Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

Shifting Gears

 

 

I thought this vacation going to see Yann's family I would create a travel log of our road trip, add photos, tips,

and places to see… addresses. I thought of the delightful fodder for my blog.

I was looking forward to adding my photos -thoughts at the end of each day that would highlight the happy side. 

 

Though the reality is this year has been heavy emotionally, and this vacation as lovely as it is finds me wanting space to let go and just be.

I need a rest, I need time for my emotions to find a place where they 

do not spill out unexpectedly.

Whenever thoughts of my brother, my cousin(s), my aunt, my friend… come to the forefront of my consciousness

 holding back tears in impossible, the river flows.

I know that is good, needed, normal… 

In honesty I need to take a break from my blog, I am sorry I haven't responded to your lovely messages, comments, emails…

But I need to step back as I did in January 2020 when I first heard about my brother Marty's terminal illness.

Therefore I will post photos, little bits with little content until I can find my footing.

No worries I am okay, just in need of some space to rest.

I will continue to add a floral photo on Facebook, as I have plenty in stock, and continue to add to my Instagram as it is an easy platform.

 

But here on my blog, my journal, my personal account with a community that I treasure I trust understands.

Hopefully, in a week or two, I will be more collected, the storm inside more at peace.

I guess I am saying that when I come to my blog, my journal I am usually am transparent, 

though lately I have been holding back and that has caused me hesitation in my posting, 

"I cannot write again of the grief!"

or maybe that is what I need and should do?

Letting Facebook and Instagram hold my work and let my blog be my journal?

 

Shifting gears… look at the road map, finding myself in a world of change.

Adjusting.

 

Thank you for listening. 

 

Tell me about shifting gears?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

42 responses to “Shifting Gears”

  1. Lil

    Sometimes you just need a break, even from things you usually enjoy. Don’t worry about us at all. We’ll be here whenever you feel like posting again.

    Reply
  2. RebeccaNYC

    Sending you love on love on love. Understanding grief is hard work. xoxoxoxo

    Reply
  3. Maudie

    Remaining true to ourselves leads us to the greatest growth. I will be thinking of you and sending support while you walk this oh so human and necessary path. XX

    Reply
  4. Kathy

    Take care of you, dear heart. I send you love.xx

    Reply
  5. Penni

    This is your space, and it needs to remain a sacred and honest place for you to feel free to express whatever you choose to share.
    As someone who is struggling to learn how to “acceptably” continue through grief, I offer the following, long, analogy in hopes it may be helpful. It is extremely difficult to look towards a future that has suddenly changed ->without our planning or permission, and without our people allowed to be there with us.
    Many times *I* feel as though my people and I had planned a long road trip, all going together, where we would go to specific places together. I get into the car, but my people are left at the curb and I am told to just drive on and not to be concerned that all my people are not in the car with me. I start slowly, being encouraged by so many others that this is the best thing to do to just keep going alone, -I can meet them at the end of my trip, but they can no longer go with me. I must go “and enjoy it!” -alone. So I put my seat belt on, turn the key and slowly pulled away from the curb. I only make it to the end of the block before I look in the rear view mirror and to my horror the mirror is missing and now I can’t even see my people. Everyone -except my people, surround me, encourage me to be brave, to keep going, to look forward to this amazing *new* and *different* *solo* trip -and I stall. I know where my people are, I know *they* are safe, I know -and believe- they are being cared for in a beautiful place…but now *I* am headed in a different unknown direction without them, I have to cancel all our previous plans, change all the preparations, and I drive and drive and drive without knowing exactly where I am going or what I am doing. My hesitation makes other people around me concerned and worried, and *their* discomfort seems to be more important than mine.
    –>Much of the time I feel as though it is *me* who has left, because -I know- where *they* are and I haven’t got a clue where *I* am, where I am going without them, and how I can travel without them to an unknown and unfamiliar land.
    One thing I have learned is that *much* of grief is an individual perspective and experience, we walk it alone –>even as we walk together sharing the same grief with other loved ones, and while this is ok, it doesn’t make it easier at times. Some people are managing their grief quite differently than I am, and thank Heavens, everyone is allowed to do it their way.
    During grief we are, *I* feel, akin to being the Queen of our own tiny universe because what ever we do to feel better is acceptable even if it makes others feel differently. It’s ok to not be ok. It is ok to be sad even though you believe and have faith. It is ok to question even when reality proves long held answers. It is ok to feel *every* emotion good and bad, and to feel it deeply and spontaneously. ->and it’s ok if at times, the people rebel against the Queen in her grief, it’s ok if they don’t like what or how the Queen chooses to rule in her own kingdom. They can rule in their own kingdoms however they choose.
    If you need to write uncomfortable things here in *your* space, that is acceptable and can be helpful and beautiful. If you need to take a break, that too is acceptable and can be helpful. Either way, we will be here cheering you on and hoping we are supportive as you learn to carry this heavy load.
    You have our hearts and compassion and our wishes for *your* timing and peace as you experience this sacred time.

