Geneva, not nearly so disciplined. There are many, many more rules in the school yard, but there is far more bullying and nastiness than there ever was in Geneva in a school run mostly by French (not Swiss) teachers.
    There is a cultural expectation of behaviour when it comes to children, and because it essentially a social compact, it is everywhere. Most importantly, the expectations are consistent, and the children are sensitive to even unwritten rules it seems. It is fascinating… French parents do not struggle and shout, bribe and cajole, in the manner of North American parents. A raised eyebrow, a “je ne suis pas d’accord” is generally sufficient.
    I will never forget one of our trips to Le Bon Marché one Saturday morning in Paris… Two men, with a baby carriage and 5 children between them, were calming chatting as the elegant children (the 9 year old boy with the corduroy blazer and cashmere scarf knotted casually around his neck was particularly soigné) as they walked through the store. The children were not fighting, arguing, or racing around, even the littlest one. And then there were were… our 2 year old had a meltdown in the toy department, refusing to leave without a massive fire truck, and our 5 year old was running through the aisles, hiding and touching everything. We were exhausted, frazzled and wanted to melt into the ground at that point… And that is when it all hit me.

  6. This is what I love about your blog – you deliver what you promise. These cultural differences are exquisite. I enjoy them so much. By your definition I am a quintessential American.

  7. I’m an all American girl with a Catholic school upbringing. An oxymoron for sure. I pity my husband who is an all American Golden boy from public school. Opposites attract and it makes for intense conversations. Exhausting but interesting.

  8. I was educated in Portugal. I still remember the roaring laughter by fellow students on my first day of school in the US when I got up as the teacher entered the room…The cafeteria horrified me as I witnessed students literally throwing food at each other….how I missed the restaurant setting of four to a table in my school back home, with real linens and stacked plates…There was discipline and a definite code of behavior…in other words a true environment for learning.

  9. I loved this post, Corey! It’s so interesting to see the French and Americans through your eyes. I agree with what some have already said that American kids could benefit from some of the discipline and respect that is taught to French children. This post reminds me of the book, “Bringing Up Bebe.” Have you read that?

  10. This makes for a good balance with you and FH! My grandparents were Americans with French ancestors. I can see both influences in how I was raised!

  11. Fascinating insight. How different it would have been to teach in France instead of In California.

  12. annie vanderven

    the frustration of a French woman with American children is matched by an American woman with French children!!! I could never understand the prevalent attitude in american schools where my children were taught to socialize before anything else it drove me crazy!!! fun, fun was the order of the day…. We are disciplined that is true, always right? true , we keep it to ourselves!!!but we have hundreds of years of civilization behind us, America is a young country… How many times was I told that the French are arrogant, we are not we just stand where we stand because we know who we are. Well that was a mouth full!!!
    Annie v.

  13. LOVE the last photo…your post is PERFECT, SPOT ON 🙂

  14. Respect and self-discipline are necessary basics to get along in life – whether at school, with family, or at work – a foundation that I feel is lacking in the U.S. (my perspective as a former French teacher) in general. Thanks for an interesting post.

  15. What a precious post Corey! I didn’t know the story you told but it confirms what ‘we know’ about Americans and Français…. 🙂
    I am fascinated by the comments so far and I chuckled a few times, shook my head and nodded… all in the few moments it took me to read them. Of course I am NOT the person to comment as I’m neither French nor American but Swiss BUT I still wd question Star’s comment on the French kids being more disciplined and respectful than other children. Maybe they are – certainly and undoubtedly when eating out in restaurants – but WHERE goes all the respect when they’re adult?
    The Swiss maybe would start the French way; climbing down to ‘ask the soil’, but pretty quickly the one or other would climb to the top and yell: I can see ‘xyz’ from here – it’s not a problem… And we are not as free as American children at school but we learn to respect others and BE POLITE to everybody, and say ‘good morning’ even to strangers. I’m very uneasy here about the lack of friendliness and ‘talking to your neighbours’, this is probably the highest hurdle for me, living nr Paris.
    Thank you for this edifying upload. Lots of love

  16. Very interesting post and the comments from different perspectives. I was the class clown who even if I didn’t know the correct answer, had a hysterical answer instead. Sometimes I got sent to the office. In the end, all my classmates told me they were always glad when I was in their class, because it was fun and interesting. A lot of people value discipline, but I think many schools stifle uniqueness and promote conformity. As a free spirit and a free thinker, I value self education and thinking for myself. I question everything! viva la America – viva la France!

