The Undercurrent

 PORTRAIT QDDQD

The unexpected ways of life. How can I say I understand it when it constantly surprises me?

One day we are celebrating two dear friends' marriage, the next day we are fortunate to be with Chelsea, Martin, and Baby at our friend's home and today we learn that our neighbor and a good friend had committed suicide. I cannot fathom how that can be. Before we left home for a vacation, a week ago to be exact, I saw our friend was showing me the bronze goose head he put on his bike's handlebars where he could hide a key, and how he wallpapered his bike in flowers. He was constantly creating things, like his amazing pumpkin lasagna, or adding a mirror around his window to bring in more light, or tearing down a wall to make the space bigger, I could talk to him from our window to his window. The last time I saw him, a week ago, we talked about baguettes and how the new boulangerie was. I had no idea that he was contemplating an end.

I wish I could go back in time to erase your pain, your doubts, your fears whatever demon that got inside your head and heart. I wish I could have known. Maybe I wasn't listening to the undercurrent in your voice? Was it there? Did I miss the sign? 

I feel sorry for your family.

I cannot imagine any of this, although it is true. How sad you must have been under that smile.

Godspeed dear Patrice.

 

 



Comments

32 responses to “The Undercurrent”

  1. RebeccaNYC

    oh Corey. How heart breaking. I am so sorry for your loss, for your friend’s family who must have just as many questions as you do, and mostly sorry for your friend’s sadness that led him to this. Sending you much love.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard for family and friends when someone they care for completes suicide. As a volunteer police chaplain, I am often called to comfort loved ones after such tragedies. It is just so hard for everyone and I often wish that the person could see how much sorrow and heartache it can cause others.

  3. Ann of Avondale

    Very sad to hear about your neighbor. It takes a trained professional to see the undercurrent, don’t blame yourself for not seeing it. Actually, I heard of this once before and it was explained to me that right before, the person seems happy and normal since they have already decided and are reconciled to it. Oh so sad for family and friends. Take care.

  4. Such a tragic disease. With tears in my eyes, Kathie.

  5. I’m very sorry that you got that tragic news and I’m sorry for the Los of your neighbor. I’m sure that he knew what a caring person you are and that you blessed him in ways you never expected. ❤️

  6. Oh I’m so, so sorry. How heartbreaking. I’m sure you brought joy and light into his life.

  7. Speechless. Oh so sorry for you and his family.

  8. Thank you Rebecca.

  9. So true, but I imagine at that point the person cannot see beyond their own darkness. He would never want to cause pain to someone. Thank you for your service as a police chaplain xxx

  10. I have heard that too. Thank you for your notexx

  11. Thank you Kathie.

  12. I cannot imagine how his family feels. Thank you for your messagexx

  13. yes, very much so xx

  14. Leslie in Oregon

    Corey, the first sentence of your above comment is so true. As a dear friend who is an insightful treating psychiatrist once told me, a person who resorts to suicide is in such intense pain that s/he cannot see beyond the overwhelming need to stop that pain. And often, no one else knows, even/especially close family. Sending my heartfelt condolences and prayers for peace to you and your family, and to Patrice’s family.

  15. Jacklynn Lantry

    I am so sorry Corey. The shock sends your reeling, of course. There was no way for you to know. I am certain that, despite his inner turmoil, your caring and joyful interactions were a source of happiness, if only briefly, in his life.

  16. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Our family has been touched with that sorrow. It’s always a shock. Xx

  17. Corey I am so very sorry to read this.
    My love and prayers and deepest sympathy.
    Love Jeanne

  18. How do we ever know? I think you can take some comfort in knowing that those times you spoke to him from your window were most definitely happy times for him. Good moments. Connected moments.

  19. Arnelle Louise

    Corey..my heart has felt that heavy tug and then the voice of the “what if’s” and if only”
    ..and then this song always comes to me
    “If somehow you could
    pack up your sorrows
    and give them all to me
    You would lose them
    I know how to use them
    Give them all to me” by mimi and richard farina
    Sending you a hug and holding your hand (the good one)

  20. I’m so sorry! I know how hard it is! My brother almost killed himself when he was 15. I was suicidal as a teenager as well. It is really hard. Everyone knew I was suicidal though. NO ONE knew my brother was. He was very secretive. And it’s scary because he was always laughing and joking around. He was suicidal in his 20’s too. And he never let on. He just kept laughing and joking as always. It’s scary because you never know what’s going on inside someone. It’s like that actor, Robin Williams. He was a comedian. And he committed suicide. NO ONE knew he was depressed!

  21. ChicagoSheila

    Deepest condolences to all who knew him. After a death I have always been annoyed by the fact that the world keeps turning, while also recognizing the ridiculousness or impracticality if everyone just stopped for a minute to acknowledge/grasp/pray. Prayers for the peace that transcends all understanding.

  22. Barbara Blizzard

    May peace come to your heart and the hearts of his family. I know that you will sorely miss him as your lives were so entwined in creativity. May he continue to be your inspiration.

  23. jend’isère

    Your passion for life surely provided him many happy moments. So sorry that he could not overcome his inner struggles. Condolences to his family and friends.

  24. Cynthia Thompson

    So sorry for this painful loss. If we could just always see the broken, the hurting, and the lonely clearly. Condolences to friends and family.

  25. Oh my! I am so sorry! It is not always revealed the struggle and sorrow a person feels. May comfort comes in waves of surprise and love.

  26. Every little chat you had with him must always have been a breath of fresh air, as he acknowledged a connectedness and understanding in another human spirit! Godspeed, Patrice

  27. Corey, I have lost several people to suicide and it *never* came prepared. It is all the more terrible because, same as you, one wonders if we should have seen it coming. But I’ve been told that those poor souls and minds don’t ‘work as we would expect’. It is even typical that the funniest on the surface suffer the most deeply and they cover beautifully up their traumatic interior.
    After my divorce several friends commented on their shock over this act as ‘but you both seemed always so cheerful and happy, you laughed all the time, how come’ and I on my side did all this because in their company I WAS happy and cheerful. It was in the other times, when nobody saw me and I had nightmares of my then husband dying nightly in an accident (sport, road etc) because I just couldn’t see a way out that I could have imagined harming myself.
    Please, please pass my thoughts and prayers for Patrice’s soul and his family on (obviously w/o my personal experience). It takes an unaccountable strength to overcome such a passing. But there are many unbeknown people out there praying for them.

  28. So very sorry and deep sympathies for his family. My sister-in-law also committed suicide and it’s just something we can never really understand. Just so sad.

  29. Oh, Corey, I am so very sorry. My deepest sympathies for you, his family, and all affected.

  30. Such tragic news. Life is unpredictable for sure. I’m so sorry and will be thinking of you and Patrice’s family.

  31. Dear Corey, I somehow missed this post, but then the hints in later posts brought me here. I am so very very sorry for your loss. People who are in such terrible pain hide it, because they do not want to burden others, or cause pain to others. It is so difficult to see. My heart aches for him and for you. If only there were some way to ensure that sharing pain is not a burden to others… but even so, sharing does not always bring the relief of the pain. What a loss Patrice is to this world… My condolences to you and to his family.

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