Bringing up Bebe

Angels of France

 

On the ground, at the brocante, laid an old handwritten music book with a cut-out white heart attached to the front cover. Thumbing through the pages I stumbled upon a song called, "Les Anges de la France. The angels of France." Instantly, I thought of children. 

After raising my two French born babies in this country I can say a thing about Bringing up Bebe and or a thing or more about the school system.

 

 

Report cards French 1900s

 

Yesterday my neighbor and friend, called to ask if I could pick up her children from school, as she was running late. I was more than happy to oblige, her children are doll babies and it would get me out of the house to enjoy the brilliant blue sky/sunny day. At four thirty I walked over to the school, waited outside with the other parents until the front door was opened. Each parent then stood in line, in front of their child's classroom door, until one by one the teacher called their child to go home.

 

1900 FRENCH REPORT CARDS

 

First I went to the youngest child's classroom. Grabbed her darling little silver coat to tuck her inside, as I buttoned the buttons she rattled off a tale of utmost importance, though the only words I could gather from her sweet childish voice were: Bathroom, glass, broken, blood and fireman. Her eyes widen as she waited for my response. As I didn't want to stump her enthusiasm, I simply gasped, "Oh la la!" Assuming I understood she grabbed my hand as we walked to her brother's classroom. She continued her story in record speed, round and round it went,"… Bathroom… glass… broken… blood… bathroom… fireman…" My friend's daughter is barely three, though she insists she is a big girl, and certainly not a baby. I struggled with the: Who, why, when, where part of her story due to a combination of her voice and my comprehension. I responded to the words I understood, and more so to her non verbal expressions.

The story, her story was important, and in the end it didn't matter if I understand the who, why, when, where parts. What mattered was that she expressed herself and someone listened. I mimicked her expression: Widen my eyes, covered my mouth with my hand and said, "Oh la la!" every now and then.

 

 

French school children

 

Arriving to her brother's classroom, the line was long. I noticed my friend's daughter grew quiet. She stood perfectly still and held my hand. Obviously, she knew the rules and respected them. I followed her lead, yet was reminded how awkward this discipline felt. Silence while waiting. Deadpan faces. Lack of joy it seemed. Though French Husband would say, "We don't have to smile to show we are happy."

When our turn arrived Y. (my friend's son) saw us, his smile widen, his eyes sparkled, he jumped up and ran towards us like he hadn't seen us in ten years! His sister jumped up and down. I stretched out my arms to hug him. In the same split second, his teacher grabbed him by the shoulder, and reprimanded him, "Y. We do not run in class. We do not get up from our chair unless we are told too. Go back and sit down until I tell you, you can come."  

Oh the years of watching the French school system marking Chelsea's and Sacha's way of learning and being. Education is after all not just about reading, writing and arithmetic, it is also about sharing history, culture and how to be. I knew from the very first day that my children went to kindergarten that if I wanted them to have American roots I was going to have to water them diligently. Chelsea and Sacha didn't have a problem with the school system, I did. I had something to compare it to, where they did not. It wasn't that the school was bad, or wrong… it just was different, and the rules impossible to break.

 

BRINGING UP BEBE

 Y. returned to his place, as he did he turned around as if to be sure we wouldn't leave, biting his lip, squeezing his hands, as if his joy didn't know where to go. His little sister (Y. is four) tugged my hand, she whispered, "Oh la la." Trying not to laugh I put my hand to my mouth and widen my eyes.

Soon his teacher called him to come to the door, reminding him to walk, and meet us. Y. with great effort stuffed his joy deep inside, walked the type of walk that wants to run but dares not, and sheepishly glanced at us. I bent down, exaggeratedly widen my mouth and eyes, stretched out my arms and cheered, "Yeah, Y. How HAPPY I am to see YOU!!!" I scooped him up and twirled around. The teacher, smiled, "Yes happy… that is why he ran…" and before he could add anything else, I said, "Merci, yes! Learning is a Joy, and Joy is celebrating what you know to be true and good!" and with that we said our goodbyes, and walked home. 

Not all schools, not all teachers, but in general, French elementary schools are not as fun as I remember it to be in the States, nor is it as fun as I imagine it could be. Given that, I am not saying rules are to be ignored. 

Self expression verse structure is a hard balance to create. I admire teachers. Their job is not an easy task. I fear if I taught a class, the students would learn little and I would be exhausted after one morning.

