Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

The Arrow that Flies

Brocante, Corey Amaro, Living in France

 

Sacha bought his airline ticket to go to the U.S. today.

As in Seattle.

As in going to live in Seattle.

As in leaving France, as in leaving.

Leaving France, leaving us.

I tried not to cry when he told me. I am trying not to cry as I type this. But it is no use, I am sad. I never wanted to believe this would happen.

My Boy-Boy bought an airline ticket to go start his new life in Seattle.

I am a mess.

 

 

 

Stories told, stories heard, Stories continuing, Life in France, corey amaro

 

 

 

 

When my Grandmother Frances came to America from the Azores her trunk was filled with simple necessities: A linen towel, a few chemises, a hair brush, a dress in cotton for spring, and another in wool. Probably an apron and a needle and thread. Certainly a rosary, and a porcelain angel.

 
As a child, I would secretly climb onto my Grandparent's bed, reach my hand into the small shell that the porcelain angel held to touch the holy water that she carried. I would bless myself, as my Grandparents did every evening before they went to bed.
 
 
When I left America to come to live in France, my Grandmother gave me her angel.
 
I do not know what to give Sacha.
 
Sacha's suitcase, like my Grandmother's, and like mine when I came to live in France, will hold a few things from the life he will leave behind.
 
Is this a pattern? Is it part of the genetic code I inherited and passed on to Sacha?
Do our souls have a past memory, connected to our genetic making?
 
 
 
France, journey, America, living in France, Corey Amaro
 
 
 
 
I know, I know, I know, we can go see him, and he will come see us.
But it is not the same.
 
 
I know.
 
 
Truly, madly, deeply, I know.
 
 
He might not stay there all his life.
But, that is similar to what I said to my parent's when I left to live in France:
"We are only going to live in France three to five years." Nobody in my family asks me anymore if I ever will move back.
My Grandmother never saw her parents again.
 
I know we can go see him, we have the internet, but it is not the same as popping over for a weekend, it is just not the same. It helps, but it is not like a real hug, it is simply living abroad and loving afar.
 
The emotional tug of war.
 
 
 
 
Long distance relationship, living in france, Why does my son have to go live so far away, Corey amaro
 
 
Sacha is following his dream, his goals, his path.
That is how it should be.
 
 

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable."

 
xxx 
 
 
 
I know how my parent's felt, I have that feeling now.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Comments

49 responses to “The Arrow that Flies”

  1. Jeanne

    How well I feel your heartache my darling no one knows until it happens to them. We are in two worlds the one we live in and the one where our children live.
    Life is never easy but we must be strong and be happy we raised such confident children for them to spread their wings and find happiness where their hearts lead.
    I know easier said than done.
    I love you I wish your son every happiness and you and yours the courage to endure. Distance means nothing to hearts that are deeply connected. We are always under the same moon
    Love Jeanne

    Reply
  2. pc Brown

    I cried deep tears when the first of my kids moved out, and that was just5-6 hour drive away. I so get this. When the others followed I again went off like a little rain cloud. It’s good, it’s ok, it’s what we mothers do. And in the end it’s all good as you see them grow up and become good people in the world. You’ll feel just as much pride as you now feel sorrow, you’ll love as deeply and even moreso when he choses to add to your family even more souls. Look forward to the additional love that will come. Hugs.

    Reply
  3. Bev

    I have read your blog for years, never commented, but today I am as I understand your feelings. I live in the US. My son, my only child, has lived in the UK for 12 years. He left for graduate school and never came back. He is now married (she is Scottish) and has purchased a home in Scotland. It is hard, we Skype and try to visit as often as we can, we are lucky that they invite us often! It will take some time, but it will become your new normal. I know that he would not have met my DIL (who is in my eyes perfect) nor been able to work in the field that he loves if he had remained here. I still and will always miss the little things, dinners , seeing him on his birthday, etc. The positive is that when you visit him or he you, it is undivided attention and time. We have taken some great trips together. Though it may ring hollow today, I can say with great certainty that there is no greater reward than knowing your child is happy and fulfilled.

    Reply
  4. Star

    I have watched Chelsea and Sacha grow up through your posts and know that your family is very close. I also know that both of your children have the confidence and education to do great things, and they will make a positive difference in a world that really needs it.
    Thank you for the values you have instilled in them. Thank you for the love of family and friends you have given them. Thank you for the encouragement you continue to give even though their adventures lead them to far-away places.
    My prayers are with Sacha for safe travel and people who will receive him with open hearts as they welcome him. My continuing prayers will be with you as you tend your heart while fostering his continued growth.

    Reply
  5. Diogenes

    Wishing you all the best Sacha!
    Seattle’s not too far from Willows, right?