    Reply
  6. Nancy

    Take as long as you need, we have all shifted gears for a time when it is needed.

    Reply
  7. Lil

    Penni, your analogy really struck me. The ‘planning a long road trip’ together and then having to drive on and our people aren’t in the car with us.

    Reply
  8. Becky Peterson

    Penni, who are you that speaks so intimately about this journey I am on and so many are? My tears are flowing. Corey should only write again when her heart says yes, when it comforts her. What if she starts and has to stop again, so be it. She should not have to commit to a few weeks or ? There is no roadmap. I hate it. My faith in Jesus Christ sustains me in deeply personal ways, yet my loss is profound and I flounder. Thank you for putting to words what many hearts are struggling with. Giving permission. Thank you. Also thanks to Corey for the courage it took to step away. Becky Peterson

    Reply
  9. Jeanne

    Dear Corey:
    Please take very good care of yourself and know how very much you are loved.
    Going through grief is never easy.
    Please know how much I care.
    My prayers are with you and yours always
    Jeanne

    Reply
  10. jend’isère

    Conscience control of shifting gears enables the true feel of the road. The drive with automatic is too mindless. Look forward to your words further down the road.

    Reply
  11. Jan

    Love you, Corey. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill your cup with love and goodness. We’ll be here holding the fort with our hearts tied firmly to yours. xoxo

    Reply
  12. Julie

    Just Be, Corey; just Be.

    Reply
  13. isabel

    You’re in my prayers. Time is all that’s needed. Time and gentleness with self. You have a lot of love all around you. Please take your time and rest.

    Reply
  14. Ann of Avondale

    Grief takes time to heal, doesn’t happen overnight, could take years. You’ll have good days and bad days. Some days you will accept and understand, other days it doesn’t make any sense. The world we know is different, it has changed, but how we react to that change makes all the difference. A changed world causes us to change. Makes us stronger, wiser; we don’t agonize over controlling the uncontrollable. We learn things about ourselves. We move forward a different person. We see things differently, and if we do it right, we love more and ultimately accept in faith our changed world.

    Reply
  15. Diogenes

    Say what you need to say, positive or negative, when and if you want to say it. I’ll wait if you want. I’ll listen if you want. I certainly have hit emotional walls and gaps during this pandemic…this Delta thing has upended a lot, a world war with an invisible enemy.
    But there are brocantes to go to and glasses of wine to be had, a rose to be cut, and the good things laying about can’t go unenjoyed.

    Reply
  16. Chico Sue

    Dear Corey, weep, grieve, relax, breathe.

    Reply
  17. Susan in Zurich

    Grief has no calendar, no time table.
    As posted above by your friends who love you I echo and say, take all the breaks you need. We understand, we are here, we care.
    It’s ok to not be ok.
    Many prayers are with you and your family, and I add mine.
    ❤️

    Reply
  18. Susan in Zurich

    Penni, in case you read these comments, thank you for sharing from your heart. It resonates, for sure. God bless you, and thanks again.

    Reply
  19. Cynthia Thompson

    Love and hugs Corey. Thank you for all you do. Please rest and recharge knowing that we will be here waiting, for how ever long it takes! Blessings

    Reply
  20. Kit

    Oh Corey, take all the time you need for yourself – you’ve been so generous sharing so much all these years. If you want to journal your thoughts and feelings here then do, but if you’d rather keep your blog a place for happy thoughts then just take a break and let things flow undocumented. I don’t think there’s one right way to do this thing called life.
    Shifting gears isn’t easy for me either – I tend to go quiet which probably isn’t the answer, but I do know that taking the pressure off yourself and just living each day with no have tos can be a help. Just soak up the love of your family and the beauty of where you are and let it nourish you – no need to share everythigng with us. Lots of love and hugs to you.

    Reply
  21. jackie

    Take all the time you need. Like Chico Sue said, “weep, grieve, relax breathe…”

    Reply
  22. Jennifer Phillipps

    It is a very good thing that you are taking the time to just be and what better time that to do it with your lovely Yann and the countryside surrounding you.
    In NZ we are suddenly going in to a 3 day lockdown for the whole country as we have one Delta case in our community, the first such case in 160 days…so we are all shifting gears here and staying at home…to try and dispel the beastly Covid in our midst…so my gears have changed to home dwelling, hopefully for just a short time, but we do not know yet…
    Take care and drive safely
    Jennifer

    Reply
  23. Ann

    Take as long as you need Corey. We will be here, waiting, praying daily for you & your family, until you feel you are beginning to heal. Take your time; grief cannot be rushed.

    Reply
  24. Melissa Cooney

    We have all been in that place, that space where we need to stay within, to grieve…not once and for all, but for a moment, however long that will be. To catch our breath. To find footing, foundation. To each person it is different. But the important thing is knowing when the space is needed and taking it. We all handle these times differently. What’s important is to take the time you need, not the time someone else thinks is best for you. That is the support we can give one another.