  17. Though born and raised in the United States, culturally, it seems, I am much more French than American. This comes from my grandmother, I believe, who was born in America and raised in France. Opinionated, strong-willed, intelligent, and disciplined, she was gracious, kind, and respectful. And what a cook!

  18. Laurie SF

    Here’s a snippet from Janine Di Giovanni’s ‘Parenting, French-Style’
    “I will never forget my husband’s horror when some visiting Upper West Siders I barely knew arrived at one of our dinner parties with their uninvited nine-year-old son.
    That would have been fine, except that Seth was one of these precocious Manhattan kids who had to sit at the table with the adults. He completely took over the evening, interrupting adults’ conversations, and -to the delight of his besotted parents-performed a ten-minute hip-hop routine between courses. In France, that would simply never have happened. The child would have been paraded out to say bonsoir and peck cheeks and then would have scurried back to his or her room to read or study.”

  19. Respect + discipline I think both those things are lacking in US schools, I for one would like to see them revisited.
    Great topic. xxpeggybraswelldesign.com

  20. My first comment disappeared into the ether yesterday… I hope I can reconstruct some of it.
    We loved our time in Geneva (which is bordered on 3 sides by France), and miss it terribly. My husband loved being able to walk in to a First Choice hair type of place and have an intelligent discussion about philosophy or history or poetry with the person cutting his hair. Such a thing would never happened here.
    Our children spent almost 5 years in a school run by a French woman and staffed mostly by French teachers.
    They grew up with a 3 – 4 course cantine lunch, were required to use fountain pens, and were taught how to be polite. The children there were far more respectful of others, something I initially found hard to square with the reputation of “nice” Canadians. Here in Canada, other children make fun of my son’s name (Viggo); while in Geneva, that never happened. Quite the contrary — there was always interest in its meaning, and an appreciation of the way it sounds — and respect and kindness that I don’t see here very often.
    In France, and Geneva, what we have observed is a social compact on appropriate behaviour. It may sound more oppressive, but it’s not. There is a consistency about expectations and unwritten rules that allows for greater freedom. My kids are always complaining about how at their school here there are far more rules, and ridiculous ones at that, than at their school in Geneva. Part of it is a different attitude towards risk (in Europe, children are expected to learn how to manage risk; in North America, adults try to prevent children from ever encountering risk), but the other aspect of it is that children were very clear about expectations wrt to appropriate behaviour, ultimately based in respect, so that there is simply no need to hem them in with all sorts of very specific rules. They are guided by over-riding principles instead.
    Childhood in North America is very different from what is was when we were young Corey; it’s a different ball park.
    That said, I don’t think that you have to marry the respect and self-discipline to the French educational system, which relies on rote learning and can be very harsh. My kids attended a Montessori in Geneva (and still do here) where self-discipline is taught alongside a love of learning, of exploring ideas and learning to think outside of the box. The two are not mutually exclusive.
    You can have it all in this case, and I believe we achieved it in Geneva. (I’m buying a lottery ticket this week so that we have at least a sliver of a hope of returning)

  21. From the perspective of a retired French teacher, respect and discipline are definitely lacking in American schools. There is no longer any respect for those in authority positions. It’s the teachers who have to respect ALL of their students who have been catered to by their “helicopter” parents. American children today are not taught to work hard for the pleasure of a job well done (they must always be paid), be polite, or have self-control. Above all, school must be fun. I think teaching must be even more difficult today since today’s children are being raised with all kinds of electronic games that allow them to do more than one thing at a time and move very quickly. Unfortunately teachers are not electronic, but rather they are human beings. Last time I was in a high school (5 years ago), students were more connected to their head phones than their peers. Their social development was greatly thwarted. I’m not sure our youth are any longer socially adept or taught the importance of having social skills. Having a second home in France, I am aware that social skills are very important in France. These skills start in the home. French children are taught how to behave in social situations and made to do the right thing. American children are permitted to misbehave and their parents think the misbehavior is cute and age appropriate.

  22. parisbreakfast

    I too found “Bringing Up Bebe” a real eye-opener into French culture vs. the US. The mutually agreed upon respect between children and adults creates a much more civilized society.It changed altogether how I experience France and their response to me when I adopted this basic tenet of French society. A wonderful topic beautifully presented. Bravo!

  23. ah Jude; you ARE American… 🙂 I think I like you

  24. Monika; being Swiss myself, I more than totally agree with you – although we (the Swiss NOT from Geneva) find that Geneva is not ‘swiss enough’…. if that makes sense to you. I love the Montessory schools (and also the Steiner schools) but they are not for everybody – great post and I wish you luck with your lottery tickets! :)))

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