    Reply
  6. Sharon

    I have just recently ‘found’ your blog. It was recommended by a friend. I so enjoy reading it! This. This touched my heart deeply, and I too, am crying for you, for every mother who has experience this. When our children leave the nest ‘permanently’ as we lovingly raised them to, we are always loving them from afar. Love and hugs to you as you go through this life transition.

    Reply
  7. Sheila Gustafson

    Corey dear, Seattle is our home and Sacha will love living here as it is perfect for young people. Does he have a job in the tech industry? That seems to be the biggest draw these days. Hugs and kisses to you…my son is an IT guy working in middle America and raising his family there so I know the heartache very well. God bless you, Sheila in Seattle

    Reply
  8. Rhonda

    Oh Corey, I know your heart aches now but in time Sacha’s life stories will fill your heart with love, so much love. Lucky Seattle to be host to such a wonderful young man. Oh the adventures of the young…remember when we were young?

    Reply
  9. Taste of France

    Oh, dear. We raise our children to leave the nest and live independently, but when they do, especially when they really succeed and fly far, it’s very hard to swallow.
    I understand, having also left the U.S. to move to France. After having lived in Africa and elsewhere in Europe. My parents at wits’ end, wondering why I refused to return (to them, New York was bad enough, but across the ocean was as far as the moon). In fact, my mother once told me she hoped my kid would turn out like me, so I would know what it feels like!
    Sending you big hugs and lots of hope that you can work out a schedule with the 9-hour time difference.

    Reply
  10. Stubblejumpers Cafe

    My heart goes out to you, Mother of Sacha!
    Lots of hugs for you and Yann.
    xo
    -Kate

    Reply
  11. g

    OH COREY……

    Reply
  12. Kathie B

    My immediate thought, too, Diogenes! Perhaps Sacha’s simply completing the circle that Corey started.

    Reply
  13. Patti

    The truth is, dear Corey, we all become our mothers.

    Reply
  14. Lil

    Corey, I’m sorry for this heartache. Wouldn’t it be nice if we mothers could go back in time whenever we wish, to spend a day or a week with our kids as they were at whatever age we choose… spend a day with our newborn again, or our 2 or 8 year old. But eventually we want them to be independent healthy adults and that means they have to make their way away from us. A comforting thing is that these days we can stay in touch easily over long distances. Something that wasn’t that possible even in our youth.

    Reply
  15. Marilyn

    What precious words of love and sorrow and joy all mixed up. The poem is one I have cherished before and such a good reminder. How exciting for Sacha and for you too. But then sad too. Sending you a hug of comfort.

    Reply
  16. Jacklynn Lantry

    Our souls most certainly have a memory, he is a lucky young man to have had his soul imprinted by his mother…and your mom before you…and your grandmother before that. It is what has made it possible for you to love so deeply, so completely…he has inherited it, and he will pass it on. My thoughts are with you Corey…

    Reply
  17. s/e

    Corey,
    I am sorry your heart aches.
    When you come for a visit in Seattle, all the people who live in PNW, and comment, we should get together.

    Reply
  18. Leigh NZ

    Corey and Yann, so exciting for Sacha and so devastating for you both as you are all such a close unit. Give him a well loved and used rosary to take with him X.

    Reply
  19. joanna

    Bless the children for they belong to the future…
    I live in the PNW and started a trend like you Corey= leaving my family behind in New York,,, my mother never did get over it during her lifetime.
    Now my children are grown up and left the nest and actually left the PNW and then came back again, a couple of times, smile I guess they missed this rain that happens 9 to 10 month out of the year, and gray skies over head,,,
    Sacha may very well dislike all the rainy windy weather and terrible public transportation system just for starters, but we do have good coffee/cafe shops and some interesting outdoor activities, that sports enthusiasts – aficionado’s would live living here just for that alone.
    Meantime Corey, I feel for you, it makes you want to turn back time and raise them all over again,

    Reply
  20. Ali

    Oh Corey, so sad for you and Yann….but what an adventure for Sacha. Think of the stories he will have to tell. When he gets settled…remember we are just on the other side of the border and he will always be welcome.He would love our small island.
    Ali

    Reply
  21. Tongue in Cheek

    Thank you Jeanne, you understand as your son lives far far away. I thought of you instantly when Sacha decided to move.

    Reply
  22. Tongue in Cheek

    “Little rain cloud” That is a sweet expression. It hides the sun for awhile, but it does move unexpectedly. Thank you for understanding xx

    Reply
  23. Tongue in Cheek

    Thank you Bev for sharing today! I appreciate what you said. I will hold on to it. Right now the new norm isn’t comfortable.

