Thank you for sharing with me that some of you have felt the same way,
that the uneven paths life have brought us have been difficult to get around
and at times crawling has been the method.
There it is the struggle, the overload of emotion, and the questions that age puts before us.
Annie uses to say, "It takes courage to get old." How the words haunt me.
She wasn't kidding she was in her nineties when she said that
ah the living ahead, the living now, the journey as is.
Sadness is like when I am walking alone and see a dog without a leash come running towards me
I immediately stop and cross my arms to my chest and say,
"I am scared of dogs!"
Usually, the dog owner's reply is verbatim, "Don't worry he is a nice dog."
What a non-sympathetic reply I want to yell back,
"I don't care if your dog is NICE, I am SCARED of ALL dogs!"
Some of us you see, are lucky to have grandchildren, family, friends, a beautiful life, a home…
all that we need, but that does not stop the pain, unfortunately,
it is not the wealth of any one thing that erases the sorrow we have
that does not make it all better,
it simply does not.
Grief has its own road map.
Family, friends, love surrounding us helps, truly it does, but the loss, the longing, the sadness is real regardless.
With time, hopefully, each of us finds our way to carry happiness and sorrow in both hands,
in one heart, in our lives moment by moment.
I remember my mom a long while after my dad died she started to wear makeup again, fix her hair beautifully, started baking,
she re-grouped herself and started living I could see the difference, but I knew, oh I knew she was living for us,
through us and with us, she was putting her foot forward and walking in faith.
I said, "Mom I know you still are hurting, and I bet you feel guilty for living when dad is not,
and in some way, you might feel like it is tarnishing his memory to be happy…" before I could finish tears fell from her eyes.
Letting be does not mean forgetting, it doesn't mean caring less.
It takes courage to grow without the one we love or the life we had.
It takes courage to live the life we have been given and do so gracefully.
My daughter's very good friend has a fiance that is a refugee from Africa. They met as she is an immigration lawyer who helps those whose lives have been torn apart. She was working in a community of refugees helping them to integrate into the community at large. Her fiance's story is beyond anything my life has ever experienced: Gut-wrenching, horrifying, unimaginable cruelty. When he came across the sea towards a better life he had nothing but his courage and faith, to lean on. Unfortunately, the boat that he was on split in two, barely was he able to hang on, he also reached out and held a pregnant woman who was drowning.
When at last a rescue team came, the woman he had been holding was dead, he could not let her go.
When my daughter heard his full story she said, "My life's woes are so very trivial compared to yours, I am sorry to even say I had a bad day. You must think we are so selfish, so unaware given what you have been through."
He smiled, "No not at all.
Each of us are on our own journey,
We do not know where it will take us or where it will end,
we are living our lives as it comes.
It is not ours to compare suffering but to live the life we have."
Moment by moment with grace and courage.
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