What’s the Beef?

Silver-domes

 

Flash Back 1988:

      Staring at the French menu, French Husband translated it for me but not word for word. He read, "Chicken no. Lamb no. Bunny certainly not. The liver of a duck…Oh, I use to love the liver of the duck… mais no."

We were vegetarians in a world of meat eaters. Slim pickings' with a whole lot of desserts.

The waiter came to our table, pencil in hand, not a smile upon his face dressed in his black coat and long white apron. Food is a serious business in France. I felt like a small potato on a kitchen counter looking at the pot of boiling water.

Pretending I knew how to speak French I said, that we did not eat meat, and could he suggest something for us? Beaming with pride that my broken, heavily accented French had caused the waiter's left side of his mouth to turn up, I thought he smiled and waited for his response. Instead, he simply clicked his heels and said, "Alors? (Well then?)"

French Husband leaned across the table, grabbed my hand as if the moment were intimate, romantic, I felt a rush inside but my bubble burst when he said, "Corey, you just told the waiter, that we do not eat food."

 

Eating-in-france 

 

My red face did not match my lipstick. I looked up at the waiter with an awkward smile.

You see the word "Beef" which is pronounced: "Boeuf," and the word "Eat" in slang is: "Bouffe." Looking at these two words you can see the difference is not extraordinary.

We dined.

The waiter smiled.

I learned how to say vegetarian right then and there.

 



Comments

7 responses to “What’s the Beef?”

  1. So funny! I know Boeuf and would have made the same mistake. Thanks for pointing that out. I do like to eat.

  2. This made me giggle.
    Much love and many blessings.
    Love Jeanne

  3. I once ordered some pâtes gratinées (macaroni and cheese but better) takeout for a colleague. I stressed several times that it had to contain no meat–pas de viande! When my colleague opened the foil package, she found chunks of bacon and recoiled in horror. I called the resto back to complain. “Madame,” they said, “les lardons sont seulement pour le goût!”–the bacon chunks are just for flavor. As if, in not serving a hunk of meat, it was as good as vegetarian.
    It seems to be a little easier to find vegetarian these days. Even our neighbors (French to the tips of their fingers, as one says) are vegetarian.

  4. What I get on my Google translate, is ‘biff’ and ‘boof’. Does that sound about right?

  5. 🙂 Ha, the joys of only half-knowing a language. Even I with a French spoken husband and a very long history of speaking languages, fall in every possible trap from time to time. And so does HE…. His French is the Swiss Romande French which of course to a true French is NOTHING like the real thing. But we don’t mind making a laughing stock of ourselves at any time so that’s alright.

  6. This is incredible….. and ignorant…. and stupid! And funny, in a way!

  7. I once wrote a sentence containing a perfectly proper word in Portuguese that I had no idea was also a filthy slang term for, ahem, lady-parts — oops! An Azorean friend caught my inadvertent error in time for me to correct it.

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