    Reply
  24. Tongue in Cheek

    Merci Star-Wonder, beautiful your message xx
    I hope you are feeling better?
    Thank you for your prayers xxxx

    Reply
  25. Tongue in Cheek

    SO true! At least he can visit my family more often xx

    Reply
  26. Tongue in Cheek

    True xx

    Reply
  27. Tongue in Cheek

    Thank you Sharonx

    Reply
  28. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Shelia, He will do freelancing work in filming.

    Reply
  29. Tongue in Cheek

    Yes I left home. And uttered the same words that Sacha has. I so get it, and am happy for him. But the mother in me is a wreck.

    Reply
  30. Tongue in Cheek

    Yes that is it exactly. My mother’s words are echoing inside me.
    Yes that nine hour time difference makes it interesting too!

    Reply
  31. Tongue in Cheek

    Indeed!

    Reply
  32. Tongue in Cheek

    Hi Lil, I love entertaining that thought, of going back in time to any day with my children. Thank you for reminding me that there are such days, a history of love that brings us to now. xxx

    Reply
  33. Tongue in Cheek

    Isn’t Kahil spot on. I have loved his poems since I was a teenager.

    Reply
  34. Tongue in Cheek

    Ah Jackie.
    I know you know what I am thinking.
    Genetic memory and as strong LOVE
    memory your children have double
    memory xxx

    Reply
  35. Tongue in Cheek

    Indeed! How lovely that will be xxx

    Reply
  36. Tongue in Cheek

    Love that idea xx

    Reply
  37. Tongue in Cheek

    Or put them in a box and keep them close;
    lol.
    When Sacha did an internship in Seattle he fell in love with the people and the city. Of course it barely rained in Seattle while he was there. Sacha has lived in Paris, where often it is grey and raining, which took some adjustment to since it is very different than Provence.

    Reply
  38. Tongue in Cheek

    Yes I thought of you!

    Reply
  39. Leslie in Oregon

    I face the same challenges with my daughter and son. Raised to be seekers, they travel the world and live far from my husband and me. I am very happy for what they have become and are becoming, and that is a critical part of what now sustains me. I’ve also been surprised at how, unable to rely upon our old habits of closeness, we are building new kinds of closeness that span the distances. You are in a difficult transition time now, Corey, but your inner and outer resources will get you through it, and you will feel better.
    My husband and I live in Portland and would love to provide Sacha with a place to stay when he visits here and/or otherwise be part of his support team in the Pacific Northwest. Feel free to give him my email (which I assume you have through my subscription and my entering it below).
    With you in the solidarity of parenthood, Leslie

    Reply
  40. Star

    No change, Corey. Thank you for including me in your prayers.

    Reply
  41. Beverly

    Corey… it is ok to cry. I am a mother too. I want to commend you and Yann for giving your children their freedom … to roam, to find themselves (having established a good foundation for them as young children). You see I was not allowed to do this as a young adult … and paid a huge price …Pain, and more Pain. Pray for His guidance for Sacha …. you may be pleasantly surprised that once he lives there he may find out it is not for him. You and Yann have given him a gift. I might mention that that as far as a ‘gift’ to give now…. maybe giving him your Blessings for his choice he has made at this present time.
    Hugs to you….

    Reply
  42. Bungalow Hostess

    Oh my heart goes out to you…but what a brave move and an adventure for Sacha.
    We give them wings…and then they fly. Seattle is beautiful and not far from us here in Victoria. I see that Ali has mentioned that he would be welcome to visit their island and she and her husband are wonderful hosts!
    Khalil Gibran had such insight into the human spirit..

    Reply
  43. TerriNTexas

    Oh no! I’m so sorry he’s moving away. Maybe he’ll come back if he finds America “too much”, if you know what I mean. But, the real likelihood is that he will find it an “adventure”. He’s spreading his wings and Mama Bird can’t prevent it unfortunately. Only time will help you with this…set a Skype time or Facetime schedule with him, that will help – a little. Heartfelt wishes to you both, Terri

