The Incognito Kitchen Man

Work needs to be done

 

 

Standing outside the Cassis Home I waited for the kitchen cabinet maker to arrive he was running late, I rubbed my hands together wishing I had worn gloves. While I waited I saw a truck not too far away with a man sitting inside looking as if was waiting for someone, could he be the kitchen cabinet maker I wondered? Just then I received a phone call from the kitchen cabinet maker he said, "Where are you I am in Cassis and cannot find your home number?" As I was describing the street I noticed the man in the truck was on the phone too, I waved, he waved back, so I said, "I am here I see you, I will come over."

 

We exchanged politeness and I lead the way to the Cassis Home, he said, "Oh I thought it was number 9." I shook my head and said no it is here. As we started to go up the four flights of stairs he said gruffly, "I thought it wasn't this far up?" I laughed, "Oh wait there are two more flights inside." He gave me an odd look and I thought what a funny guy he is complaining didn't he read his text about the worksite?"

 

 

worksite

 

When we entered the Cassis Home he was caught off guard as if he had been hit over the head with a frying pan he exclaimed in a crazed loud voice, "What the f-cking Sh-t is going on! This looks like bomb went off, who did this! What happened to the electrical box! What the F-cking Sh-t am I to do with this whore house!" Trying not to be surprised because often workers swear and carrying on as if I am asking the world of them to bend over and kiss my feet or something, I said, "Oh this is nothing to concern you, the kitchen is upstairs, never mind the wires, we are in the demolishing stage in this part of the house. Come on." Shaking his head and swear under his breath we went upstairs. I laughed to myself thinking if I was on a TV show and this dude was swearing… yeah this would never fly in the USA.

 

Work needs to be done

When we arrived at where the kitchen is to be and he let out a mighty puff by blowing out his lips like the French do when they are exasperated. He went on, "What am I to do here, I didn't sign up for this mess?!" I laughed and said, "Don't worry, we will be ready when the cabinets are ready we just need you to check the measurements to be sure all is good." I thought he was going to come unglued right there and then, looking at me like I was crazy, I thought to myself, "Maybe what I think I said isn't what I said and he thinks I said something nutty like let's have sex right here and now?" I mean I have heard of such a thing happening. But before I could say another word he said, "I am here to connect some wires, that's it, nothing more and not this F-cking Sh-t!!!" 

"Wait aren't you the kitchen cabinet maker?" 

"No, I am an electrician, I am here to hook some wires."

"Not the kitchen?"

"No!"

"Oh oooo, no wonder you are so surprised by the F-cking Sh-t!"

And we laughed and laughed and laughed and then realized that his client and the cabinet maker were probably outside waiting for us.

 

 



Comments

15 responses to “The Incognito Kitchen Man”

  1. Too funny! Love the direction so far…The view, the wall!

  2. No,’Bordel de merde’ sure wouldn’t fly in America, but it is sooo expressive,and in context, not even offensive.
    You do make me smile with your wonderful stories, Corey.

  3. Great Story- a good laugh , much needed after a long night. You will be laughing about that for a long time. I can just picture the guys face swearing!!! OMG so funny!

  4. The ‘lost in translation’ thing is a real possibility. Once I wanted to show off the only Korean words I knew (learned from a colleague at the University), so imagine: at a café, sharing a table with some young male Korean tourists, and I say my string of words…shocked faces, dead silence, then hysterical hooting laughter. What I thought I was saying: Hello, pleased to meet you… What I actually said: Hello, let’s have sex. Now.
    What a great view.

  5. This is hilarious! Oh the joys of “les ouviers Français”!

  6. I meant to mention that your writing is wonderfully evocative–it’s that Ah-Ha and Oh-la-la effect. Would we be in your shoes, so nice to imagine.

  7. I’m sitting with my “pre dawn” coffee, reading your story on my phone and laughing out loud in a darkened house! Thank-you for the best start to my day!!!!

  8. Rachel Schindler

    Too funny…

  9. It will it will be beautiful when it’s done!

  10. That is a F-cking FUNNY story!!

  11. Very funny! Oh I love seeing where that kitchen is going to be though. It is going to be wonderful. Hope you found the cabinet maker outside.

  12. HILARIOUS!

  13. I once got fired for letting a f–k leave my lips. Like the cabinet guy I was exasperated with a customer who wanted me to perform a miracle with their computer system. As I was walking out I mumbled that word to myself. Somebody heard it, reported it, and I was fired. So no, it would not fly in the U.S.

  14. Sharon Crigger-Stokan

    😂😂😂

  15. I am laughing so hard right now! LOL

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