A homeless man rummaged through the garbage at the train station, he found a coffee cup that someone had thrown away he opened it to find it empty. He gently put it back in the garbage then turned around not looking at anyone he was smiling. He stood and watched the crowd seemingly entertained I assumed he was mentally challenged by his movements and actions I wondered what his life must have been to be rummaging through the garbage and not asking for money. I approached him, tapped him on his shoulder and asked him if he would like a coffee, he shook his head yes. I gave him some Euros and he walked over to the coffee machine dispenser. His sincerity struck me: the man was hungry, not begging, admiring people, smiling even though he had little- holey shoes, worn coat, unshaven- he was in need and nobody noticed him despite the fact that his soft-spoken eyes took in everyone.
I felt spoiled and fortunate. Grateful and sad. Conversations rattled with questions, proclamations, at the speed of light through my mind and heart: What is life all about? Why him and not me? Why am I so lucky to be born by loving parents, brought up in a safe environment, and not him? What is this all about? And God, or and this Energetic Force of incredible life and love that I believe in what is the point of this? Food wasted, lives wasted, richness, division, reality stupid TV, barriers, a man digging through the garbage at a train station with at least several hundred people who have full bellies, warm clothes, do not stink of urine, have beds to sleep in without a threat of bombs or fear standby.
I turned around and went back to talk to the man, but he did not have words, just a smile.
I asked, "Are you hungry?" He shook his head yes. I asked him to follow me to a cafe counter which had food ready-made, "Please pick something to eat and I will pay for it." Slowly, he studied each plate of food. Hesitated with uncertainty was it over preference? I could hear the expression, "Beggars cannot be choosers." How sad. I said to him if you want more than one plate that is fine with me.
He chose pasta with chicken. I pointed to the desserts, "Would you like a dessert?" He shook his head and selected yogurt with fruit.
We walked together to the checkout counter and I handed him money that was enough to buy what he had in hand plus dinner and breakfast the next day if he wanted. He was surprised. I said, "Bon Appetit," and walked away.
Am I a good person simply because I extended myself to someone in need? Maybe, but not a Superhero or worthy of a Nobel prize for generosity, it was a small gesture that took a few minutes of my time, and gave a hint of a respite for him. Nothing more than doing the right thing because I could. A few moments of my hours of good fortune and comfort and only a full belly for him for a few hours.
Life is unfair. And more so when the players think it is fair that their God might be handing blessings to some and not others. Or some sort of karma thing, "what goes around comes around." I have always had a problem with that. To me, that seems like a calculated love, a childish reasoning, "If I am good I will get a candy blessing and if I am bad I will not have one." If that is how it works it isn't challenging to love deeper, but to aim for a reward. That isn't love to me, that is only selfishness disguising as love.
The man who was digging was searching for his meal, how many times have I walked on by not extending myself to the person in need. How many times have I justified my actions with judgemental words that seem to make my not doing something acceptable?
His gentle smile spoke of his acceptance or ignorance… either way it is a life so very different from the comfortable one I have. It woke me up to his need.
"I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness; I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too. I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more."
Anne Frank
A step in a good direction, his direction was needed. Even if it was one step. It was at least a step forward.
In the wake of the suffering we see happening around us, we wonder what we can do, how we can give, how can we really help when the need is vast, endless and beyond our scope. The story of Mother Theresa comes to mind:
Mother Theresa focused on hope she stood in the sea of suffering doing what she could:
A small stone cast caused ripples. Those ripples went forth regardless on where they would run.
To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.
Friedrich Nietzsche
"Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers/sisters so you do unto me…"
And who is me? Who is God?
You. Him. Her. The man digging through the garbage for something to eat, the immigrant, the refugee, the person of a different race, color, faith, the air we breathe, the link that connects us all, the source of love, the thread that holds us because we are one.
We are God and God is us. Today I shared with God and he gave me his hand to hold and I felt strengthened by his smile.
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