 

 



Comments

11 responses to “Bringing up Bebe”

  1. I love this post and most definitely there must be a balance. I have read Bringing up Bebe and I must say there are some things missing in the USA in bringing up bebe. But balance and allowing for creativity and laughter at times, so very important too.

  2. Well said, Marilyn! Effective learning CAN be joyous as well.

  3. I went to strict and not very strict at all U.S. schools as a child. I was a better student and learned more at the relaxed school, but learned good life skills at the strict school. Art class at the former opened up my creativity, the latter was stifling.
    The visual of you picking up the neighbor children was very heartwarming.

  4. It’s very funny, but we have experienced the opposite. We moved to Suisse Romande from Canada and back again with our children. While they did not go to Swiss public school, but rather, a private Montessori run by a formidable French woman (as formidable as only French women of a certain age can be). So, they have experienced both. When we returned to Canada, our children continued in a Montessori.
    Our children are constantly complaining about all the rules here in Canada — that there are many more here, and much sillier ones, than in Switzerland. In their Swiss school, they are quite firm about manners (just as in Bringing up Bébé, they had to learn to great and look adults in the eye, and how to do a proper handshake for example), no running in the halls, etc. But in many ways, they were much freer, and the adults much more engaged than here. For example, here, they are herded outside by their after school”keepers”, who only interact with them to warn them, or punish them. In Geneva, the adults played with them, organized games and activities (which they were free to join or not, with many concurrent options). They were encouraged to be creative in a way which they aren’t here.
    This phenomenon was described in Bringing up Bébé — the notion of a firm cadre in France, but considerable freedom unknown to kids in North America otherwise. My children have independently described this to me. Here in North America, we are much more controlling, much more helicopter parents. The whole notion of safety is different. Here, we don’t let kids explore on their own.
    I think the French Montessori was the perfect balance in freedom and discipline, control and creativity.

  5. Oh, sorry for not proofreading… hope you can follow along despite all the errors!
    Just want to add that one of my favourite memories of our Montessori in Suisse Romande was of the formidable Directress.
    I had picked up our 3 year old in his Casa class, and had just walked up the stairs to where his sister’s elementary class was. The Directress had her office at the opposite end of the floor, and just as we got to the top of the stairs, she saw us. She let out a shout “Viggo! Viens ici mon beau Viggo pour un gros calin!”, and then this very proper formidable French woman in an elegant skirt and heels wrapped her arms around my son, as he did her, and they hugged in the hallway.
    My jaw dropped, as I, like most parents, was somewhat terrified of her. And I couldn’t believe the warmth! (you won¨t see that in North America, because teachers are no longer allowed to touch kids because of molestation and sexual abuse fears). Turns out, she also really liked my husband, so maybe it was related. Or not. 🙂

  6. Hi Corey!
    Do you have a few of those French report cards to sell? I’ve always brought back a couple of them each time I’ve visited France and I’d like a couple more.
    Let me know…………… Thanks!
    Ana Maria
    XO

  7. Interesting post – Learning that there are consequences for one’s actions is vital, as well as being educated in the true sense of the word, but agree balance is key.

  8. I think there could be a happy medium between the two systems,Australia and France, France seems a little over strict and in Australia there sees no discipline at all.

  9. love the telling of her story + your “Oh, La La” + loved all the tales. xxpeggybraswelldesign.com

  10. Loved your post, Corey. Yes, there is a way to teach without being a disciplinarian and shutting down a child’s spontaneity. The school day should be infused with humor and mutual trust. Before retiring, I was fortunate to teach for over a decade at Manzano Day School in Albuquerque, where the motto is, “Joy in Learning.” Those were very special years for both my students and me.

  11. Corey, how this post resonates with me here in Malta. Like you, I have that comparison of schooling systems ringing in my ears, and I am sure my odd comment or two about my son’s school rubs off on him as he is very sceptical of the system here (quite strict, alla francaise) but following for the most part a kind of UK curriculum. I don’t mean to put him off school here, but it is so lacking in facilities and outlook compared even to my state school of the ’70s in the UK. Here, I pay for a private school that has little by way of outdoor facilities (sports etc), no gym, nor hall, no orchestra or decent after school clubs. Teachers who shout, and only shout and who think they’re teaching in good English when they’re not. The list goes on. I think it’s a case of getting through the system despite it, and like you, trying to forge other roots and ways of being in my son in his home life. He’s just started senior, so another 5 years of a system I find so lacking?! You post at least shows me that there’s hope – your children so mature, grounded and establishing themselves in their careers and social lives so balanced. Perhaps the mixed cultures does give an edge, despite our misgivings.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *