Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

The Fear of Dogs and Fear Itself

Just when I was making progress to be around dogs, I nearly was attacked by a Great Dane yesterday while taking out the garbage. 

Our neighbor, an elderly man, was out walking his dog (which is as big as a pony) he had a chain type of leash. I greeted him by saying, "Hi George, I am not going to cross the street to give you a kiss (We give a kiss on both cheeks when we greet someone we know in France) because I am afraid of dogs, especially yours because he is so big." I smiled and added, "How was your Christmas?" He nodded, "Did you have an incident when you were young?" I replied, "Yes, but nothing equal to the fear I feel when I am around dogs. But I am making progress." He offered as all dog owners do when I say I am afraid of dogs, "He is nice, he won't hurt you." I smiled and asked, "How old is he, he must eat a lot of food!" In my thoughts I was going over everything you, my readers, have told me about being around dogs, I put my hands by my side, I did not make eye contact, I moved slowly, I kept my voice even when I was speaking, and I keep saying to myself while smiling, "It is a nice dog, big, but nice and I am safe and it is on a chain, and…" just then the dog vaulted in a massive leap across the street towards me. I froze. My neighbor held the leash but the dog was too strong and he wasn't prepared for the sudden movement. He fell and hit his head on the curb though he did not let go of the leash, the dog pulled him a bit but with my friend's dead weight the dog could not move any further. 

The dog did not seem mad, he definitely wanted to greet me with a big hello that would have toppled me. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself instead of what I felt was happening, "That dog is having me for dinner." 

My friend was on the ground, he had a hard time getting up, his glasses were broken and he reprimanded his dog. I was frozen with fear, my heart was beating fast I wanted to help my friend, to lend a hand but I could not move from fear of the dog. I felt awful. I am a helpful person and I wanted to help my friend but I could not no matter what my body would not respond to my heart's desire to help.

I asked him if he was hurt and he said no. He got up, pulled his dog close and limped to the other side of the street. I told him I was sorry, and that I wish I could lend a hand but I was too afraid. He held his dog tightly, told me not to worry as I walked ahead of him to my home. As soon as I was inside I had to sit down. I didn't know what felt worse, my fear or that I could not help my friend when he fell. It was a shocking reality to know that I choose my own perceived safety over helping my friend. 

When Yann came home soon after I told him what happened, and asked him to go check on our neighbor to be sure he was okay. 

Our neighbor was fine. The dog was fine and I am okay. Though I am just a little bit more aware that a big dog vaulting does not mean it is mad, just overly friendly. Though there is no way I am ever going to pet that dog. Yesterday was scary, but I won't let this incident add to my fear. I am making progress just saying that. Whew! 

Now I have to accept my actions and that part is bothersome. 

Fear prevented me from helping my friend, I need to learn to feel comfortable around dogs for the sake of others. I thought my fear was just about me, it couldn't bring harm to anyone, it just prevented me from getting involved… but now I see it as all together differently. Fear is a block and blocks can get in the way of being with others especially those in need be it fear of dogs or fear of something else.

 

 

 

 

Comments

25 responses to “The Fear of Dogs and Fear Itself”

  1. lil

    I got over my childhood fear of dogs by pretending to not be afraid and pretending to be friendly. Saying ‘good boy’ and standing my ground. I conquered that fear and I bet you can also.
    But I can feel for you because of my fear of horses. Last summer I decided to volunteer at a horse ranch! I curried them and cleaned their hooves but was basically terrified the whole time. I finally decided to heck with this and changed my volunteering to the garden rather than the stables. I’ll appreciate horses from a distance from now on.
    But I don’t have horses in my daily life and dogs are everywhere so I think your goal of getting over your fear of dogs is a good thing.

    Reply
  2. Dawn

    I understand the ‘fear as a block’ thing too well. That kind of fear is overwhelming, painful to admit, irrational.
    It’s easier for me to talk about concrete fears, like fear of spiders. I lost that fear the day I was bit on the hand by a rather large one, which sent shock waves from the roots of my hair to the soles of my feet.
    Fear of dogs is a concrete fear that can be dealt with by patient slow exposure to or avoidance of dogs, as I avoid spiders.
    I so enjoy the topics you write about, and especially the way you write.

    Reply
  3. Taste of France

    I feel your pain. I respect animals enough to have become vegetarian, but I still don’t want to touch them or for them to touch me. No psychoanalysis needed. Not everybody is required to love animals.

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  4. Martina

    I know you are working so hard on this Corey and am so sorry for that incident. If Kippy and I come across a person who is fearful of dogs, we keep our distance or she is kept in another room. This was a small setback for you but you are a determined lady and I know won’t give up on lessening your fear.