    Reply
  44. JEANNE GUITTON

    CHÈRE MADAME AMARO,
    AVANT DE RÉPONDRE A CE MESSAGE EMPLI DE PEURS JE VOUS AI RELU PLUSIEURS FOIS ET J’AI AUSSI BEAUCOUP HÉSITÉ A LE FAIRE.
    JE SUIS FRANÇAISE ET HABITE L’OUEST DE LA FRANCE.
    JE CONNAIS DES DOULEURS LIÉES A LA SÉPARATION.
    MA FILLE ÉTAIT ÂGÉE DE 14 ANS LORSQU’ELLE A FAIT LE CHOIX D’ ETUDIER L’ALLEMAND ET DE PARTIR EN PENSIONNAT PUIS EN ALLEMAGNE A 15 ANS.
    ELLE A DEPUIS SANS CESSE VÉCU COMME UN SAGITTAIRE. POINTANT DE SON ARC UNE CIBLE POUR SES FLÈCHES.
    SON PIED A TERRE EST A MARSEILLE DEPUIS SIX ANS MAIS A CHOISI APRES DE NOMBREUSES PÉRÉGRINATIONS DE DEVENIR BERGÈRE DANS LES ALPES DE HAUTE PROVENCE. ET AUX ALENTOURS DE CELLES-CI…LE LOUP OBSERVE AUX ALENTOURS. JE LE SAIS.
    NOUS LA VOYONS PEU MAIS AVEC ELLE, SON PÈRE ET MOI, AVONS CHEMINE VERS DES HAUTEURS QUI NOUS SEMBLAIENT INATTEIGNABLES ET SANS DOUTE INSOUPÇONNÉES…NOUS SOMMES PROCHES DE L’ATLANTIQUE ENTRE NANTES ET LA ROCHELLE.
    NOUS REVENONS D’UN STAGE INTENSIF A SES Côtés DANS LE PARC DU MERCANTOUR. 1500 BREBIS SANS OUBLIER LES CHÈVRES LES BÉLIERS ET L’ÂNE GRIS…
    ELLE A FAIT DES CHOIX QUE NOUS N’AVIONS JAMAIS Envisagés,Imaginés LORSQU’ELLE EST NÉE..
    ELLE VIT AVEC PEU MAIS ELLE EST UNE PERSONNE HEUREUSE. SON INTELLIGENCE S’EST FORTIFIÉE ET DEPUIS DOUZE ANNÉES NOUS AVONS CE DOUX SENTIMENT,NON PAS D’AVOIR VIEILLI, MAIS D’AVOIR GRANDI.
    JE CONNAIS CES DOULEURS POUR AVOIR RÉSISTÉ A L’ACCOMPAGNER DANS SES CHEMINS DANS LESQUELS UNE MAMAN LAISSE AVANT TOUT PARLER SES PEURS EN OUBLIANT PEUT-ETRE, AUSSI CELLES DU PAPA MOINS EXPRESSIF.
    CHAQUE JOUR JE VOUS LIS DEPUIS TROIS OU QUATRE ANS ME LAISSANT PORTER VERS VOS ANCIENS POSTS.
    IL Y A DEUX JOURS J’AI DÉCOUVERT LE BLOG D’UNE JEUNE FEMME DE SEATTLE PAR LE BIAIS D’APARTMENT THERAPY. JE ME SUIS INTÉRESSÉE ALORS A CETTE VILLE DE LA COTE OUEST DES ETATS UNIS. LE CHOIX PROFESSIONNEL DE SACHA EST SANS DOUTE MOTIVANT POUR QUITTER LA PROVENCE!
    SOYEZ EN PAIX. VOTRE FILS VOUS PORTERA VERS DES SOMMETS DE JOIE ENCORE INSOUPÇONNÉS. AINSI QUE CHELSEA A LAQUELLE JE PENSE AUSSI BEAUCOUP.
    THE ANSWER IS BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND.

    Reply
  45. Shelley Noble

    With what everyone else here said so well, I agree.

    Reply
  46. Nel

    It’s not the same, I know. I miss my girls every day. No phone call or message or FaceTime can make up for that feeling when you can see them and hug them and do life with them in person. But I know they’re happy, they know they are loved and the times we have together are so wonderfully precious that in some ways it has brought us closer than we already were. My relationship with them both has not suffered for it, it has just changed the way it’s played out. My heart and thoughts are with you xxx

    Reply
  47. Nina

    Dear Corey. I am in tears with you as I type this. I stood at the SF airport alone and watched my only son, my only child take off 2500 miles away over the ocean. I didnt care what people thought as I cried and waited until his plane was out of sight. That was 17 years ago. I did fly to see him and he to see me several times. He returned to our hometown just 6 years ago and I cant stand the thought of him being so far away again. I know our children must find their way, but as mothers we want them close to us forever. It still hurts when I remember that day at the airport. My heart is with you. I’m also so happy and excited for Sacha’s new adventure!

    Reply
  48. Pamela

    I wish the best for Sasha’s new adventure and I’m excited that he chose Seattle. When I first read about his move to the PNW my initial thought was, I hope Seattle treats him well and oh good! Corey will be coming to visit him! I hope that when you do come you will let all of your Washington state peeps know so we can come meet you! As a mother myself, I do feel for you. I think my daughter lives too far from me and she is only 50 miles away.

    Reply
  49. Linda P.

    I think we breathe differently when we’re sharing physical space with our children, don’t we?

    Reply

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