    Reply
  25. Alan

    I know exactly where you are. I am there too. It’s been eleven months since I lost my beloved Mark. There is not a day since then that I have not broken down in tears at some point. I sure hope it gets better.

    Reply
  26. Texasfrancophile

    No expectations no disappointments. Your blog is a gift to us. Too much emotional capital has been withdrawn from your account in the last year. Make deposits – long walks on the beach, no news, deep breaths. You are so loved 🥰

    Reply
  27. Teddee Grace

    Writing and photographing for this blog day in and day out would be taxing under normal circumstances. Rest, relax, enjoy your vacation!

    Reply
  28. Debby Holt

    I hear you. I’ve been there. The space is needed and feels good to not have the pressure to speak. Rest, dear One.

    Reply
  29. Susie Hamilton

    Oh Corey, my heart aches with you and for you. There is no rule book for grief, no right or wrong way., and everyone deals differently. I’m sure you are making a wise decision here and all of us want what is best for you. Remember, God’s timing and ours do not always coincide. Step back and step closer to Him.
    One of my favorite quotes during tough times, by Corrie TenBoom: “When God sends you down stoney paths, He provides sturdy shoes.” This is the time to find those sturdy shoes, that fit you well.
    Prayers for you always.

    Reply
  30. Merry

    Dear Corey … there are no “shoulds.” No timeline. No expectations. And no explanation needed. Just be, knowing that we will be right here, with love and understanding. You have touched so many of us, in so many ways. This is time you need for yourself, as much as you need, as long as you need it. We are with you and cherish you.

    Reply
  31. Gayle Olson

    Thank you. I need to do the same. My son, 54, has an aggressive brain tumor, my sister has a dangerous form of lung cancer, and various other family happenings. Tears are too quick to come and as much as I know I can be sad, they drag me further down. I just had a knee replacement and I know the pain and meds add to my feelings. I a 26 year ovarian cancer survivor and miracles happen.

    Reply
  32. Elizabeth Schaeffer

    The Tender Dance of Grieving
    Two Steps forward – one step back.
    In grief, loving hurts – then it heals in a tempo with uneven steps
    Until the rhythm becomes fluid with heart and mind.
    With delicate steps of sweet sorrow, the dance slowly softens edges.
    Sent to me by a friend when my husband died.

    Reply
  33. Leslie in Oregon

    “I cannot write again of the grief!”
    or maybe that is what I need and should do?
    Thank you for letting us know that you will be taking time away blogging. As the above comments evidence, we are with you, understanding and fully supporting that decision.
    As for writing again of the grief you are feeling: you may well find that that is what you need to do and should do. If it is, please do not hold back. We all learn from whatever you write to us, and for those of us who are mourning the loss of a beloved, it is very helpful to read what you have to say about grieving. It helps us feel less alone on a very lonely path. You connect with, honor and, yes, teach us whenever you write to us about your experience of life’s most difficult challenges. But do it only if you need to and should do that first and foremost for yourself.
    Love, Leslie

    Reply
  34. Anne Jeffries

    Just breathe. Let go and let God. Blessings, Corey.

    Reply
  35. Suki Tutthill

    Sometimes we just have to stand still and hurt and sit with our grief/feelings.
    We will be here, as everyone has said.
    Sending love
    Suki
    Murphys

    Reply
  36. Marilyn

    Yes, sometimes we need to do just that.
    A song that my church sometimes sings has some words that say:
    Teach me to stop and listen,
    Teach me to center down,
    Teach me the use of silence,
    Teach me where peace is found.
    I was recently reminded of that song and have been trying to pay attention.

    Reply
  37. Momof5

    Sometimes just being present in the moment is what is needed. Take your time.
    Do what you need. We are here. It is ok to not be ok. Feel what you feel. Grief is hard work.
    Thanks for always sharing your heart with all of us. Sending big hugs your way. Michelle

    Reply
  38. Wendy

    I think one of the best things that will come out of this pandemic will be better self-care. It’s not something I’ve really given much thought to in the past, but I’ve definitely had to learn and practice lately! Take good care of yourself and enjoy the change of scenery. We’ll all still be here when you come back, whether it’s a week or a month.

    Reply
  39. Ali

    Oh. Corey, I just want to hug you…
    What wonderful comments above, what wonderful people.
    Ali

    Reply
  40. Ingrid

    All is already said. Hugs and take your time. Everything else can wait

    Reply
  41. lesley

    Corey dear, I hope you will listen to your heart fully and let go of all that you need to…fb…instagram…here…perhaps shift to park for awhile, rest and be with yourself? The mourning, the beauty. The relief and sustenance can be so deep. And you will know and feel when you want to turn outward again, to give to the larger world.
    What a gift it would be to us, who have received deeply from you over the years, to know that you are giving yourself what you most need.
    You are in my heart!
    Lesley
    xoxo

    Reply
  42. Linda Piazza

    We’ll be waiting until when and if you decide to resume. Many of us are going through our own reassessments. I know I am. Much peace and love to you, Corey!

    Reply

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