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  5. pc Brown

    I am so sorry for everyone in this incident, and I can empathise with your particular part.
    I understand your progress and how good that can be, however I can also understand the literal fear that can freeze one into non-action. Even when everything in us tells us to react otherwise there is still that part within us that is a primal requisite to protect ourselves first; other suggest “Put *your* oxygen mask on first, *then* help your seatmate.” Firefighters, Police, and other first responders often have to understand this principle of rescue, there is only so much one can do in a situation before our actions may make it worse, even for trained professionals. I don’t think it is appropriate for you or anyone else to feel bad about a hard wired response to what was a real threat, however friendly.
    “The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically. … In either case, the physiological and psychological response to stress prepares the body to react to the danger.” -Biological Psychology
    I am a “freezer”, I react to fear by literally balling up into a fetal position or freezing on the spot and bending into a curl, it is my first reaction. The *only* time that has had an override is in scenarios with my children, and then after the incident has been resolved, I literally vomit and then become so weak from the experience I need a heavy nap. Some events that took a few days to resolve, but it is real and there we go.
    Moral of the story: You *are* making progress. Hardwiring is incredibly difficult to rewire. You *did* inquire if he needed immediate help to which he answered no, and you sent Yann as soon as he was home to check again. You will continue to gain ground on this, however you can’t allow yourself to feel too much stress over what you are trying to control, but can’t *yet*. *Yet* is a good word to remember.

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  6. French la Vie

    Thank you for what you wrote so well.

    Reply
  7. Jacklynn Lantry

    I am so sorry you had to experience that. I am terrified by snakes. I once cleared out a doctors office by screaming and throwing a magazine across the room when I turned the page and saw a snake. I felt like an idiot but it was so automatic, so instinctual.

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  8. Kathie B

    Corey, I have a rhetorical question for you. What would you have done if the gentleman had been badly injured? What if Yann or one of your children or your soon-to-be-grandchild were hurt in a similar situation?
    Probably adrenalin would’ve kicked in and you’d have reflexively stepped forward, without thinking about your dog fear — because your other fear, for them, would have been greater — although afterwards you’d wonder how the heck you ever did that :-)))))
    Is there some possibility of being treated by a psychologist trained in hypnotherapy in order to mitigate your fear to a more manageable level?

    Reply
  9. Nikki Maxwell

    Oh Corey you lovely lass. Don’t beat yourself up so much.
    It happened, you learn every day in life from things that happen. We do our very best in life and you are one of life’s incredibly good and honest people.
    Big hugs.
    Nikki

    Reply
  10. French la Vie

    I have wondered about that. If he had been badly injured or if it would have made a difference if it were someone I loved. I do not know what I would have done, and that is the reason I want to be less afraid of dogs. Or maybe if that dog had not been so BIG!

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  11. French la Vie

    thanks!!!

    Reply
  12. joanna

    Under the circumstances you did the right thing by not going over to help the man -, because there was no way to predict the dog’s behavior at that point.
    so sorry for you and your neighbor ..I guess it is “Murphy’s Law”
    Next time do not be so polite – Dogs can be quite unpredictable even to their owners… the big dane probably meant no harm, you just stayed too long in idle chit chat and the dog wanted to be part of it.
    Even so, it was a frightening experience, and I am grateful that the man was okay despite the nasty fall, and in that tangled mess was an angel in disguise keeping the dog at bay, if the dog had jumped on you even to just lick your face, the force and strength of those large breeds could have done you some damage as well.
    You did the right thing……

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  13. Kathy

    Have you ever tried Tapping. Might be worth a look. It’s called Thought Field Therapy.
    Just google it.

    Reply
  14. Linda P.

    Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for what we perceive as our shortcomings but honestly are conditions we as yet have no power to control. Our situations are not completely analogous, but I have a condition serious enough to have required two brain surgeries so far. Because of this condition, my husband is the one who steps in as a helpmate to our adult daughters or their children. While I’m great at homework help via FaceTime, I’m sometimes more of a hindrance that a help in taking care of people. It hurts to fail my children, to not be the one to succor them. When my granddaughter was found unconscious after an apparent fall when staying with one of our daughters, her aunt, our daughter called from the ambulance for someone to stay with the other four frightened grandchildren. It was my husband who leaped into the car. I stayed home as the contact person with my other daughter, the mother of the injured child. There is definitely shame involved. (My granddaughter suffered a serious concussion but is so far fine.) I’m better after my last brain surgery in August, and you’re also working hard to overcome what you’re experiencing through no fault of your own. Maybe we’ll both make it to overcoming our own challenges. Meanwhile, forgiving ourselves is an important step, too.

