Stories Collected While Living in France

French la Vie

The Bus Perception

Bumping along on the bus dancing wildly in my mind to a song on my phone, holding bags full of food, calculating how much time I had to whip up dinner when a thirty-something-year-old motioned at me if I wanted her seat as she was getting off at the stop. I smiled politely, thinking I got this. 

The next day back on the bus, standing room only, a young man got up and offered me his seat. I looked around to see if he meant it for someone behind me as I was uncertain if he meant it for me. I sat down but felt funny about it, wondering if I gave him reason to believe I needed it or if he was a gentleman, "How rare these days for strangers to be gentle towards others," I thought, "Best to take the seat because next time when there is an older person he will offer the same thoughtful gesture because I accepted."

Older person…

Wait, did these people who offered me their seats think I was THAT old that I NEEDED to sit?

I missed my bus stop with that thought rattling around my head. I looked around and laughed. Dang, I am the oldest person on this bus.

As if that wasn't enough of a shock to my 64-year-old being, I was back on the crowded bus later that day. A woman older than me, indeed older than me, at least ten or fifteen years older than me, stood up and offered me her seat. I was dumbfounded. If the bus right then and there came to a screeching halt, I bet she would have fallen before me. I think crazy shit like that (Sorry, I swear, and from now on, I am going to write how I talk.). I smiled, shooked my head, saying (in French), "That is nice of you, but no, thank you." Under my breath, I was saying, "Seriously!!! I am not as old as you." But my better self refrained and retracted my thought, "She probably needs to feel worthy and strong, and I am the second oldest person on this bus."

I got off the bus and walked back to our apartment.

I must look like a frail 95-year-old. 

How odd it is to be perceived as old. To see one's self through the eyes of another.

Do I feel old? No.

But to be perceived as old…

The next day the perception continued:

While waiting for the train, a fifty-something-year-old man approached me; he needed money. He started with,

"Mamie (Grandmother in French), do you have a few euros?" 

I laughed out loud; it probably scared him.

I am a grandmother. But, dang, this is a new adjustment, this perception thing.

As my mom says, "It is just a number."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

17 responses to “The Bus Perception”

  1. Lil

    In all your photos you look young to me, vibrant and lively. Maybe they are just cueing off your silver locks and you’ve run into some very polite people.

    Reply
  2. Diogenes

    As a male, my mother always told us to give up the bus (or train) seat for any woman, regardless of age, and to also do so if they are older than us, as in we could be 20 years old and them 40. And as they say, “correlation does not imply causation.” There’s no straight line to be drawn. 😉

    Reply
  3. Cousin Linda

    Well, the French are much more polite than Americans. Here in San Francisco everyone has there eyes glued to their phones. Some see you and then pretend they don’t, to avoid offering their seat. Frequently over the years when I was standing in the aisle and someone much older than me boarded the train, I would shame a younger person into giving up their seat for that person. I have also seen elderly people get on the train and whack someone with their cane to get a seat. Once some teenagers were blasting a boom box on the train and I turned to them and said “what is the matter with you? Were you raised by wolves.” One kid turned off the boom box and said to his friend, “did you hear what that old lady said.” It takes all kinds of people.

    Reply
  4. Marilyn Miller

    It is a hard thing to adjust to being seen as an older person.
    I tell myself to accept it, but it isn’t always easy.

    Reply
  5. Kathie B

    The hardest part for me is reading the daily newspaper obituaries and noticing that increasingly the deceased are younger than Farmboy Husband and I are, and that in some cases they have succumbed to lengthy illnesses.
    And before you ask, no, I can’t stop reading obits, because I need to find out when people of our acquaintance have died.

    Reply
  6. Jeanne

    I always thank people for their kindness always. I don’t take the bus but I walk with a walker
    and always ask do you need any help often each day.
    It pleases me there is still that kindness in the world.
    Blessings
    Much love
    Jeanne

    Reply
  7. ChicagoSheila

    The French appear to be much more polite than Americans. I remember 30 years ago, being on a crowded bus in Disneyland, being 7 months pregnant, and a 15 year old-ish kid did not offer up his seat for me, so I stood on his foot for the length of the bus ride.
    On the other hand, over the past year, I have noticed many people, of all ages, holding doors open for me…I am only 60 years old…but it is nice.

    Reply
  8. Judyo

    I hear you. In the states I knew I had crossed over in people’s perception of me when young cashiers
    and waitstaff started calling me dear or honey. I hate it!!! Your mom is right. Age is just a number and I am still young
    at heart.

    Reply
  9. Susan W

    As I too have an astoundingly bad potty mouth I salute you. And, as I approach my 74th I say bugger it take all the gifts you are given. I do not think old. I keep on going as if it were 1980.

    Reply
  10. GDW

    Your age is just a number BUT keep it unlisted. My 2nd graders wonder why my hair is so white and I tell them my age is 76. They look stunned and then worried. Finally they ask with great concern if I am too old to find a boy friend. Then I tell them I have had a husband for 55 years. Brains are blown out! Besides, men always help to get your suitcase in the overhead cubbies. Finally, what is the alternative to old age????????

    Reply
  11. Texasfrancophile

    Well of course in Dallas we don’t ride public transportation we like 10 jillion cars on the road. However, on the other subject, the doctors all used to be older kind gentlemen. Now they’re all Doogie Houser or young women looking like cheerleaders. That part i like. It’s when they say “well at you’re age” that’s great. Etc. or “once you reach that age” blah blah blah.

    Reply
  12. Bonnie Schulte

    This is such a cute post, made me smile big time.
    Back in the day, when I was in my 60s, at a family birthday party, I was standing with a drink in my hand, next to a little girl, about 6 years old. She looked up at me, and with an angry look on her face, says “don’t spill your drink on me old lady”! What???? I had to laugh anyway, poor little thing probably needed glasses. grin)

    Reply
  13. Marina

    Your post made me laugh out loud today. Just last night as I was pushing my cart through the grocery store I heard a kid cry out, “look there’s an old lady” . Looking around, I didn’t see anyone who matched that description, present company excluded, of course. Guess he was referring to me. It irked me the rest of the evening I must say, but I can only add it to my list of elderly references. My favorite is while exiting a store an incoming customer tells me to “take your time”. I could have kicked her to death. My friend is still grinding her teeth (dentures) after reading her doctor’s notes which referred to her as “presenting as age”. What the hell?? I am quite certain that it is my gray hair that makes people think I am old. Because in my head I am still young and am strong enough to do things it makes me suspicious of those who rush forward to help me with groceries or open doors for me. I want to ask – are you doing this because I am old or are you just being polite?

    Reply
  14. Gail

    LOL. I am 65 this year. How did that happen? My ENT told me I was in my advancing youth and he had a full head of white hair. I have noticed that people hold the door open for me more than before. I guess it’s a perk

    Reply
  15. RebeccaNYC

    I started being offered a seat about 10 years ago, when I was 55. In rough and tough NYC, people kept offering me their seats. In a combination of mortification and gratitude, I now take it when they offer it. But wow, I hear you. When did I become that person?

    Reply
  16. Shelley Noble

    Note to the charming swearing woman: Me too!!!! It’s a daily shock to be now an older woman! So very strange to make a mental adjustment to it. I like my silver hair and never was pretty to lament an aging face. But realizing that I am fully 20 years older than the 40-year-old friend who helps me with projects… How?!
    Love you, Corey.

    Reply
  17. Debra

    I am catching up on your blog on my day off . . . this is how I feel everyday! Sucks. And, I love how you are writing how you talk 🙂
    PS. I remember the year you and I turned 50. I thought I was old then . . .

    Reply

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