When your heart is in more than one place, when the space in between is not close the another, when those places hold family and friends that you love and call home… then leaving one place to the other, the hellos and goodbyes are never easy.
Someone asked me, "Does it get easier?"
Not at all.
Not one little bit easier.
In the small town where I grew up, where everyone knows everyone and where our family is related or married to nearly everyone there… Going back is one massive feast of marriages, baptisms, graduations, retirements, breakfast, lunch, pool parties and dinners.
I am rarely alone, and wished I had taken of each person I spent time with… Dean, Tom, Joan, Judy, Linda, Sue, Doug (though he would say I didn't), Lala, Aunt Evelyn, Denise, Barbara, Mat, Diana, Shelley, Aunt Louie, Uncle Phil, Aunt Ann, Julie (Sheba)… to mention a few.
Next time I am taking a photo of each person!
I went to the Blessing of the Grapes with my cousins Alma, Julie and Kathy. A high school friend I hadn't seen in thirty years, Cindy Ponciano took our photo. I could write a book of stories about growing up with Alma, Julie and Kathy and their brothers and sisters. I spent every chance I could with them as a kid.
Every chance I could, they were like sisters I did not have.
Their Mom and Dad, Aunt Frannie and Uncle Jule I adored.
Who studies in the summer? Three of my nieces took AP courses, so they studied, and I admired them for it.
Those roads
leading home
calling me back
winding around me
up and down and yet long and straight
Hwy 162.
Spent time in Austin with Mari.
Gave a talk.
Met new friend, reconnected with old friends.
Mari paid my way, that is how she got me there, how could I refuse with a ticket in my hand?
Oh and she is coming to France next week.
The matriarch
My mother
80
Wise
who I count on
who holds every secret I have
who knows me better than I know myself
who challenges me
who encourages me
who loves me
who seeks perfection in what she does
who never settles for less
who I cannot imagine not in my life
who makes a family dinner every Monday night from scratch
who is the most creative person I know
who can drive me nuts
who has shown me faith, love, courage and spunk
who makes our family tick, she is the glue, she is the source, she is the Matriarch of four sons, one daughter, three daughter in laws, one son in law, and fourteen grandchildren.
Love as a rock.
My brother Mark and his dog Cindy.
I should have taken a photo of all the other critters and creatures in our family…
Cows, sheep, Penny, Smokey, Honda, Rabbits, Lucy…
I should write a cookbook of my mother's recipes.
I need to.
I want to.
I will gain weight.
Zane who generously bought tickets and drove eight of us to the One Direction Concert
Was more fun than I ever imagined, and I imagined my nieces happiness for an entire year.
They are still sad that it is over, and long for the next time, that Uncle Zane said would take us.
…Happiness for an entire year.
My brother Mark asked that I take a photo of Zane and Mat so he could blackmail them with it… but they burst his bubble by saying,
"We had a blast, and we would go again."
55400 screaming girls
200 adults (mostly women)
Zane is not longer in the band, but Our Zane was there!
As my brothers said the men's bathroom was empty and the beer line a breeze.
My blogging friend Lana, whos cousin lives in Willows and I have known all my life.
Small world.
Thank you Hoover for driving me home, and for the fantastic dinner.
Also you drive too fast.
Really!
Hiking with these pickle heads.
Thank you Chelsea for challenging me to walk everyday.
I gotta keep up, to stay up with the little ones who will come after me.
Walk the talk.
Walk the line.
Walk.
I miss… I am spoiled.
I am happy.
Is there anything more?
Here and now
home is within, and that space in between is the link that we need to keep strong.
Solid.
Had lunch with friends from blogging who live close to where I grew up. Cathy has the most amazing home… a French home, top to bottom. I felt like I was in Provence.
Thank you Cathy.
Why didn't I take more photos of everyone?
My mother would say I was too busy talking.
We cannot go backwards except in our memories.
The space in between
Heart
Soul.
And then I came home to the constant thoughts that Annie is not here.
and yet she is.
Oh life!
You big wonderful emotional wonder.
_________
Thank you for the wonderful gifts (angel wings), letters, cards… such lovely welcome home surprises, and notes of comfort.
Thank you.
I am back.
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