This Day Never Goes by Without my Remembering John

 

                  Stairway to heaven

 

 

I was downstairs,

when I heard a heavy thump upstairs.

A dull silence filled the space in between.

I called your name,

silence spoke hauntingly.

Walking upstairs,

I was afraid that you would jump out from behind a door,

and scare me.

Whispering cautiously, "John don't… "

Through the doorway I saw you,

laying on the floor,

with a look that screamed agony,

louder than the pounding of my heart.

The double edge sword pierced,

I had to go find help,

but in going you might die alone.

Time stood still.

Eternity raced forward,

my feet carried me,

my heart stayed by your side.

Later I would remember feeling your hand letting go of mine,

putting my head to your chest hoping to hear that familiar song,

receiving a silent answer.

Finding prayers that I knew by heart,

not coming to my lips.

On my face,

feeling tears from heaven,

knowing that God cried,

with me,

gave comfort as,

I witnessed your death.

Nothing in my life,

taught me more,

then on this day many years ago.

John was 24 when he died of a massive asthmatic attack,

Over thirty years ago today.



Comments

35 responses to “This Day Never Goes by Without my Remembering John”

  1. My heart goes out to you, Corey. I intimately know this pain you feel from so long ago as a fresh stab to the heart. My first love died February 1, 1976. I was at his side, holding his hand as he left this world, but never my heart. All these years later I have found love again and I know he smiles on me, having kept my promise to him to fully and completely love again. You are brave to share your story. I know how hard it is to put in words. I send you loving comfort on this anniversary of your heart.

  2. I am so very sorry for this loss – time doesn’t matter, when something profound like this happens. Bless your heart. Mean it.

  3. RebeccaNYC

    sending you much much love

  4. Jacklynn Lantry

    An imprint on your heart and soul.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss, Corey. I know that the calendar indicates that many years have passed, but it is still fresh in your heart.

  6. People die, but love doesn’t. Hugs.

  7. Hugging you with my heart.

  8. this post stays with me-heartfelt embraces and tears of empathy-

  9. So heart wrenching, yet hopeful. The ache of separation, the sudden unwelcome death, yet here, after all these years you remember still, and now we, who never knew John, know of him, and he lives yet. Thank you for sharing this sacred moment with us. Hugs.

  10. Shelley Noble

    How completely horrible, Corey. Told so poetically and fully.

  11. Diane Belforte Lewis

    I’m so sorry Corey, and sorry I didn’t know about it at the time so I could try to give some support. You pay him a beautiful tribute each year.

  12. Dear Corey, I am so sorry this happened. Thinking of you.

  13. We never forget! Sending a hug! Your words are so touching.

  14. May he rest in the arms of the angels.

  15. How heartbreaking to be taken so young & suddenly..my heart goes out to you on this day of remembrance.

  16. Sending lots of love and hugs to you at this time … thank you for sharing this personal experience with us xo

  17. Marilyn Marcus

    You were blessed with each other’s love. Thank God he found you in his too brief life. Love never dies. This is a beautiful tribute. I was having trouble getting to sleep, thinking about my sweet guy who died 4 years ago, when I turned on my iPhone and read this. Heaven-sent. Thank you.

  18. I cannot read your memory each year without the tears of your sorrow streaming down my cheeks. Corey, you were so young and I think about how difficult it must have been. I think about your young love and the thud you hear over and over. But I also read your many, many posts of the life you have grown into… a gift. Big warm gentle (((hugs))) to you.

  19. Leslie in Oregon

    A heartful of condolence to you, dear Corey.

  20. X

  21. The full life you have lived since that terrible day is a tribute to your John.❤️

  22. Oh Corey, first loves leave big imprints on hearts. For you to experience this kind of loss so early in life is heartbreaking. Just when you were looking forward to a wonderful and a bright future…..your world suddenly collapses. This does affect our life…let me explain.
    As a child (3rd grade) my best friend (BFF) passed away suddenly. When told of her death, I went to my room, didn’t cry but buried my emotions. My parents didn’t allow me to go to her services and it wasn’t until years later that I realized how this affected my life since I buried my emotions…a trait I had into my adult life. When I realized this was a problem, I worked through my emotions and it surfaced…I had never mourned her loss. So I wrote her a letter and got all my emotions out and a flood of tears followed. And to this day I get teary eyed thinking about her. It rocked my world.
    Even though we experience these losses, there is always hope for a better tomorrow. For me, I place a high value on my friendships. One of the things my mother said before she passed away (last Oct), is that I always had many friends and still do. I cannot tell you what wonderful things my friends say and do for me. It’s like God fills the void over and over again.
    Sorry for the long response but I do totally understand. Hugs.

  23. You shall never forget this loss and my heart aches for you but it is also filled with joy for what you have now.

  24. xo.

  25. Thanks for letting us share this part of your life. And for remembering John.

  26. SARAH WEBB

    that was the saddest thing i have ever read!! thoughts and many prayers go out to you

  27. How beautifully you capture the memories of such a time of heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your sadness with us today. My heart has been deeply touched.

  28. My heart is heavy with the knowledge that you lost someone so young and so dear.

  29. So much loss to experience. Heart breaking. So glad you were there- many, many hugs.

  30. reneesmcleod@gmail.com

    God bless you, Corey, for keeping John in your heart all these years.

  31. Paula Tyner

    So sorry for all of you touched and changed by this.

  32. THIS was the man you were engaged too……………..so many years ago.??

  33. You are a strong woman to have survived this heart tragedy and to be able to gain the love of another man. You honor the memory of past love while living in the love life of today.

  34. Heartbreaking memory.
    If your heart was not open before, it has been since.

  35. Rebecca from the pacific northwest

    How very helpless you must have felt.
    A beautiful articulation of that experience.
    Thinking of John with you.
    xoxRC

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