Today I came back home.
Though what I did not expect from the three hour train ride from Paris to Provence was that the train would be full, not one single seat empty. When I saw the mob to catch the train I knew that there wasn’t going to be any spacing. Sure it was obligatory to wear a face mask. But after months of being sheltered in place with my mom the train ride was way out of my comfort zone and caused me to panic. I rarely, feel that way.
I knew I wanted to go home and this was the way. Nevertheless, I could not move my feet I was so blown away by the sheer magnitude presented by the volume of people and my range of emotions.
I called Yann, then talked to Chelsea. I got on the train, then I got off the train, only to repeat the process as I didn’t know what to do… do you remember that song from the Clash, “Should I Stay or Should I Go Now”? I kept saying it over and over. The last time I got on the train the door shut and that was that I was going with which seemed like all of Paris to the south of France.
A wide range of emotions circled around and around in my head. I knew I had to center down or otherwise I was going to be a wreck when I got home. Though it wasn’t that easy as I felt trapped and hypersensitive to fear of COVID 19.
Yes, I thought for a moment that locking myself in the bathroom might be my safest opinion. But in the end, I took my seat (not in the bathroom) and closed my eyes.
Fear slipped away. Happiness filled the void. Hoping that the passengers were all safe.
I could gobble Gabriel. He doesn’t recognize me but he will very soon.
My son in law Martin made a delicious lunch!
Home at last.
I could feel my body relax, my roots unwind stretching down to the sea and across the land. I have let down my guard what peace I felt and the need for a nap.
Thank you for every ounce of love, prayers, encouragement and being here with me I am stronger because of it xxxx
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