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  15. aportmanteau

    Corey, I like dogs, nothing against them really, but I do not like being around overly large dogs, dogs that I would not be able to control were I walking them on a leash. I totally understand your discomfort. That said, I prefer cats, particularly cats that are raised to live indoors, which is for their own benefit. Currently, there is a Great Dane living next door to me. I’ve observed how strong this dog is. GD’s are very friendly dogs, but I prefer to not have this one get too close simply because it might unintentionally knock me over, and I really do not need at my age to have a broken hip or any other broken bones. Sometimes people are not aware that they be a bit unsteady on their feet and just how fragile their bones are. I would think that it is still better for you to get more comfortable around a small dog before you even think of befriending a large one. I don’t hold it against you for not coming to the aid of the dog owner and he is probably very lucky that he had no serious injuries. He should be aware that owning a dog that large puts not only himself at serious risk of injury, but others he comes in contact with as well. Owners should be accountable for their pet’s behavior. Good luck!

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  16. RebeccaNYC

    Wow, that really is something to have to grapple with.
    Fears are real, and to be respected. I once watched a person with a fear of flying going through a part of their therapy. I was sitting in the front row of the airplane by the door and he was being escorted onto the plane with two therapists to guide him. To say that this big, strong man dissolved into a quivering puddle as he was trying to board the plane would be an understatement. His fear was palpable and real, and my heart broke for him. It took incredible courage for him to even step one foot on board. That was all he could manage that day, and it was enough.
    I am sending you lots of love and strength as you continue your journey in overcoming your fear of dogs.

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  17. Shelley

    I think you are wise to be wary. Dogs are dogs and can be unpredictable. I say this as a dog lover who has two of my own. Two little fluffballs who have never hurt anyone…BUT they are dogs and there’s a first time for everything. Standing back instead of lunging toward is always smart. That said, hypnosis helped a friend of mine conquer fear of bridges and buses…maybe give that a whirl. I have a fear of horses but, fortunately, in this century I don’t come across rogue horses walking the streets.

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  18. Chico Sue

    I have no advice to offer in regard to your recent incident with the huge dog and its owner because I too struggle with my own fear of dogs. But almost immediately after reading your blog, a friend sent me a quote by JmStorm which read, “Fear can keep you safe, and at the same time, kill off parts of you that are most alive”.

    Reply
  19. Alan

    My big dog acts exactly the same way and after a couple of times being knocked down when he lunges, I have quit walking him around people. Some dogs are just like that. Nothing you can do.

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  20. Jen Topp

    Believe it or not, a Great Dane would be the perfect dog to help get you over your fears, as they are extremely gentle, generally, and quiet. Meanwhile, be careful about saying yesterday’s dog “attacked” you. He didn’t! He just wanted to say hi. 🙂

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  21. Paulette

    Corey,
    Fear aside, a healthy respect for any animal is wise. I grew up in rural Oregon, in a time when dogs on leashes was virtually unknown. Dogs, like cats are very territorial, and I saw many of these domesticated animals becoming aggressive when they perceived a threat by humans or other animals. I do not have a fear of dogs, but I am cautious, especially when a large dog is involved. You had no way of knowing what the dog would have done had you rushed to his owner.
    My belief is that your instincts in this case were correct.

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  22. Vicki

    Corey,
    I am so sorry about what happened to you. I know fear like that, thankfully, not with dogs. My fear is with some people.
    You have my sympathy as it can paralyze you completely. I admire your resolve to overcome your fear. I am routing for you.
    Peace and love for the new year. Happy New Year!

    Reply
  23. Karen Kownurko

    I am so impressed that you are able to turn a difficult experience into an opportunity for growth. Be proud of yourself! I have every confidence that you will be successful.

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  24. Kiki

    Aaawh Corey, I SO understand you but as the wise woman you’ve become, I laud you for your thoughts and considerations. I adore dogs and my greatest wish for the future is to have a dog again once my life gets less busy (being abroad too often). My family loves dogs, we had dogs, and YET, my son got badly bitten in the arm by a Danish Dogge, pet of a friend of his when they both were in Kindergarten…. He later on had a ‘armband’ tattoo made over the deep bite – and sadly, the dog had to be killed some years later, after he caused another incident with my boy’s friend’s sister….. the pet had a brain tumor which caused his erratic behaviour. But neither of these children knew fear of dogs later on; they always realised and just knew that the dog didn’t want to bite, it was just wahayyyy too big and strong for those little kids.
    But I also would advise you to continue trying to overcome the fear – they really DO smell fear in humans and it renders them insecure. And you were right not to approach the dog, although I think this is really an unwarranted happening that the poor owner came to a heavy fall over his lack of control of his (maybe too big) dog…. And again, chapeau for thinking further than just ‘How could this happen to me’ but showing real consideration to all actions and inactions of our very behaviour in unexpected situations. I would say it was some sort of Murphy’s Law and I wouldn’t create a new problem with the outcome of this encounter. You’re a profoundly good woman
    Love K

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  25. Sarah Desmarais

    Dear Corey, You did the very best you could in the moment. The fact that you are agonizing over your inability to help your neighbor speaks volumes about your character. If this situation or any situation in the future becomes emergent or life threatening,you will find a way to overcome your fear. You would put your safety ahead of your loved ones. That’s just the kind of person you are. Until then,baby steps. You will get there. xo

    Reply

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